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KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008



____________________________


Money in the Bank June 18th THATS FATHERS DAY!!!

WWE Championship Match
Jinder Mahal w/ Singh Brothers vs. Randy Orton

Money in the Bank Match
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Sami Zayn

First Ever Women's Money in the Bank Match
Tamina Snuka vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella w/ James Ellsworth

Smackdown Women's Title Match
Naomi(c) vs. Lana

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match
The Usos (c) vs. The New Day

____________________________

Great Balls of Fire(lol) on July 9th

WWE Universal Championship Match
Brock Lesnar(c) w/ Paul Heyman vs. Samoa Joe

____________________________

Raw Results

Raw opened with Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar cutting a promo on Samoa Joe. Heyman calls Joe a fake Samoan unlike the rest of all the related Samoans in wrestling. He calls him a coward because unlike the other Samoans he'd be face to face with Brock and not a coward choking out an advocate. Heyman promises that Joe won't lock in the Kokina Clutch on Lesnar. Joe comes out and gets face to face with Brock and hits him with a headbutt. The two brawl until Kurt Angle sends out security. Security gets tossed and Joe and Brock keep brawling. The whole locker room empties out but Joe sneaks a super kick laying out Brock for a bit. Joe gets ushered up the stage while Brock tries to chase after.

Elias "No Longer Drifting" Sampson is in the ring playing his guitar but Dean Ambrose comes out cutting him off because they have a match.

Elias Sampson defeats Dean Ambrose because Ambrose was too distracted by Miz and Maryse interfering.

Kurt Angle yells at Miz about messing with that match while Kurt was dealing with Joe and Brock. Miz tells him to worry about his own problems and Kurt is livid. Miz wants Kurt to do something about Ambrose and Kurt tells him to basically gently caress off and deal with it himself.

Cedric Alexander gets a promo package.

Cedric walks into the locker room where Noam Dar is face timing with Alicia Fox. Cedric says he's tried of this feud and tonight it ends. When Dar comes out for their match he's face timing with Alicia still and she's on the tron for some reason and the audio is playing over the sound system. They can't really start the match because of the face time.

Cedric squashes Dar while Alicia is managing via facetime/over the sound system.

There is a Roman Reigns promo packaged to make sure we remember he's cool. NEXT WEEK ROMAN RETURNS TO ANNOUNCE A SUMMERSLAM MATCH!!!

Bray Wyatt cuts his normal promo stuff. Seth Rollins interrupts for his normal promo stuff and I've completely zoned out on it. Seth wants to fight Bray, but Bray teleports onto the tron and continues to talk.

The Hardy Boyz are interviewed about their 2 out of 3 Falls title rematch tonight.

Apollo Crews defeats Kalisto. Titus O'Neil bought Akira Tozawa a front row ticket in Titus' attempt to recruit him to the Titus Brand. After Apollo wins he pulls Tozawa out of the crowd and puts him in the ring to take a Titus Brand picture.

Miz tries recruiting Heath Slater and Rhyno to help him beat up Dean Ambrose and join his entourage. Heath rather be Intercontinental champion. Rhyno is mad that Miz is ignoring him and challenges him to a tag match.

Alexa Bliss is in the ring and then Nia Jax is in the ring. Then Mickie James and Dana Brooke are in the ring. Then Emma returns. Sasha is now in the ring. All the ladies fight. They probably do a Heel women vs face women 6 man tag match.

Alexa abandon's the heels. Sasha, Mickie and Dana win vs Emma, Nia and Alexa when Emma taps out.

There is a Finn Balor promo packaged to make sure we remember he's cool.

Corey Graves has a sit down interview with Bayley about her being a huge loser and coward. Bayley awkwardly hugs Corey.

Up next is Health Slater & Rhyno vs. The Miz and his mystery partner THE BEAR FROM THE SEGMENT LAST WEEK. The Bear rides a trike down the ring and almost eats poo poo. The bear scratches himself on the ring post before the match starts.

Slater and Rhyno defeat Miz & the Bear

During the match the bear tagged in did a bear hug and tagged out. Miz was pissed and attacked the bear. It was the same guy from last night and not Ambrose. Miz gets back in the ring and is arguing with Maryse for some reason. The bear is back in the ring and hits Dirty Deeds on Slater. Miz turns around and Ambrose takes the bear head off. Ambrose goes to attack Miz and Miz bump Maryse off the apron and she walks to the back all mad and hurt. Miz turns around to a Dirty Deeds and then Ambrose puts Slater on top of Miz.

There is a long Hardyz vs. Cesaro & Sheamus promo package.

Neville jumps Rich Swann before their match and it never starts. Neville says he's beaten everyone and no one can dethrone the king. He says Tozawa apparently thinks he's next after a tweet from Titus O'Neil but he's not on the Neville Level.

Cesaro & Sheamus were interviewed about their match. They said they were going to retire Matt and Jeff tonight.

Big Cass was attacked again backstage before a match between Gallows & Anderson. Revival were literally walking behind where Cass was laying. Cass demands to stay in the match against Gallows and Anderson even though he's too beaten up to wrestle.

Anderson & Gallows easily beat Enzo & Cass. They then continue to beat them up until Big Show makes the save. Cass isn't happy about Show trying to help and I'm not happy about this Raw dragging hard since Brock and Joe fought.

Speaking of the fight, Joe is interviewed about his clash with Brock and if it changed anything. Joe says they are falling into his trap. Last week they showed that Brock didn't sweat Joe by sending out only Heyman, so Joe inflicted the same harm he will do to Brock on his messenger. Tonight Brock came out to open the show and claim the ring as his home, so Joe walked into his home and disrespected Brock to his face. Joe promises to do the same thing and Great Balls of Fire, lol, and to also make Brock go to sleep in the Kokina Clutch.

In a Pizza Hut ad for their cheesy bite pizza Noam Dar was gonna gently caress that pizza until Gallows and Anderson walked in and pizza-cucked him.

Sheamus & Cesaro and the Hardy Boyz draw 2 to 2 in a 2 out of 3 falls match where both were counted out in the last fall to end Raw. Who cares.

____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • The New Day and the Usos started the show with a verbal altercation, interrupted by the Fashion Police and then the Colons. This turned into an 8-man Tag, won by the New Day and Fashion Police.

  • AJ and Nakamura were backstage discussing their 6-man tag main event, they were joined by their tag partner Sami Zayn who, as usual, got overexcited while talking strategy. After he left, Nakamura happily told AJ that he likes Sami.

  • Mojo did a backstage interview in which he thanked Shane McMahon for his opportunity against Jinder Mahal last week but admitted he blew his shot to get into the MITB match. Zack Ryder returned and the two reformed The Hype Bros.

  • Naomi defeated Tamina in a short and pretty bad match, Tamina did not look particularly good. After the match, Lana jumped Naomi and hit her with a Sitout Spinebuster.

  • Jinder Mahal came to the ring and did a promo about how he would humiliate Randy at the PPV in his own hometown with Cowboy Bob Orton in the front row. Randy's music hit but while the Singh Brothers waited for him on the ramp, he appeared in the ring to hit an RKO outta nowhere on Jinder.

  • Backstage, Randy cut a fiery promo declaring the time for talk was over and he would win the title back at the PPV.

  • Charlotte beat Nattie in a pretty solid match that got a good amount of time.

  • In a Fashion Files noir vignette, Fandango found Breeze laid out backstage. Fandango sketched the assailants' based on Breeze's description, and absolutely nailed it.

    Abroham Lincoln posted:



    those bastards


  • AJ Styles, Shinsuke Nakamura and Sami Zayn defeated Kevin Owens, Baron Corbin and Dolph Ziggler in the 6-man Tag main event. Sami pinned Corbin clean, but as was to be expected he got jumped almost immediately afterwards by Dolph Ziggler.

  • Owens brought a ladder to the ring and he and Ziggler beat up on the face team. Corbin jumped them both from behind, cleared them out using the ladder then climbed it to grab the briefcase in a symbolic gesture. However Nakamura knocked him off and hit him with the Kinshasa.

  • Nakamura climbed the ladder and took down the briefcase to end the show.

Somebody fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Jun 14, 2017

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SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


Vince fears Basketball

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

Box. Flipped.
Plaster Town Cop
Noam Dar loves pizza.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

I missed most of the show but that final match was horribly booked and that ending was awful.

The Brock/Joe stuff looks like it ruled though.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


Jerusalem posted:

I missed most of the show but that final match was horribly booked and that ending was awful.

The Brock/Joe stuff looks like it ruled though.

Random WWE Staff: Hey did you see this Omega/Okada draw? It was super over..
Vince: Draw you say? Hold my beer....

Also I wonder if you can get the Club to deliver

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

This 📆 post brought to you by RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS👥.
RAID💥: SHADOW LEGENDS 👥 - It's for your phone📲TM™ #ad📢

Only Brock gets the whole ring full of security/wrestlers trying to break it up, right?

Dango Bango
Jul 26, 2007

I can't believe how they are handling Bayley :mad:

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Just for fun, I went back to the Discussion thread that was open June 12, 2016

That day I posted that Lawler said the draft/brand split were coming back

The only two people anyone (in that and the following thread) was specifically excited to see where they wound up? Finn and Bayley

One year later:

That DICK! posted:

this woman is a loving loser

Raskolnikov38 posted:

my god just kill the character already

Dango Bango posted:

This is so loving bad

ChuckDeNomolos posted:

i want to die

Bill Goldberg posted:

bayley is loving garbage

boar guy
Jan 25, 2007

jesus that main event finish was really the shart capper on a long drawn out fart of a show. maybe the worst RAW since Miller hosted the slammys

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR

Chris James 2 posted:

Just for fun, I went back to the Discussion thread that was open June 12, 2016

That day I posted that Lawler said the draft/brand split were coming back

The only two people anyone (in that and the following thread) was specifically excited to see where they wound up? Finn and Bayley

One year later:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3784297&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=7#post462449066

11 months.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold

Dango Bango
Jul 26, 2007

They just lead off a MOTY segment on Bring It To The Table by mentioning Strowman/Reigns :lol: :lol: :lol:

Charles Gnarwin
Jul 31, 2014

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.
:boom:
he knows...


I came in and out of the show and caught the Golden Truth promos, the replay of the Joe/Brock brawl, the Joe promo, and Noam Dar wanting to gently caress a pizza. Best Raw for me in ages.

CubsWoo
Aug 17, 2005

Where the big boys RAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH FUCK YOU
Rename Cesaro and Sheamus "The 50/50s"

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold
the only upside to bayley's segment is that it occurred in hour 2 which i'm fairly certain is going to be the least watched hour of raw in the show's history

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR

I depressed myself by going back to this. I miss how good WWE was around this time. :smith:

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


WWE has probably the best talent it's ever had and the best overall talent in the world yet it's booking is the worst

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
They changed the ropes to purple and changed them back 2 times for 8 seconds of actual wrestling.

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo
I can't wait for the brain-damaged geriatric that runs this company to finally die

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

Two months ago at Wrestlemania The Hardy Boyz won a four-way tag match including Sheamus and Cesaro to win the tag belts, two weeks after that Jeff Hardy beat Cesaro, then the next week Matt Hardy beat Sheamus, then two weeks later The Hardy Boyz beat Sheamus and Cesaro at Payback, then two weeks after that Jeff Hardy beat Sheamus, then the next week Matt Hardy beat Cesaro, then the next week The Hardy Boyz + Dean beat Sheamus and Cesaro + Miz, then the next week Sheamus and Cesaro beat The Hardy Boyz to win the tag belts, then this week Sheamus and Cesaro beat The Hardy Boyz, then The Hardy Boyz beat Sheamus and Cesaro, then Sheamus and Cesaro and The Hardy Boyz wrestled to a draw.

mkay0
Nov 7, 2003

I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
2010, watch it go to fire
Putting Joe/Brock in the opening segment was absolutely admitting that this show would be slaughtered by basketball. Excited to see how low they go during football.

SunshineDanceParty
Feb 7, 2006

One Road. Two Friends. One Ass.

Dango Bango posted:

I can't believe how they are handling Bayley :mad:

I don't know who she appeals to at this point besides neckbeards with hugger shirts. What kid is going to see anything she's said or done in the past few months and think "oh she's cool go Bayley!"?

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

SatoshiMiwa posted:

WWE has probably the best talent it's ever had and the best overall talent in the world yet it's booking is the worst

Turns out all the best actors in the world, and wrestlers are actors, can't save a bad script and bad direction.

Dangerous Person
Apr 4, 2011

Not dead yet
I liked the Brock/Joe segment at the beginning. The last thing I remember before switching to Westworld was Noam Dar losing a match while on facetime

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


i don't know if there's ever been a more pathetic wrestling character than bayley

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.

Dango Bango posted:

They just lead off a MOTY segment on Bring It To The Table by mentioning Strowman/Reigns :lol: :lol: :lol:

Hell,

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


rare Magic card l00k posted:

i don't know if there's ever been a more pathetic wrestling character than bayley

Last week two posters mentioned Eugene comparisons

While part of the regular active roster, Eugene's longest period between clean televised singles wins was around 4 months

Bayley's on month 5 as of today (happy anniversary :toot:) and counting

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR
Asking genuinely, has there ever been a case of a roster this talented being wasted this badly?

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


Chris James 2 posted:

Last week two posters mentioned Eugene comparisons

While part of the regular active roster, Eugene's longest period between clean televised singles wins was around 4 months

Bayley's on month 5 as of today (happy anniversary :toot:) and counting

I hate to say "Wins and losses don't matter", but I wasn't referring to that.

Bayley, as a character who has dreamt of being a professional wrestler forever, dislikes bruising her opponent.

She is a professional wrestler who hates participating in in-ring action and trying to win.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

SatoshiMiwa posted:

WWE has probably the best talent it's ever had and the best overall talent in the world yet it's booking is the worst

Yep.

I will say I liked the Joe/Brock thing and Ambrose/Miz. And the NBA has created something/someone I hate more than Brock so there's that!

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Yep.

I will say I liked the Joe/Brock thing and Ambrose/Miz. And the NBA has created something/someone I hate more than Brock so there's that!

Whether you love him or hate him, you've gotta respect The Big Dogrant, Foochs.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

VJeff posted:

Whether you love him or hate him, you've gotta respect The Big Dogrant, Foochs.

*extremely Bobby Lashley voice* NYOOOOO!

Seams
Feb 3, 2005

ROCK HARD
glad to see jinder and the UK guy finally got titles in the OP pic

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo

VJeff posted:

Asking genuinely, has there ever been a case of a roster this talented being wasted this badly?
WCW in 1995 and onward when Hogan was running amok?

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida

I got an e-mail from wwe asking if I remembered how to use wwe network because it's been a few weeks since the last time I watched anything on it.

I'm thinking I need to "remember" how to cancel it. RAW is so bad it's making me not care about smackdown by osmosis (Orton and Jinder don't help)

cheese sandwich
Feb 9, 2009

rare Magic card l00k posted:

I hate to say "Wins and losses don't matter", but I wasn't referring to that.

Bayley, as a character who has dreamt of being a professional wrestler forever, dislikes bruising her opponent.

She is a professional wrestler who hates participating in in-ring action and trying to win.

And could only win the championship when her friend cheated for her

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
I didn't hate Raw that much but maybe it's because I'm bothered by IRL poo poo and so disgusted by the NBA Finals that it's like when you have a stomach virus for a long time and then finally keep down some toast and it's not that bad.

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011


cheese sandwich posted:

And could only win the championship when her friend cheated for her

She only wants the title so she can pretend to be a hero and icon like Wonder Woman, but does not want to do anything to actually earn said status like participating in a wrestling contest.

Are we sure Bayley isn't actually a heel?

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DeepDickPizza
Oct 11, 2012

THREE TIME! THREE TIME!
Wow. Raw looks like it was a real stinker. Like, how does that FaceTime segment even exist?

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