- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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"Now, just spitballing here folks. But what if, instead of Joey squirting a huge water pistol blast at his sister Jenny and saying he's going to wash her down the storm gutter, he instead ties her up in a candy shop and says he's going to fudge her until she screams?"
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Jun 15, 2018 22:15
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Apr 19, 2024 04:06
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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naked and afraid but with animals: a deer and a rabbit must survive 21 days in the wild with no clothes and only 1 survival item each, will they make it the full 21 days or will they tap out!?
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Jun 24, 2018 22:53
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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the dating game but with woodland animals. when the contestant is a prey animal they are trying subtly but very earnestly to suss out whether the bachelors are predators.
"so, bachelor #2, is your romantic style more, uh, searching and gathering, or do you prefer the thrill of the chase?"
lol
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Jun 24, 2018 23:48
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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We switch now to a scene. From above, we see a green station wagon, driving northbound along Interstate 25 out of Casper, Wyoming. After some time, we see the station wagon pull off the highway and onto an unpaved dirt road heading up an anonymous mountain, trying and mostly failing to avoid hitting the severe ruts and dips in the road. It bounces up and down, gaining elevation and getting farther and farther from settled civilization.
Finally, we see the station wagon pull into a clearing amidst some pine trees, and then park in front of a ramshackle mobile, bristling with antennas and satellite dishes. Chickens run around the property, seemingly pecking at the ground like normal fowl, and yet there's a certain cunning, reptilian malice in their eyes. The mobile home's exterior has been spraypainted a matte black, and sheets of roughly cut burlap hang in the windows.
The doors of the station wagon open, and the passengers exit. We see four passengers in total: an older husband-and-wife couple, a young woman with a wedding ring on her finger, and her presumed fiance or husband, a young man with a face set somewhere between the sneer of a childhood bully and the rare young adult's remorse at being a childhood bully. The younger couple in the quartet walk up the door of the trailer and push it open, followed by the older couple.
Inside, the mobile home is dimly lit, illuminated only by dirty sunlight poking through holes in the burlap covering the windows. A dish tub sits on a counter next to a sink with no installed faucet, containing a small pile of unwashed silverware and tin dishes coated in blue enamel. One side of the home's interior is covered in a vivid mosaic of weird posters and sheets of newspaper. The latter have seemingly random red circles drawn all over them.
The older woman looks intently at these, quickly seeing the true purpose of the circles. Each circle is around similar word such as 'wunderkind', 'prodigy', 'genius'. On the opposite wall is a shelf of uniformly sized small jars, containing a mix of a dark liquid (presumably coffee) and what appear to be cigarette butts. Each jar has a masking tape label on it, with a date range neatly inscribed upon it in pencil. The dates go back at least five years, possibly more.
The quartet move towards the back of the mobile home, to the door of the bedroom. The older man, with the authoritative bearing of a former law enforcement officer, beckons to the rest of the group to stand back. He then opens the door. In one corner is a twin bed, neatly made. Beside it is a box of yellowed, almost vintage tractor-feed paper from a computer printer. Each sheet has text on it, with more circles (in red, but also blue, green, purple, and yellow) and lines crisscrossing the sheets and linking one circle to another.
In another corner is a military surplus parachute, bunched up in layers to fit within the small confines of the bedroom. Beneath it, the couples can see a kind of frantic movement happening. The young woman fearlessly throws caution to the winds and strides over the parachute, grabbing it with both hands and flinging it off onto the bed. This action reveals the source of the movement beneath the parachute: an unshaven, gaunt young man sitting on the ground, eyes red with a weird mania, his head shaved with a thin layer of new stubble on top of it, and wearing nothing but denim cut-off shorts.
Beside him is an antique laptop, it's screen flashing in alternating text and background colors of red and white: "BILDERBERG GENOCIDE DINOSAUR", in capital letters. The young woman walks forward. Her male companion reaches out and grabs her shoulder, as if to stop her, but she quickly turns around and takes it off. "Bugs, no. I can do this. I have to.", she quietly says, and then kneels in front of the strange young man.
She then speaks to him. "Oh, Encyclopedia Brown," she asks in a sorrowful voice, "what did that website do to you?".
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Jul 10, 2018 00:20
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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a show starring my dog called "hound friended me" in which a guy gets an unlikely friend request from my dog and each week he's told to buy cheeseburgers or pizza and deliver them to different places so as to help feed needy and desperate people but the twist is there's nobody there and my dog is just hiding in the bushes until it's clear and he can come out of hiding and eat all the food himself
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Dec 17, 2018 16:45
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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this little team with big heart is this year's march madness cinderella story
every player on the team simultaneously loses a shoe right before the final buzzer
the team almost didn't make it on time to the game, because the mean old coach had them doing unpaid chores in the scullery
several songbirds swoop down from the rafters, grabbing the player's jersey and giving him extra lift for his game winning jumpshot
mice in suits pace up and down the court sidelines with concerned faces, shouting orders and clapping their hands for emphasis
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Apr 4, 2019 19:02
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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my earliest memories of kid icarus come from my grandmother, at her house in the country, when I was 9 years old. I came from a big family, and playing video games were an important ritual that helped keep us connected, both to ourselves and to our past. playing video games during the holidays were quiet the production, with almost every member of the family shuffling around the den, eager to contribute to the days festivities. but kid icarus was something that only grandma and I played, and playing it together felt like sharing a secret with your best friend.
the walkthrough below is based on the strategy that my grandmother perfected over years of playing kid icarus—a strategy that she kept tinkering with, in true grandma fashion, until she passed away in 2006. but to really understand the walkthrough, and why she cultivated it so diligently, we have to go back to Prussia in 1902, when her mother—my great grandmother—was just starting to dream of a new life in America while making handmade video games at local market in konigsburg.
young people today may find this hard to believe, but in the days before raytracing and subsecond load screens, every piece of the video game was made by hand. it was hard work, but to those old world artisans the craftsmanship was its own reward. I often think about my great grandmother, meticulously placing one pixel next to another, and wonder what she would have thought of me and grandma casually entering passwords that we had looked up in Nintendo power, instead of earning them hard way.
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May 4, 2021 13:49
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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A post so good it killed the thread before it started
pro life protesters gathering outside byob as we speak
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May 5, 2021 19:05
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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when i was a kid and saw the karate kid i assumed that gangs of karate bullies were going to be a big part of my life going forward
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Jul 1, 2021 18:48
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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"but ghf, why isn't there a george r r r martin yet?"
yeah, okay, i didn't think that far into the bit but i'm pretend i made a joke about he bangs like he writes: slow and without any discernable point.
his texts to potential tinder dates are thousands of words about the food the restaurant serves
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Jul 7, 2021 19:11
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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He gives neither good nor bad sex. Instead, his sex is very complex and multifaceted
at dinner pointing to the waitstaff with his fork between bites ,"and what if they were actually brother and sister and they have sex with each other and then... that one... they murder that one and have sex while discussing their master plan and then... is that a dwarf? well then the dwarf... no... no that's a child... anyways the siblings..."
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Jul 7, 2021 20:05
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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mel brooks' "dinner with hitchcock" story but mel is disgusted by the whole affair
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Jul 7, 2021 20:24
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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"I know what will make this drawing better!!!"
And then he emits a really annoying noise as he slowly brings a pencil towards the canvas
the one week that bob ross did everything he could to get fired
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Jul 9, 2021 17:30
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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"i call this piece "The PBS President's Mom""
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Jul 10, 2021 19:41
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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court case involving an adventuring party being charged with murder of a kobold tribe, overwhelming evidence in the form of several hundred copper pieces and a sack of kobold candles found in their possession. jury is shocked when it's revealed that they killed the kobold women and children as well.
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Jul 13, 2021 18:02
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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"Mister, uh, PC, are you the one who sent the defendants on their so-called 'quest?'"
"Please hurry, we're all counting on you!"
"Sir, are you aware the you're under oath?"
"Please hurry, we're all counting on you!"
"And did you have any foreknowledge that they would slaughter every single resident of the cave, armed or otherwise, purely to acquire what they have termed 'extra XP?'"
"Please hurry, we're all counting on you!"
"No further questions, your honor."
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Jul 13, 2021 19:44
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Apr 19, 2024 04:06
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- Luvcow
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One day nearer spring
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a sexy teen drama where some of the kids in the high school are green slimes and some of them are owl bears. the normal human girl protagonist must choose between here slime love or her owl bear love.
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Jul 16, 2021 19:56
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Jun 15, 2018 22:15
