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BrownianMotion


a very conplicated question. one of the best pieces of advice i have been given is to always make sure what you have to say is 140 characters or less otherwise they'll only listen to the first part

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BrownianMotion


Me: *throwing a fidget spinner across the room* so what do you cool bros think about Mike's hard lemonade? *dab*

hockey jockey

Get an instagram account and comment on all their half naked selfies in a supportive and nurturing fashion.

'Look at my lil boy so grown up lol!!! Know ur hot rear end is gonna ace GCSE French tomorrow at 9.30am!'



Thank you Vanisher!

alnilam




hockey jockey posted:

Get an instagram account and comment on all their half naked selfies in a supportive and nurturing fashion.

'Look at my lil boy so grown up lol!!! Know ur hot rear end is gonna ace GCSE French tomorrow at 9.30am!'

#MyCoolTeen

alnilam




If your teen won't listen to you, try designing and releasing a cool indie game instead, where some of the in-game instructions say what you want to say

"Good job defeating that dragon with your cool dance moves!"
*animation*
"Oh jeez, now we've got a wyvern approaching, she'll eat all the farmer's sheep. It would help out village a lot if you would go clean your room and tell your dad how school was today, then challenge this creature to another dance-off."

cda


Threaten to make their baby pictures into memes

BrownianMotion


We have changed the wifi password and wont tell you what it is until you explain whatever is going on with you and your boyfriend Mike. We're here to listen and we love you. But we can't help unless you talk to us. The password contains both alpha and numeric characters so you have no chance of GUESSING IT! Tacos for dinner, love.

alnilam




BrownianMotion posted:

We have changed the wifi password and wont tell you what it is until you explain whatever is going on with you and your boyfriend Mike. We're here to listen and we love you. But we can't help unless you talk to us. The password contains both alpha and numeric characters so you have no chance of GUESSING IT! Tacos for dinner, love.

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN
Probably brush up on your skills and own them in thier online game of choice, and tell them that they have to follow your rules now in a pile of shame. I dont have kids or know how this works but that seems right.


Sig by Manifisto <3

dsipal

alnilam posted:

If your teen won't listen to you, try designing and releasing a cool indie game instead, where some of the in-game instructions say what you want to say

"Good job defeating that dragon with your cool dance moves!"
*animation*
"Oh jeez, now we've got a wyvern approaching, she'll eat all the farmer's sheep. It would help out village a lot if you would go clean your room and tell your dad how school was today, then challenge this creature to another dance-off."

tldr

one cool way to talk to your teen is to ensure youre showing youre teeth the whole time

Splatmaster


HAIKOOLIGAN

Some day every parent is going to have to deal with that subject. You know the one I'm talking about. One day every parent will have to sit their child down and have a frank discussion about big dick daddy dongle's dongarium + "big rear end" + "big ol' rear end" : $3.69

BYOB fun all year long! Sigs by: Manifisto and Vanisher, awesome BYOB people!!

Doctor Dogballs

Drivin' the Fuck Truck from Hand Land to Pound Town without stopping at Suction Station

Nothing, you already told her twice

Darkman Fanpage

ha ha





*gives a fidget spinner to and never talks to again*

DOPE FIEND KILLA G


i just scream into a trumpet like a peanuts adult until they gently caress off, lousy kids

Macnult


cda posted:

Threaten to make their baby pictures into memes

their friends already do this through snapchat whenever they come over


Signature by cda

Kthulhu5000

Coulda, woulda, shoulda
bought
a
TurboGrafx-16

can you
try like a teenager?
lie like a teenager?
cry like a teenager?
vie like a teenager?
get high like a teenager?
lay down and die like a teenager?

if you answered "no" to the any of the above, well, you're not qualified to talk to your teenage son or daughter. call the cabal at FUTRSX MIND DR@GZ to do it for you.

Senior Management




Sit them down with a serious and yet not stern tone. Hand them a spoon and ask them to hold it. Thank them then talk about whatever serious issue you have. They will be too confused by the spoon to fight you. The key is to remain serious and make sure that you do not laugh at all unless relevant to the conversation. You ignore the spoon.



Les Os

make them a card and stick a quarter in there so they can buy gum later

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

DOPE FIEND KILLA G


my son and i don't speak in the clasical sense and instead choose to communicate through a series of interpretive vape tricks and intricate yo-yo maneuvers

Macnult


correct their swearing after the important part of the discussion is over with


Signature by cda

Senior Management




Casually make the hell out of some waffles during the discussion.



BrownianMotion


DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

my son and i don't speak in the clasical sense and instead choose to communicate through a series of interpretive vape tricks and intricate yo-yo maneuvers

I pass down my vape tricks to my teenage kids, such that they experience a rich legacy of intra-family vaping

Splatmaster


HAIKOOLIGAN

As a responsible parent I of course installed the Uber app on all my children's phones. Where I excel as a parent is I got my Uber license and drive them around and charge them, thereby teaching them the value of money, how to be responsible with needing a ride someplace, plus their mother and I know where they are and who they're with

BYOB fun all year long! Sigs by: Manifisto and Vanisher, awesome BYOB people!!

Robot Made of Meat


Vynar posted:

Sit them down with a serious and yet not stern tone. Hand them a spoon and ask them to hold it. Thank them then talk about whatever serious issue you have. They will be too confused by the spoon to fight you. The key is to remain serious and make sure that you do not laugh at all unless relevant to the conversation. You ignore the spoon.


Thanks to Vanisher for the sig!

Kthulhu5000

Coulda, woulda, shoulda
bought
a
TurboGrafx-16

paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

Robot Made of Meat


Kthulhu5000 posted:

paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

This can be doubly embarrassing and confusing if your teenager is of the female variety.


Thanks to Vanisher for the sig!

Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN

Splatmaster posted:

As a responsible parent I of course installed the Uber app on all my children's phones. Where I excel as a parent is I got my Uber license and drive them around and charge them, thereby teaching them the value of money, how to be responsible with needing a ride someplace, plus their mother and I know where they are and who they're with


Sig by Manifisto <3

Sham bam bamina!

ƨtupid cat

just fart* into their face, trust me its the new thing now

*really hard

little munchkin


a good way to connect with your teen is to describe things as "dope". it's teenage slang that means you think something is good

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher


little munchkin posted:

a good way to connect with your teen is to describe things as "dope". it's teenage slang that means you think something is good

"My... my father always called me a dope. Now on my deathbed I realize he was just trying to speak to me the only way he knew how."


Sig images courtesy of the talented Manifisto, Uxzuigal & Death Sext

BrownianMotion


vanisher posted:

"My... my father always called me a dope. Now on my deathbed I realize he was just trying to speak to me the only way he knew how."

Lol

Splatmaster


HAIKOOLIGAN

One way to talk to your son or daughter would be "WHAT THE HECK IS OUR WI FI PASSWORD AGAIN DAMMIT" or "WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU KIDS SCORE ME BETTER WEED" or "DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF BITCOINS!" (sorry for all the yelling)

BYOB fun all year long! Sigs by: Manifisto and Vanisher, awesome BYOB people!!

Kthulhu5000

Coulda, woulda, shoulda
bought
a
TurboGrafx-16

our teens today are into razorblade motorcycles, neon sparkoff music, Rambo games, TV hamburgers, and horny movies. All under a star wars spiderweb sky of perpetual flaming night.

try connecting with today's teen around these subjects and remember, if you ain't getting into trouble, then you ain't doing something wrong.

google THIS


Kthulhu5000 posted:

paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

This is a good tactic in general, aces to use during a job interview.

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Son youve outgrown the fart machine radio. I present to you the DJ airhorn

BrownianMotion


"Son I'm about to show you something that will change your life forever..."

"Yes, dad?"

"Turn your phone off, this is something far more complicated​ than a facebook algorithm could ever figure out."

*Turning phone off* "Okay dad I'm ready."

*Dad opens the hood of a broken car*: "Alright son I need 3 theories on why this car won't start. Accuracy isn't important. Go, go, go."

Plebian Parasite


I always fly a drone into his room and filter my voice to make it sound more robotic. He finds the soulless droning of my voice and the thrumming of the rotary blades to be comforting enough to bare his soul, and with an onboard camera i can send the video file directly to the therapist as well.

Jerkoff Jackpot

It's gonna take a lotta gum
To get us through the night



BrownianMotion posted:

"Son I'm about to show you something that will change your life forever..."

"Yes, dad?"

"Turn your phone off, this is something far more complicated​ than a facebook algorithm could ever figure out."

*Turning phone off* "Okay dad I'm ready."

*Dad opens the hood of a broken car*: "Alright son I need 3 theories on why this car won't start. Accuracy isn't important. Go, go, go."

*New Slang plays on in background*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtrnjIjKCUs

Dairy Tariff posted:

control+F marx and prepare to have your mind blown
Manifisto


steampunk all the way

need your teen to vacuum? glue some gears and poo poo to your vacuum cleaner, they will want to use it because it looks cool

kid needs to study harder? glue gears to textbook, BAM

they need a new iphone to reassert their social status? glue some gears to their old iphone, they'll be the envy of their peer group

once you know the formula, there's no problem you can't solve quickly and cheaply, esp. if you buy gears and glue in bulk


thanks to Splatmaster for the sig!

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Twenty Four

HAIKOOLIGAN

Manifisto posted:

steampunk all the way

need your teen to vacuum? glue some gears and poo poo to your vacuum cleaner, they will want to use it because it looks cool

kid needs to study harder? glue gears to textbook, BAM

they need a new iphone to reassert their social status? glue some gears to their old iphone, they'll be the envy of their peer group

once you know the formula, there's no problem you can't solve quickly and cheaply, esp. if you buy gears and glue in bulk

Do not glue gears to your teens junk, chaos ensues.


Sig by Manifisto <3

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