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new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

Silent Majority
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Sugartime Jones

If the movies were like the books, they would be musicals and you would be fast forwarding them every 20 minutes to skip some boring elf who was singing. Also, The Silmarillion is embarrassingly bad. A people's history of boring-rear end elves. Fight me.

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Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

COMFY FLEECE SWEATERS ALT ACCOUNT

Buglord

I never read the books. I'll take your word for it I guess

Maya Fey
Jan 22, 2017



ive never made it past the singing dumbass in the books and thats like at the very beginning

sexpot
Nov 12, 2016



They were both kinda poo poo, let's face it

bag em and tag em
Nov 4, 2008


But opposite with The Hobbit cuz the boom was fun but the movies were garbage tier.

Blue Star
Feb 18, 2013


bag em and tag em posted:

But opposite with The Hobbit cuz the boom was fun but the movies were garbage tier.

The Hobbit is better than The Lord of the Rings. Im talking about the books, not the movies. TH is a tighter and better told story with less bullshit. It doesnt get bogged down in boring world building and songs and exposition about ancient history. And because of that, it actually does a better job at evoking a bigger, more interesting world full of magic and adventure because your imagination fills in the blanks. TLotR movies were better than the Hobbit movies, though

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

Silent Majority
BORDER PATROL


Sugartime Jones

Maya Fey posted:

ive never made it past the singing dumbass in the books and thats like at the very beginning

That poo poo happens like every goddamn chapter.

Straight White Shark
May 16, 2009

diggle zone


sexpot posted:

They were both kinda poo poo, let's face it



First movie was actually fairly legit, then Peter Jackson died atop Mount Cook and came back as Peter Jackson the Greenscreen.

mystery fluid
Feb 12, 2017

by Lowtax


lmao if you didnt skip over the songs

Im Ready for DEATH
Oct 5, 2016




OP must be a low attention span millennial

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006


Jacking In
Jacking Out


Blue Star posted:

The Hobbit is better than The Lord of the Rings. Im talking about the books, not the movies. TH is a tighter and better told story with less bullshit. It doesnt get bogged down in boring world building and songs and exposition about ancient history. And because of that, it actually does a better job at evoking a bigger, more interesting world full of magic and adventure because your imagination fills in the blanks. TLotR movies were better than the Hobbit movies, though

ya this is true, the hobbit book is great

the movie is loving hot terrible garbage though, there's nothing redeeming about it except radagast crying over some dying cgi hedgehog thing which was still terrible

subjective but
TH (book) > lotr (movie) >= lotr (book) >>>>>>>>>> TH (movie)

Rutibex
Sep 9, 2001
Probation
Can't post for 4 days!


the hobbit cartoon is superior to the hobbit book.

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008

~You're the best friend
That I ever had
I've been with you such a long time

You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you

You're my best friend~


the Hobbit should have been one film, it's a short self contained adventure stroy

but money

walgreenslatino
Jun 2, 2015



Lipstick Apathy

Blue Star posted:

The Hobbit is better than The Lord of the Rings. Im talking about the books, not the movies. TH is a tighter and better told story with less bullshit. It doesnt get bogged down in boring world building and songs and exposition about ancient history. And because of that, it actually does a better job at evoking a bigger, more interesting world full of magic and adventure because your imagination fills in the blanks. TLotR movies were better than the Hobbit movies, though

did you really need to abbreviate "The Hobbit?" It's two loving words. One of those words is "the."

Nerds

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



Episode 1

So first scene opens with the Tullys having another dinner. Celebrating the Red Wedding. Walder Frey is alive, hehe no its Arya obviously. She essentially cheers on the entire Frey family and gets them to drink poison during her speech to them that eventually becomes more obvious that shes not who she appears to be. Gives epic rear end loving speech while they all die about leaving a wolf alive was a big mistake and now the sheep are being slaughtered. She leaves the women alive because they dont have any part in it.

Second scene is Cersei over a man painting a giant map of Westeros and Jamie comes in they have a talk about enemies from the north south east and west. Then the Greyjoys show up with a fleet and where Euron offers his navy if Cersei marries him. She refuses but he says something about giving her an invaluable gift upon his return and she wont be able to refuse him.

Quick scene where Bran and whats her face cant remember her name finally show up to the wall, Nights Watch let them in.

Next is a dinner scene with Jon at Winterfell with all the houses of the North where the begin their strategy of fighting the White Walkers. Sansa undermines his authority in front of the houses because she thinks the houses that betrayed Ned should be replaced by loyal familiies where Jon doesnt think children of said traitors should be punished for their mistakes. He gets the two kids of the two houses the pledge allegiance and everyone cheers on Jon for being a cool dude.

Second follow up is Sansa and Jon having a bit of back and forth about what she just did but she makes good points about him and saying dont be stupid like Ned. Ned was noble and so was Robb but it got them killed so be smarter.

They get a raven with a message from Cersei saying bend the knee or die. Sansas like ohhhh no you dont know her jon she crazy, Jons like bitch please we united the north and winter is here with a thousand miles of snow and they are a southern army. They cant do poo poo.

Baelish tries to woo Sansa quick but shes like I know your moves bud buzz off.

Also hilarious scene between that wildling dude and whats her name (gently caress I should probably rewatch the last season this week names are escaping me). She is training with Tyrions old trainee guy dude and she throws him in a pile of snow and the Wildling guys like with the funniest/creepiest face says "You are a very lucky man" Its funny as hell and will be talk of the episode I gurantee it.

Final notable scene is Danaerys and crew rolling up to Dragonstone where the clean the place up and end up at the giant map that Stannis banged the Red Witch on and she says "Sha'll we begin?" To Tyrion and cue credits and epic music.

Episode 2

The Episode opens at Dragonstone, big storm brewing lots of rain. Cuts to the Stannis' old war room. We see Dany, Tyrion, Varys, Olenna, Theon, Elleria, Grey Worm, Missandei and Yara. They are discussing the best strategy in winning Kings Landing and the seven kingdoms. Olenna, Elleria and Yara insist on hitting Kings Landing with full force taking it in a day at most. Tyrion and Varys believe it better to win the loyalty of the Lords since Cersei has so many enemies anyways and they dont want her to be known as "The Queen of Ashes". Dany eventually favors Tyrions approach after a convincing speech which recommends the greyjoy fleet goes back to Dorne with the the Sands and to hit Kings Landing with the fleet once an army supplied by Olennas men to take Casterly Rock. The idea here is to not just pillage with massive hordes of unsullied and dothraki because the populace at whole will not welcome Dany as their new ruler so at first they must win the old fashioned way and not allow Dothraki to pillage and surprise sex because it will make her look like another crazy Targaryan.

Dany turns her attention to Varys though, presses him about where his loyalties lie. She brings up about how him and his allies before traded her off to the Dothraki like a pawn. He goes on about how Robert wasn't a good king because he mostly didnt care and didnt want it. He wants a ruler who cares for the people who live in it and not for power and glory. Thats where is true loyalties lie and she can have him executed by Grey Worm or devoured by her Dragons but he wont pledge full loyalty because his loyalty is the streets (Varys gangsta as gently caress apparently).

Everyone leaves except for Olenna who gives Dany an "old womans advice". Says Tyrion is a clever man but she has outlasted all the clever men because she doesnt listen to them. Calls most people sheep but says Dany isnt a sheep but a dragon. "So be a Dragon."

Dany is then told (I think Missendai, cant remember tbh) that Melisandre has arrived. They all go and meet her. Her and Dany speak in Dothraki mostly about the Red Priests in the east when Dany was loving poo poo up. Melisandre tells her about the White Walkers although doesnt mention them specifically just says a big evil is coming. Melisandre eludes to the fact Dany could be the Prince that was Promised. Dany noting she is not a prince but a queen, Messendai mentions that in the original language the term is genderless and can mean either other. Melisandre says Prophecies are dangerous things. She also insists that Dany meet Jon Snow and have him tell her the things he has been through and seen. Tyrion stunned with the news that Jon is now king of the north and insists Dany meets with him as well and vouches for his character, saying he would make a great ally. Dany agrees tells Tyrion to send a raven to winterfell and tell Jon to come to Dragonstone and "Bend the knee."

We cut to a scene with Greyworm and Missandei who gets upset because Greyworm is going to war. This is all lovey dovey scene and where the nudity is. Nothing much to reveal here aside from them confessing their feelings, her seeing his ahem...lack of parts, and then he eats her out. Moving on.

Next scene is Winterfell, young men and boys training shooting arrows at targets. Sansa reads the letter sent by Tyrion and says its most likeyl a trap to Jon. Jon says read the last quote. "Dwarfs are bastards in the eyes of their fathers." Because of this Jon knows Tyrion is legit but still decides not safe to leave Winterfell.

Cersei at Kings Landing brings the loyal lords to the iron throne room and tells them of Dany's army and Dothraki and Unsullied and says they need to pledge allegience to her or lose there wives and childrens to surprise sex and pillaging. They seem to agree but hesitantly. Sams father is the main guy here and he notes how people who don't agree or side with her end up deaded.

As they leave Jaime follows Sams dad and asks him if hed be his top general in the war to come. He eventually agrees. Jaime offers him a high position or a throne or something in exchange for his military expertise, cant remember the specifics on that.

We cut to Oldtown back with Sam. He is in Jorah's cell with his Master Maester as they analyze his condition. Sams Maester says hes too far gone, has about 10 years to live but about 6 months before he goes batshit. Out of respect of his knighthood he is allowed one more night to stay but then he will be sent to that old Targaryan city where all the greystone crazies chill. Next scene is Sam and Measter at the library and Sam tries to convince Maester of attempting to cure Mormont, citing an old Maester who managed to cure two people before. Maester says yeah that guy died of greyscale and the procedure is extremely dangerous hence why its banned.

At Winterfell Jon gets yet ANOTHER Raven, this is the one from Sam saying Dragonstone is confirmed a mine for Dragonglass. Now Jon is more or less like I got to go now otherwise we gonna die. So Jon has another meeting with all the Northern Houses and gives them the update. The Northerners clearly arent very happy with this news, even Lyanna disagrees and Sansa as per usual butts in saying its stupid.

Jon says its gonna be okay and its a risk worth taking and he is going to leave Sansa in control of Winterfell until his return. This throws her off and cuts to a shot of Littlefinger with that "Ouuuuu im gonna plot and scheme now kus im shifty" face.

This then cuts to the scene that was leaked earlier where Jon is in the basement chamber thing looking at the statue of his father. Littlefinger comes down and does his thing. Says he liked Ned and it was too bad what happened to him. Jon says he isnt suppose to be down here, Littlefinger claims ignorance apologizes and says he just wanted to chat since the two of them havent had that oppurtunity yet. Jon dismisses this wants no business in it. Littlefinger suggest a "Thank you" should be in order for saving him at the Battle of The Bastards. At this point Jons back is to Littlefinger. Littlefinger starts reminiscing about his love for Kat, and although he was bitter with Ned and her getting married he understood. But now he also loves Sansa like he loved Kat. He barely finishes that sentence until Jon grabs him by the throat and throws him against the wall. Tells him if he touches Sansa he will kill him. End of story end of scene.

The order of scenes here might be wrong because they are pretty quick and happen all over.

If I remember correctly the next scene is Sam sneaking into Mormonts cell at night and is there to attempt to cure Mormonts Greyscale. This is the best scene of the episode for sure. Really graphic and tense since Jorah has to be completely quiet while Sam literally cuts chunks of his skin off with a scapel. Lots of white puss and graphic imagery. Sam takes a scapel/needle thing and right when he is about to plunge it into Mormonts chest we cut to an image of a fork piercing a pie filled with a white paste of some sort, meant to look like the puss that came from mormonts wounds and this guy just full on scoops a mouthful. Yummy.

Theres a scene with Arya at the Inn. She sees that Pie guy or whatever. He offers her pie. She takes a bite mentions how good it is. He goes on about how to brown the crusts before cooking the whole thing or somehting like that and thats why its so good but no one cooks em like that because it takes too long. Arya says she didnt do that when she cooked them. He's confused but its an obvious nod to when she cooked the Freys and fed them to Walder. She is informed of Jon becoming the king of the north and decides to change her mind and head north. On her way there shes camping for the day in the woods and she notices her horse getting very nervous and upset. Next thing she knows shes surrounded by a pack of wolves. Then dun dun dunnn her Direwolf (if anyone can remember her name would appreciate) shows up, and she is...MASSIVE. Deffinitely the biggest direwolf hands down. Makes Ghost look like a little bitch. They have a moment and Arya tries to convince it to come with her to Winterfell, assuming it understands. The direwolf recognizes her but theres this kind of moment like we both are not the same people we use to be. Her direwolf leaves with the pack and Arya says something along the lines of "Thats not you anymore."

The final scene is the big boat battle between the greyjoys. Pretty epic pretty good. Two sandsnakes are killed by Euron, one strangled and hung from the front of the boat, the other has two swords shoved into her and shes propped up. Elleria gets captured along with I think is Tyene Sand. Eurons fleet wins and Theon is put in a fight or flight situation. Euron has Yara by the throat, eggs Theon to come save her. He pussies out and dives into the water. Leaving her behind. Sad.

Last scene is Tyrion floating in the water looking on at the fleet in flames as Eurons ship sails away in the distance.

fishing with the fam
Feb 29, 2008

Durr


Anything with Tom Bombadil < Anything without Tom Bombadil

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!

You can get high and murder your friends in an old lord of the rings text adventure

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc99nX_eN2k#t=352s

Sand Dan
May 15, 2017

YOSPOS


in The HObbit the book and the cartoon where he's invisible and taunting the dragon like "I'm a smug rear end in a top hat I'm going to steal gold from you, a dragon" which really stoked my imagination as a kid but in the movie it looked like he was 10 seconds from submissively urinating himself as a sign of non-aggression which was probably the biggest disappointment in a very long boring very disappointing movie series

the Warhammer Dwarves in part 3 were pretty rad though and completely inappropriate

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!

Also the creator of LOTR probably killed somebody in ww1

Avirosb
Nov 20, 2016

I'm a friendly member of the SA community who gets paid to Correct The Record

Read the books, skipped the songs.
I've watched the movies more often than I've read the books though.

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

Silent Majority
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Sugartime Jones

I guess I'm in the minority having like the Hobbit movies but yeah in that case the book was better.

Power_of_the_glory
Feb 14, 2012


I'd rather watch the Star Wars Prequels than sit through the Hobbit movies again.


Also, Tom Bombadil sucks

Avirosb
Nov 20, 2016

I'm a friendly member of the SA community who gets paid to Correct The Record

The prequels are less boring than the original trilogy.

Captain Yossarian
Feb 24, 2011

All new" Rings of Fire"


I'm going to kill you OP

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



Captain Yossarian posted:

I'm going to kill you OP

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

I don't like Samwise but his song about the hobbit whose uncle's bones get dug up by a troll was great. The hobbit kicks the troll in the rear end and breaks his foot and has to go home crying while the troll sits in the graveyard munching down his kin.

ikanreed
Sep 25, 2009

Rise and shine, master leprechaun.


Elves at helms deep didn't contribute narratively, and in addition to nerd whines about Canon, undermined the world building put into making them distant with the world or men, rather than subverting it.

Blue Star
Feb 18, 2013


walgreenslatino posted:

did you really need to abbreviate "The Hobbit?" It's two loving words. One of those words is "the."

Nerds

your the nerd

Anyway the more I think about it the more i think that The Hobbit really should have been made into a movie first, before the Lord of the rings.

Avirosb
Nov 20, 2016

I'm a friendly member of the SA community who gets paid to Correct The Record

ikanreed posted:

Elves at helms deep didn't contribute narratively, and in addition to nerd whines about Canon, undermined the world building put into making them distant with the world or men, rather than subverting it.

Helms Deep didn't contribute narratively.

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011



EorayMel posted:

You can get high and murder your friends in an old lord of the rings text adventure

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc99nX_eN2k#t=352s

God I love Jobel.

If the movies are better than the books then I will never know the whole story of LotR, that first movie was so incredibly bad and long I haven't felt the need to ever revisit the LotR universe.

extra stout
Feb 24, 2005


i'm not going to agree with your premise but it's definitely better advice than "spend 14 hours watching the extended hobbit movies instead of 5 hours reading the book that was much better", so your advice is at least much better than if it was flipped

if you're bill gates and have to both cause and cure aids in one lifetime, very busy or whatever, then sure read the hobbit then watch the lotr films

or cut right to the loving chase: every human should read the children of hurin before or even instead of the silmarillion. it gets old hearing tolkien fans prove they're tolkien fans by them pretending the silmarillion wasn't a mixed message, yes it contains amazing details you wouldn't have gotten otherwise, no you don't have to pretend it isn't confusing and also at times boring as poo poo we'll still believe you're a nerd

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005


Buglord

walgreenslatino posted:

did you really need to abbreviate "The Hobbit?" It's two loving words. One of those words is "the."

Nerds

FU

I Am A Robot
Jul 1, 2006


books are good but

mystery fluid posted:

lmao if you didnt skip over the songs

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long


what are you tolkein about?

Frog Act
Feb 10, 2012
:-)


i've only enjoyed the Hobbit and the Silmarillion out of everything Tolkien wrote but I think I only liked the latter cus it was like a fantasy version of stuff you have to read in grad school history classes

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 5 hours!


Hell Gem

with books its easier to put them down as soon as you realize its garbage. with a movie you figure you can turn your brain off and sit there for 3 more hours but thats still worse than nothing

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001


You could read the books faster than watching the movies though.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 5 hours!


Hell Gem

and not reading the books is even faster than reading them

AdolfHitler
Mar 21, 2009


the worst movie is better then the best book

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new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

Silent Majority
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Sugartime Jones

The Silmarillion was terrible. Just terrible. It's like the Elven Bible but somehow more boring than the real Bible. Everything about it is a god drat disgrace.

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