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KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


quote:

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Ted DiBiase w/ Virgil and Andre the Giant

Oh geez, I don't think they could have a found a worse opponent for DiBiase's first PPV match if they'd tried.

It's funny you mention this but these two were in a team on the territory days and their split and feud put them both on the map because of how good it and their matches were. Specifically a Loser Leaves Town Tuxedo Street Fight Coal Miner's Glove On A Pole Steel Cage. This is not a joke.

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Sub Rosa
Jun 9, 2010



Calling Rick Rude the 80's Dolph Ziggler is just garbage

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Sub Rosa posted:

Calling Rick Rude the 80's Dolph Ziggler is just garbage

I know everyone hates him now but I'll always love Dolph, it was meant as high praise

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Skinty McEdger posted:

"Killlll yoooourseeeelllllf"

One of the top ten moments in wrestling history. It's clear as day.

Jason Sextro
Jul 30, 2003

Un alpha en développement depuis quatre ans? C'est incroyable!



This is beyond the scope of this thread but Rick Rude hit his peak post-WWF, I always thought his WCW work was top-notch

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Jason Sextro posted:

This is beyond the scope of this thread but Rick Rude hit his peak post-WWF, I always thought his WCW work was top-notch

Rude had some really good matches in WCW. His stuff with Sting was great. (but I'm a fan of Sting, so I might be biased)

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Rarity posted:

I looked that up while researching the Islanders, it's ridiculous how many of those guys ended up getting big chances in WWE.


Demolition are absolute wank, I'm fairly certain my mind won't be changed on this one.

Demolition was a much, much shittier Road Warriors.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Zombie Mean Gene is in the back with Brutus Beefcake who is looking deranged. His hair is all long and scraggly and his eyes are bugging out and he's clipping his scissors like a madman. This is such a stark contrast to the Brutus of just three years ago, the guy has gone to seed so much. He's going to be taking on the Honky Tonk Man for the Intercontinental Title later on. Brutus opens his mouth and he sounds deranged as well. I'm not exactly sure what he's saying but I think he just threatened to shank Jimmy Hart.


I refuse to accept this as entertainment

Dino Bravo w/ Frenchie Martin vs. Don Muraco w/ Superstar Billy Graham

Things seem to have switched up a little for the Dream Team as Dino is out tonight with a new manager, Frenchie. I can't say I have any knowledge of this guy so I'm going to assume he quickly falls into irrelevance. Dino is also introduced as Canada's Strongest Man, which is not exactly the most auspicious of titles. It's not like it worked for Mark Henry. Then Muraco comes out and holy poo poo, something's changed in the last few months because Muraco suddenly comes across like a legit contender. He's got rousing music for his entrance, he comes out wearing a tie-dye vest which gives him a totally unique look and he's got Graham in his corner. This really works, his spot on the roster suddenly seems deserved.

The match begins the action is all right, slightly better than I'd expect considering the participants. Gino believes that Dino is “in great shape”. I've got eyes Gino, I know that's not true. Unless that shape is an oval. Muraco goes for what I think is meant to be a Vaderbomb but botches it so badly that I can barely tell. He ends up getting strangled by the ropes in what I really hope was not a planned spot. Like, his neck is caught between the two and he's getting proper choked. It looks disgusting. Graham manages to free him but Dino follows up with a hefty piledriver.


Dino and Don were still working on their Kama Sutra

There's a double clothesline and both men go down. When they recover Muraco launches himself at Dino but he pulls the ref in the way and the ref takes a bump. Dino hits the Side Suplex as the ref comes to but instead of counting the pin he calls straight for the bell. Dino gets DQ'd for putting the ref in harm's way and Muraco advances to take on DiBiase in the quarter-finals. Lame finish but this was a bearable match. I'm glad Muraco got the win, this new version intrigues me and I wish to see me.

Bob is in the back and he still can't shut up about Vanna, which is getting right annoying. Honky and Jimmy join him and Bob starts joking about Jimmy having his hair chopped off. Honky and Jimmy don't give a poo poo about hair though, not seeing it as a priority when they have, y'know, wrestling matches to win. They walk off as Bob tells them they're never invited back round to his house. Bob sucks.

Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat w/ The Most Adorable Kid

Steamboat comes out with his little boy and it is literally the cutest thing you could ever do as a wrestler. Lil' Dragon's even got his own tiny bandana and karate uniform. It's so loving adorable.


I challenge anyone to hate this

Mama Dragon takes the little one off to the back before the match starts which is disappointing. I was hoping for a Lil' Dragon run-in with a steel chair. I guess we can't have nice things. The match starts and within ten seconds it's already the best match Greg's had yet. Steamboat's getting the best out of him. Although I do almost have to reconsider when they botch a loving rollup because Greg forgets to roll back. That's one for Maffew.

Greg takes control and the pace slows as he connects with a number of elbow shots. Steamboat falls down on the back of his head. Or as Gino puts it his “external occipital protuberance area”. Try saying that one ten times fast. Steamboat's selling is really beautiful and it does a lot to make Greg look good even though he's giving us the same tired offence as always.


Stupid Sexy Steamboat

Having washed up the vomit from my floor I continue watching the match where Greg has an attempt at the Figure 4 reversed but manages to get in a shoulder breaker, a move which Greg does always make look real nice. He goes for the Figure 4 again but again Steamboat reverses and he starts slamming Greg's face into the mat over and over and over. Steamboat hits the Flying Chop but Greg kicks out which is crazy. Steamboat follows up with a flying crossbody but Greg rolls through and picks up the win. Steamboat is out in the first round and that sucks rear end.

The match was solid enough as any Steamboat affair would be but I really feel like he was wasted here. For starters, he should be beating guys like Greg any day of the week so the result hurts him quite a bit. More importantly, they could have paired him up with another good worker to get another real showcase like last year's match. It's disappointing that they went with this route.

My enjoyment comes to a screeching halt as Gino and Jesse point out Donald Trump is at ringside and start praising him for his achievements and excuse me.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVM1nUmDHHc

Having cleaned up the vomit from my floor I resume watching to find Zombie Mean Gene in the back with the British Bulldogs and Koko B. Ware, who are preparing for a match with the Islanders and Bobby Heenan. Oh no, it turns out the Islanders dognapped Matilda! Those fiends! It's all fine now though, Matilda is back with the Bulldogs and they say she has become a weasel dog for hunting weasels. Koko wants her to go on a weasel hunt. I'm sensing a strong animal theme from this match up.

Butch Reed w/ Slick vs. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth

Ok, I've seen Butch a few times now and I swear there is absolutely nothing to this guy. He's got nothing to offer in the ring, he's got nothing specific about him as a character, he's just... there. He's a non-entity. Slick's a pretty cool heel manager but he can't save Butch.

The match begins and Jesse talks strategy with the opinion that Butch needs to be using “power stuff”. Top analysis there, Jesse! The match is dire. Nothing happens. They stall and brawl and Butch goes to the top rope but pauses to talk poo poo to Elizabeth. And as they say, talk poo poo get hit. Savage catches Butch on the top rope, throws him to the mat and then hits the Flying Elbow to advance and face Greg in the quarters.


Top notch power stuff action

Butch, I'm calling time. You're done.

Back to the interview area and Bob is still loving talking about hooking up with Vanna. For gently caress sake Bob, none of us care about your sexual fantasies! Bobby Heenan shows up with the Islanders in tow and Bob taunts Heenan about getting caught by Matilda. Heenan isn't taking any of his poo poo and basically tells him to get stuffed. As they leave Bob tells them he won't speak at their outrigger dinner. Bob has this awful tendency to get in the last word as the wrestlers walk away which is not what you want from an interviewer cause he's not meant to be there to get himself over. What the gently caress even is an outrigger dinner and why would the Islanders be having one?

I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW.

The One Man Gang w/ Slick vs. Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Oliver Humperdink

Oh gently caress this.

I swear, as we transitioned from that stinkhole of an interview to a shot of the One Man Gang in the ring I seriously considered giving up this entire project. I am not John Cena, I can only take so much. It took every ounce of willpower I have to keep going.

The match starts and it's the exact same plodding disaster that we saw at Survivor Series. Meanwhile Gino reveals that during his wrestling career he once weighed in at 440lbs. The hell? I thought the rule was wrestlers put on weight when they retire. Bam Bam does a cartwheel and it's a sad state of affairs that this is enough to actually count as noteworthy. Bam Bam hits a couple of headbutts on the Gang and then runs into the ropes. However, Slick pulls them down and Bam Bam tumbles to the outside.

Bam Bam gets counted out. Holy poo poo, this show is awful.

This was a fuckfest of a match. I would have got more enjoyment from punching myself in the stomach. The Gang is the worst wrestler on the roster and the only push he deserves is off a cliff into the ocean. They put a bit of work into building up Bam Bam at Survivor Series and they just undercut it on their next show. And worst of all, none of this answers the most important question.


Why is Bam Bam hanging out with a tiny ginger man?

Save me, Zombie Mean Gene. Only your calm tones can soothe my rage. Zombie Mean Gene is with a plastic-looking Hulk Hogan who will be facing Andre the Giant in the quarter-finals. Both men received a bye in the first round because gently caress you, that's why. Zombie Mean Gene asks him about his upcoming match and Hulk cuts the promo to end all Hulk promos. He vows to end the controversy surrounding their title match by slamming Andre deep into the faultline that will split America in half creating a sea that will drown his enemies and also Trump but it's all right because Trump is a Hulkamaniac so he will flee with his family and Hulk will find them and swim with them all the way over to Hawaii. This is loving nuts and it's loving brilliant. Hulk walks out of frame doing a back swim. God, I want that man's drugs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT9lK9jZ5P0

Rarity fucked around with this message at Aug 28, 2017 around 06:52

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Butch Reed was another guy who really good in Mid-South who went to New York and they had no idea what to with him.

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Randaconda posted:

Butch Reed was another guy who really good in Mid-South who went to New York and they had no idea what to with him.

There were the rumors that they were going to have him take the IC belt off of Steamboat, but he no-showed, which apparently led to Hogan pointing at a passing by Honky Tonk Man and suggesting to Vince to give the belt to him instead.

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011


Steamboat bringing his son to the ring absolutely did not work in the NWA in 1989.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

HUSS
HUSS
HUSS


That was former NXT wrestler Richie Steamboat's only main roster appearance.

Xerzes
May 16, 2012



You pasted it in or whatever twice.

CubsWoo
Aug 17, 2005

Where the big boys RAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH FUCK YOU


If you're watching the Network version, you missed Muraco coming out to Jesus Christ Superstar. Music rights hangups ruin everything

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


Sounds like you're starting to crack. Believe me, it's WM4...it's going to get a lot worse before it ever gets any better.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Xerzes posted:

You pasted it in or whatever twice.

Thanks for the heads up!

Shiki Dan posted:

Sounds like you're starting to crack. Believe me, it's WM4...it's going to get a lot worse before it ever gets any better.

I survived WM4, I can survive anything

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Also, I like the One Man Gang.

Fight me irl.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Randaconda posted:

Also, I like the One Man Gang.

It's ok, I'm calling an ambulance. How long have you had this affliction?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Rarity posted:

It's ok, I'm calling an ambulance. How long have you had this affliction?

Since I was five or six.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Randaconda posted:

Since I was five or six.

Oh.

Oh no.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

Rarity posted:

Oh.

Oh no.

It's a sickness.

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011

Me uni a la Revolucion #RXT


el sabe ...


I'm not a fan of the One Man Gang.

Now Akeem The African Dream, there's a talented big man.

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

sprinkles

rare Magic card l00k posted:

I'm not a fan of the One Man Gang.

Now Akeem The African Dream, there's a talented big man.

Akeem was amazing.

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


Rarity posted:


I survived WM4, I can survive anything

Maybe so, but making it through 1995 is going to be as much of a challenge as 1988.
However, 1995's WWF roster actually does have a better roster of workers--they're just underutilized due to bad booking, bad gimmicks, or the general influence of Bill Watts.

1988 in retrospect is a very weird transition year for the WWF, something that will become obvious once you get to the screwed up Survivor Series teams that year.
The thing is even guys like Ken Patera and Harley Race who are still there are actually really great workers, you're just seeing them at a point where they are way too old and past their prime and can't be assed to give a poo poo while sleepwalking through matches and collecting a check.
Guys like that begin to get shifted out in favor of new younger stars from the AWA and NWA who actually give a poo poo about their performance and are hungry to get over, not just putting matches on cruise control.
Strange to think, but PPVs, even WM at this point, don't have half the prestige that they do today...where everyone considers it a genuine honor to work the pre-show Battle Royale. For now it's just another day at the office (with a slightly bigger paycheck) for most of the guys, and most of them can't even be bothered to put on a tie or iron their shirt.

Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at Aug 28, 2017 around 14:37

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky


Just from the totally scientific method of looking at the Royal Rumble roster, 1995 had a much shittier roster than 1988 WWF.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
PONYTAR
PONYTAR




Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

Rude comes out to full on stripper music, it's so perfect for him. He's wearing a robe and when he gets in the ring he does a whole strip show. He's shaking and gyrating and to be fair, he's got an immaculate body. It looks like his steroids are on steroids. Jesse calls him the best built man in wrestling and it's hard to argue with that. He finishes taking off his robe and THERE'S A FACE ON HIS BUTT.


This is one of the most disturbing images I've ever seen

Jake's out as well and the match begins. As the two men face off it's like watching Rude wrestle the Rude from ten years in the future after the heavy living starts taking its toll. The action is a breath of fresh air as both men have got a bit of ability in their closets. Jake puts on a wristlock and keeps hold of it for ages despite Rude trying a bunch of moves to escape. It's a neat sequence. Jake then goes for a knee but Rude dodges and slams him down hard into the mat.

Rude slaps on a long headlock so Gino and Jesse keep themselves entertained by talking about Vanna loving White and oh my god, I have so had it with that poo poo. Rude keeps control of the match and it's here I realise the issue with Rude. He's got the Dolph Ziggler problem. By which I mean he's great at selling but he's stuck working heel so he can't show himself to his proper ability. He gets a reverse chinlock going and we get our first ever “Boring!” chants. That's a bit of a shame, these guys are actually trying and they've got a bit more technical skill to them than anything else we've seen tonight. It's here that we finally get to our first award of the night.

MOST HOMOEROTIC MOMENT

Jesse Ventura: “He needed to sink the arm in and hook that leg deep.”

Sounds like my kind of party!

Jake reverses the chinlock with a stunner and both men are starting to look pretty wiped. Rude knocks Jake down and goes for a pin with his foot on the ropes but the ref calls for the bell. It turns out we've hit our arbitrary fifteen minute time limit so the match is tied and both men are out of the tournament. That is bullshit as hell.

This match was all right, I suppose. On this turgid mess of a show it stood out a lot just by displaying basic competence. I feel like both Jake and Rude could produce a fun match if they were paired up with different opponents like a Bret or a Steamboat. The ending was lame as hell though. It's clear it only happened because the Gang is a big fat piece of poo poo that can't handle three matches in one night.

Back to Zombie Mean Gene who has beat Bob to the punch by finding Vanna. It turns out that Vanna has no idea who Bob is, because Bob is a creepy fanboy and she's a loving normal person. Vanna shares her thoughts on the quarter-finals which are the same vapid platitudes for Hulk and Savage that you'd expect. So looking at these brackets I was obviously wrong about tonight's main event so now I'm thinking, hmm... Hogan vs. Savage?

Hercules vs. THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR

Oh poo poo son! I am hype as hell for this!


RAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!

quote:

INTRODUCING...



And here we have the second big unknown for me on the timeline. I had no idea who Herc' was going to be facing here and when they announced the Ultimate Warrior I let out a cheer. This is someone who's going to be making a big impact over the next few years and I was expecting a much bigger fanfare for his debut but this is pretty low key.

I know a fair bit about the Warrior. I know about the awful world views he held after leaving wrestling, I know that his life fell apart after he left wrestling, I know that queering don't make the world work. But what I don't know is what he was like as a wrestler. He may well be my biggest blind spot in wrestling in terms of the level of popularity he achieved. I'm very curious to see if the love his run received is due to in-ring ability or if its just a case of a great gimmick combined with strong booking.

The two men kick off with some big hossy action with strong grappling and clubbing blows. I've always enjoyed Herc's stiff strikes but he also shows a nice bit of selling when getting beat up here. Warrior goes into the corner with a 10 punch but Herc' brings him out into an inverted atomic drop. Herc' tries to lock in the Full Nelson but Warrior falls backwards into a pin and gets the win. Well that was way too short.

After the match Herc' gets started with the post-match beatdown and he tries to choke Warrior with the chain. However, Warrior grabs the chains and snatches them from Herc', sending him running back up the entrance. I was so excited for this one and it ended up as a damp squib. The ending was also really not suited for Warrior. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like he's meant to be a killer of the Goldberg/Brock variety and he should be putting dudes down and laying dudes out. Instead he wins by squeaking out a pin after essentially suplexing himself. It comes across as flukey. Bad booking.

We're heading into the quarter-finals now but just before we get there it's our next award.

MOST INCORRECT PREDICTION

Gorilla Monsoon: “History will indeed be made here at Wrestlemania IV in Atlantic City”


A moment that will last generations

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Warrior's matches usually are very short and consist of Warrior kicking the other guy's rear end. There are exceptions, sometimes they're good, sometimes they're not.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

Rude & Jake the Snake had a good feud that started after the WM IV match, and was actually unrelated to it in any way. I don't think it really tied into any PPV matches though.

sean10mm fucked around with this message at Aug 28, 2017 around 21:47

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Wasn't that Jake the Snake's wife on Rude's tights? Or was that a different match? I remember that being a thing

DukeofCA
Aug 17, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

Rarity posted:

I'm very curious to see if the love his run received is due to in-ring ability or if its just a case of a great gimmick combined with strong booking.

The latter. It's the latter.

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Jenkem Delivery posted:

Wasn't that Jake the Snake's wife on Rude's tights? Or was that a different match? I remember that being a thing

That comes later.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jenkem Delivery posted:

Wasn't that Jake the Snake's wife on Rude's tights? Or was that a different match? I remember that being a thing

There was an angle later that involved Rude creeping on jake's [then] wife which led to an excellent feud that, in classic jake fashion, took place mostly away from PPVs.

Also there was a snowball rib which I'll just go ahead and leave at that.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

Dispensing unwanted fitness advice since 2005. P.S. Squat more! BEEFCAKE!!!

Platypus Farm posted:

There was an angle later that involved Rude creeping on jake's [then] wife which led to an excellent feud that, in classic jake fashion, took place mostly away from PPVs.

I really wish I could find the full video of the Madison Square Garden match towards the end of the feud. The gimmick was you couldn't win unless you hit your finisher for the pin. Apparently Jake wins via DDT, feeds Rude to Damien and then hugs his wife at the end and the crowd goes nuts. Then they had a worse match to end the feud/transition to a feud with Jake vs. Andre the Giant (I think?), some poo poo like that.

All I can find is a 2 minute preview clip that doesn't show the ending.

e: Jake's the face in that feud obviously, but his promos are basically still just "I'm a serial killer quietly explaining to you how I'm going to watch your soul leave your body as you die."

sean10mm fucked around with this message at Aug 29, 2017 around 17:41

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


DukeofCA posted:

The latter. It's the latter.

I'm looking forward to Rarity's journey through the Ultimate Warrior's career because he's a fascinating one. For the first couple years, he's handled incredibly well and finds an identity as Midcard Hulk Hogan. He has all of Hogan's attributes and tics, just different enough to not seem like a total ripoff. Then they decide, "Why stop there?" and bring him to the top. He's no longer Midcard Hulk Hogan but Player 2 Hulk Hogan. He's the newer, EXXXTREME alternative to the Hulkster. Cooler, but in no way grounded.

Then after hitting the top, he wobbles badly from a mix of bad booking, Hogan politicking, Warrior's own personal issues and the fact that he is in no way relatable. He almost gets back there a couple times, but his drawbacks keep weighing him down more and more as time goes on.

RZApublican
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.


Did the same person that airbrushed Jimmy Hart's jackets also work on Rude's tights? Because I have this image of an overworked artist backstage constantly having to airbrush strange new designs week after week.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007

If loving you is binturong, I don't want to binturight.

i would love that

Jimmy: "Put my face on my back, man!!"
"okay, sure. I can do that"

Rude: "Put my face on my crotch!"
"wait, what"

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


DJExile posted:

i would love that

Jimmy: "Put my face on my back, man!!"
"okay, sure. I can do that"

Rude: "Put my face on my crotch!"
"wait, what"

More like "put your wife's face on my crotch"

Jenkem Delivery
Feb 8, 2005

Death created time to grow the things that it would kill

Platypus Farm posted:

More like "put your wife's face on my crotch"

Would posting that gif count as a spoiler?

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jenkem Delivery posted:

Would posting that gif count as a spoiler?

Like Sean up there said, I don't think the feud actually intersects in a major way with any PPV she's going to see. It was basically all on WWF Challenge/Superstars and a blow-off at MSG followed by a much less good blow-off a few days later on WWF Challenge

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DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

I always did like how Jake's character never changed all that much from heel to face, just who he was targeting

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