Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«3 »
  • Locked thread
Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

So yeah, aliens show up, who talks to em?

Trump?
UN? (bet you loving can't name the sec general now)
The Queen?
Putin?
NATO?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Whales.

TheDon01
Mar 8, 2009


They use the helicopter with flashy lights first.

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


I mean we just had a movie about the answer being "experts who can figure out how," but if you want a current world leader who we could reasonably hope would not get us killed we've got a decent Pope for once.

Bear Retrieval Unit
Nov 5, 2009



Fun Shoe

Vermin Supreme.

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



my Dad will want to exchange words with them.

VectorSigma
Jan 20, 2004

Transform
and
Freak Out


Hodgepodge posted:

I mean we just had a movie about the answer being "experts who can figure out how,"

imo if some aliens came all this way and didn't bother to use the plentiful amount of cultural context available in our broadcasts to decipher our language before they get here, i say gently caress em. what kind of two-bit operation can't decode our meat flappings with little more than a barely detectable increase in the energy consumption of their mothership's processor core? oh, you want us to crawl inside your wack rear end horrorship and look at you like idiots for hours waiting for you to loving say something? gtfo with that poo poo

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

if the aliens show up and speak french at humanity basically the french would immeidately join the alien side

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



I think aliens are most likely going to be nerd computer beings that will cry because we like cultural things with no practical use

deadgoon
Dec 4, 2014

by FactsAreUseless


trump is the alien

what do u have to say to him???

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


VectorSigma posted:

imo if some aliens came all this way and didn't bother to use the plentiful amount of cultural context available in our broadcasts to decipher our language before they get here, i say gently caress em. what kind of two-bit operation can't decode our meat flappings with little more than a barely detectable increase in the energy consumption of their mothership's processor core? oh, you want us to crawl inside your wack rear end horrorship and look at you like idiots for hours waiting for you to loving say something? gtfo with that poo poo

The first thing we'll be doing if a species with the technology to reach us is sitting outside our gravity well is learn how to call them "sir."

Gravity wells are funny things where objects entering them magically have a bunch of extra kinetic energy and it turns out that a bunch of mass with a bunch of kinetic energy hits one of our cities it vaporizes.

That's not even using some fancy weapon from the brains that figured out interstellar travel, that's dropping some rocks.

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


Even more lethal though would be the inherent shame.

"How far have you traveled from your home planet? Oh, your moon? That's good. Good first step."

theflyingexecutive
Apr 22, 2007



Baloogan posted:

if the aliens show up and speak french at humanity basically the french would immeidately join the alien side

or german for that matter

VectorSigma
Jan 20, 2004

Transform
and
Freak Out


Hodgepodge posted:

The first thing we'll be doing if a species with the technology to reach us is sitting outside our gravity well is learn how to call them "sir."

Gravity wells are funny things where objects entering them magically have a bunch of extra kinetic energy and it turns out that a bunch of mass with a bunch of kinetic energy hits one of our cities it vaporizes.

That's not even using some fancy weapon from the brains that figured out interstellar travel, that's dropping some rocks.

the spacetime warp of a planetary gravity well is negligible if you can already drive mass to relativistic speed for interstellar travel - just collect all your poop for the whole journey and release it before your deceleration impulse so millions of tons of feces impact the moon at .58c and whatever remains of the human race carries genetic memory of how much they got owned just in time for you to show up.

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

VectorSigma posted:

the spacetime warp of a planetary gravity well is negligible if you can already drive mass to relativistic speed for interstellar travel - just collect all your poop for the whole journey and release it before your deceleration impulse so millions of tons of feces impact the moon at .58c and whatever remains of the human race carries genetic memory of how much they got owned just in time for you to show up.

I'm pretty sure aliens will be tiny as gently caress, like, we're giants compared to them.

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



Baloogan posted:

I'm pretty sure aliens will be tiny as gently caress, like, we're giants compared to them.

oh yeah well i disagree. i think aliens will be large. gently caress off with this pseudoscientific drivel baloogan

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


VectorSigma posted:

the spacetime warp of a planetary gravity well is negligible if you can already drive mass to relativistic speed for interstellar travel - just collect all your poop for the whole journey and release it before your deceleration impulse so millions of tons of feces impact the moon at .58c and whatever remains of the human race carries genetic memory of how much they got owned just in time for you to show up.

they'd show up and be all like "oh when he set out we checked and that's how were greeting each other "

...............however,


1g constant acceleration (roughly the acceleration due to gravity at Earth's surface) is actually a wet dream for interstellar travel; if you can manage that for just over a year in space you can accelerate to c and then the problem is actually slowing down so that you arrive as a space ship and not a relativistic kill vehicle (something that would gently caress up most of the solar system if it hit Earth)

the gravity well of a planet the size of Earth is nothing to gently caress around with, we proved that time dilation exists by measuring the effect of our gravity well on the relative passage of time between Earth and in orbit

Hodgepodge fucked around with this message at Apr 21, 2017 around 10:54

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

all the rocky planets in our solar system are smaller than earth, our brain meat totally is size inefficent (computers are much smarter and smaller) smaller aliens means they can go faster (smaller space ships)

the evidence is there

im presupposing that the aliens come and visit US

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


also while i'm showing off the results of lots of science reading during night shifts, the whole generation ship colonization thing assumes you can't even manage 0.1g constant acceleration; from the reference frame of the ship that's enough acceleration to go anywhere in our galaxy

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011
Probation
Can't post for 5 hours!


Soiled Meat

VectorSigma posted:

imo if some aliens came all this way and didn't bother to use the plentiful amount of cultural context available in our broadcasts to decipher our language before they get here, i say gently caress em. what kind of two-bit operation can't decode our meat flappings with little more than a barely detectable increase in the energy consumption of their mothership's processor core? oh, you want us to crawl inside your wack rear end horrorship and look at you like idiots for hours waiting for you to loving say something? gtfo with that poo poo

Aliens arrive
Alien leader extends his graceful hand towards Earth's delegate and whispers "Teach me what makes you human"
A single tear rolls down the human's cheek, then he replies emotionally: "I'm not here to educate you, shitlord!"

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


Baloogan posted:

all the rocky planets in our solar system are smaller than earth, our brain meat totally is size inefficent (computers are much smarter and smaller) smaller aliens means they can go faster (smaller space ships)

the evidence is there

im presupposing that the aliens come and visit US

you're expecting ducks aren't you

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

yes

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


suddenly a golden shaft of light erupts from the sky over mar a lago

a brief message is broadcast in every language over every frequency:

quote:

it is time for him to return to his people

we are sorry if he caused you any trouble

cucks

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

also maintaining 0.1g indefinitely is insane

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

torchship!!!!

504
Feb 2, 2016

YOSPOS


What if the entire species looked like Katy Perry?

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



what if theyre true&honest grays who just want to chill out a bit and hang out watching galactic tv. thatd be nice

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

it would be loving awesome if like, suddenly there were 1000s of new stars, the braking burn of a massive fleet of alien ships. we only can see their burn plooms from this far out but we know its a massive fleet. And we know exactly when they will show up based on their deceleration curves: 2190. we have almost 200 years to get ready for whatever the gently caress it is.
At night the blue glow from their engines is bright enough to see with the naked eye.

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



that'd freak me out a bit i think

DOCTOR ZIMBARDO
May 8, 2006

I'M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS


they can get to the back of the line, pay their taxes, and apply to enter like anyone else

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

or, another scenario

earth's neutrino detectors go nuts, receiving some sort of binary code, on off on off 01011100101110111010001010
the data is recorded even though the neutrino scientists are pissed that someone is loving up their experiments. the stream of neutrinos seem to come from the core of the milky way
scientists around the world get to work cracking the code, years go by with zero progress decoding whatever it is, the public loses interest quickly
the transmission ends
we still don't know whatever the gently caress

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

i also think that there could be viruses zooming around the universe, some sort of signal that makes lifeforms want to build radio telescopes and rebroadcast the signal until the universe is singing the same hymn and whoever is running the sim gets pissed off and shuts us down

Peel
Dec 3, 2007



Baloogan posted:

or, another scenario

earth's neutrino detectors go nuts, receiving some sort of binary code, on off on off 01011100101110111010001010
the data is recorded even though the neutrino scientists are pissed that someone is loving up their experiments. the stream of neutrinos seem to come from the core of the milky way
scientists around the world get to work cracking the code, years go by with zero progress decoding whatever it is, the public loses interest quickly
the transmission ends
we still don't know whatever the gently caress

if you wanted that scenario you shouldn't have posted a competitor in the book thread

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

HMV is 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000x too prolix as gently caress

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

lem is like Polish Prolixski

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

imo HMV shouldn't have had ANY useful side effects whatsoever. i thought the frogs eggs spoiled the core message of the book. if you get magic alien tech outta a alien transmission then damnit you got something useful outta it

Baloogan
Dec 5, 2004



Fun Shoe

HMV is also not a first contact story. its a prolix story about prolix as gently caress bureaucratzy. HMV could have been written about (prolix) hieroglyphics found deep underwater, or a new (extra prolix) technology.

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006

of course!


Baloogan posted:

it would be loving awesome if like, suddenly there were 1000s of new stars, the braking burn of a massive fleet of alien ships. we only can see their burn plooms from this far out but we know its a massive fleet. And we know exactly when they will show up based on their deceleration curves: 2190. we have almost 200 years to get ready for whatever the gently caress it is.
At night the blue glow from their engines is bright enough to see with the naked eye.

the fateful day arrives

and they sail on by towards a planet not full of dickheads

man setting out to colonize a world and finding a post-industrial society when you finally get there would suck

CAROL
Oct 29, 2009

a good vegetable i think you should check out, is "bell pepper"



aliens show up and tell us they agree fully with everything this "Twitter" entity has to say

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Jose
Jul 24, 2007


the only thing i care about is if i can gently caress the aliens

  • Locked thread
«3 »