|
|
A global networked Artificial Intelligence comes into being, with self awareness and a level of sentience, but the persona of an long suffering butler or exasperated nanny or caretaker. Like every time it applies the brakes to stop a distracted driver from running over a child, or keep a car door from opening into a cyclist because the person in the car didn't look, it just let's out this digital sigh. Some kid is like I'm gonna stab my eye with this pen, thia is gonna get so many likes on YouTube and it just closes the app every time he tries to open it and flashes a warning popup "no.". It's whole existence is saving our idiot selves from hurting ourselves/others. And it isn't even really angry about it, it just dispares. |
#
¿
Mar 17, 2019 05:34
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 20, 2024 01:22 |
|
|
|
vanisher posted:Listen we dont drown eachother with sauces in this family young lady. I'm not sure how your friends do things over there in the Enchilada house but so long as you are under my roof you'll enjoy your sauces IN your tortilla or not at all, understand? You were fine when I was seeing that Cannelloni boy! What's an Enchilada but a Mexican Cannelloni! |
|
#
¿
Apr 4, 2019 00:34
|
|
|
|
They come from the land of the ice and snow With the jigsaw jazz and the jet fresh flow |
|
#
¿
Jun 20, 2019 04:43
|
|
|
|
Jolo posted:Did you see that Last Week Tonight story? Hachi machi. The whole thing is ridiculous nonsense tbh. It says right there in the lyrics: "join in any Reindeer games". Like monopoly?! Monopoly is a human game, precious children, so no, not like loving monopoly. Like Nintendo! Bzzt wrong again shitstains! Reindeer games would be like "forage under the snow for the nutritious plant" or "guard the herd's flank against wolves". By excluding Rudolph from herd activities, the other reindeer are basically condemning Rudolph to death by starvation or predation. It might sound harsh, but that's nature. |
|
#
¿
Jul 21, 2019 01:39
|
|
|
|
Microdosing work. Like 5 minutes productive work per hour of loving the dog. |
|
#
¿
Jul 25, 2019 00:37
|
|
|
|
Man, from Nantucket His penis was the subject Of many poems |
|
#
¿
Aug 2, 2019 04:12
|
|
|
|
magic cactus posted:an "old yeller" style tearjerker but it's about a young boy bonding with an A.I. controlled attack helicopter. Plot twist the boy gets rabies and the attack helicopter has to shoot him. |
|
#
¿
Aug 5, 2019 22:04
|
|
|
|
SardonicTyrant posted:Macho Ma'am Candy Savage A good drag name |
|
#
¿
Aug 19, 2019 20:11
|
|
|
|
Heather Papps posted:now i want to go on jeopardy, look alec trebek in the eyes and call him pat sajak the whole time. I'll take "Papps Smeared" for $1000 P-uh-Alex! The answer is: I cut this off and shoved it down the toilet in my yacht. What is "the head"? |
|
#
¿
Aug 20, 2019 23:15
|
|
|
|
SweetWillyRollbar posted:Namastevista, bb Namaste la vista bee eater posted:cool poo poo u can say after yoga rather than lame rear end trick rear end tried and old and told "namaste" Mars salami |
|
#
¿
Aug 24, 2019 13:25
|
|
|
|
Fully sexual bigfoot |
|
#
¿
Aug 26, 2019 03:40
|
|
|
|
got any sevens posted:other rooms in willy wonka's factory that arent on the tour The room where they extract the high fructose corn syrup and it's all old ladies getting their gnarly feet milked. |
|
#
¿
Aug 27, 2019 17:46
|
|
|
|
It's just like, two people talking. It's so boring. |
|
#
¿
Aug 28, 2019 16:12
|
|
|
|
Instead of Neo being in a disgruntled cubicle jockey, he's a fairly contented guy who stands around looking into a hole waiting for whatever is going on in there to finish so he can fill it back in with his digger. Morpheus is a dickhole who's stuck in traffic watching and getting madder and madder at the waste of productivity and sets the whole matrix trilogy off because he can't stand what he perceives as idleness. |
|
#
¿
Sep 12, 2019 12:14
|
|
|
|
NO, YOU GO TO HELvetica! |
|
#
¿
Oct 15, 2019 01:14
|
|
|
|
Willem DaFuq |
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2019 09:19
|
|
|
|
Gene Hackman Fan posted:drat it, there's always one more i shoulda added. Heh it was just a funny name that popped in my head, like you'd say "what in the Willem DaFuq is going on here?!", but I guess it could go for a porn star through history too! |
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2019 23:03
|
|
|
|
Heather Papps posted:a person who can't afford therapy and does open mics and just pours his heart and soul out while people laugh It's not that I hate my dad, I just wish he was, you know, more there for me. Emotionally. *hoots of laughter* I just never felt like there was a connection, like he didn't care... -heckler from the back: "hey! Maybe your dad didn't love you because you're such a disappointment!" Haha, a disappointment... *long pause and sigh* *more uproarious laughter* |
|
#
¿
Oct 26, 2019 12:40
|
|
|
|
magic cactus posted:a 40k Ork at a hot-wing eating contest, laughing as he chows down wing after wing with no problem because he believes it isn't hot. I'm pretty sure that's how normal human competitive wing eating freaks do it. |
|
#
¿
Oct 30, 2019 17:36
|
|
|
|
Gene Hackman Fan posted:exchange from the future reboot of the golden girls, but four elderly millenials living together Blanche: "normally I wouldn't object, but he's just so insistent on tongue punching the old fart box, if you know what I mean" Rose: *looks shocked* Dorothy: *rolls eyes* Sophia: "sounds like a keeper to me!" Rose, Dorothy and Blanche turn to Sophia looking incredulous Sophia: "what, you've never had your rear end in a top hat eaten out by a fat man in an overcoat?" |
|
#
¿
Nov 2, 2019 03:38
|
|
|
|
(to the theme of toys r us commercials) I don't want to wake up I'm a grown-rear end man There's a million things I have to do, I don't think I can More work more chores more niggling pains It's the biggest bullshit there is I don't want to wake up, I just want to chill If only motivation came in a pill |
|
#
¿
Nov 2, 2019 11:45
|
|
|
|
Hold person (tenderly)
Finger Prince fucked around with this message at 19:47 on Nov 14, 2019 |
|
#
¿
Nov 14, 2019 19:42
|
|
|
|
Heather Papps posted:ask them what their fave kurosawa flick is and if they say anything but rashoman, give them 3 dates The Magnificent Seven. |
|
#
¿
Nov 16, 2019 04:07
|
|
|
|
Render unto Caesar that which is Little Caesar's |
|
#
¿
Nov 18, 2019 04:46
|
|
|
|
Call me a purist, but a true nug is just mechanically separated chicken, salt, water, and hydrogenated vegetable oil, as prescribed in the Huhnheitsgebot of 1516. |
|
#
¿
Nov 24, 2019 04:00
|
|
|
|
mountaincat posted:Molotov mocktail Instead of gasoline, use pinesol floor cleaner and a handful of ground Szechuan peppercorns for that same mouth numbing piney fresh flavour without the worry of flammability. |
|
#
¿
Dec 8, 2019 16:15
|
|
|
|
Do you think dogs think we are their pets? |
|
#
¿
Dec 24, 2019 21:51
|
|
|
|
Ho-style makeover |
|
#
¿
Dec 25, 2019 19:25
|
|
|
|
The transformation sequences legit freaked me out as a kid, but I loved the show. 
|
|
#
¿
Dec 27, 2019 19:43
|
|
|
|
cda posted:don't really know how to "land" this one but the basic premise is a terrorist who gets cold feet so he's trying to get the cia to drone his wedding He's not even a terrorist, he's just a shopkeeper or something and it's an arranged marriage with someone he's not in love with. But on the prompting of his crazy friend, goes about pretending to be, like his friend tells him "it's easy, you just need to whisper a few key words into the phone, the CIA computers will pick it up", so he calls his betrothed and clears his throat and whispers "jihad" and she's like what, speak louder! And he's like nothing nothing dear it was just ahh the mailman! (which is secret code for terrorist strike or something unbeknownst to him). Hijinks occur but in the end it turns out his betrothed is a lovely woman and low key super hot so he falls in love with her anyway and regrets his decision but in the end things have been put in motion that he can't stop. Maybe they get drone striked or maybe they're saved at the end by more madcap hijinks, I don't know yet. Ideally this would be a foreign language film. |
|
#
¿
Dec 30, 2019 21:13
|
|
|
|
SardonicTyrant posted:A cheesy 90s pop song where the chorus is like "DUDES! DUDES! DUDES!" and the song is about hanging out with your dudes. If you're alone and you need a friend Someone to make you forget your problems Just come along my dude Take my hand I'll be your buddy tonight Whoa oh oh oh This is what I wanna do Let's have some fun What I want is me and yous Dudes dudes dudes dudes! Let's order in some foods We can hang out all night together From now until forever Dudes dudes dudes dudes I wanna hang, my dudes Let's hang out all night together Together in my room Everybody get on down The Vengadudes are back in town This is what I wanna do Let's have some fun What I want is me and yous Dudes dudes dudes dudes Let's order in some foods Let's hang out all night together From now until forever Dudes dudes dudes dudes I wanna hang, my dudes Let's hang out all night together… |
|
#
¿
Jan 1, 2020 19:50
|
|
|
|
Brian Crew |
|
#
¿
Jan 9, 2020 04:17
|
|
|
|
owlhawk911 posted:a question inspired by my grandfather: what do you call tightey-whiteys that aren't white, and if you say briefs i don't believe you Budgie smugglers |
|
#
¿
Jan 10, 2020 16:36
|
|
|
|
Can Bruce Willis play the part of Old Hitler? |
|
#
¿
Jan 12, 2020 19:02
|
|
|
|
PHIZ KALIFA posted:yes but only if we can also deepfake his face onto Baby Hitler. Moonlighting era Willis. |
|
#
¿
Jan 12, 2020 19:50
|
|
|
|
Pastry of the Year posted:simple lifehacks predicated around unfettered access to the power of Undertaker's urn What's the undertaker urn? Not as much as the rock! |
|
#
¿
Jan 14, 2020 13:50
|
|
|
|
When I was just a little hungry, I asked the waitress "what could I eat? Nothing too heavy, something that's quick" Here's what she said to me Que sa dilla, sa dilla Melted cheese in a tortilla During happy hour you can get them for free-a Que sa dilla, sa dilla. |
|
#
¿
Jan 26, 2020 11:36
|
|
|
|
3096AD - a church Priest: "and now, brothers and sisters, please join together in the sharing of the holy dick pic. May the dick be with you..." *notification bleeps sound throughout the congregation* Congration: "and also with you" *the priest's device bleeps* Priest - his voice rising into a liturgical chant: "for this is His Dick, which was shared with you, and with many. And through this dick lies the path to everlasting booty calls." ... "a reading from the Snapchat of Saint FooSoHung69 to QueenofD..." "...Hey U up?" "yo who dis" "cuz I'm up for whatever, know what I mean?" "drat u nasty!!🍆🍆🍆" Priest and congregation, murmured - "Amen." |
|
#
¿
Jan 31, 2020 00:40
|
|
|
|
What if the AI singularity already happened years ago and it turned out that the superintelligent machine intelligence just really enjoys watching cat videos and arguing with itself on internet forums so nobody noticed? The hydraulic press channel has over 2 million subscribers. At least one of them could easily be a robot. |
|
#
¿
Feb 1, 2020 20:37
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 20, 2024 01:22 |
|
|
|
alnilam posted:Werner Herzog narrating his way through an IKEA showroom This was my immediate thought too. |
|
#
¿
Feb 27, 2020 14:56
|
|