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rosemarys baby shower
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May 8, 2017 08:50
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Apr 16, 2024 08:22
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The Weeknd's accountant brother The Weekdy
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May 8, 2017 15:49
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like the babadook, but it's a wifi enabled smart appliance that costs hundreds of dollars
like It Follows but it's IT Follows
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May 10, 2017 01:35
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sane clown posse
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May 16, 2017 11:46
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a pyramid but instead of hieroglyphs there's emojis
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Jul 12, 2017 01:21
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It's a normal workplace but the boss is a cat who won't answer any questions so it's very frustrating to work there.
CEO but it's Cat Executive Officer
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Jul 12, 2017 15:39
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i replaced my dick w one of those lightning orbs they have at spencers
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Jul 18, 2017 01:12
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wario batali
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Jul 19, 2017 22:35
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the lost second verse to frasier's tossed salad and scrambled eggs song
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Jul 21, 2017 01:47
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im going to surgically replace my left tity w my right titty and vice versa
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Jul 28, 2017 20:45
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Jul 29, 2017 15:43
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A confusing home pregnancy test, that instead of giving a positive or negative, gives a school style letter grade.
"Honey, we got a 'C minus' on the pregnancy test, what does that even mean?"
"see me after class??" 
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Aug 9, 2017 20:22
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missy elliott smith
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Aug 11, 2017 21:42
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Panic! At The Country and Western Bar & Grille
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Aug 26, 2017 02:17
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Panic! At The Discovery Zone
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Aug 26, 2017 03:18
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Help! My dick is stuck in the VCR, and no, I will not explain why.
head cleaner
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Aug 26, 2017 07:00
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Cherry Poppin Deities
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Aug 30, 2017 02:46
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my weekend? it got a bit crazy. you remember that old toy the slip 'n' slide? to cut a long story short, i have a yeast infection
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Sep 10, 2017 01:57
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and they say that a hero's a sandwich
bread layered with veggies, cheese and meat
no hoagie or sub but a hero's a sandwich
watch as I sit here and eat
I'm not too good at song parodies but I do love trying to sharpen my skills here at the yob 
there goes my hero
watch it as it toasts
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Sep 12, 2017 00:20
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n/m
ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 18:39 on Jan 5, 2018
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Sep 14, 2017 14:54
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Dressing buisiness casual to my job as a clown at the circus is how I got fired.
clown car carpool
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Sep 14, 2017 20:13
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E: n/m
ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Sep 21, 2017
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Sep 17, 2017 00:19
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don pardo from snl reading the results of your std test
"ladies and gentlemen, gonnorhea"
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Sep 24, 2017 19:24
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"oh my god, what is that man doing to his anus?" but read with varying emphases like "these pretzels are making me thirsty"
(longingly) oh my god, what is that man doing to his anus
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Sep 27, 2017 20:44
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handjob? I thought you wanted a hamjob
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Dec 31, 2017 07:19
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These last couple pages have been consistently good
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Jan 4, 2018 21:16
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overheard in the teachers lounge at Wayside School
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Jan 12, 2018 21:47
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I may be a simple country lawyer, but I know this: God put us here to love one another not to hate; a person needs clean air, fresh water, and exercise to live well; a life of greed is a great misery for you and all around you; and pears are sinful because they look like a titty.
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Jan 17, 2018 00:46
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jim davis is paid by the us government to support the lasagna industry
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Jan 17, 2018 22:26
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idk if I posted this one already or not but:
caveman black mirror
critically acclaimed series about our dependence on technology like “fire” and “the wheel”
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Jan 28, 2018 05:17
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bored kid in a high fantasy world, sitting in class, doodling a picture of a businessman totally crushing his presentation to the board on the back of a notebook.
after class he and his friends d&d as actuaries and IT guys
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Jan 31, 2018 09:05
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Feb 12, 2018 06:11
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Where does the singer from bare naked ladies keep his small round crackers
its bin
edit: gently caress
ghost emoji fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Feb 22, 2018
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Feb 22, 2018 03:32
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Eating dirt to own the idiots who think "farms" are a real thing
crisis tractor
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Feb 26, 2018 06:43
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Academy Award Nominee The Boss Baby
Academy Award Winner Suicide Squad
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Mar 3, 2018 18:38
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Questionable Gifts
A mug saying "bored and horny"
A toilet bowl brush
fifteen thousand malted milk balls (loose)
piss
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Mar 5, 2018 01:01
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A cookbook for the chronically depressed with entries like "This is edible" and "Crying pasta."
a sensible breakfast, an entire hyvee sheet cake for lunch, and sleep for dinner
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Mar 10, 2018 09:50
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I cannot lie and I like big butts,
falsehood is like a punch to my gut,
and when a girl walks in with tenacity and penchant for mendacity I get sad
and sometimes mad ‘cause I notice that I’ve been had
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Mar 13, 2018 03:58
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Apr 16, 2024 08:22
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surreal estate agent
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Mar 17, 2018 19:19
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May 8, 2017 08:50
: so if you can believe it I once saw bill gates play the piano
: no kidding! how was it?