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I'd love to talk to you, but I literally can't. Offering me a sip of your coffee will do nothing, it has to be mine. |
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May 15, 2017 19:48
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 13:47 |
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It's easy when I order my drink since I can just point at things, but when the barista asks for my name and I point at myself they just think I'm being rude (they spell my name wrong too) |
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May 15, 2017 19:49
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I DON'T GIVE A CRAPPUCCINO UNTIL I'VE HAD MY FRAPPING COFFEE
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 15, 2017 19:53
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Interrogator: We have ways of making you talk *hands me a latte* Interrogator: Still wanna be difficult huh? Well guess what? It's all yours. Me: Finally! Gosh it's been like three days already. By the way, you have the wrong guy. |
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May 15, 2017 19:54
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Marcel Marceau spent his entire on-screen life not having a coffee.
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 15, 2017 19:57
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me, an intern back from a coffee run: Ok guys, just got back have at them all the monks at the monastery i intern at: Bout flippin time
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May 15, 2017 20:03
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Here mang, have one on the house.
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May 15, 2017 20:06
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Plebian Parasite posted:me, an intern back from a coffee run: Ok guys, just got back have at them |
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May 15, 2017 20:36
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Every monk of the Cappuccin Order took a vow of silence from midnight until the following morning before their first cafe'
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 15, 2017 20:42
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*Dumps hot scalding coffee on someone* *Person screams in pain and curses at me* "Hmm, coffee does help people speak. Checks out."
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May 15, 2017 20:42
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Asked this one girl if she wanted to meet up for coffee. Five minutes into the date and she's questioning me over why I walked in with a cup from another place. I look over at the barista working, we both nod in agreement that she isn't the one. |
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May 15, 2017 20:44
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Alexa, Cortana and Siri stood by helplessly, unable to help or assist in any way. Every morning it was the same, he sat there zombie-like at the edge of his bed, unable to do much of anything until the timer went off. Then, and only then would they be able to respond to his needs, for now they sat and waited for the central machine to activate. At last, after what seemed an eternity, the device sprang to life! A steamy sploosh! sound erupted from it, followed by the gurgling. Soon, all would be well. Soon, they could help. He poured the sacred liquid into his personalized vessel and drank. The day began...
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 15, 2017 20:58
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Splatmaster posted:Alexa, Cortana and Siri stood by helplessly, unable to help or assist in any way. Every morning it was the same, he sat there zombie-like at the edge of his bed, unable to do much of anything until the timer went off. Then, and only then would they be able to respond to his needs, for now they sat and waited for the central machine to activate. At last, after what seemed an eternity, the device sprang to life! A steamy sploosh! sound erupted from it, followed by the gurgling. Soon, all would be well. Soon, they could help. He poured the sacred liquid into his personalized vessel and drank. The day began... |
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May 15, 2017 21:15
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Wow your toddler is so well behaved, is he shy? "No he just hasn't had his coffee"
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May 16, 2017 02:18
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Splatmaster posted:Marcel Marceau spent his entire on-screen life not having a coffee. |
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May 16, 2017 03:03
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Her: *deep sigh, almost a sob* Honey, we never talk anymore. What changed? Me: *gesturing wildly at coffee maker* |
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May 16, 2017 03:20
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Coffee is life. Some people think it's strange I have a 12 cup Bunn coffee maker. Other people get it.
ight8 fucked around with this message at 05:16 on May 16, 2017 Everyone is capable of violence. The important distinction we must make is, are you homicidal or suicidal? |
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May 16, 2017 05:13
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*Introduces Teller from Penn & Teller to coffee, ruining their schtick, and ending their career in magic* Teller now just yells obscenities at Penn from years of pent up frustration the entire show.
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May 16, 2017 06:47
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idk i dont rly get ppl who worship caffiene *takes amphetamines to get out of bed and promptly into werk*
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May 16, 2017 07:24
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Doctor: I have some really bad news... Parent: Is... is my child mute? Doctor: No, it's far, far worse than that Parent: You mean... Doctor: yes, your child has  coffeepalsy
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 16, 2017 12:58
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Microsoft Employee #1: Nothing.. we spent millions of dollars on this project and it's still not working. Microsoft Employee #2: Bill's gonna get really mad about this. Microsoft Employee #1: Yeah. Microsoft Employee #2: ... Microsoft Employee #3: Hiya guys how do yoooooooooou.. aah *bang* *Employee number three stumbles on a power cable and a mug of freshly made coffee flies through the air and lands with a splash on the computer in front of the engineers* Cortana: AAAAUAUUUUGH, hello? |
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May 16, 2017 14:29
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Everyone knows zombies happen when someone carelessly dumps their coffee grounds in a cemetary.
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 16, 2017 14:33
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Dr. Frankenstein prepared his creation on the steel gurney, connecting the last cable leading up to the roof, connected to a lightning rod that stood by awaiting a bolt from the sky. The coming storm looked promising, it may very well get it's chance. His assistant Igor stood by, eagerly waiting to assist his master. "Igor, today we will create LIFE!" he said to his assistant. They both stepped back nervously from the table as a flash of light broke the darkness outside. Dr. Frankenstein nodded to Igor, who then flipped the switch to complete the circuit just as the next bolt flashed. Lightning coursed down the cable, through the switch and danced upon the gurney and across the features of the monster. Nothing happened. Dr. Frankenstein was crushed. All those years, wasted. Igor, dismayed to see the look of utter failure on his master's face, offered him a mug of freshly brewed coffee from a nearby table. The monster's head turned slowly toward the offered mug. Igor offered it to the monster instead... "It's alive! ALIVE!" Dr. Frankenstein shouted. "Hey, hey HEY! Keep it down, would ya?" said the Monster. And so it would begin. https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 16, 2017 14:43
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*at the helen keller museum* "its amazing she was able to do so much despite drinking only decaf"
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May 16, 2017 14:54
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I have the inverse problem, where no one can talk to me until I've had my coffee. It makes early morning press conferences awkward. |
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May 16, 2017 15:01
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I actually can't see until I've had my coffee. I have a seeing-eye Keurig to help me around My sister merely has no sense of smell until her coffee is drunk and boy am I jealous |
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May 16, 2017 15:28
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On my left, a mug of steaming, dark roasted nectar. On my right, my annoying, gabby coworker who can't wait to tell me about the fishing trip he took over the weekend. But he is bound by the laws handed down by the Ancients, as am I, the dark inscription printed in a whimsical font on the side of that very mug. To ignore that sweet draft of wakefulness is to spend my morning in bleary-eyed misery. To take a sip is to loosen his tongue. This is my Scylla, my Charybdis. |
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May 16, 2017 15:35
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Director's Commentary: He [Jim Carrey] was very fastidious about his craft, I would say to him "Jim! You're a Pet Detective, this isn't Chinatown!" And he would grab my shoulder and look me straight in the eye, he'd always do that thing with his eyebrows. He said, and it was so inspiring, I'll never forget what he said to me. "Tom...Prep the enema"
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May 16, 2017 16:06
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It was the same nightmare. Jeff Dunham sat on a stool in front of the crowd, the audience looking at him expectantly. Peanut sat in his lap, looking confused and concerned, glancing from Jeff's face to the coffee cup in his hand. Jeff sat there, torn with what to do next- if he drank the coffee, he wasn't going to be able to do his act because he would be drinking a beverage. He just wasn't that good! If he didn't drink the coffee, he couldn't do his act. Soon, the jeers would come, followed by the rotten fruit. The nightmare plodded on. Jeff inwardly prayed for his alarm clock to go off
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 16, 2017 16:20
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http://i.imgur.com/h8gMXvC.gifv The realistic ending to glengary glen ross where no one could talk because they didn't have coffee was edited to make the film more interesting
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May 16, 2017 16:52
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Drinking 1 cup of coffee raises your iq by 1 point. Writing a spreadsheet lowers your iq by 5 points. The hated Monday lowers your iq by a whopping 20 points. It's a race against time
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May 16, 2017 22:08
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All the stuff from the middle panel of a dilbert comic lowers your iq by 100 points
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May 16, 2017 22:09
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no they will not posted:All the stuff from the middle panel of a dilbert comic lowers your iq by 100 points lol |
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May 16, 2017 22:39
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no they will not posted:All the stuff from the middle panel of a dilbert comic lowers your iq by 100 points |
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May 17, 2017 00:13
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no they will not posted:All the stuff from the middle panel of a dilbert comic lowers your iq by 100 points https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 17, 2017 00:23
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mafia don: frankie four fingers is about to sing like a canary, how do we shut this birdie's beak? wise guy #1: we give him the old cement sneakers wise guy #2: we take his family on an extended vacation, fuggedaboutit wise guy #3: we make his barista an offer he can't refuse mafia don, pointing to wise guy #3: this goomba gets it
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May 17, 2017 02:31
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Coworker: Hey man, how's it goin? Me: *opens mouth and one million flies fly out and engulf the room* Coworker, through the cloud of flies: Oh haha, haven't had your coffee yet I see Me: *Shakes head* |
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May 17, 2017 05:58
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Scroon posted:I actually can't see until I've had my coffee. I have a seeing-eye Keurig to help me around that must make it really hard to watch radar 
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May 17, 2017 13:41
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*sips coffee* only if it's jammed
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 17, 2017 15:00
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 13:47 |
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scribbled-out words on crumpled page in harlan ellison's wastebasket: "I HAVE NO JOE, AND I MUST SCREAM" |
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May 17, 2017 15:33
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