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  • Locked thread
Cymbal Monkey
Apr 16, 2009

Lift Your Little Paws Like Antennas to Heaven!


*arrives at Nnamdi Azikiwe airport*

"You can already feel the fear and oppression in this third world hellhole. Luckily I've got a 20mg valium suppository to keep me calm. It's a mystery how anyone survives under such hostile conditions, but this is how these people live." *people casually walking through the airport in the background*

*finds information desk at the airport*

*shoves camera in a confused employee's face*

What's it like living under constant fear of drug addicted marauders? How many children have you lost to Kony? Are you a mercenary? Do you know where I might find a war lord or arms trader or child trafficker or anything like that? Where can I buy drugs?

Cymbal Monkey fucked around with this message at Jul 17, 2017 around 03:41

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paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



[that entire episode of documentary now]

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

"hello, id like to speak to payments I havent received several checks yet"

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Unnnnngh


College Slice

*Rumages through neighborhood garbage cans.*

*Scampers up a tree when the porch light comes on and a distant dog begins to bark.*

*Homeowner comes out the door and sees eyes reflecting back at him from tree near knocked over garbage cans.*

"loving journalists."

Hustlin Floh
Jul 20, 2009



paul_soccer10 posted:

[that entire episode of documentary now]

There we go, close the thread please.

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie


For some mysterious reason won't do an article on Singapore, a country where drug users can be executed.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Surprisingly obvious Tubgirl Cosplay rereg.

Honky Dong Country posted:

*Rumages through neighborhood garbage cans.*

*Scampers up a tree when the porch light comes on and a distant dog begins to bark.*

*Homeowner comes out the door and sees eyes reflecting back at him from tree near knocked over garbage cans.*

"loving journalists."

but, like, in a totally Hunter Thompsonesque way

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

expect attention, newbie


Guys, we are under constant sniper fire!!! We could die at any time, this is serious!!

*super hot reporter girl with perfect makeup and hair runs from one house to the next in her bullet proof vest*

great big cardboard tube
Sep 3, 2003


Maybe we could stay in today and just write an article about a dead gay forum instead? Woah, we already did that? Are you loving kidding me?

MeatwadIsGod
Sep 30, 2004

Behold! It is I! I bestow upon you...my dirty dipey!

paul_soccer10 posted:

[that entire episode of documentary now]

*in Hellen Mirren voice*

"Ballz to the wallz."

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005


Buglord

I'm going to take this racist tabloid article one of the locals showed me and basically just re-do it but in English. At no point will I actually do any sort of independent investigation or journalism, which is good since I have zero local or cultural knowledge.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005


Buglord

*justifies paying locals a few bucks so they can film "reenactments" of events without saying they are reenactments by saying something about how "the truth sometimes needs a little help" and how your job is to show the Truth even if it means making specifics up to better communicate the truth*

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012



College Slice

You tell em Oxballs! loving media!

Testikles
Feb 21, 2009

I think it worked because my gay father seems so chipper this morning, and I don't care.

"There's two midgets loving outside? poo poo let me get my camera! This could make my career!"

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK




well the new line of Craftsman vises is looking' pretty nice

but Irwin is a better value for the money, if you ask me.

Cymbal Monkey
Apr 16, 2009

Lift Your Little Paws Like Antennas to Heaven!


"We're deep in the Nigerian jungle looking for Abubakar Shekau, the feared leader of Boko Haram, to ask him if he wants to come white water kayaking with us."

A. Beaverhausen
Nov 11, 2008

dank space explorer


How much of this thread is hyperbole? Is vice really that great?

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

*in the meeting room, spitballing ideas*

"We could, ahm..."

*the glazed eyes of all in the room light up and look at the speaker*

"We could...go back to North Korea?"

*everyone groans and lays their heads back down*

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017


*has the smuggest of looks on my face*

*is a functional alcoholic*

ArmZ
Jun 5, 2004

You are what you want.





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkNdZ1OLe5k

Unknowable Hole
Feb 2, 2005




Pillbug

*Doesn't give blowjobs*
*Reposts article on not giving blow jobs twice a week*

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Surprisingly obvious Tubgirl Cosplay rereg.

A. Beaverhausen posted:

How much of this thread is hyperbole? Is vice really that great?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLAm21GwfXw

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at Jul 16, 2017 around 20:26

dentist toy box
Oct 9, 2012

There's a haint in the foothills of NC; the haint of the #3 chevy. The rich have formed a holy alliance to exorcise it but they'll never fucking catch him.




Smokes weed and injects jenkim with a Somalian warlord.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005


Buglord

dentist toy box posted:

Smokes weed and injects jenkim with a Somalian warlord.

*technically not a warlord but actually a bartender we paid to pose with an AK

Vakal
May 11, 2008



*interviews person from the deep south who will live their entire life within a few miles from the spot they were born to get their opinion on world politics*

givepatajob
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is the best of all possible worlds.


Dinosaur Gum

Smokes joint while Action Bronson eats all the Doritos.

Makeout Patrol
Oct 11, 2006


"Hi, I'm here in iceland to make a documentary about the tradition of powerlifting in this country"

*Makes documentary about his vacation to iceland instead*

Dean of Swing
Feb 22, 2012

Wololololo
Wololololo
Wololololo

Is very proud about ability to suck own dick.

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015


A Wizard of Goatse posted:

but, like, in a totally Hunter Thompsonesque way

*trips down, shoots self in the head"*

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

third place is still pretty damn good


Fun Shoe

I'm running out of ways to convince my editor to let me go on location to interview porn stars.

Mariana Horchata
Jun 30, 2008

She said real life
sucks losers dry
If you want to fuck with the eagles
you have to learn to fly




College Slice

*develops major depression shortly after returning home from shooting the 'colombian men who have sex with donkeys' feature and finally resigns two months later because really how could u ever top that?*

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

HELLO MY BABY
HELLO MY HONEY
HELLO MY PERNELL-KARL
♪ ♩ ♪ ♩ ♩





gently caress, I have no idea. I'll just write some filler piece about weed.

Neukoln19
Oct 27, 2005


*Calls lowtax*

Lowtax: Hello?

*slams phone down on receiver*

SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

I am gently caressed by my SAnta


hey there incredibly poor Brazilian native descendants, i heard that you know where i can find a frog that will make me high as hell? can I pay you thirty dollars to take me to it? thanks

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004

Jumping the Shark


i'm the guy wearing a t-shirt like a ninja mask

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

*gets sent to cover the g20 conference, shoved 15 hits of acid up own rear end one hour before interviewing low level diplomats*

like a cigarette should
Oct 26, 2004

DOCTOR'S ORDERS!


Mariana Horchata posted:

*develops major depression shortly after returning home from shooting the 'colombian men who have sex with donkeys' feature and finally resigns two months later because really how could u ever top that?*

I love that one because that donkey sex guy was so brazen about it and the reporter guy treated it all as a joke, but no, that colombian man was staring the reporter and the camera down as he just went to town on that donkey.

berth ell pup
Mar 20, 2017

We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


*wears tortoiseshell wayfarers*

Lime Tonics
Nov 7, 2015

Good for what ails you.


*pays a bum in stacks of quarters to pee in the middle of the street*

"deep social commentary" story "with no meaning"

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Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015

Unnnnngh


College Slice

like a cigarette should posted:

I love that one because that donkey sex guy was so brazen about it and the reporter guy treated it all as a joke, but no, that colombian man was staring the reporter and the camera down as he just went to town on that donkey.

Wait is some of the poo poo in this thread real?

E: I googled it and oh gently caress oh gently caress oh gently caress oh gently caress it's real what the everliving poo poo

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