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beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Zeris posted:

Center stage: Door to living room opens, deathy walks in.

DEATHY: hello, new roommates ladies! I am your new roommate. My name is Buck, and I'm here to f--whoaaaa!

DEATHY SLIPS ON A BANANA PEEL

[PLAY SLIDE WHISTLE]

*THE NEXT DAY*

Center stage: ladies eating in their bathrobes. Deathy walks in, groggy.

DEATHY: Why good morning ladies. Off to an early morning I see. I hope you both enjoyed last night as much as I did?

LISA: What are you talking about? Oh my gosh-

ANN: Haha, Lisa! That's what he was talking about in that dream!

Lisa: You silly man. You fell asleep on the couch after insisting we watch your 5 favorite episodes of Big Bang Theory. We left you there!

DEATHY: At least I'm dreaming about something besides Afghanistan, finally.

[PLAY SLIDE WHISTLE]

[CREDITS]

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Nostalgia4Butts
Jun 1, 2006

WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Naked Bear
Apr 15, 2007

Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!


It is night. The lights are off in the apartment. DEATHY shuffles out of his bedroom, yawns, and walks down the hall toward the bathroom.

DEATHY OPENS DOOR TO BATHROOM

The door opens and DEATHY finds himself face-to-face with STRANGE MAN.

STRANGE MAN: Hello?

DEATHY: Holy...!

DEATHY STRIKES AT STRANGE MAN

STRANGE MAN COLLAPSES TO FLOOR AND HITS HEAD ON TOILET

The commotion draws attention and LISA, disheveled, enters the bathroom in a fluster.

LISA: Mark? What happened?

DEATHY: I think he's fallen for you.

Cut to camera facing DEATHY, looking sheepishly at LISA.

[PLAY RIMSHOT]

ManMythLegend
Aug 18, 2003

I don't believe in anything, I'm just here for the violence.


Zeris posted:

DEATHY: At least I'm dreaming about something besides Afghanistan, finally.

[PLAY SLIDE WHISTLE]

[CREDITS]

A Bad Poster
Sep 25, 2006
Seriously, shut the fuck up.



It's like a modern day version of that Hitler sitcom they made that one time.

Edit: There we go, found it.

A Bad Poster fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Jul 9, 2017

Eugene V. Dubstep
Oct 4, 2013



A Bad Poster posted:

It's like a modern day version of that Hitler sitcom they made that one time.

They rebooted it last year.

Time Crisis Actor
Apr 28, 2002


I sexually identify as a fat tinder girl,

Yeah lemme just clean my pannus first.

These candles smell amazing btw


Lisa: Deathy your weiner...

[slide whistle UP]

Lisa: ...is just too small!

[slide whistle DOWN]

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Deathy McDeath posted:

Lisa: Deathy your weiner...

[slide whistle UP]

Lisa: ...is just too small!

[slide whistle DOWN]



Death: Lisa, turn the light on! That's my big toe!

Lisa: Oh Ann, you better get off the other one then!

Ann: I really put the foot in my mouth this time!

Deathy: don't you mean...

Lisa: Look at the bright side, you won't have to search for a dirty sock!

Pine Cone Jones
Dec 6, 2009

You throw me the acorn, I throw you the whip!


As a enjoyable human being who works at a Navy Shipyard, I hate most of my coworkers. They're the most braindead morons I've met in the state of Maine and that's saying something. Bigoted pieces of poo poo who I'd sooner brain with a pipe wrench than work with, especially after my boyfriend was fired for being openly gay there. The only reason I get left alone is because people think I'm going to pull a falling down on them someday. It's loving infuriating. I want to jump ship to BAE systems or another navy branch, but gently caress these dudes. Hicks with only a high school diploma in Maine can suck my dick and if they keep making gay jokes I'm going to start calling them out on it, not that it'll do any good.

I love the work I do, but I hate most people I work with a burning passion. I need more beer.

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Pine Cone Jones posted:

As a enjoyable human being who works at a Navy Shipyard, I hate most of my coworkers. They're the most braindead morons I've met in the state of Maine and that's saying something. Bigoted pieces of poo poo who I'd sooner brain with a pipe wrench than work with, especially after my boyfriend was fired for being openly gay there. The only reason I get left alone is because people think I'm going to pull a falling down on them someday. It's loving infuriating. I want to jump ship to BAE systems or another navy branch, but gently caress these dudes. Hicks with only a high school diploma in Maine can suck my dick and if they keep making gay jokes I'm going to start calling them out on it, not that it'll do any good.

I love the work I do, but I hate most people I work with a burning passion. I need more beer.

Happy Sunday!

Force de Fappe
Nov 7, 2008



Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


Pine Cone Jones posted:

As a enjoyable human being who works at a Navy Shipyard, I hate most of my coworkers. They're the most braindead morons I've met in the state of Maine and that's saying something. Bigoted pieces of poo poo who I'd sooner brain with a pipe wrench than work with, especially after my boyfriend was fired for being openly gay there. The only reason I get left alone is because people think I'm going to pull a falling down on them someday. It's loving infuriating. I want to jump ship to BAE systems or another navy branch, but gently caress these dudes. Hicks with only a high school diploma in Maine can suck my dick and if they keep making gay jokes I'm going to start calling them out on it, not that it'll do any good.

I love the work I do, but I hate most people I work with a burning passion. I need more beer.

Lawsuits, son. Set yourself up for never having to work again.

Naked Bear
Apr 15, 2007

Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!


Force de Fappe posted:

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
QFT

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Force de Fappe posted:

Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

Don't get caught

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

That's enough Catcher In the Rye for today folks. Let's get back to spec scripts for Deathy And Friends.

McNally
Sep 12, 2007

Ask me about Proposition 305


Zeris posted:

That's enough Catcher In the Rye for today folks. Let's get back to spec scripts for Deathy And Friends.

Oh, just recycle scripts from Three's Company and call it a day. Sheesh.

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

McNally posted:

Oh, just recycle scripts from Three's Company and call it a day. Sheesh.

Can't you, like, take a break from being such a downer once in a while!?

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

Let me know if I'm ever close to busting my quota of deliberately insensitive jokes.

Suicide Watch
Sep 8, 2009


Pine Cone Jones posted:

As a enjoyable human being who works at a Navy Shipyard, I hate most of my coworkers. They're the most braindead morons I've met in the state of Maine and that's saying something. Bigoted pieces of poo poo who I'd sooner brain with a pipe wrench than work with, especially after my boyfriend was fired for being openly gay there. The only reason I get left alone is because people think I'm going to pull a falling down on them someday. It's loving infuriating. I want to jump ship to BAE systems or another navy branch, but gently caress these dudes. Hicks with only a high school diploma in Maine can suck my dick and if they keep making gay jokes I'm going to start calling them out on it, not that it'll do any good.

I love the work I do, but I hate most people I work with a burning passion. I need more beer.

You can always start a fire in one of the boats you're working on

McNally
Sep 12, 2007

Ask me about Proposition 305


Zeris posted:

Let me know if I'm ever close to busting my quota of deliberately insensitive jokes.

I'll only call you out on it when they stop being funny.

vains
May 26, 2004


deathy: actually...err ive been turned gay by the decadent ny lifestyle.

disgusting new york hipster sluts: lol lets get brunch!

all jump for hive five. freeze frame when hands touch.

scene ends. landa del rey plays as credits roll

CHICKEN SHOES
Oct 4, 2002

~c u at the crossroads~


Slippery Tilde

Wendy?
Yes Lisa
Is the water warm enough?
Yes Lisa
Shall we begin?
Yes Lisa

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

disgusting new york hipster sluts

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


Saturday, 9:35 AM

Lisa: Deathy, I wanted to enjoy some cantelope with breakfast but I noticed there was a hole in it.
Deathy: Must have been a hungry snake. He probably went in and out a few times.
All: Oh, Deathy!

Canned laughter and applause

Evil SpongeBob
Dec 1, 2005

Not the other one, couldn't stand the other one. Nope nope nope. Here, enjoy this bird.

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

all jump for hive five. freeze frame when tips touch.

Fixed.

Naked Bear
Apr 15, 2007

Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOZkIH8Zsq0

Mike-o
Dec 25, 2004

Now I'm in your room
And I'm in your bed




Grimey Drawer

All this sitcom-esque talk reminded me of Too Many Cooks and now I can't get the song out of my head.

Syrian Lannister
Aug 25, 2007

Oh, did I kill him too?
I've been a very busy little man.


Sugartime Jones

Mike-o posted:

All this sitcom-esque talk reminded me of Too Many Cooks and now I can't get the song out of my head.

Thanks for this.

Pine Cone Jones
Dec 6, 2009

You throw me the acorn, I throw you the whip!


Suicide Watch posted:

You can always start a fire in one of the boats you're working on

Nah, I'll pass on that. The inanimate objects here haven't done anything. Setting fire to seagulls would be sweet though.

Mr. Nice!
Oct 13, 2005



Nap Ghost

I never saw the original too many cooks and had only seen the 2016 election one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrGrOK8oZG8

vains
May 26, 2004


*sitting at table* *all staring blankly at each other*

lena dunham-esque roommate: i've got a uti

lena dunham-esque roommate that doesnt shave her pussy or armpits: same

deathy: *jumps to feet* yassss qweeennnss sllaaayyy (said with vigor)

*freeze frame*

7 minute version of reflektor plays as credits roll

vains
May 26, 2004


zeris can you ban people for posting about politics or their sad sack lives in here

Zeris
Apr 15, 2003

Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

I can ban anyone for anything

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


can u ban somebody who has already been banned

EBB
Feb 15, 2005

What, Me Worry?


also can you ban grover for my entertainment

Naked Bear
Apr 15, 2007

Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!


tastefully arranged labia posted:

also can you ban grover for my entertainment

mlmp08
Jul 11, 2004


Nap Ghost

Yhyuy

A fitting pocket post.

mlmp08 fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Jul 10, 2017

tyler
Jun 2, 2014



Zeris posted:

I can ban anyone for anything

Can you commit seppuku?

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vains
May 26, 2004


Zeris posted:

I can ban anyone for anything

im going to find you and eat your rear end for this childish pedantry.

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