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Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth
Last night I dreamt that Justin McElroy was dead. It was so vivid that I woke up around 6am, googled "Justin McElroy dead", confirmed he wasn't, and then went back to bed

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Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

here comes another one, so bear with me

I was motorcycling* across Kentucky with my girlfriend and a couple of our friends. We stopped at a gas station in some one-stoplight town**, and a truck pulled in while we were fueling up. The truck driver got out and struck up a conversation with us; he was really friendly. While we were talking, a bicyclist stopped and asked us what time it was and which town we were in. We all sort of looked at each other, dumbfounded, until the truck driver said under his breath "...you could look at your phones..." at which point I remembered, oh, right, GPS and Google Maps is a thing. The town's name, in true dream-text fashion, was Eerkin, so we told the bicyclist, so I assumed would be on his way, but instead just sort of hung around expectantly.

The truck driver took us aside and said, if we were hungry, that he'd lead us to a "chop house" that this guy and in fact most people wouldn't know about. So we followed him to a restaurant that was one of those small-town sort of places that is clearly a little house converted into a small restaurant, maybe five tables in the dining room. There was a little old lady running the place and she seemed to be the only one there, which led me to believe that she was also responsible for the walls, tabletops, etc being absolutely covered in what seemed to be color inkjet printouts of Qanon conspiracy stuff. She was snappy and brusque. The menus were a single laminated piece of paper with meals on the front and desserts on the back; however, it seemed like each of us got a slightly different menu. My girlfriend and I, for example, could both order the "Steak Dinner" for $10, but our dessert options were different. Mine were pretty standard in terms of offering and price except for, halfway down the list, the "Verdant Mitt" for $29. (My friend had the "Verdant Mitt" listed on the front of his menu as a side dish for 79 cents.) I was like, okay, first of all, I have got to try the Verdant Mitt, and second, I assume the $29 is for a table-sized portion, so you are all going to have some.

My friends talked me out of ordering the Verdant Mitt, but the Steak Dinner was really good, especially for ten bucks. My brain is the sort of brain that usually stops short of letting me experience simple pleasures in dreams, but that wasn't the case in this one! Also, I wish I could remember some of the other weird stuff on the menu.

A timeskip later and I was working in a small K-12 school. It was a field day, sort of - classes weren't in session and every grade was doing something a little different as a fun activity. I hadn't planned ahead*** and I was responsible for some of the high school aged students, so I was like, okay, today we're going to go help out in the kindergarten, it'll teach you gentleness and patience and compassion.

When I got to the kindergarten, everything turned black and white, and I was like, oh, I get it, I'm a character in a TV show now. Like, it wasn't jarring or frightening, it was just understood. The kindergarten teacher and her students were putting on a stage show on the playground called Guess That Sound in which the students all got to come up, one by one, and make whatever ridiculous sound came into their heads and the audience had to guess what it was. A municipal bus pulled up to a stop like it was the most normal thing in the world, and the bus driver - Fred Willard as himself - got out and went up on the stage and asked the kid currently there if he knew what a bus driver was and if he could make the sound of a bus driver. The kid was clearly tickled by this and Fred started doing an impression, riffing off the kid play-acting as a bus driver, of some addle-brained passenger who didn't have enough change, didn't know where the bus was going, etc.

Then, I guess in the spirit of "gentleness and patience and compassion," Fred, Martin Mull (who had been on the bus? clearly not interested in entertaining the kids) and I went down the street to a little hole-in-the-wall tavern. I sat at the bar and ate a cheeseburger and drank a a glass of whiskey while staring at a sign on the wall, one of those animated-waterfall things with a beer logo on it. I thought to myself, "this is exactly where I need to be and what I need to be doing." It was great.


* I have never driven a motorcycle.

** That doesn't exist.

*** This is depressingly accurate.

Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow
I had a dream that my family had committed some kind of crime against another family. In order to atone for it, I was selected to receive punishment.

My punishment was having a metal rod implanted into my wrist. It was inserted by driving it in with something like a big syringe that release when it was fully inserted. I was held down and screaming while the rod was being implanted.

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

I was doing some kind of mandatory debating exercise/taking an aptitude test at work. It kind of kept switching between a job interview situation and orientation after getting hired.

The exercise was based on Dungeons & Dragons and involved picking one of the big dragon gods of D&D, then taking on the role of a general and arguing your god's side before the enemy army, trying to make them switch sides by convincing them that they should/shouldn't, respectively, be granted more rights and freedom under your god. Someone had built an extremely elaborate and detailed Lego set to represent the battlefield where this took place.

Midway through arguing your point, the exercise leader would reveal that the enemy army (a bunch of round 1x1 studs) were mercenaries and didn't give a poo poo about ideals either way, just about getting paid, and I remember thinking "well that's just bad curveball DMing" before I woke up.

I'm not even in management wtf brain

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

real short one this time:

I was buying a snack out of a vending machine. As I understood it, the machine would dispense yogurt cups. I can't remember what flavor I was aiming for - I think I was drunk, in the dream - but I pressed a button with a cheerful cartoon pig's face on it. I thought, oh no, I'm going to get a cup full of that stuff that surrounds vienna sausages or something, some sort of jellied meat.

What I got was even weirder: a little hexagonal cup that just said GOLF on the lid. When I opened it up, the cup was full of a mostly clear gelatin that seemed to be sitting on a base of a dark pudding. There were two crackers or cookies standing in the pudding, and between them was a tiny little golf ball.

Here's what I imagine it looked like in cross section:



I didn't eat any of it so I have no idea how it tasted or if the golf ball was edible or what.

I kinda wanted to post this in the anti-food thread, but imaginary treats feel like cheating. Anyway, please enjoy GOLF.

pantsofdoom
Nov 20, 2003

i like pants

Pastry of the Year posted:




Anyway, please enjoy GOLF.

don't think you'll be getting pasty of THIS year with that, buddy.

Astrofig
Oct 26, 2009
Had one the other night where I was playing some sort of very-immersive first-person rpg. It was a kind of urban fantasy that I wanna say was set in 1930's New Orleans? My character was some unnamed vampire dude who was trying to get this woman whom I was given to understand he had a sort of on-again-off-again love-hate kind of relationship with, to help him by giving him some kind of amulet she'd made (she had a special room in the back of her trailer/bar where she made silver jewelry but the walls and the window were all papered black so it was super-dark inside) but also hide him from this dude who was snooping around and was some kind of vampire-hunting vigilante. Like it was a stealth section; she would lead Vigilante Guy all around the place and my character had to get his timing down jussssst right to stay ahead of them and not get caught. Especially memorable moments involved leaping over tables and chairs, and diving under the porch just as he was leaving.

Turns out the stealth section was also a musical number, as I was next reading a newspaper review on it praising how well-choreographed the whole routine had been.

Mr.Radar
Nov 5, 2005

You guys aren't going to believe this, but that guy is our games teacher.

Pastry of the Year posted:

real short one this time:

I was buying a snack out of a vending machine. As I understood it, the machine would dispense yogurt cups. I can't remember what flavor I was aiming for - I think I was drunk, in the dream - but I pressed a button with a cheerful cartoon pig's face on it. I thought, oh no, I'm going to get a cup full of that stuff that surrounds vienna sausages or something, some sort of jellied meat.

What I got was even weirder: a little hexagonal cup that just said GOLF on the lid. When I opened it up, the cup was full of a mostly clear gelatin that seemed to be sitting on a base of a dark pudding. There were two crackers or cookies standing in the pudding, and between them was a tiny little golf ball.

Here's what I imagine it looked like in cross section:



I didn't eat any of it so I have no idea how it tasted or if the golf ball was edible or what.

I kinda wanted to post this in the anti-food thread, but imaginary treats feel like cheating. Anyway, please enjoy GOLF.

That sounds like something that should be an entry on the Pan-Dimensional Vending Machine experiment log. "The item was served to a D-class who reported the item had a creamy sweet yogurt flavor and the ball had a flavor and texture like a malted milk ball. For 2 hours after consuming the item the D-class said 'fore' every time they burped, though it's unclear if this was an effect of the item or a joke on the part of the D-class (the D-class refused to clarify to researchers)."

RickVoid
Oct 21, 2010

My Lovely Horse posted:

I was doing some kind of mandatory debating exercise/taking an aptitude test at work. It kind of kept switching between a job interview situation and orientation after getting hired.

The exercise was based on Dungeons & Dragons and involved picking one of the big dragon gods of D&D, then taking on the role of a general and arguing your god's side before the enemy army, trying to make them switch sides by convincing them that they should/shouldn't, respectively, be granted more rights and freedom under your god. Someone had built an extremely elaborate and detailed Lego set to represent the battlefield where this took place.

Midway through arguing your point, the exercise leader would reveal that the enemy army (a bunch of round 1x1 studs) were mercenaries and didn't give a poo poo about ideals either way, just about getting paid, and I remember thinking "well that's just bad curveball DMing" before I woke up.

I'm not even in management wtf brain

I love this. It's 100% your subconcious making a terrible longform joke about what it's like for middle management to take bullshit corporate initiatives handed down to them from above, and apply them to people who give no shits about their job other than getting paid. And it's like "Get it? Get it? I'm so loving clever," while you waking mind is doing the WTF thing. It's goddamned beautiful.

Inspector 34
Mar 9, 2009

DOES NOT RESPECT THE RUN

BUT THEY WILL
Dreamed that we took a company trip to Vegas with like $30k in cash to handle gambling & expenses. We ended up doing dinner at some live show about old school gangsters. I left my jacket on a bench while I went to check us in for our reservation and eventually I look over and some rear end in a top hat in a fedora is rifling through my things. Remembering that I had the money in my inside pocket I immediately freak out and go to confront the guy as he walks among the tables being a dick to everybody around him.

I finally catch up to him right at the stage and tell him to give me my poo poo back and he just smiles and ignores me, flashing a wad of cash. As I'm about to threaten violence he gives me a better look at the cash, it's fake. I've been made part of the show. gently caress that my actual money is still sitting there on the bench so I jet out of there and grab my poo poo. I jump into my car and start driving around smashing into furniture since somehow I had parked inside the lobby. As I wonder how the gently caress I parked in there without running into anything to begin with the dream morphs into something else.

I have a lot of these kind of dreams where things seem to be going drastically wrong but then just kind of work out. Most of the time it involves being chased by police or something scary and unknown, but I usually don't really care and just know I'm going to escape and things are going to be just fine. Usually it's actually a lot of fun.

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
Wandering around "London," where the streets were all enclosed/indoors, and there were no vehicles, so the whole place felt like a giant hilly shopping mall, with stores, pubs, nightclubs, homes, offices, etc. The streets were covered with this faded, slightly stained maroon carpeting, there were a lot of dark-stained wood borders around everything, and the whole place smelled musty and old. My family apparently lived here in a mansion/apartment at the top of the hill, whose most distinguishing feature was a balcony overlooking the outside world. There was a lot of wandering around to and from my apartment, down the hill, and back up via a staircase discreetly hidden off to the side of my apartment. I was accompanied by a group of various family members, friends, and friendly strangers.

Midway down the hill was a door that was the back entrance to a nightclub, and just inside the door was a white backlit marquee with a pulsing gold border that read "Lark" in black text in a fancy-ish script font. This was unambiguously referring to one of my cats, but I wasn't sure why—she was around somewhere, but not here, and had no connection to the club.

This was all derisively narrated, in verse, in a Roald Dahl book. One of the people in my group I didn't talk to much ended up being the focus of much of the writing. She may or may not have been a lesbian, but Dahl only referred to her as "The Les." In the illustrations, she was depicted as enormously fat, and so tall she was only shown from the neck down.

No_talent
Jul 30, 2009

gently caress yeah, when I can remeber them, have wild dreams.

Dream time is fun time:

So Matt, Aaron, Keith and myself were in a large auditorium at a university ready to take a final exam, even though Aaron was already and instructor at said university. We file into the room and come up to the desks, but instead of seats they have toilets. Everyone drops their pants but leaves their underwear on and sits down for the written portion of the "Pooping Theory" final. Suddenly the fire alarm goes off and the class instructor gets everyone to evacuate, all with our pants still down. While we do the pants-around-legs shuffle, Keith remarks that "not one uf us could become a poop bandit because we all shuffle so slowly."

We emerge and make our way into a hazy/smoky parking lot, pull up our pants and the four of us, plus Robyn pile into a car and we start rolling. Like put the car in Drive and roll speed when the instructor comes up the the driver window and starts asking us questions about Christina Agulara and does a Michael Jackson crotch grab. Aaron remarks that it's unprofessional and he feels shame to be in the same position as our instructor.

We slowly start rolling up a small hill with tight streets and the side of the road is lined with students, so we open the sunroof and begin tossing dozens of pencils into the crowds. directly in front of us our friend Sumka and a few others begin play fighting for/with the pencils and throwing them at other people. To our right a girl is bent over grabbing pencils off the ground. While holding up a handful Aaron rolled down the window and grabs them from her and we keep rolling. The girl stand up, in tears, while I holler "FRANKIE SAYS RELAX!" out of the sunroof.

She turns and shouts "DO YOU EVEN loving KNOW WHO I AM?!" as we pull away from her. From the rear window we notice it was my sister, and all give her the finger. She see's that it was us and starts laugh-crying. Robyn turns to the us in the car and says "Ha, do you know who I am, bitch please. We built this school."

We drive off.

The end.

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

No_talent posted:

Suddenly the fire alarm goes off and the class instructor gets everyone to evacuate
i thought you said it was the theory exam

No_talent
Jul 30, 2009

I don't think the fire alarm was part of pooping theory. It could have been, but who knows.

In the mean time have another one I've got saved:

I have a dearm


So we were in this bar attached to a mall having lots of drinks. And we all decide to go walk through the mall and have some fun. While walking through the mall we stop at this mini-TD bank with a couple of phones instead of regular teller booths and one guy working there there because Leon needs to get some work done. He sits at a phone while Gerard and I wait and everyone else keeps going. While waiting Cody comes sprinting in, John Woo slides the counter to the photocopier and autostapler, produces a couple documents, then pulls out a filing cabinet and goes into a secret room with the teller.

Leon is still waiting, and a screen tells him he’s in position 5, about 10 minutes. He stands up and heartily states “10 minutes? That’s enough time to drop off some precious cargo!” and saunters off patting his belly, leaving me to stay by his phone. Cody finishes his meeting and the teller returns to his place at the desk when 20 or so people I went to highschool with show up and attempt to get into a movie at the bank. The teller and I keep trying to tell them than the theater is next door, but they try any way. Once that’s all sorted I pick up Leons phone and hear a rep asking for leons information and if I can hear her. I try to give some, but someone has jammed the microphone with cotton candy and popcorn, so I hang up. Several minutes later Leon returns, and I break the news that we got through but the phone was busted and the call was ended. He was unfazed and explained he used the internet while pooping. Something he totally forgot about.

We continue down the mall to catch up to the others, who are near a ship similar to the Santa Maria in West Edmonton mall, but it’s actually sailing with waves and everything. I duck out and pop into a candy store looking for Livewires, but settle for salt water taffy. I come to the realization that I can’t get any candy because I left my wallet at the bar because I had no place to carry it, as I am wearing socks, underwear, a folded over apron, and a chef hat. I take off from the candy store and run to catch up, but my sister, who is at the mall as part of a bachelorette party sees me and wants to talk to me, and also yell at me for what I’m wearing. She starts following my telling me how I’ve made a mistake, and also how badly she wants a GMC Jimmy. As I run through the people I turn up to a stair case where I encounter into a few other people who agree to run interference if my sister followed me.

Infront of me is a door labeld “Open Pitfalls” and to my right is “ Michael”. The Michael door opens and a short, fat, scraggly looking man walks out and opens the pitfalls door revealing a small pond. He tosses a handful of minnows into the pond which are promptly eaten by larger fish, turns to me and says” I know few things in this world, but I sure knows bait.”

The End.

Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow
I seem to just have nightmares all the time. It's aliens trying to get me, a tornado, hiding from someone trying to kill me, ot some kind of looming apocalypse.

Inspector 34
Mar 9, 2009

DOES NOT RESPECT THE RUN

BUT THEY WILL
Those kind of dreams are my favorites. It's like getting to live in a Hollywood blockbuster and is awesome.

Last night I had a dumb ho hum dream about the virtues of track days vs karting events.

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

Star Man posted:

I seem to just have nightmares all the time. It's aliens trying to get me, a tornado, hiding from someone trying to kill me, ot some kind of looming apocalypse.

Might be worth talking to a therapist; that can be a sign of PTSD.

Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow

ToxicSlurpee posted:

Might be worth talking to a therapist; that can be a sign of PTSD.

PTSD from what? My boring rear end white kid lifestyle? I've never even been in a fight.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

I haven't had any cool dreams to write up lately but

Star Man posted:

PTSD from what?

I knew someone who asked this very question, then got into therapy for seemingly unrelated reasons and oh boy did they find out

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug

Star Man posted:

PTSD from what? My boring rear end white kid lifestyle? I've never even been in a fight.

It's possible that you forgot something along the way. It's also possible that something you thought was normal was...uh...not.

Pastry of the Year posted:

I knew someone who asked this very question, then got into therapy for seemingly unrelated reasons and oh boy did they find out

...yeah I went through something similar.

Granted it's also just possible that your hardware is being stupid and went "you have nightmares all the time because lol why not?"

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

Had a dream I was watching an Australian commercial, very obviously filmed in the 1980s, for business database software developed by one of those really overtly Christian companies. The Christianity didn't really figure into the commercial; it was only evident from the name of the software (which I've forgotten) and the logo (which was green and gold and subtly incorporated that little jesus-fish silhouette).

The commercial was this young business guy, all gray three-piece suit and neatly-trimmed beard, standing on the rooftops of various business-looking buildings (office buildings, banks, etc) and looking down, then up at the sky, shaking his fist, and yelling "ribs!!" which, in this dream, was Australian slang for a very light oath along the intensity of "dang it."

In the last shot of the ad, he was on the tallest building yet - the buildings kept getting higher and his voice kept getting louder in every shot - and yelled "grinribs!!" which I guess was slightly worse than "dang it." Then a second business guy appeared behind him, put his hand on his shoulder, and said "nah, mate, there's a better way," and handed him the box of database software.

Tjadeth
Sep 16, 2012

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion
VOLUNTEER
:nyan:
Dreamed that I woke up from vivid dreams with a thread idea in mind: profound, hilarious, or otherwise notable phrases that came to you in your sleep. I began to make a post, but unfortunately passed out again halfway through. When I woke up a second time, I found that instead of having started a thread with my own examples of cool dream sentences, I'd made one titled "list your favorite crumpled brown paper towel" with no further content. Some people were riffing on it but I'd already been probated for godawful posting.

When I woke up for real I remembered this thread existed.

Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow
"I need the purple key for the purple car."

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
My dad was telling me about this old TV series about a half-Indian superhero who gets his powers when he smokes marijuana, named Zoboomafoo. I was like, no I'm pretty sure that was the name of some cartoon on the Disney channel or something, but then I couldn't find the actual name of whatever series he was talking about.

No_talent
Jul 30, 2009

mydearms.txt

I was walking around my parents street when my dad chased me up to the garage and gave me a a piece of camera lens. I closed one eye and walked into the house very slowly because my depth perception was all off and went inside the house. Once inside my family went for a walk, and we arrived at the neighbors house, which had a volleyball net run across the yard. I bent down to grab a piece of rope that was stuck in it and remarked how it looked like a cat tail. My dad said "Oh, he must be at it again" and explained that the neighbor was catching cats to steal their tails, and he was also a dick. This made my sister really sad so we kept walking. A few houses down we came up to a house with an open garage and a restored Model T. My sister remarked that it's probably the fastest car ever made. My dad laughed at her and stated "No one races four-bangers anymore, not enough power" he then goes on to say, " Baby goats. Best combination of small size, speed, and maneuverability."

Jump cut!

A bunch of baby goats racing around a really complicated and, in all likelihood, geometrically impossible track. Kermit the frog is in attendance and the camera catches him in the crowd as his phone rings. He is needed on the moon. Kermit makes his way to the launch stations, which is like the orbital cannon from Borderlands the Pre-Sequel. He gets inside the tiny Kermit sized shell and fires off too the moon. As the first stage breaks free and the rockets fire, the inside of the shell becomes Kermits face and he happily speaks to himself.

Jump Cut!

NASA is tracking his arrival when something goes wrong with the rocket. The trajectory is off, and Kermit is going to skip the atmosphere, so they attempt a correction. NASA over-corrects and Kermit is coming in to hot with not enough time to fix it. He will burn up on entry. One technician looks to another and says "Man, I feel bad for that frog guy.", The other one says " That frog guy you're going to kill is America's greatest Samurai."

Jump cut!

I'm back at home watching the Kermit Situation on the news when a dog keeps pushing cell phone batteries across the floor to me.

Fin.

Last Visible Dog
Jul 30, 2015

My friend and I were taking a trip to a ski resort. The lodge was situated above a bunch of slopes, and we arrived some time in the mid-afternoon. I figured there'd be enough time for a little skiing, so I picked what looked like an easy slope to see if I could remember how to ski. I started going down the slope, trying hard to keep my balance. The slope was a lot longer and steeper than I thought, with jumps here and there. Music started playing, and I tried to time my jumps to the beat.

I ended up making it to the bottom without falling over, and figured I should look for a lift or gondola to get back up. I went up to a nearby skier and asked if there was a lift nearby. She told me, "Oh, just keep going down one of these other slopes, and you'll find a lift down there that'll take you all the way back to the top!" And she skied off.

I figured there MUST be an easier way up than having to go down more slopes. I looked around for something more helpful, and spotted a gondola waiting platform, with a sizable crowd already there. I got in line, hoping that the fare wouldn't be too much. I just wanted a single ride up, after all. I spotted a sign: "Lift Passes: $5 Daily". It could be worse.

The gondola was taking a while to get there. I grabbed a bag of colorful popcorn balls from the snack bar on the waiting platform. It seemed to be some sort of "pay once you board" system for the snacks. I finished them right as gondola showed up.

The gondola was a lot bigger than I was expecting, about the size and shape of a large bus. It even apparently needed a driver to operate it. The gondola came to a stop and the line slowly stated moving inside. It was quite a crowd by now, so I couldn't even see inside. Eventually I got to the door and saw who was driving the gondola: Adolf Hitler.

One of the people ahead of me was carrying what looked like the gun from the movie Laserblast. Hitler stopped the guy as he was entering, and asked him, "Hey, is that a Laserblast? Let me see it!" Hitler grabbed the gun from the guy and shot him, laughing as the guy vanished instantly in a flash of light. He set the Laserblast on a desk in front of his driver's seat and started the gondola moving. I rushed onto the gondola and found a seat, right by the driver's desk. Hitler didn't seem to notice as I hopped on board, so I figured, hey, free lift fare, and free popcorn to boot!

The Laserblast was rattling around on the desk as the gondola started moving up the hill. I didn't want it to fall onto the floor and break, so I reached a hand up there to help steady it.

The gondola traveled on. People got off as it made its occasional stops, and the crowd on board slowly shrunk. At some point the gondola reached the end of its cable and transferred to the ground, straight-up becoming a bus. My arm started feeling uncomfortable reaching up onto the desk to hold the Lasterblast, so I eventually moved my arm down, casually taking the Laserblast with it down beside me on the seat. The night fell, and we passed various small towns and rest stops, now illuminated only by street lights. Hitler joked that we should stop for gas. I thought it was in poor taste.

I started thinking that maybe I shouldn't leave Hitler with this Laserblast. Something deep down told me it wouldn't be a good idea. I started planning how I'd sneak it offboard, holding in the hand on the other side of my body so that Hitler wouldn't see it. But I thought, what if some police were to stop me after I got off, and ask me what I was doing carrying around a dangerous weapon? I'd have to plan for that, too. I would just tell them that this was just a megaphone, yes. Nothing dangerous. Except that the Laserblast had a thin, rectangular opening on the end. No one would believe it was a megaphone. So then... it was one of those toy megaphones that would change your voice into a weird alien-sounding voice. That could work.

At long last we reached my stop, the last stop on the gondola's route. The few passengers still aboard started cheering, one girl saying how this time spent together left them all as friends, and how she'd never forget this ride. I got up, nervous that my plan wouldn't work, and held the Laserblast close behind my body. I quickly got off the gondola. Hitler didn't even seem to be paying attention. Maybe he'd forgotten all about the Laserblast at this point. I stepped down onto the darkened streets, and the gondola took off again behind me. I'd made it. But where even was I? The roads were quiet, lined with suburban houses. It looked nothing like the ski lodge I had meant to get back to.

I walked a short distance before my friend showed up. He ushered me into this small, empty corner store and started telling me about something important going on.

I didn't get to hear what it was, though, because I woke up then.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
So, when my OCD first got really bad in university, I would have very vivid dreams. Here are some from my old Livejournal:


me 2008 posted:

So I dreamed D, S, and myself were in a strange movie of Tristan and Isolde. D and I took turns playing Isolde to our nameless, faceless Tristan. It was set in actual Cornwall, but there were some...discrepancies with the original story.

Let's recap:

1. One Isolde had a prosthetic leg.

2. The original story lacks the scene where two Isoldes go to JCPenney's and try on camoflage pants.

3. There is a scene where Tristan, Isolde, and Isolde's parents go out to have a nice meal and end up sitting next to a large, depressed wookiee, who Isolde then cuddles and adopts as a pet.

4. Most original versions of the story somehow missed the part where Tristan and Isolde are chased by a horde of screaming Japanese schoolgirls.

5. They never had to fight an
Esper in the original story.

6. The real Cornwall is not located in southern California and there is no "Grolvarnax University."

7. Isolde does not steal panties.

8. Isolde is also not incontinent and does not juat gushingly pee all over the place.

9. The two Isoldes do not take their GREs halfway through.


also me posted:

At some point in my dreams last night, I was "preparing" for a visit from my kinky boyfriend and to do so I had to put on a diaper filled with soy sauce, then pee.

I remember thinking at the time that it didn't make any sense with the rest of the dream.


2006 posted:

I'm attending a special advance screening of Desperate Housewives. It's being held in a large, overdone, Roccoco-style home. Myself and the other guests are sitting at long tables, having a nice dinner. The odd thing? Desperate Housewives is partly a documentary series, and the scripted bits are written by Flannery O'Connor.

Ms. O'Connor is, unlike in real life, a large, unpleasant-looking, elderly, and very butch woman in a voluminous pink satin dress and pearls. When she stood up to address the crowd, everyone continued to talk over her and wouldn't quiet down until she screamed. We watched a bit of the show, which consisted almost entirely of copulation.

Marcia Cross, seated at a table with the guy who plays her husband, smiled awkwardly. "We're really nothing like our characters on the show," she explained. Then she used her finger to scrape mud off of the curtains behind her, smiling all the time.

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
There's a rare genetic mutation that causes people to be born with turtle shells. They have otherwise normal human anatomy under the shell (perfectly intact skeletons, etc.), so most parents opt to have their babies' shells surgically removed, and modified so that they can be snapped back on like a baby onesie—they used to just discard the shells entirely, before it came out that most of those child stars who became really messed-up adults were turtle babies that lost their shells. Turtle people are also prone to anemia, and can only receive blood transfusions from other turtle people. Aside from these issues, they live normal healthy lives.

I'm on vacation with my wife, my dad, and a turtle baby who might be my son or the son of someone else we're traveling with. We're at the beach, and this other family is playing fetch with their Labrador retriever who has a turtle shell—I guess it isn't just people who have this condition, but all mammals! My dad starts annoying the family by asking persistent and rude questions about their turtle dog, and I have to go make excuses for him and leave.

Later on, we run out of gas at night in the middle of the forest, and the turtle baby needs a transfusion! But we're in the middle of nowhere, and there's no way anyone could reach us in time! Then I look up at the tree canopy, and am relieved to notice a big hole that clearly indicates a helicopter landed here recently to airlift someone out.

Rollersnake has a new favorite as of 18:47 on Sep 22, 2019

dog nougat
Apr 8, 2009
Had a dream about a fried chicken sandwich that had jalapeño poppers on top of the chicken and a pancake underneath.

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
That sounds within the realm of possibility for Arby's breakfast menu.

dog nougat
Apr 8, 2009
Wait. Arby's does breakfast? :barf:

Edit: forgot that it also had some kind of spicy coleslaw on it as well. Minus the pancake part, I'd totally try this dream chicken sandwich

LadyPictureShow
Nov 18, 2005

Success!



dog nougat posted:

Wait. Arby's does breakfast? :barf:

Edit: forgot that it also had some kind of spicy coleslaw on it as well. Minus the pancake part, I'd totally try this dream chicken sandwich

I've eaten a burger with jalapeńo poppers on it when I went to St. Louis. It was pretty good. I'd definitely try that chicken sandwich.


I had a dream last night that I ended up in some jewelry store, and I was walking around with a pair of earrings and a necklace, looking for a place I could pay. Two people in uniforms approached me, and took me into a back room.

I was telling them that I wasn't trying to steal anything, but they started interrogating me about things people I knew had been discussing online, and that I had to give them information, because they were certain I knew what they were planning.

They then put me in the back of a car, and I got driven out to this like, large abandoned shopping center. And the dream ended with me reaching into my mouth and pulling out the jewelry I'd been trying to buy earlier.

It wasn't as terribly violent or terrifying as some nightmares I tend to have, but I still woke up feeling out of sorts.

Bargearse
Nov 27, 2006

🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.
The last dream I had that I remember in any detail was an idea for a TV show that would have been part The 100, part Battlestar Galactica and part Mad Max.

I dreamed up characters, plot arcs, even the entire first episode, but by the time I went to write anything down all I could remember was the basic premise. It would have cantered around a slower than light starship that returned to Earth to find it severely hosed up by an asteroid collision that happened shortly before their return.

Kantesu
Apr 21, 2010
This was like a year or so ago, but here goes:

Lying on a bed, looking up at the stars. They start moving faster and faster, until they start blending together and soon the sky is a kaleidoscope of moving geometric figures. This part of the dream kicked rear end.

And then the giant zombie mange rat showed up. It was big enough that if it stood on its hind legs, it could rest its head on the bed, and try to stretch over to gnaw at me. It couldn't get up on the bed though. All I could do was squeeze as far from it as possible. Eventually, I either woke up or it just sort of ended.

Cirrhosis Johnson
Jan 9, 2014
Last night I dreamed I was in Funcoland trying to buy a game, but they didn’t have anything I wanted. There was also a cardboard cutout of the what I guess was the mascot of a new game called “Facebook jr” which consisted of what looked like a tennis ball with a Vuvuzela attached.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

Cirrhosis Johnson posted:

the mascot of a new game called “Facebook jr” which consisted of what looked like a tennis ball with a Vuvuzela attached.

I love this.

Double May Care
Mar 28, 2012

We need Dragon-type Pokemon to help us prepare our food before we cook it. We're not sure why!

I'm riding on a subway train that looks like this black Hummer from the outside. I get off at this transfer station (the rail just stops in the middle) and look around. Clearly this is the path to go see The Dark Knight, though I'm moving toward the exit.

I decide to walk the rest of the way, through a plain concrete hallway with the different theatres. It seems like I'm making progress: 12, 10, then 46... And all of the entrances are shifting stairways, blocks of concrete sliding up or down until there's no telling where I am. Finally the wall opens up to a vestibule full of people sitting and lying down. They've been in there all night, just like me.

I take a large staircase to the surface, where I find myself in the iconic tour of Portland's street-level food court plaza. Of course. I sit down and get ferried around pillars and tables to different fast food stops. I get off at the Maui Grill and check the menu until I think I should go back to my hotel room. I walk out into the glowing sunrise, through the empty intersections to the doors of my hotel.

PurpleButterfly
Nov 5, 2012
Here's a fun one I had a couple of nights ago. I was playing a Star Wars video game, in which I was exploring the planet Lothal. I accidentally pressed a game control that pulled the game camera way back, so it was hovering in orbit above Lothal, and triggered a weapon of some sort that destroyed the planet, but not in the same way as we saw in A New Hope. Instead of exploding in a shower of sparks, the planet started to fragment into several pieces. The dream then went to a cutscene back on the planet's surface, in which the Star Wars Rebels crew (these guys here) were running around a city, caught up in the mad rush of people trying to evacuate Lothal as it slowly broke apart. They had to join the queues to board departing spacecraft with everyone else, and at one point, they left one queue to join another. (What happened to their own ship from the show, I have no idea.)

yeah I eat ass
Mar 14, 2005

only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar
I was attending some high-society auction with Paul Bettany where people would nominate others who they think deserve to die. The nominator would give a presentation on what they did to deserve to die and then the bidding would start for the right to kill them (kind of like a Hostel situation I guess, but more civilized). The part I remember most clearly was when Vince Vaughn came up for auction, and I won with a bid of 96 dollars and 40 cents. The rest of the dream kind of sucked because it didn't involve the killing of Vince Vaughn I paid my hard-earned dream money for so I don't really remember it.

I'm pretty sure the fact that I watched "The Internship" before going to bed had something to do with this. I really hate his character in that movie, and also almost every other movie he's in.

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Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
Having an unusually slow day at work and nodded off at my desk. Jolted awake from a dream where some guy was angry with me that I took his "Hebridean felcher," which was a black plastic comb.

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