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Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
*assistance needed in the paint dept*
*assistance needed in the hand tool dept*
*assistance needed in the floor covering dept*
*assistance needed in the customer service dept*

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DrBouvenstein
Feb 28, 2007

I think I'm a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. This fancy avatar does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boI4D1FlIVs

Jake Mustache
Feb 7, 2017
Where are the pipe pieces which can be used to make a marijuana pipe?

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
*attempts to go postal with an electric chainsaw from display*
*trips on cable, dies*

galumphing lummox
Aug 30, 2006

"You want some wood? Yeah, we got wood. Here's some good sturdy wood right here. Long, firm -- good heft to it. Some fine wood right there, my friend. Yes, you could say I'm a bit of a connoisseur of wood. I get wood every time I come here. Hell, even if I don't even plan on getting wood, if I'm here, I get wood anyway. It's just something about this place."

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

*is a goon trying to make jokes about a place having never been to*

*is this thread*

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon
Girl boss? Never heard of 'er.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

bradzilla posted:

*is a goon trying to make jokes about a place having never been to*

*is this thread*

Ever considered that construction guys are often alcoholics and losers, and also hate women? We got a whole forum like that...

Gay Weed Dad
Jul 12, 2016

cool dude, flyin' high

bradzilla posted:

*is a goon trying to make jokes about a place having never been to*

*is this thread*

*is jumped into True Value via vicious gang beating*

Blood in, blood out

imandyyo
Mar 19, 2012
Awkwardly waits on billionaire looking for rope and zip ties. Loses virginity.

Tomato Burger
Jun 18, 2007
The secret is granola.
*gets 10% off non-sale products, but still orders from Amazon or Costco because they are way cheaper*

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

by Azathoth
"Shop smart, shop S-Mart!"

*Shotguns deadite*

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
sometimes i feel like a software man living in a hardware world...

murex
Apr 30, 2009

by Lowtax
hi, how can i help u

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die
Nap Ghost
hi, i'm looking for some soft wares

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
*points to dilz*

strange feelings re Daisy
Aug 2, 2000

Paging Applewhite, I think we need to hear a story from the time you worked at a hardware store.

shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005

ROFLburger posted:

* closes at 4pm just before everyone gets off of work *

Eastbound Spider
Jan 2, 2011



"Madam, I think you might need some caulk"

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!

Bonzo posted:

*sells nailgun to drug dealer*

You ernt that bump like a mother fucker.

toucan dan
May 18, 2017

by FactsAreUseless
*loiters out front at 6 am smoking cigarettes and looking for work

Mnoba
Jun 24, 2010
my local hardware if you take in a pipe or drain fitting that you need to replace, they will walk with you and chat it up a bit to the pipe section and build everything you need with the proper gluey stuff and hand it over it's so convenient

Lost Canyoneer
Nov 1, 2009
*Listens attentively to customer naming the exact item he's looking for and yet I have no comprehension whatsoever of what he's talking about*

*Momentary pause*

"What is it that you're trying to do, sir?"

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
"For the last time, we do not have any four by fours here. This is a hardware store, not a car lot."

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017
*weird lady walks up to register*

*Loss prevention comes running from nowhere*

*lady throws a purse full of wrenches at my dick*

galumphing lummox
Aug 30, 2006

Eastbound Spider posted:

"Madam, I think you might need some caulk"

"Squeeze the caulk carefully. There, now it's coming out. It's very sticky!"

Szyznyk
Mar 4, 2008

I was the subcontractor putting together all the grills and lawnmowers and picnic tables and poo poo for the Lowe's in Somerset, KY from January to August in 2005. You're welcome, Lowe's shoppers.

Return Of JimmyJars
Jun 24, 2006

by FactsAreUseless

Szyznyk posted:

I was the subcontractor putting together all the grills and lawnmowers and picnic tables and poo poo for the Lowe's in Somerset, KY from January to August in 2005. You're welcome, Lowe's shoppers.

How high were you

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

bradzilla posted:

*is a goon trying to make jokes about a place having never been to*

*is this thread*

Yeah my 30 years of home ownership never led me to a lowes. Or worse an ace when they were closed. Is ace still open?

The Cubelodyte
Sep 1, 2006

Practicing Hypnolaw since 1990
Grimey Drawer
I shop at three different Ace hardware stores in my area and they all kick rear end.

Jestery
Aug 2, 2016


Not a Dickman, just a shape
Hi the pipe clamps? Yeah aisle 23 there is a small one for 7 dollars and a larger one for 24

Whoreson Welles
Mar 4, 2015

ON TO THE NEXT PAGE!
*watches another customer set off the theft alarm after checking out*

*too busy trying to hit on the one semi-hot girl working here over the summer to check if they actually stole anything*

Gobblecoque
Sep 6, 2011
*is hopelessly in love with a giant bird*

*has a fridge full of severed heads*

Jukeboxblues
Jul 29, 2015


Grimey Drawer
*stares off in the distance as customer rambles on about how great Adam Carolla is*

Mr. Merdle
Oct 17, 2007

THE GREAT MANBABY SUCCESSOR

I go to home Depot and Dunn Lumber (Seattle family chain) and its amazing how loving stupid people at Depot are compared to the small family business which knows exactly what I'm talking about almost every time.

Content edit: *goes in to get pipe fittings. Spends 30 minutes checking out finish lumber and tools before even remembering what I was there for*

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:
If you're going to keep visiting the complimentary popcorn machine you'll have to buy something sir.


Mom n pop hw stores have those everywhere right?

Away all Goats
Jul 5, 2005

Goose's rebellion

*pets the customers dog*

STOP LITTERING
Sep 11, 2005

suuma posted:

why do you wear an apron if you work in non-food service retail

The other option is a vest that makes you look like loving Aladdin.

*Becomes a top gun level forklift operator so you don't damage the bottom sheets of gypsum board because there's always those immigrants who come in that will demand the damaged poo poo at a discount and you may not say no.*

*Tweeks back because "gently caress it I don't have time for this poo poo" and then fails to go to L&I because you are a young idiot who does not know any better.*

STOP LITTERING fucked around with this message at 08:25 on Jun 7, 2017

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
*Feels uncomfortable every time I walk through the small appliance and electronics section because of all the random 10-, 15-, and 25-year-old consumer goods with faded packaging and yellowing plastic just scattered through the shelves.

*We can only make duplicate keys 2 days a week when the guy who still knows how to manually grinds keys is working. Has to deal with pissed off customers who come back on the other days about the keys not working.

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SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:

JediTalentAgent posted:

*We can only make duplicate keys 2 days a week when the guy who still knows how to manually grinds keys is working. Has to deal with pissed off customers who come back on the other days about the keys not working.

The gently caress do you live? They got an automated thing for that now.


It's the windows and screens guy who only comes in 2 days a week

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