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First I'd get a lawyer and an accountant then invest so my family and I have money besides the base amount. Then I'd buy a thousand acres or so in WA and turn a ton of it into a wildlife refuge and use the rest to build a little hippie-friendly farm for my family and friends to visit/live if they so choose as long as they agree to take care of the land they're on. I'd also build a place to park the bus and for other weirdos that live on busses to park their too. I guess I'd also probably finish my bus conversion, because I love this thing, and give my two roommates a pair of converted busses so they can go off and do whatever they want instead of being stuck on ours. Who needs a private jet when you can be like a snail and take your house with you? I'd give my mom enough money she could start up her pottery business again, because about fifteen years ago my dad ruined it. I want to see her have a spot she can do pottery and spin and weave and do all her art uninterrupted by lovely relatives. I'd also get a herd of sheep and a llama or two for her. My fiance would be getting a huge garage with every tool and every project car he's ever wanted. I'd also want to travel the world with him; he's been to a ton of countries I've never seen. I'd make sure he never had to have a poo poo job again. I might also do some kickass giant wedding for us and fly everyone we love in. I'd also send some money to my ex-husband to make sure he gets the help he needs and take some stress off him. Trying to get better and busting your rear end at work to survive has to be awful. I always wanted a yak to ride and use for wool, so yeah, yak. Maybe like ten yaks. gently caress horses, those things are easily-frightened assholes and horse hair is pretty hard to spin anyway. I'd probably be giving money to small startup businesses that I deem awesome, and some of the charities that actually do good for people here and in other countries. I'd also donate to no-kill animal shelters and groups that rehome abandoned/neglected/abused animals. I'd love to gove money to the people in other countries that guard endangered animals from poaching. And lastly to alert my friends that we all just got rich and poo poo was about to get awesome, I'd stick giant gilded dildos on all their cars/doorsteps. Surprise motherfuckas!
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Jul 18, 2017 20:26
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I would find a nice farmhouse not so far away in the English countryside and convert the courtyard buildings to two bungalows for parents and brother I would build a pool I would buy and repair old Ford Capris I would install Aircon I'd have amazingly fast internet and probably hit refresh on facebook just as much as I do now 
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Jul 18, 2017 23:42
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Data Graham posted:You know they would give you a deep discount, and the discounts would get bigger the more you bought. At the volumes you're talking about the economics would reverse themselves and they would be paying you to eat burgers, ending up with more money than you started with and then two billion $1 burgers
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Jul 18, 2017 23:51
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Would buy a Snickers. Well at least a bit more often than now.
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Jul 19, 2017 04:12
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Pay off my and immediate family's debts. Put the rest in banks and investments and live off interest. Buy a cottage or farm (and install a fiber optic internet connection) and rescue all the dogs and cats forever.
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Jul 19, 2017 05:40
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Immediately buy a guillotine and execute myself with it
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Jul 19, 2017 05:47
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Two chicks at the same time, man
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Jul 19, 2017 06:51
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Buy a nice little house out in the boonies and really go nuts with my gardening, get into blacksmithing and welding, pay off my friends and families bills forever, buy a nice fishing boat, and then invest the rest to have a steady flow of money that I just pump into charities and non profit groups.
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Jul 19, 2017 07:20
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If I wanted to make a positive impact in the world, I think I would help residential renters to buy out their landlords (if they wanted) and pay for good affordable housing and then give it away to people, because it is good for people to be able to own their own homes. If people have legal title to their own real property, then that can help to improve their security for the future. Alternatively, I might sell it for a nominal price and then invest that receipt into the construction of further houses, there is always a shortage these days. But at the same time, it would be fun to be a big shot movie producer. I might do that if I had a billion dollars. Make some movies.
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Jul 19, 2017 09:09
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Be able to afford Games Workshop products at Australian prices. Or video games, for that matter.
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Jul 19, 2017 12:40
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I'd have all of you assassinated just because I can
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Jul 19, 2017 12:44
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4 billion gumballs. real answer, buy a nice house with a large personal theater, make sure my loved ones are comfortable, and then surprise charities/telethons with huge donations at random.
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Jul 19, 2017 12:44
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Besides the usual "invest most, hire smart guy to look after it" which I feel is sort of given, I'd join a bunch of Patreons at unnecessarily high tiers, and get into the pricey IRL equivalent of a hobby I currently only simulate.
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Jul 19, 2017 12:51
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I would purchase Bioware from EA, get the band back together and let them make good RPGs again. Carte Blanche for the designers, they get a budget and time frame. I would buy a nice house for myself, and work at a creative hobby. Something that I enjoy and have no pressure to make money at, but can dive into and be good at to keep my mind focused and engaged. Probably woodworking, and I would make furniture for friends and family.
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Jul 19, 2017 15:04
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AlphaKretin posted:Besides the usual "invest most, hire smart guy to look after it" which I feel is sort of given, I'd join a bunch of Patreons at unnecessarily high tiers, and get into the pricey IRL equivalent of a hobby I currently only simulate. With that much money I'd probably only invest like a third of it, I guess because I've heard so many horror stories of shady investment guys who really don't know what the gently caress they're doing. And I'm sure as hell not gonna stay on top of it myself, so I'd always be paranoid that somehow my money was gonna disappear.
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Jul 19, 2017 17:16
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Sire as many children as possible thus flushing my wealth away but leaving future genealogists conpletely flummoxed
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Jul 19, 2017 17:23
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The nouveau riche have a problem with holding onto money because the old money is already insulated from people that would try to steal from them. They've got generations worth of connections and networking that can give them recommendations on good staff. What I"m saying is that I'd go talk with the richest person I know and keep it on the DL from everyone else that I have a billion bucks until my network is big enough that I can be insulated from everyone I don't want to deal with.
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Jul 19, 2017 17:33
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JUST MAKING CHILI posted:The nouveau riche have a problem with holding onto money because the old money is already insulated from people that would try to steal from them. They've got generations worth of connections and networking that can give them recommendations on good staff. What if it turns out old money stay rich by scamming the nouveau riche?
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Jul 19, 2017 19:07
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Slime posted:What if it turns out old money stay rich by scamming the nouveau riche? Please stop poisoning the well that JUST MAKING CHILI led all the nouveau rich to.
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Jul 19, 2017 19:36
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I'd get robot assassins with my billion dollars and make sure that old money doesn't scam me.
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Jul 19, 2017 19:37
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A good chunk would have to go toward attempting to unfuck what the republicans are doing to the country. Fund sane candidates, PP, schools and after-school programs, ACLU, etc. Set up immediate family so they never have to work again. Travel all over the world for a year straight, or until the wife and I get tired. Set up scholarships for the universities I attended, to return the favour. Make them need-based, and if they use a single red cent to build an idiotic stadium or some poo poo like that, they lose it all. Build a massive workshop filled with every tool I can think of. Source a jet engine to power the dust collection system. Take classes in arts & crafts and industrial design. Learn to make mid-century modern furniture in said workshop. Buy random medical debt and forgive it. Fill a garage with weird poo poo. Volvo P1800ES, Morgan Three-Wheeler, Ford Ranchero, Jeep Wagoneer. Convert a basket-case roller/shell Porsche 911 from the 70s to electric. Donate to animal charities, especially those that rescue and heal.
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Jul 19, 2017 19:56
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Giant completely self sufficient enclosed cat utopia, pay for people to scour the countries alleys and shelters for wayward cats, ship them to the utopia where they will live like little gods. Vets on staff take care of the cats and make sure they're healthy and fixed. I would place a tv and couch roughly in the middle of the utopia and just sort of sit there watching tv, drinking wine, reading and playing video games covered in cats until I eventually die and my corpse was eaten my the cats and no one could call me lovely things because I'm technically doing my part to save North American ecology, even though the real reason I'm doing it is that I like cats more than I do people, plants, living, etc.
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Jul 19, 2017 22:11
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Go around and anonymously pay off every crowdfunding request for medical bills I can find. Build my dream house with all the technological goodies and accessibility devices money can buy. And then start a foundation to reward innovation in the latter. Give some friends and family money to live comfortably and support their dreams. Own all the animals my lovely immune system allows. And the staff to help me take care of them. Staff gets paid plenty because there's no point in being a grinch. Digital subscriptions to every newspaper I read online. Donations to everything I've ever wanted to help fund. I don't even think I'd do anything approaching obscene displays of wealth because I'm poor and my thoughts on what to do with money are always at least a little practical.
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Jul 26, 2017 07:07
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mysterious frankie posted:Giant completely self sufficient enclosed cat utopia, pay for people to scour the countries alleys and shelters for wayward cats, ship them to the utopia where they will live like little gods. Vets on staff take care of the cats and make sure they're healthy and fixed. I would place a tv and couch roughly in the middle of the utopia and just sort of sit there watching tv, drinking wine, reading and playing video games covered in cats until I eventually die and my corpse was eaten my the cats and no one could call me lovely things because I'm technically doing my part to save North American ecology, even though the real reason I'm doing it is that I like cats more than I do people, plants, living, etc. On this note, fund every TNR program I can find contact information for so they can reduce the outdoor cat population in a slow, humane manner.
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Jul 26, 2017 07:08
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I'd buy the forums and shut it down.
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Jul 26, 2017 08:06
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Finally I can destroy the moon.
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Jul 26, 2017 08:08
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give money to my family i guess move far enough north to where i can live out climate change comfortably without committing suicide buy a bunch of machine tools and accessories so i can actually get good at the trade that i work in. probably go back to school as well i guess
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Jul 26, 2017 08:56
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First I would quit my job immediately and never look back. I'd get another job eventually just to prevent boredom, but something I actually enjoy this time. Then I'd probably spend about 20-30 million on a big cabin in a forest somewhere where the weather isn't awful like northern new mexico, preferably with no neighbors within a few miles. I'd donate a lot (~100 million or so total spread out among the best ones) to wildlife and forest/national park conservation charities, I guess I'd give a couple million each to my close family members (with the explicit understanding that it's a one time thing and they can't use me as their personal bank). I'd also buy some vacation homes in my favorite places in Norway and Switzerland which should eat up another few million. After all that I guess aside from maybe 50 million or so as random spending money (buy a car, a dog...whatever), I'd do the boring thing and invest the rest. Basically I'd disconnect with the world as much as possible and probably die rich and alone.
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Jul 26, 2017 09:46
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Other than all the normal stuff everyone already mentioned? Third World Dictator.
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Jul 26, 2017 13:20
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I'd probably do some petty poo poo just to watch the fireworks. Like, offer everyone besides upper management in my department a few million each to quit immediately, but only if everyone quits.
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Jul 26, 2017 13:39
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get that OUT of my face posted:Two chicks at the same time, man This is a BILLION though. Make that... Three chicks.  Start a games company. Remake Def Jam: Fight For New York. Fun movies. get Del Torro to make that Mountains of Madness film. Bribe him to make my crappy stories into movies. I'm a billionaire. Like I give a poo poo. Buy a pub.
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Jul 26, 2017 16:19
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Invest in companies that use renewables and/or sustainable processes. Invest in future tech/industry like asteroid capture and asteroid mining. Billion to trillions right there. Buy a plot of land, couple of acres, build my own house much like Bill Gates' place, fully wired up etc. Would not stop working actually, boredom kills. Fund political movements aimed at stopping the left and the right, so centrist parties.
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Jul 26, 2017 16:50
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Ariong posted:Finally I can destroy the moon. Ooh, I could blow up Pluto to finally settle that argument.
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Jul 26, 2017 18:56
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Several meetings with Warren Buffett Travel the world with my mom Buy an isolated home Yoga master + kung fu master for lifetime training Fund womens rights and sustainable energy Also the contained catopia.
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Jul 27, 2017 05:47
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I'd gently caress your mother. You laugh now, but I would be able to afford a good PI to find your real identity, and the identity of your mother. And then, just make a simpler offer: half a billion dollars for her to spend however she wanted, in exchange for a one hour video of me going at her various orifices animal-style. I mean, I don't know your mother (yet). But everyone's got a price. Is she a God-fearing Christian woman? Half a billion to various righteous Christian causes, plus a few nice things for her church too, would buy an hour of sin (and brother, we would sin.) Is she a horrible person who would blow the whole wad on meth and designer handbags? If I tell her she will never have to come down from her high and never have to use the same handbag twice, she would spread for me like warm butter on hot toast. Is she a normal person, lives in relative comfort and means well, but secretly dreams of always providing for her family forever? Her children, her grandchildren, and her granchildren's grandchildren would never want for security again, in exchange for cheating on your father - and hell, for that money and that future your father would probably run the camera for us. And then, one hour and one defiled mother later, I would spend the other half a billion dollars making you watch the video. Hire hackers to hack your computer and/or cellphone, hijack your local cable company, show it on every screen you will ever see, I will even go A Clockwork Orange on you - but you will watch the things I do to your mom.
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Jul 27, 2017 07:06
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First step: Buy a decommissioned nuclear missile silo. Because very little says "gently caress off" to unwanted relatives quite like several meters of hardened concrete buried underground. Second step: Turn the bottommost layer into the worlds most awesome ball pit. Third step: section out something like 10 million dollars for me and the people I care about most to live on for the rest of our lives. Final step: Donate the rest to charities, because I'm a decent person like that.
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Jul 27, 2017 07:59
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I'd suck every dick in town every fuckin day
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Jul 27, 2017 12:34
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Lunchmeat Larry posted:I'd suck every dick in town every fuckin day You already do that, Larry.
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Jul 27, 2017 14:42
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Let's just say Mr president Donald Trump isn't gonna be needing to look for donors come 2020
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Jul 27, 2017 14:53
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Fund a system of micro-satellites which collect orbital debris to keep our space safe! ... only once it was too late would the fools realise that the debris thus collected was being compacted into projectiles, and my satellites could launch them at any point on Earth I chose. In all honesty, calling it Project Damocles should have been a giveaway.
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Jul 27, 2017 21:18
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