Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

paul_soccer10 posted:

*retirement plan is heroin overdose*

My plan is a tank of helium and a SCUBA rebreather but to each their own.


And I have retirement accounts like a Roth IRA because I like watching numbers move.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Bobcats posted:

*well I guess nothing is going on this Friday night
*Cracks open work laptop

this post is a coded cry for help

*gets shitfaced by 7:30 on Friday night before passing out on the couch while watching a long forgotten horror movie.

Cockmaster
Feb 24, 2002

DadJokeGenerator posted:

*wonders if not having kids is the right choice*

*overhears co-workers seriously considering getting a small apartment together just so they can poo poo in peace*

*overhears co-workers mention "getting away from family" as advantage to commuting long distances and working overtime*

No, seriously, I've personally witnessed that one. What's this about reproduction being the absolute best thing one can do with one's life?

*Hopes Google's immortality project bears fruit within the next 40 years*

Astoundingly Ugly Baby
Mar 22, 2006

"...crying bitch cave bitch boy."
- Anonymous Facebook user
*bead of sweat slides down forehead while parents interact with your new girlfriend, who just moved in with you. They joke about actually getting some grandkids someday.*

*girlfriend is actually trans*

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
*is gay*
*brings his "best friend" to conservative family dinners*

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
*goes to disneyland with elderly parents*

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


*11:00 Saturday, wakes up, ice cream and leftover pizza*
*12:00 ,a quick wank and shower*
*13:00 - 19:00 YouTube*
*19:30 something greasy for supper*
*20:30 MST3K episode which has been watched 9 times before*
*22:30 reading forums*
*Cries self to sleep*

Michael Transactions
Nov 11, 2013

This thread is really sad.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit
*has the day off
*goes to the strip club at noon

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006

It's good to be a G
*wakes up late*
*goes over to friends house who has a kid to watch soccer game*
*after game, leaves friend and friends kid*
*goes home, smokes bowl, BBQs*

Yeah, that's good.

Also, trips are more fun sans kids.

Punk da Bundo
Dec 29, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
*cans of labatt blue tallboys flood out of the pantry when opened, is passed out drunk and its 2 pm on a wednesday*

Hometown Slime Queen
Oct 26, 2004

the GOAT
*dusts anime figures*
*thinks maybe he should move them out of the living room just in case a girl comes over*
*decides to just put them back where they were*

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



*gets masturbated by a retard masturbator*

Quidam Viator
Jan 24, 2001

ask me about how voting Donald Trump was worth 400k and counting dead.
* taught middle schoolers for 15 years *
* oh yeah, DEFFO want one of these dipshits in my life all the time! *
* retires at age 40 to smoke weed in WA with wife *
* giggles at dipshits who had kids who will never have any loving opportunities because it's 20fuckin17 *
* is a smug rear end in a top hat *

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit
*desperately tries to fit in with other men
*fails

DoctorGonzo
Jul 25, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Iron Crowned posted:

*has the day off
*goes to the strip club at noon

thats the life my friend!

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

DoctorGonzo posted:

thats the life my friend!

The one I like to go to has free roast beef on Fridays :ninja:

Cake Smashing Boob
Nov 5, 2008

I support black genocide

Mulaney Power Move posted:

you know some of the people who post on this website are actually kind of weird

not me, I'm perfectly normal

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006

It's good to be a G
*ahhh, looking forward to the weekend where I'm beholden to no one*

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006

It's good to be a G
*buys vinyl*

*neglects hygine*

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
*wishes there was a single mom out there for him*

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
*swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right swipes right *

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Pick posted:

*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*

Eh, at least she doesn't have a dog, dog ladies are the real weirdos

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006

It's good to be a G

Pick posted:

*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*

Hey, that's my PS4 PRO you're disparaging.

Besides, they're essentially the same, if they stop working I just blow a can of compressed air and voila!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Pick posted:

*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*
pick coming into the men thread again. this time from "youll regret this!" to "were just fine without you too!"
holy moley

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost

paul_soccer10 posted:

*retirement plan is heroin overdose*

fun fact: poppy seeds are widely available online and on products found in various bagel outlets

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
*hasn't cleaned the bottom of the toilet seat in years and quite frankly, is afraid to look*

Mandator
Aug 28, 2007


An interior decorator? Jesus Christ, his house looked like poo poo.

Varg
Jan 13, 2007

A friendly face.

*looks at the type of crazy that Pick is posting*

*laughs*

*continues to not deal with any of that kinda poo poo*

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

now i know for a fact you can be a childless adult man who never married who is not single

rap music
Mar 11, 2006

I'm just holding out for that special lady that doesn't want to drag me into an abyss of emotional instability, self-centeredness, and strict ultimatums regarding crankin' it to Japanese cartoons.

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
*only shaves the pubes on the shaft that get in the way of jerking it*

Astoundingly Ugly Baby
Mar 22, 2006

"...crying bitch cave bitch boy."
- Anonymous Facebook user

Pick posted:

*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*

*checks notes*

Actually, yeah.

Anagram of GINGER
Oct 3, 2014

by Smythe
*is pretty sure his ex fed her cat tuna on her vagina*

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?

paul_soccer10 posted:

mods can you add a "NO GAYS" tag to the thread title please

Hey gays can get married now. There are plenty of sad and pathetic gay childless gay men all alone in this world.

DadJokeGenerator
Feb 15, 2015

Iron Crowned posted:

*desperately tries to fit in with other men
*fails

*goes to friends 30th, meets half the people from high school because he was and is a pretty cool dude*
*finds out only 2 couples there have kids and everyone has been traveling, building kick rear end career, and doing awesome things*
*overhears a few old friends that couldn't make it do have kids, couldn't find a sitter, and are burnt out husks of people*

DadJokeGenerator
Feb 15, 2015

Pick posted:

*is less able to provide comfort to a woman than a 10 lb pointy eating and fighting machine that licks its own rear end in a top hat and needs a special box for pooping*

*sees dog "Hell yeah! Let's get one now"*
*sees chill and polite kindergarten kid "Hmm, maybe these little ones are ok."
*sees stroppy toddler scream constantly about nothing, calls vasectomy clinic to book next available appointment*

Scornful Sexbot
Sep 24, 2007


Dinosaur Gum

Mulaney Power Move posted:

now i know for a fact you can be a childless adult man who never married who is not single

I'm a childless adult man who never married who is not single, AMA

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Scornful Sexbot posted:

I'm a childless adult man who never married who is not single, AMA

That's all of us in here though, except Pick, and Pick just needs to get therapy

  • Locked thread