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rosemarys baby shower

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The Weeknd's accountant brother The Weekdy

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joke_explainer posted:

like the babadook, but it's a wifi enabled smart appliance that costs hundreds of dollars

like It Follows but it's IT Follows

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sane clown posse

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a pyramid but instead of hieroglyphs there's emojis

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DavidAlltheTime posted:

It's a normal workplace but the boss is a cat who won't answer any questions so it's very frustrating to work there.

CEO but it's Cat Executive Officer

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i replaced my dick w one of those lightning orbs they have at spencers

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wario batali

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the lost second verse to frasier's tossed salad and scrambled eggs song

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im going to surgically replace my left tity w my right titty and vice versa

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Splatmaster posted:

A karaoke bar for mimes

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Twenty Four posted:

A confusing home pregnancy test, that instead of giving a positive or negative, gives a school style letter grade.

"Honey, we got a 'C minus' on the pregnancy test, what does that even mean?"

"see me after class??" :(

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missy elliott smith

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Panic! At The Country and Western Bar & Grille

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Panic! At The Discovery Zone

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Jedrick posted:

Help! My dick is stuck in the VCR, and no, I will not explain why.

head cleaner

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Cherry Poppin Deities

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free Trapt CD posted:

my weekend? it got a bit crazy. you remember that old toy the slip 'n' slide? to cut a long story short, i have a yeast infection

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Starman Super DX posted:

and they say that a hero's a sandwich
bread layered with veggies, cheese and meat
no hoagie or sub but a hero's a sandwich
watch as I sit here and eat


I'm not too good at song parodies but I do love trying to sharpen my skills here at the yob :kiddo:

there goes my hero
watch it as it toasts

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n/m

ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 18:39 on Jan 5, 2018

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Twenty Four posted:

Dressing buisiness casual to my job as a clown at the circus is how I got fired.

clown car carpool

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E: n/m

ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Sep 21, 2017

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little munchkin posted:

don pardo from snl reading the results of your std test

"ladies and gentlemen, gonnorhea"

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Cubone posted:

"oh my god, what is that man doing to his anus?" but read with varying emphases like "these pretzels are making me thirsty"

(longingly) oh my god, what is that man doing to his anus

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handjob? I thought you wanted a hamjob

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These last couple pages have been consistently good

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overheard in the teachers lounge at Wayside School

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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I may be a simple country lawyer, but I know this: God put us here to love one another not to hate; a person needs clean air, fresh water, and exercise to live well; a life of greed is a great misery for you and all around you; and pears are sinful because they look like a titty.

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jim davis is paid by the us government to support the lasagna industry

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idk if I posted this one already or not but:

caveman black mirror

critically acclaimed series about our dependence on technology like “fire” and “the wheel”

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mysterious frankie posted:

bored kid in a high fantasy world, sitting in class, doodling a picture of a businessman totally crushing his presentation to the board on the back of a notebook.

after class he and his friends d&d as actuaries and IT guys

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Drink-Mix Man posted:

Blood Moon Over My Hammy

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alnilam posted:

Where does the singer from bare naked ladies keep his small round crackers

its bin

edit: gently caress

ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Feb 22, 2018

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vanisher posted:

Eating dirt to own the idiots who think "farms" are a real thing

crisis tractor

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Manifisto posted:

:): so if you can believe it I once saw bill gates play the piano

:cool:: no kidding! how was it?

:): I'll be honest, not too great. I love the moonlight sonata but he really butchered it.

:cool:: I guess you could say . . . his bach was worse than his byte!

:): . . .

:cool:: you were about to say something?

:): . . . no. no. . . . nope.

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Cubone posted:

Academy Award Nominee The Boss Baby

Academy Award Winner Suicide Squad

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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Questionable Gifts

A mug saying "bored and horny"
A toilet bowl brush
fifteen thousand malted milk balls (loose)

piss

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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

A cookbook for the chronically depressed with entries like "This is edible" and "Crying pasta."

a sensible breakfast, an entire hyvee sheet cake for lunch, and sleep for dinner

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Cubone posted:

I cannot lie and I like big butts,
falsehood is like a punch to my gut,
and when a girl walks in with tenacity and penchant for mendacity I get sad
and sometimes mad ‘cause I notice that I’ve been had

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surreal estate agent

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