liches are stupid

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > liches are stupid

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

a big dumb warrior, feeling about in the dark: "oh hey, what's this, bro?"

stupid rogue holds up a torch: "oh it's just a stupid vase, broheim."

*warrior tosses vase, immediately cowers from a loud screech from deep within the dungeon* "FOR FUCKS SAKE"

# ¿ Jul 11, 2017 21:13

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 05:41

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

Ristalt the Lich left his phylactery room momentarily, to the dungeon library, to check a reference in his magic tomes before completing his research on a certain necromancer spell and sending the manuscript off to be published in The New Necromancer Journal. He knew the main rule of Liching, never leave your phylactery unprotected, but he really need to check the sources and his skeleton guards were not back from investigating a noise near the entrance. It was probably nothing but another tunnel collapse. The dungeon was over a thousand years old and it's very existence probably forgotten to the mortal world. "I'll be fine," he said to himself, before reaching for another dusty tome to carry back to his main chamber. Suddenly, all the books drop through his no more material form as he begins to fade into nothing. "Oh God Damnit, Really?"

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ¿ Jul 11, 2017 21:18

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"A pleasure to see you again, Rev. Dogoode. Ahh and I see you brought your Necronauts here to banish me no doubt. You are foiled again, Arthur, for my phylactery is lost even to me."

The lich lord pauses to drink deeply from a crystal goblet. He shuffles his bony frame forward on his brass throne. Unearthly vapors coil around his head, climb up the wall, and drizzle down to the base of his thrown. If you looked long into those vapors, you would see figures turning and turning and if you tarried even longer, you would join them.

Arms akimbo, hands just above his knees, the lich leans forward in a mockery of friendly indulgence, "You see, Arthur, I bonded my soul to a hole in the universe, an object so fleeting that no man can ever find it again. I think you know to what I'm referring, but if the thought has not yet trickled through that sluggish mind of yours, then allow me to explain: I have made my phylactery from the cool gun of a GI Joe! Search all you please, Dogoode, but the game is mine."