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Your GM is very disappointed in you. Instead of having a conversation with the already cooperating ruffians and perhaps learning a thing or two, Enno just electrocutes a dude. Good job, I suppose. Through the magic of magical magic he avoid electrocuting the other two dudes even though they're in skin-to-skin contact. Woo. The dudes sullenly lead you to Zu's estate. You leave through the east gate, follow the only road east, then turn to a side-road at the big, obvious sign that points the way to the rice broker's estate, just as you've been told on two separate occasions. It takes you about twenty minutes. You all stop in a small copse on a small hill just before the estate, the men refusing to lead you any further even after further threats. You take a good look at the estate before you. It's a walled compound with a single front gate; there is a deep, quick stream right in front of it, with a flimsy-looking arch bridging it. Inside, you can see a great hall where Zu must live, as well as a bunch of other smaller structures, no doubt where the retainers live and where the rice is held. What do you do?
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May 25, 2017 12:59
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang Once the two lead the group to the rice broker's estate Tam releases them, pats them on the shoulder and gives them a bit of pep. <You are free to go. I thank you for your cooperation. Now go! Live full righteous and upright lives! Be men that children would be proud to grow up to be!> Then he begins striding toward the rice broker's place. code:Ryuujin fucked around with this message at 19:00 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 25, 2017 19:27
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Johnny Its a nice little place, Johnny thinks. Still if he had his choice of crime boss lairs he would of settled for something bigger. Maybe a large pond stocked with koi. Hopefully this talk goes a little less...shocking. "Okay I guess Enno is just going to shock them. Well that works. We get him to spill on his boss, see whats really going on here, and then possibly get his disciple?" code:
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May 25, 2017 19:37
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Joey "Can we maybe, I don't know, wait until the guy actually threatens us before completely flipping our poo poo this time? There's a pretty decent chance that we can solve this problem by just saying, 'Hey, we'd like to volunteer to go to the monastery, can you show us the path?' Simple, and it leaves us the option of thundershocking a dude if they decide not to cooperate." code:
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May 25, 2017 22:47
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EM "Oh, thank you for your words of restraint. I would certainly not have seen any qualitative reason to differentiate my interrogation methods between a hardened criminal employer of hundreds, and two common street ruffians. Really helping me dodge a bullet, there, Joey." code:
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May 25, 2017 23:10
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Roth Roth doesn't quite give The Boulder a double take, but he does give the big man another look as he lets the two thugs go. "Did you just shout a PSA at them, or was I totally misunderstanding you?" He turns his attention to the others. "I was going to suggest trying to sneak into the compound, but yeah. We need answers from someone. Even if Zu and his minions don't believe us, we'll need to bust the place up at some point. People are being imprisoned here." code:
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May 26, 2017 07:41
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Your industrious post-wizard GM Ji and Po exchange wary glances. Po looks at his feet, avoiding looking up at any of you, scratches the back of his head and mumbles out: <Um. Uh. If you people actually gonna do anything about the slaves, the pens are behind the big house. Uh. There's a girl there by name of Xiulan, um... tell her Po from her village will wait for her at the crossroads.> Ji snorts with derision at this and just starts walking away. Po, reluctantly, follows. -------------------------------------- You just walk towards the estate in broad daylight. A lone shaggy goat stands in the shade of a tree, chewing its cud, watching your passage with blank disinterest. As you get closer to the bridge, a few thugs seemingly cast from the same mold as Ji and Po step out of the gate, clubs on their tattooed shoulders and the biggest one calls you out: <Oi! 'Oo the gently caress are you lot? This is private property!>
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May 26, 2017 12:07
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Johnny "The guys with bigger sticks. Well, metaphorical sticks. Go get your boss." code:
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May 27, 2017 02:48
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Joey Before they reach the compound, Joey decides to try to clear the air with Enno. "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just... we had those guys in custody, they would have talked eventually, and we didn't really even need them to talk, but you decided to jump to the equivalent of tasering them in the nuts because you weren't getting your answers fast enough. I've got years of training that boil down to 'don't do that or you're fired and you can kiss your career goodbye,' so cut me a little slack, okay?" Sorry, Enno, you're stuck with the honest cop instead of Dirty Harry. As they reach the compound, she weighs the benefits of sneaking in, but decides there's not really an advantage to doing so, as none of them are particularly stealthy. They probably have the firepower to overcome a rice broker, regardless of how many thugs the guy has, and they can always go around and open up the slave pens once Zu is She follows up Johnny by adding, "If he needs a reason, tell him we're here about the monastery." code:
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May 27, 2017 04:27
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The Boulder gives Po a beaming grin before the two would be thugs walk away. Then he turns toward the main area, and the announcement of some more would be thugs. He smiles at them, big and broad, like him, shiny white teeth glittering. A perfect opportunity for a photo op. He holds his hands out, perhaps peacefully, or perhaps in an all encompassing gesture. And he gives a great big booming laugh. <I? I am the great and mighty Boulder. And I am going to be your greatest friend.> He begins to walk forward. With each step the earth trembles. First barely noticeable, then a few pebbles bouncing about, but getting more pronounced as he approaches. <Or perhaps you would not wish to be friends with me? Now I would like to be friends. I would like you all to go about your lives in a kind and upright manner. I would like you to have good jobs, good families, and plenty of respect. I would like you to live a good life. And I would like to speak with Zu.> He stops, as his steps nearly cause others to falter. Then he turns toward the back of the house. <But either way. I have something else to do first. The first step in your becoming upright and respectable men.> And with that he heads toward the back of the big house, and the slave pens. With no intention of allowing anyone to stop him. code:Ryuujin fucked around with this message at 19:01 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 27, 2017 06:42
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Roth "We're doing this, then?" Roth shrugs and follows the Boulder. "Fine, why not? Busting makes me feel good." code:DeTosh fucked around with this message at 07:38 on May 27, 2017 |
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May 27, 2017 07:12
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You efficient stop-gap GM The ruffians exchange confused glances and, as THE BOULDER keeps advancing, now confidently striding over the rickety bridge, decide on a course of action: they retreat behind the sturdy wooden gate and push it shut just as you reach it. From right on the other side, you hear someone blowing a shrill whistle and sounds of lots of men shouting and running around.
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May 27, 2017 17:18
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The Boulder shakes his head at the foolishness. <Now, now did I not say you would want to be my friend? I intend to turn your lives around, make you better men. And this? This gate could hardly stop the Boulder.> He laughs heartily as he continues to stroll forward as if the gate wasn't there. And he just walks right through the gate, tearing it down in the process like it was a simple cotton screen. 11 on a Charisma persuasion check, kind of. Plus Thews of the Gods lets me punch through, smash, or break loose any non-magical substance as a free part of my movement or other actions. code:Ryuujin fucked around with this message at 19:01 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 27, 2017 18:46
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Your GM, pulsating, ever pulsating The Boulder rolls through the gate like, well, a boulder and is met on the other side by the mob of thugs, completely blocking your way in a half-circle, several rows deep, ranks closed, warily staring at all of you as you follow Tam into their compound. They armed with a variety of implements of violence, ranging from clubs and knives to sickles and pitchforks, with the obvious future MVP of the oncoming fight sequence, a guy clutching a large bronze dildo in each hand, a cast iron pot perched at a rakish angle on his head, glaring at you from the back row with his non-lazy eye. They don't exactly look happy to see you, but the combination of Tam more or less tearing the gate in half with his pinkies and sheer force of his inspirational persona, have made them rather reluctant to confront you. Then the double doors of the great hall behind them swing open and out walks an elderly man in a simple black tangzhuang with the sleeves rolled up, flanked by more thugs. He stops on the high porch, slowly lowers himself into a gilded folding chair set-up behind him by one of his bodyguards, weaves his knobby fingers together on his belly right below what you immediately recognize as a Celestial Shard hanging from a chain around his neck, and looks at each of you in turn with the dead eyes of a man absolutely indifferent to human suffering. <That gate was valuable,> he says mildly. <It is unfortunate you've felt the need to deprive me of it. I must confess, I am feeling a certain degree of resentment toward you at this point and am inclined toward inclement action. Be concise in stating your business.> (In case you were wondering, the dildo guy holds them by the head and bludgeons with the balls.)
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May 28, 2017 11:55
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EM Enno strolls up to the steps while speaking, "We have come to you in order to attain some direction; you see, we intend to travel to the monastery controlled by Real Man Xiao. You will comply in telling us the exact method in which you or your intermediaries venture there safely, and you will hand over to me the shard that hangs around your neck. We will not harm you, as long as you continue to act in such a civil manner." He strides in front of the old man, and holds out a palm to receive the necklace. "Of course your expedient compliance is appreciated. Perhaps I will fix your gate, in return." Commiting effort for the day to enact a miracle of the Command Word, "A Thousand Loyal Troops," (pg. 35) against Big Feet Zu. code:
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May 28, 2017 14:35
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Your intriguingly convex GM Zu blinks twice, then grimly smiles at Enno, showing a mouthful of crooked yellow teeth. <Of course. Let's resolve this impasse as cultured men would.> He scratches his bearded cheek with long nails. <I do not know how to pass through the wards erected around the mountain. Real Man Xiao is as paranoid as he is puissant.> He leans forward and adds, in a low, conspiratorial voice: <He has been supplying me with sacred medicine that will prolong my life in exchange for more slaves for his research and its effects have been many and obvious.> He shows you a small bottle of liquid he pulls out of an inner pocket of his jacket, then settles back into his chair. <He sends over his studentess, Perfected Woman Wen, to escort the slave shipments and their guards up the mountain. I don't know how she bypasses the wards.> He shrugs. <I suppose if you're interested in going up there, some sort of ruse may be arranged, perhaps with you posing as the guards.> He fumbles at the chain until he has the Shard in his hand. He stares at it, entranced, proud, regretful. <Truly, this is a powerful artifact. As long as I wear it, no harm can come to me.> He tosses the Shard over to Enno. Zu's biggest bodyguard, who's been listening to this conversation with increasing incredulity, gawps at the sight of Zu taking off his most precious relic, his sloping brow knitting itself in thought. Finally, something seems to click inside his head just as Zu tosses the Shard. He stares at you in alarm and shouts out: <Oi, lads! They's messing with our guv with jinxes! Get 'em, get 'em good!> The bodyguards grab Zu by the arms and begin to pull him inside the hall. The crowd of ruffians begin to angrily shout and advance upon you.
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May 28, 2017 15:39
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Joey The Boulder's been handling this very well, in Joey's opinion, so up until now, she's been happy to go along in his (occasionally literal) wake, ready to step in if additional firepower is needed. The crowd of bodyguards ready to attack means that time is now. She says to Enno, "Good job with Zu, by the way. Shame that you couldn't convince them all, though." To the mob, she shouts, <Anyone who doesn't want to be hurt very badly should step aside now. We have no further quarrel with Big Feet Zu.> She's planning on leaving via the slave pens, but they don't need to know that. As she says this, the air around her begins to shimmer, sparks appearing and disappearing. She spreads her hands at her sides, and they fill with flames. Spending effort on my turn to invoke Burning Rebuke (p. 41), which causes any foe that attacks me while angry or impassioned to take my fray die in damage before each attack is resolved. Mobs take this damage straight. I am also readying an attack with fire for the first person to come at us (+4, 1d10 damage), but only if we are attacked. code:Pinechild fucked around with this message at 17:02 on May 28, 2017 |
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May 28, 2017 15:55
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EM "I shall propose an alternative." Enno states, folding the chain of the shard into his palm, and into a pocket on his vest. "Instead, lay your weapons down. Listen to your master, Big Feet Zu, who though perhaps enamored with my reason, acts in his and your own best interest. Listen to my friend the Boulder. Allow us to work with you for unimpeded passage to the monastery, and nobody has to die." Clouds form from the ether about the courtyard. Committing effort to invoke the gift "Lines of Rule," which is a lot like "A Thousand Loyal Troops," but works on a group and allows a spirit saving throw if one so ensorcelled is alerted to the absurdity of being subservient to a stranger. Readying an action to fly up 60 feet and let lightning rain against any and all enemies who take an aggressive action. code:wtsnaename fucked around with this message at 23:45 on May 28, 2017 |
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May 28, 2017 18:42
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The Boulder's pecs start to flex, back and forth, first a simple little jig, then a more advanced pattern. The Boulder once more lets out a hearty laugh. <Now now, we are all friends here. Friends who can laugh together, work together, and make a better future together. You can be all you can be, you can be a great man. You just have to do the right thing. As I will do!> As he speaks, and his pecs bounce back and forth, a wave of emotion, of admiration seems to flow out from him as his muscles gleam. And as he continues to stride around to the back of the big house, heading straight for the slave pens. All this is well and good but he came here for a reason, and he wasn't going to be stopped. Still it would be for the best if all these thugs turned their lives around and became good upright gentlemen. Just to try and avoid combat as much as possible, and turn these thugs life around going for a Miracle, committing Effort for the day to use Banner of Passion to instill admiration, or brotherly love if you prefer, in all lesser foes within earshot or sight. code:Ryuujin fucked around with this message at 18:59 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 28, 2017 23:29
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gwentgwentgwentgwe Weapons clatter upon the ground from slack hands. The thugs first loudly exhale, their eyes snapping to their new boss, Enno, then groan, their mouth agape with agape, as they are filled with Boulder-induced philia. (I am not sorry.) Do they want to rub their faces in his pecs? Oh, many of them did even before he miracled them, but now, now even more so. Some curl up on the ground, overwhelmed by the sensation of being under two separate brainwashing Miracles at the same time, but that's hardly your problem, is it now? The thug closest to you shakes his shaved, tattooed head and speaks: <Wow. Wow. I just want to say-> --------------------------------------------- He doesn't finish the sentence. The reality freezes, all of you being stuck in it like flies in amber. The air is translucent marble against your skin. For a heartbeat, or an eternity, nothing changes. Then, you hear slow clapping. The Fourth Wall draws aside like a curtain, reality rippling in folds, and, down the glowing staircase of superior posting, backlit by the warm glow of immaculate rulings, descends the gentleman doing the clapping, a tall man clad in a well-tailored suit woven of finest hand-crafted keks, his ursine head mischievously grinning. It is, of course, I, your handsome, benevolent GM. That's right bitches, we're going...  ---------------------------------------------  I- He? I? He. He gives you a warm fatherly smile which, when performed by a bear face, involves forty-two teeth and a hanging slobbery tongue, and speaks, in a gravelly, deep-voiced Received Pronunciation slightly tinged by a slavic accent. "Congratulations. You stomped these ne'er-do-wells into the ground - as I knew you would! Turned that grey question mark right into a nice, juicy, glowing exclamation point! Ding, gratz, amirite?" He pauses, putting his hands together at his chin, and frowns in thought. "Here's the thing, though. I wanted some... blood, you know? I wanted some," he air-quotes, "bodies to hit the," he air-quotes again, "floor. A rousing match of decapitation soccer. Someone getting sodomized by their own torn out spine. Feet-first immolation. You know, the good stuff." He winks at Johhny, then continues: "This module does not exactly overflow with more opportunities for ethically excusable bloodbaths and, quite frankly, I'd like to give the mob combat section of the rules a fumbling, enthusiastic, exploratory fondle." Having walked entirely past you, he swivels on his heel and starts walking back. "So. So. Here's my proposal, which it's very kind of you to have already preemptively accepted. How about we put this current timeline, Timeline A, the Boring Timeline aside for the bit, yeah?" He puts an imaginary box aside and sets a second, equally imaginary box on the imaginary table in front of you. "This is now Timeline B." He pauses for effect, looking at everyone in turn with a conspiratorial twinkle in his eye. "The Darkest Timeline. The Murder Timeline." He snaps his fingers and the eyes of every mook in the area begin to glow a dark, angry red. "There we go. None of this non-violence bullshit. Someone's getting strangled with their own entrails up in this bitch - and not a moment too soon. And, of course-" another forty-two tooth grin, "what is an alternate evil timeline without some alternate evil personas?" "Tam, I regret to inform you that doing the Tooth Fairy has tanked your career and, well, I suspect that might have soured your disposition somewhat. Let's say... murderously? I dunno, just give me the best Bad Tam you've got." "Joey, you're one who gets to play the Bad Cop now. Let's get that After Action Report classified as snuff pornography, yeah?" "Johnny, go nuts. Make a giant you-piloted corpse-suit and wear it, skin to skin. Pile corpses together and hump them. Finally, yeah? Do everything you've been wanting to do, you bizarre human being." "Enno, this one is a real stretch, characterization-wise, but only because of how much confidence I have in you - this is the opposite day, so try to be a nice, basically decent person for a change, yeah?" "Roth, just, uh... actually post something, anything, I dunno. We all believe in you." "Oh and everyone gets goatees." He winks at Joey. "Everyone." "Okay." He clasps his hands together and rubs them. "Any questions?" "Good. Lights, camera, action!" ------------------------------------------ <DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE,> finishes his thought the thug from earlier, you remember him, it was just two scene-wipes ago. The thugs scream in incoherent rage, as they scramble to pick up the weapons they've just dropped and the Dildo Guy, ullulating, begins to bang out a battle rhythm on his head-pot. What do you do? Actually, let's rewind to you being at the gates of the compound, and refund effort to that point if necessary. Megazver fucked around with this message at 18:11 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 29, 2017 17:06
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EM, Now the good guy, and pacifistic paladin of Freedom. Enno stares at the Boulder, crashing through the gates of the compound; followed by the fiery witch Joey immolating the area around her. He sees Johnny with intent on his face, and Roth perhaps acting in some capacity. And, of course, sympathizes with the terrified guards arming themselves for the defense of their home. Truly, this is an unruly bunch of scoundrels with whom he has found himself captured by in the interest of freeing the poor slaves from the compound they intended to assault for vain glory. He flies into the air for a better vantage in which to speak to the crowd gathered. "Please, please, this vile bloodshed is unnecessary! Stand down and mend your differences, our cultural dissimilarities are not worthy of such horrible violence," Enno screeches like a scared girl wholly unbecoming of her maternal role, overcome with an emotional reaction to a situation best suited with cold, calculating, reasonable apathy to peoples' suffering; the ends of which would justify the means for an entire populace rather than a small number of worthless captives, "Let us calmly set our weapons aside, and parley a truce!" "Let there be peace! We need only the slaves freed!" RPBotBOT - Today at 1:03 PM @Sljppers rolled 12. (9, 3) Charisma check to convince both the party and the guards to lay down their arms in a futile attempt to stop the fight from occurring, which will not work due to the rest of the party's bloodlust. code:wtsnaename fucked around with this message at 18:10 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 29, 2017 18:08
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang This alternate reality Boulder isn't concerned with sparing the lives of those who he comes across, of converting these thugs into upright citizens. He is bitter, and hostile, and with a hair trigger. And so the sight of someone trying to wield bronze dildos against him sets him off. <How dare you!> And as such he strides forward and crushes the man. Or rather tries to, but his swing goes wide. !roll 1d20+6 RPBotBOT - Today at 11:07 AM @Ryuujin rolled 10. (4, 6) Ryuujin - Today at 11:07 AM okay fray !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 11:08 AM @Ryuujin rolled 8. code:
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May 29, 2017 19:09
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Johnny Well it looks like things have turned south. Johnny would rather not have to fight but hey thats where we are now. "Well poo poo we'll do it the hard way then." He reaches out with the spark of divinity inside of him, feeling for those loose in the grave and finds...pigs? Well pigs it is then, as with a horrible rattling sound bones and lumps of rotting flesh fly into the room and congeal into a small mass of squealing undead pigs (or would squeal if they still had lungs). Commiting effort to summon a small mob of undead pigs to reenact Hannibal code:
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May 29, 2017 20:39
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Joey It has been, let's be honest, a rough couple of days for Joey. She's trapped thousands of miles from home, she's had to negotiate politely with terrible people, and, well, Enno. It was pretty much inevitable she was going to snap, and getting charged by the Dildomonger over there was the last straw. "You know what? gently caress this. I am done with being loving polite." The heat shimmer in the air around her erupts into an aura of burning flames, and she pitches the fire in her hands at Dildo Guy, intending to melt his balls off. !roll d20+3 RPBotBOT - Today at 3:39 PM @Pinechild rolled 8. (5, 3) !roll d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 3:39 PM @Pinechild rolled 3. Joey attacks with fire with an 8, which is likely to miss unless their AC is much worse than she was thinking. However, the first one to attack her gets hit with 3 damage if a mob, or 1 point if not. Further attacks will be rolled as needed, since she's not dropping Burning Rebuke until she's good and done. !roll d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 3:52 PM @Pinechild rolled 7. Her regular Fray roll, which is apparently also a thing, does 2 points of damage to the group, Dildo Guy first. code:Pinechild fucked around with this message at 21:53 on May 29, 2017 |
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May 29, 2017 21:44
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Roth Bright red sparks flicker over Roth's sword as he draws it. "Actually post something, he says." With impossible ease, he swipes it across his chin, scattering the hairs of his goatee to the wind without so much as scraping himself. "How am I supposed to reply to the big guy doing his thing, anyway?" He continues muttering rebelliously as he leaps into the air. Sort of. One moment, Roth is kicking off the ground. The next, he is falling toward the attacking men at a 45 degree angle. Blade first. "Hype him up like we're doing the world's crappiest AWF promo?" Roth cuts through flesh and metal as if it were paper. "Hell, he knew I was Neutral Good when he accepted me to this game. Look at my answers to those hypothetical questions." Right before he hits the ground, Roth ducks into a roll, landing on the other side of the mob. Committing Effort to use Thirsting Razor. By the way, AWF stands for Arcem Wrestling Federation. !roll 1d10+1 RPBotBOT - Today at 7:37 PM @DeTosh rolled 9. (8, 1) And here is my Fray die. !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 7:38 PM @DeTosh rolled 3. code:DeTosh fucked around with this message at 04:14 on May 30, 2017 |
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May 30, 2017 03:49
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Second attempt at lovely post Okay. You all miss Dildo Guy with your regular attacks. Therefore, I am promoting Dildo Guy to Lord Dildo Man, Mortal Hero Extraordinaire and he is no-longer Fray-able. You are now obligated to refer to him in his posts by his full title. His lazy eye un-lazies itself with a wet plop, his muscle mass grows to almost rival the Boulder's and he even grows a chin, better to keep that pot on. He celebrates this turn of events with a triumphant, blood-curling screech and starts banging on his pot twice as hard. This gets his troops all pumped up and poo poo, to the effect of putting them under the effect of Invincible Iron General. Not enough to actually help them land either of their attacks, alas, but still. Their Overwhelm attempts go better, since they don't roll to hit those. They go for what they consider easy targets, which would be Enno and Johnny. Enno, somehow you do a 180 reversal of personality and still remain an annoying wanker, so even as you blather on about non-violence, a thug jumps on you from the top of a nearby barn, screaming "JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU" and tackles you to the ground, whereupon you're instantly set up by a dozen more thugs. Johnny, they rush you just as you, back turned to the battle, put the finishing touches upon your undead horde, tackle you to the ground and begin wailing upon you, even if their sheer numbers are working against them here. On the upside, you are now a proud papa of a dozen undead pigs. Congratulations, I suppose? Save Hardiness or take one damage each. Roth is a one-man murder machine. Nice to have someone competent around for a change. I look forward to your next post, goon sir. Joey, you're mostly standing there, right in the center of the raging battle, going "Hey guys, anyone want to throw a punch at the chick wreathed in pure murder-fire? Anyone? Come on, guys. Come on," but somehow, there aren't any takers. Lord Dildo Man, though, decides to indulge her. Still ululating, he rushes Joey and smacks her right in the face for, I poo poo you not, four damage with a hefty bronze nutsack, even as her flames burn him in return... except the flames bypass him, not causing him any harm, as he activates Fear No Steel from Endurance as his second Gift. He attempts to repeat this performance with a quick swing at The Boulder, but it goes wide. So, recap. You deal a lot of damage to the mob. Dildo Guy is Lord Dildo Man now. Enno, Johnny, save Hardiness or take 1 damage. Joey, take 4 damage, unless you're doing anything about it. I think that's it. If it isn't, do tell me. Also, if you noticed, Ryuujin put a link to his sheet in his name in the post. That's quite useful. Please do the same.
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May 30, 2017 16:21
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EM, Now the good guy, and pacifistic paladin of Freedom. Enno crashes to the ground from sixty feet up, inexplicably tackled by what can only be understood to be a tower of these meek armed peasants. Obviously, they've been imbued with some magical jumping prowess by our Ursine overlord. "Well, as a paladin of freedom this certainly can not stand. I must, regrettably, defend myself." "Poor, misguided Dulimbaians. Dedicating your service to this dildo wielding menace will cost you your lives. Submit your will to me and see his, and our creator's rare misstep of humor, quelled beneath the iron boot of divinity." "For you see, the realities, the celestial mechanics of our world, allow me to do things like totally nullify the inspiring presence of your pot-helmed rakish dildo-wielder. And luckily for your groupthink, apparently, flying actually takes committed effort to maintain." Enno, once again, flies 60 feet directly skyward. Offensively dispelling Invincible Iron General with the word of command, by miracle. Fray: @Sljppers rolled 7, and 7 of the members of the mob submit to my grand logic. code:wtsnaename fucked around with this message at 20:03 on May 30, 2017 |
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May 30, 2017 17:29
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Johnny Johnny is congratulating himself on bring the dead back to life, or sort of, when the mod descends upon him from behind. Falling under their bodies briefly, he manages to scramble out and yells "FIGHT FOR YOUR MASTER, POPPETS! FIGHT!". There is a horrific squealing noise, like saw blades on piano wire as the undead pigs attack the mob from behind. This time, its not going to be pork buns but thug buns Johnny thinks as the pigs tear into the flesh of the men. "Joey!" Johnny yells as they clobbered by Lord Dildo Man. He turns his vision upon the man and stares pure Death. Made the Hardiness roll. Undead Mob is using Blood in the Water to auto hit for 1 damage. Rolled 8 for Fray, so 2 damage this turn. Attacked Lord Dildo Man with Scythe Hand, missed. Normally still does one damage, but Lord Dildo Man's gift blocks that. code:code:Quornes fucked around with this message at 10:26 on May 31, 2017 |
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May 30, 2017 20:04
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The dildo wielding man pumped himself up, slapped Joey, then tries to do the same to the Boulder. Who is less than thrilled with almost being hit by such an object. His pecs bounce back and forth furiously. <How dare you! That is not a weapon. You do not swing that around to inflict harm.> He raises his fists, bunching them up, and continues. <These are weapons. These are meant for inflicting harm. Let me show you.> He then unleashes a powerful blow right into the Dildo Man, causing a rather hefty chunk of damage. More than most things possibly could. using a Miracle to invoke Loosening God's Teeth on Dildo Man !roll 1d20+5 RPBotBOT - Today at 5:08 PM @Ryuujin rolled 24. (19, 5) Ryuujin - Today at 5:09 PM well pretty sure that hits unless Dildo Man's AC is good enough that we will NEVER hit two handed, hoping for a good damage roll! !roll 1d12+4 RPBotBOT - Today at 5:09 PM @Ryuujin rolled 5. (1, 4) Ryuujin - Today at 5:09 PM and that is a no blah still that is 5 damage straight to Dildo Man Ryuujin - Today at 10:46 AM dangit I forgot the fray die for my last round !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 10:46 AM @Ryuujin rolled 6. code:Ryuujin fucked around with this message at 18:46 on May 31, 2017 |
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May 31, 2017 01:13
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Joey, extremely loving pissed While normally getting hit is just a part of getting in a fight, Joey loving refuses to be murdered via lovingly sculpted bronze ballsack. As she sees Lord Dildo Man's strike descending towards her skull, she screams in rage and actually headbutts the loving thing, cancelling out the force and creating a small shockwave. She continues screaming, a wordless howl of rage at the world that continues to poo poo upon her, and throws a stream of fire in Lord Dildofucker's goddamn face. Spending a daily effort to miracle Defy the !roll d20+3 RPBotBOT - Today at 8:08 PM @Pinechild rolled 16. (13, 3) !roll d10+3 RPBotBOT - Today at 8:11 PM @Pinechild rolled 10. (7, 3) I can't tell if her fire attack hit or not (don't know his AC), but if it did, Lord Dildo Man takes !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 8:16 PM @Pinechild rolled 4. However, she does 1 point of damage through her fray die. code:
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May 31, 2017 02:18
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Roth Score one for simple, but reliable. Also, utter insanity. Roth's jaw drops open as he spots his teammates squaring off against the newly empowered leader of the thugs. "You've gotta be kidding me. Guys, we...nevermind." They seemed preoccupied. Roth balances his sword on the ground by the point of its blade. With a twist of his hand, he sends it spinning like a top. It picks up speed quickly, stirring up a gust. The sword doesn't slow by a single revolution as he grabs and continues spinning it. Roth slams the improvised drill into the nearest group of enemies. Making another attack with Thirsting Razor. !roll 1d10+3 RPBotBOT - Today at 7:25 PM @DeTosh rolled 11. (8, 3) Below is my Fray die. !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 7:25 PM @DeTosh rolled 3. code:
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May 31, 2017 03:35
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Your cackling, dildo-twirling GM As the Boulder bunches the fists together and gives his spiel, Lord Dildo Man clanks the dildoes together in a mock salute of his own. Then the Boulder hits him. He hits him so hard, there is a shock wave, which blows everyone off their feet. He hits him so hard, the clap blows out paper windows in Gongfang. The blow would turn a lesser man into a fine blood mist... but it merely brings Lord Dildo Man down to one knee and hammers him up to his ankles into the ground. Yet, as he slowly turns his face back to the Boulder, his bulging eyes triumphantly gleam and there is no sign of damage... for he has activated his third and final Gift, Nine Iron Walls and is now immune to all physical damage until his next turn! Joey's fire blast would still hurt him... except she misses him by a hair (19 lol). He smiles at the Boulder, a line of slobber trailing down his chin and returns the favor, connecting the dildo on an upswing with the Boulder's magnificent goateed jaw and sending him reeling. He rises, steps over his foe and raises his dick-club again, about to brain him, but Johhny's timely probability-futzing intervention makes the swing goes wide, as Lord Dildo Man slips on some blood-mud at the last second. In other news, the enemy gang has almost been dismantled by your combined efforts, but they're still going. They thin Johhny's undead herd somewhat as it rips into them, then counter-strike at Roth and Johhny, piling onto them, kicking and punching and screaming. To recap, LDM activated Nine Iron Walls, doesn't take any damage and is immune to physical (but no other) damage until his next turn. Boulder takes four damage. Pigs take one damage. Mob's other regular attack fails. Roth and Johhny get Overwhelmed and need to save Hardiness or take one damage each. EDIT: Also, unless your rolls are super-poo poo, you're probably taking down the mob through Fray alone. Megazver fucked around with this message at 13:48 on May 31, 2017 |
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May 31, 2017 12:05
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Joey, trying something new Seeing as how killing it with fire isn't working terribly well, Joey decides to try something new Joey commits effort for the scene to use drat Their Eyes (p. 47) against Lord Dildo Man, who gets a hardiness save versus. That's her action, so no fireball this turn. !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 8:27 AM @Pinechild rolled 1. !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 8:27 AM @Pinechild rolled 6. Her Burning Rebuke crit fails again, meaning no damage from that, but her Fray die does 2 points of damage to the mob. code:
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May 31, 2017 14:29
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EM, Out of Mana The world begins to shiver, metaphorical temporal rifts crackling about the battlefield as the apparently not entirely forgone conclusion of battle echoes the anti-heroes' combat capabilities in lackluster whimpers. Tragically, ineffectuality incites Bizarro-Enno's divine agency, and he commands these tears in this slipstream diorama reality to lash out and end the suffering. Rain Of Lightning all enemies, mob and 1:01pm 5/31 RoL: @Sljppers rolled 4. Dealt straight to the mob, which I believe translates to 1 damage to LDM, reduced to 0. 1:01 5/31 Fray: @Sljppers rolled 8. Also to the mob. code:
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May 31, 2017 18:20
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Roth "Don't..." Roth punches and kicks right back. "...you people..." When he has room, he adds stabbing to the mix. "...ever..." The thugs leave him with more than a few cuts and bruises, but they are unable to impede his attempts and fighting his way free of them. "...give up?!" He staggers out of the melee, intent on ending the fight. "Hey!" Roth shouts at LDM. "You with the face!" The sound of Roth's voice barely reaches his enemy before he himself does. Again, he leads with his sword. !roll 1d20 RPBotBOT - Today at 9:33 PM @DeTosh rolled 12. Didn't make that saving throw. I'm going to attack LDM, though. !roll 1d20 RPBotBOT - Today at 2:41 PM @DeTosh rolled 16. With my Dex, the total is 18. !roll 1d10+2 RPBotBOT - Today at 9:34 PM @DeTosh rolled 10. (8, 2) And finally, my Fray die. !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 9:34 PM @DeTosh rolled 7. code:DeTosh fucked around with this message at 22:54 on Jun 1, 2017 |
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Jun 1, 2017 05:50
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Johnny Johnny is briefly submerged by the mob of thugs, but as luck would have it the undead pigs come through and pull him out of the crowd. Never has he been so glad for undead bacon. Mmhh bacon. Man he's got to get himself some after this. His attention turns back to Lord Dildo Man as he attempts another strike. His gaze alone redirects the undead horde's attack to the bronze dildo wielding man as Johnny utters a singled word, of deepest darkness and bass.  FALL Salted away the luck on hardiness roll, saving that 4 roll. Made second roll. Spending effort to negate Nine Iron Walls on Lord Dildo Man. Undead pigs attack him for 2 damage, reduced to 1 by his ability. 2 damage to the mob from Fray Dice code:code:Quornes fucked around with this message at 11:20 on Jun 1, 2017 |
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Jun 1, 2017 11:17
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The Boulder's last attack wasn't as good as he would have liked, and the Dildo Man seemed to be ready to shrug off any other blows. Then Johnny strips away some of the Dildo Man's protection. The Boulder goes in for an attack, but does not connect. Still the power of his swings may be taking much of the mob down in the process. Ryuujin - Today at 10:16 AM okay with Nine Iron Walls down the Boulder will try to punch him again !roll 1d20+5 RPBotBOT - Today at 10:17 AM @Ryuujin rolled 11. (6, 5) Ryuujin - Today at 10:17 AM and miss of course well fray dice !roll 1d8 RPBotBOT - Today at 10:18 AM @Ryuujin rolled 4. code:
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Jun 1, 2017 18:22
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Your definitely busy and not at all procrastinating GM The Bear-Headed Gentleman reclines in a chaise-longue hovering a few feet above you, mixing a Bloody Mary with actual blood. He sprinkles some player salt on top, stirs the drink with his pinky, then carefully laps a sip with his long, pink tongue and lets out a satisfied sigh. "Ah, that's the good stuff. Okay, real talk time." "You're definitely going to overpower my man Dildinator here, even though he's hella beefy, but it's probably going to be somewhat of a slog, with a whole lot of Effort burning and/or turtling and sulking and, perhaps, one of you dying. Let's say... Enno?" He and Lord Dildo Man both look up. "Yeah. Swatted from skies by a well-placed dick-toss, then dildoed into a pulp." Lord Dildo Man makes an enthusiastic noise at this. "No, no, don't get excited now. Anyway, making this dude this hard to murder made sense to me, thematically, but it probably wasn't the most exciting option to pick. I am reminded, now that this is of no relevance of use whatsoever, of the difference between the original 4E monsters and the later, refined Monster Manual designs, where they've realized that it's more fun to reduce the monster HP and AC and give them more fun abilities to murder players with, than have the players beat up giant bricks for ten rounds." He leans forward and adds, in a stage whisper: "Then again, I wonder how much butthurt him landing a good hard offensive Gift would generate. Ah, some other time, perhaps." "Anyway, here's another one of my pre-accepted proposals. Enough rolling. You just describe how you murder Dildor in your words. We'll," air-quotes, "roleplay it." Lord Dildo Man looks up in alarm, pleadingly whimpering. "Hush now. I'm getting to the good part. And in return, so that Dildaroo here doesn't feel too bad, you also decide among yourselves who he gets to murder before he and his entire timeline wink out of existence. Give me a nice, juicy death scene. Hey, why not scenes, plural - the Goatee Team is about to dissolve like a sugar cube in a tea cup anyway, right? Deal?" Megazver fucked around with this message at 23:49 on Jun 2, 2017 |
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Jun 2, 2017 23:38
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Tam "the Boulder" Tsang The Boulder's brows draw down, the earth shakes beneath his feet and he speaks in a voice like an avalanche. <Enough. This battle was never meant to be. Now it ends.> And the earth rises up and slams the Dildo Man and what remains of the mob together with a meaty splat, then recedes beneath the earth. Leaving no sign of the carnage that just took place. code:
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Jun 3, 2017 09:51
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 11:16 |
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The GM Post "Truly, you have outdone yourself. Does anyone else want to attempt to top this magnificent effort post?"
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Jun 3, 2017 15:21
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