- Prof. Crocodile
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Animal rights snacktivists, like people who say that it's inhumane to blast Goldfish with flavor
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Jul 3, 2020 03:08
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Apr 27, 2024 04:51
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- Prof. Crocodile
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There is that one scene in the movie Weird Science, when Bill Paxton says "you're stewed, buttwad". So the idea is like a 1980's movie cookbook and one of the recipes is 'Bill Paxton's Stewed Buttwads'.
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Jul 4, 2020 17:25
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- Prof. Crocodile
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The story is: once upon a time there was this guy who ate way too much spaghetti and got sick but hey, he already had a bucket right there
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Jul 11, 2020 04:03
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- Prof. Crocodile
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A guy who tries to use the word 'namaste' as his catchphrase, but says it at inappropriate times. Like watching a UFC fight: "Yes! Light that motherfucker up! Namaste!"
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Jul 15, 2020 23:03
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- Prof. Crocodile
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a rapper who is really humble and doesn't like to brag about his wealth or sexual potency, or insult other rappers. instead he raps mostly about small talk, like what he's watching on netflix or memorable sports bloopers from the last week or so
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Jul 25, 2020 18:03
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- Prof. Crocodile
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i have dirty's money, but despite my constant entreaties, he is quite worried
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Jul 28, 2020 23:13
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- Prof. Crocodile
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pretty much every joke i think of belongs ITT, but i post them as threads anyway
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Jul 31, 2020 17:25
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- Prof. Crocodile
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i am what willis was talkin' 'bout
look upon my works ye mighty and despair
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Aug 12, 2020 01:17
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- Prof. Crocodile
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i think i might ill myself
looking down at beanie, thrift store button-up, and unopened cassette of paul's boutique sitting on boom box. wondering if today is the day that i finally do it.
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Aug 13, 2020 00:08
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- Prof. Crocodile
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I tried jesse ventura's chewing tobacco now I am a sexual tyrannosaurus, just as he promised, but it's hard to take a bra off with these tiny arms
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Aug 27, 2020 16:03
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- Prof. Crocodile
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a child is caught swearing, and when his mom demands to know where he learned such foul language he is reluctant to tell her about the legendary lost episode of sesame street where kermit smacks the cookies out of cookie monster's hands and says: "suck my dick you gently caress man!"
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Sep 12, 2020 20:34
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- Prof. Crocodile
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the hulk hogan sex tape goes viral again after the full-length copy is released, showing macho man randy savage bursting into the bedroom and hitting the hulkster with a folding chair while he is preoccupied performing cunnilingus on his wife
mean gene okerlund and jesse ventura--watching from the bathroom--are appalled by the poor sportsmanship but are powerless to intervene
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Sep 28, 2020 02:10
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- Prof. Crocodile
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What's the most BYOB pasta type?
Fetachillni
:justpasta:
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Sep 30, 2020 17:17
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- Prof. Crocodile
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my no-account zoomer child: wu-tang is dad rap.
me: dad rap? well let me tell you something, young man: when i was your age shameek from loving 212 got bucked. word life, god. word is bond. came through in the black land, god, from out of nowhere, god. word is bond i'm coming to get my culture cipher, god, and they just... word is bond, crazy shots just went the gently caress off, god.
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Oct 2, 2020 21:24
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Oct 12, 2020 18:47
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Alternate universe where Sheri Moon Zombie is married to one of the Coen Bros and in most of their movies and Frances McDormand is married to Rob Zombie and in all of his movies.
imho add tim burton and helena bonham carter for more permutation options.
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Oct 18, 2020 20:43
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- Prof. Crocodile
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i just realized that the only video game youtubers i watch are canadian. i think "itt we are canadian video game bloggers" is a good idea for a thread but i can't quite make it come together without it seeming mean-spirited.
"oh wow that headshot looked like it hurt. soary."
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Oct 20, 2020 23:51
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- Prof. Crocodile
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disgusted at the sexually explicit content users are posting on my flan enthusiasts webpage onlyflans.com
this is the #lovepudding debacle all over again!< >
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Dec 1, 2020 17:23
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- Prof. Crocodile
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since there arent any dead peeps posting on hte web, we can conclude that heaven doesnt get internet connection, whch sucks
kind of implicit in the term 'heaven' imho
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Dec 8, 2020 01:04
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Hello, and welcome to Bed, Bath, and B-yob! We have all of your household butt needs. Be sure to sign up for our mailing list and you'll get 69% off any one item.
tbqh I think this is probably ready for a thread. just need like one more joke to get it rolling.
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Dec 14, 2020 21:29
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- Prof. Crocodile
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rebbe Horowitz: “the book of Joshua says that you should meditate on the Torah all day and all night.”
me: “wow. really? I mean I could maybe do three times a day, max. I hope it has pictures in it at least.”
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Dec 17, 2020 04:45
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- Prof. Crocodile
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A guy whose name is Dick Joke.
I once met a guy named Richard Move. That's probably the best username ever, but I'm sure it's been taken.
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Dec 22, 2020 04:11
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Stealing an original character but like in a heist movie.
Being lowered from the ceiling through a laser grid toward a glass case containing Jake the Hedgehog, who is a little shy but all the girls like him and also he skateboards and he's half vampire.
this idea is too good to just let go. need one of our resident artists to immortalize it.
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Dec 24, 2020 19:42
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- Prof. Crocodile
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A redux of that old "Barkley vs. Godzilla" ad campaign from the 90's, but this time it is Charles Barkley and Godzilla arguing loudly about politics in line at a Panera bread, and things are said that probably shouldn't have been said, and they both look so old that it makes you feel old too.
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Dec 29, 2020 02:28
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- Prof. Crocodile
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I'm working on a series of leagues that turn regular sports into blood sports. Like baseball but with billiard balls. Or scythed Nascar racing.
I have often advocated for a rule that would allow an NFL team—once per game—to substitute any single player on the field with a wild animal.
which would you pick? eagle wide receiver? rhinoceros running back? cheetah free safety? it really depends on the flow of the game.
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Jan 7, 2021 05:10
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- Prof. Crocodile
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"For the love of God, Leprosor!"
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Jan 14, 2021 22:07
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- Prof. Crocodile
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I half dreamed that there was a crisis called "The Credit Dump"
as in, old lady Miriam lost her life savings in the Credit Dump, now she has to sell tins of old crab meet out of a purloined three-wheeled shopping trolly to get by. drat it all their aint no justice. it's a crying shame that's what it is.
"The poster who predicted the four-tiddy cat in 2020 has a new prediction for 2021, and Wall Street is running scared."
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Jan 26, 2021 14:28
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- Prof. Crocodile
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A character called Old Fart who can transform into a roving cloud of methane and reconfigure at will. He might be the enemy of Jack Off because why the hell not?
here for the start of the jack off cinematic universe.
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Feb 2, 2021 00:50
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Is it okay to use the n word if you are just singing a rap song and you don't mean it hatefully, and also you are Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson?
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Feb 3, 2021 03:11
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- Prof. Crocodile
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A dog posts "SUSPCIIOUS [sic] CAT ON CORNER" and it's four pictures of four different cats.
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Feb 4, 2021 04:59
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Captain Kirk discovers a hyperintentilligent species of space fungus that downloads the entire Federation database off the Enterprise computer and becomes obsessed with the idea of interspecies cuckoldry and keeps asking Kirk to cuck him with his wife despite the fact that the fungi do not possess gender and reproduce asexually.
Kirk suffers grave psychological trauma from the experience.
Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a poolboy.
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Feb 6, 2021 05:36
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Ever since I confused Rainbow Dash and Rarity at MLP trivia night, everyone has started calling me a 'jabrony'. 
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Feb 14, 2021 15:01
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- Prof. Crocodile
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William Shakespeare's The Three Stooges.
are we not human? if you hit us in the head with a pipe wrench does it not go ‘bonk’?
Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 18:06 on Feb 18, 2021
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Feb 18, 2021 13:15
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Recruiting for my brand new Traditional Scottish Gaming Clan
pogs ~ haber toss
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Feb 19, 2021 02:22
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- Prof. Crocodile
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ur mama is a huge undifferentiated land mass and they call that b Pangaea.
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Feb 24, 2021 21:56
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- Prof. Crocodile
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mods pls change my name to whym
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Mar 13, 2021 03:43
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- Prof. Crocodile
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shootout at the jk corral, with novelty flag guns
I dare you to knock this fake dog doo off my shoulder.
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Mar 31, 2021 02:54
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- Prof. Crocodile
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burrito Mussolini hung from a lamppost, a slurry of sour cream and rice just spilling out onto the street.
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Apr 2, 2021 00:49
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Apr 27, 2024 04:51
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- Prof. Crocodile
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Callout thread for my old college roommate who still owes me $10 from when I bought him a Mtn Dew Code Red at Warped Tour '04.
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Apr 4, 2021 14:43
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Jul 3, 2020 03:08
