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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
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Shiki Dan posted:

Jacques just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Bret's ego concocted the fever angle to preserve his heat--which, as much as I love Bret, was a pretty wack move. Even if Jacques was a 2-day transitional champion, at least try to put him over strong.

Eh, I disagree with this. The way they've been presented the Mountie is nowhere near Bret's level so having the huge asterisk over his victory just makes him more undeserving a champion and really increases that desire to see him get beat.

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Open Marriage Night
Sep 18, 2009

"Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

Having him lose to a fever, and a fellow Canadian, sounds like they were really invested in Bret.

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


Eh, they could've done that with shock stick shenanigans or Jimmy Hart interference (the same way the Nasty Boys won the tag titles despite not being presented on the Hart Foundation's level). Or even just a plain lucky fluke.

Or like with the Honky Tonk Man. He was never presented anywhere near the same technical level of Savage or Steamboat, but he was lucky and smart and used every trick in the book. Steamboat didn't blame a fake flu for dropping the title.

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

There was also a house show match where Bret won a match over the Mountie in 3 seconds. (Mountie had been taunting the crowd with his back to Bret before the match. Bret went up behind him and got him with a rollup. Ref rang the bell, counted the 3, then rang the bell.)

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

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PONYTAR




Elsewhere in the back we find Zombie Mean Gene who is with the Bushwhackers and Jamison. And I'm warning you right now, we're going to lot to talk about with Jamison. Because let me tell you this dork, this cretin, this premiere loving nerd is so gormless he's an insult to the rest of us. He's also so irrelevant to the overall course of professional wrestling that he hasn't even got his own Wikipedia page. For all I know this twerp just sprung into being for this show and then disappeared into the ether the moment he walked backstage.


We're barely scratching the surface of how embarrassing he is in this pic

Anyway, it's interview time. Luke says that he's “never been excited in all my life” which is just sad when you think about it. You'd think his Wrestlemania victory would have at least raised a smile. Butch adds that they've got a surprise for the Genius and “the Beverly Sisters”. That's quite enough of that, thank you. Jamison threatens the Genius with a thrashing. ...Ugh. Just ugh. Zombie Mean Gene asks Jamison if he's got Mr. Blackwell's telephone number which I think from my research is a reference to Richard Blackwell, writer of the annual Ten Worst Dressed Women List. Because a woman's only value pertains to how good she looks in clothes.

The Beverly Brothers w/ The Genius vs. The Bushwhackers w/ Jamison

Geez, if this match manages to rise the level of pretty poo poo I'll be pleasantly surprised. This is our first real tag match for the Beverlys so it's our first chance to check out their theme which is exactly the kind of updeat turgid boogie choon that Jim Johnston clearly thinks is all the rage in the gay bars. Please. Our men are far too fabulous for this kind of beat. As they come out Gino spots a sign claiming that on God created Gino on the eighth day and he gets quite excited. I just feel sad for the fan in the crowd who finds all the wrestlers so boring that he'd rather write a sign about Gino. Once they get to the ring the Genius recites a short poem during which he deems Jamison “a waste of human tissue”. drat, and I thought I was being harsh. That's goddam brutal.


Although not entirely misplaced

While I may be sceptical about the Bushwhackers new management Gino is far more optimistic and he claims there's no knowing how far they can go now they've got Jamison. That's right! They could go to IHOP, they could go to Chipotle, they've just go so many options. For reasons I can't comprehend the crowd goes apeshit as they march down to the ring. Seriously, how are these guys so over? They're terrible in the ring, they've not been pushed well and their comedy is a huge misfire. Nothing about this team is working. Heenan claims that Jamison's parents never got a divorce because neither of them wanted custody so instead “they ran away from home”. For gently caress sake, everyone. I'm the one who comes up with the sick burns so why don't you all lay off the gimmick infringement.

The bell rings and we are underway and immediately dive into an extended stall while the Bushwhackers do everything they can to avoid having to do any actual wrestling. Meanwhile, Jamison is contributing to the action by eating his tie. gently caress me, everything is terrible. Although I guess Butch takes Jamison's advice to get something between his teeth because he bites Blake on the butt. Back to Jamison who's being threatened by the Genius so he pulls out a crusty roll from his pocket and starts to eat but tears off a few pieces to throw the Genius's way. And then he blows his nose into a sock.


NO, THIS IS NOT BULLSHIT

Oh my god, what the gently caress is this? Is this still wrestling? It doesn't feel like wrestling. I feel like I've stumbled into a surreal world of performance art except it's even shitter than performance art normally would be. What the hell is this loving idiot doing blighting my loving PPV? And the match! This match isn't even a match. Nothing at all has happened in the ring ever since the bell rang WHICH WAS OVER FIVE MINUTES AGO. Can everyone involved in this sorry debacle please bugger off from my TV screen and never return? This isn't wrestling. This isn't even sports entertainment cause it fails to hold true to at least 75% of that phrase as well.

After an entire ice age of nothing we finally get some action as Beau cheap shots Luke to give the Beverlys the advantage until Luke replies with a bulldog. A grapple move! An honest and genuine grapple move, bestill my heart. The Bushwhackers whip the Beverlys into each other then they stagger back and in sync trip over the Bushwhackers. It's hardly Shawn and Marty doing synchronised dropkicks. The Bushwhackers nail each of the Beverlys with a double clothesline which sends them to the outside and now we're back to stalling. God, I hate the Bushwhackers so loving match. I think for all the time they spend in the ring they only spend 20% of that time wrestling. The Beverlys keep trying to ambush the Bushwhackers from behind but keep on getting caught and running away. loving hell, if I wanted to watch pantomime I'd be down the theatre seeing a local kids TV presenter waving his knickers around.


This is what British culture looks like

gently caress this, let's go back to talking about the commentary as Heenan claims the Bushwhackers are “living proof that the Three Stooges had children”. Excuse me, the Three Stooges were way smarter than these clowns. Meanwhile, the Beverlys get control of Butch as Beau hits a flying headbutt and the Beverlys team up to deliver a leapfrog crotch. Heenan says that Jamison wears “all designer clothes” which could not be further from the truth. He's such a state that his shoe is loving held together by duct tape, for gently caress sake. Somehow the Genius seems to hear my prayers as he creeps around the ring and gets Jamison with a nasty slap. That was the first good thing to happen in this entire match. The action in the ring is still terminable by the way. Don't worry, I will mention if something important happens.

MOST OFFENSIVE COMMENT

Bobby Heenan: “He wants to leech off the government with my tax money”

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the gently caress up, Bobby. Here is a guy who has clearly got some learning difficulties and is massively vulnerable and need of support. You can't say that kinda thing about him and holy poo poo I've been a rampant dickhole.

Wow.

Ok, I think we need to dial it back here. In the course of this thread we've seen some really offensive poo poo. We've had character portrayals that were racist, sexist and homophobic but there's not been anything quite as maliciously vindictive as Jamison. I need to apologise to all of you for going along with it and playing into it. It didn't really click until Heenan's comment here but I still should have had empathy for this vulnerable person. It's not cool to turn the mentally handicapped into a punchline. Nor is it cool to claim that these people are leeching off society. This is the reason we have a welfare state, because not everybody is capable of supporting themselves. This whole match has been awful enough as it is and now there's a bad taste in my mouth and I just want it all to be over. Please?

Let's go back to talking about the in-ring action because at least it's slightly less awkward that way. Blake connects with a double axe handle and Beau follows it up with a leg drop which gets a whole ton of air. Butch replies with a clothesline and makes the tag then Luke uses Beau to hit the Battering Ram on Blake. However, Blake recovers quickly and nails a double axe handle on Luke while the ref's back is turned and the Beverlys win. After the match the Bushwhackers jump the Beverlys and take each man out with the Battering Ram. They grab the Genius and encourage Jamison to punch him but he's a little scared so he just kicks him in the shin. The Genius goes scurrying away while they all celebrate.


It's times like these I remember wrestling's carnival freak sideshow roots

OH MY GOD THIS WAS rear end. I mean it. Total loving rear end. This match lasted fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes! That's a whole quarter of an hour of the Bushwhackers screaming at the crowd while some poor dude has to pretend to be SEND so the monkeys in the audience can holler. This was a giant loving waste of my time and now it's a giant waste of your time as well. Some matches are poo poo because the guys can't wrestle. Some matches are poo poo because the booking is illogical. Some matches are poo poo because the characters are dumb. Very few times do you get a match that combines all three of those qualities. This was a true piece de resistance of despicable. I don't want to see any of the guys involved in this ever again. Sorry Genius, you're an acceptable casualty.

Takuan
May 6, 2007


Rarity posted:

Elsewhere in the back we find Zombie Mean Gene who is with the Bushwhackers and Jamison. And I'm warning you right now, we're going to lot to talk about with Jamison. Because let me tell you this dork, this cretin, this premiere loving nerd is so gormless he's an insult to the rest of us.

Wasn't the whole idea of the Jamison character supposed to be an Accurate Representation of a typical WWF Fan?

Manic_Misanthrope
Jul 1, 2010

Stromgarde pincushion factory, est. whenever a Troll decides to get near.

Did anyone like Jamison? Ever?

OSW Review posted:

I have written here, "I want this Jamison bloke to die... slowly... stinkyhole."

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


Was Bray Wyatt's spooky singing kid actually Jamison's son, or was that just a joke the pisscast made? I was never sure.

DukeofCA
Aug 17, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

Manic_Misanthrope posted:

Did anyone like Jamison? Ever?

I'm sure Vince thought he was hilarious.

Manic_Misanthrope
Jul 1, 2010

Stromgarde pincushion factory, est. whenever a Troll decides to get near.

DukeofCA posted:

I'm sure Vince thought he was hilarious.

Vince doesn't count as a person.

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


Takuan posted:

Wasn't the whole idea of the Jamison character supposed to be an Accurate Representation of a typical WWF Fan?

Yes.

Also he's not mentally disabled--he's just a huge nebbish nerd and is meant to represent what Vince, Bruce Pritchard, et al. think about their target audience.

WCW and WWF have tackled the issue with mentally disabled characters in actual wrestlers and their treatment was quite different (even worse).

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
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Shiki Dan posted:

Yes.

Also he's not mentally disabled--he's just a huge nebbish nerd and is meant to represent what Vince, Bruce Pritchard, et al. think about their target audience.

He's... he's not?

Nystral
Feb 6, 2002

Every man likes a pretty girl with him at a skeleton dance.

Lipstick Apathy

Rarity posted:

He's... he's not?

He was always the stereotypical nerd from a bad 80s movie. For the time period, I don’t think he’d be considered anything but socially awkward. He reads like Vince saw Revenge of the Nerds on cable one night and made a copy of one of the characters.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

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Nystral posted:

He was always the stereotypical nerd from a bad 80s movie. For the time period, I don’t think he’d be considered anything but socially awkward. He reads like Vince saw Revenge of the Nerds on cable one night and made a copy of one of the characters.

I would argue that the intention of the author and the resultant character as performed are not necessarily one and the same

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

As a Kiwi, most of us were incredibly excited to see that The Bushwackers were joining the WWF.

Then we saw them, and the cultural cringe was something to behold.

Then they added Jamison, and we wanted to deny their existence.

It's a HELL of a brain-breaker to now go back and see them as The Sheepherders, getting booed for being anti-American heels while bleeding all over the place. I thought I was being hilarious by creating the character of Bruce, The Evil New Zealander for a parody e-fed back in the 90's. His entire shtick was being booed for a weird accent and being slightly rude about American's being perceived as pushy and loud.

I guess I was thinking "No-one would EVER have evil Kiwis. It'd be like making Canada out to be the bad guys."

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


I'm not entirely convinced Jamison isn't just some stock footage guy you've photoshopped into these screenshots, as opposed to an actual character that happened in the WWF.

Distorted Kiwi
Jun 11, 2014

"C'mon! Let's tune our weapons!"

Jerusalem posted:

I'm not entirely convinced Jamison isn't just some stock footage guy you've photoshopped into these screenshots, as opposed to an actual character that happened in the WWF.

Oh, he was real. A Wall Street exec-turned-stand-up-comedian-turned-Uber-Nerd.

It's a hell of a career arc.

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

You deserved better, Lanny

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


My one positive memory of Jamison is how in one episode of Prime Time Wrestling, the Berserker for whatever reason tied him up and threw him off a rooftop. In the next episode, Vince and Heenan hosted the show (in front of a studio audience) with Jamison off to the side, on a hospital bed inside the studio, being tended to by a nurse. Before going to a commercial break or wrestling segment, the nurse told Jamison that it was time to take his temperature... and that he had to be on his stomach for it. Vince and Heenan stood in front of this with their backs to the camera and Heenan whispered to Vince, "Quick, open your jacket."

Open Marriage Night
Sep 18, 2009

"Do you want to talk to a spider, Peter?"

Bushwhackers were over with kids. They had a similar appeal as the Ernest movies that were popular at the time.

EDIT: I can actually recall this match from my childhood.The Beverly Bros and the Genius were these Ivy League jerks, and the Bushwhackers were just working class doofuses who were getting picked on for not being the best and brightest. I know Vince was having a laugh at our expense, but I'd still cheer the Bushwhackers over the Beverlys any day.

Open Marriage Night fucked around with this message at Jun 14, 2018 around 23:43

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


The Bushwackers were in this weird limbo where they were very over as a face tag team, but also the bottom rung of the ladder for the tag team division to the point that I could not tell you when they left the company if I wanted to without checking Wikipedia. Kind of like what became of Funaki.

Jason Sextro
Jul 30, 2003

Un alpha en développement depuis quatre ans? C'est incroyable!



They were under contract until 1996

Jason Sextro fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2018 around 18:01

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Wait really? When’s the last match they had?

Jason Sextro
Jul 30, 2003

Un alpha en développement depuis quatre ans? C'est incroyable!



Aesop Poprock posted:

Wait really? When’s the last match they had?

Apparently, Dutch Mantel and Bradshaw.

Jason Sextro fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2018 around 18:01

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

PONYTAR
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Guys, seriously, it's still 1992 in Rarity world

Marmaduke!
May 19, 2009

Why would it do that!?

I got a "WWF's Funniest Moments" VHS for Christmas one year, while they may very well be the funniest moments in WWF history, it had a LOT of Bushwhackers on it. It was undeniably terrible but there was an "interesting" segment with them and ZMG...

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.


Rarity posted:

Guys, seriously, it's still 1992 in Rarity world

WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT FOR PEOPLE!?!

From now on, you post a spoiler, you get a one week probation.

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

My bad I actually thought this was the wrestling questions thread for some reason

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

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In the back, we are saved from this hellscape by the smooth tones of Zombie Mean Gene who's with Legion of Doom. Animal promises to defend their titles against all challengers. Tonight they'll be facing the heaviest team in the WWF's history but that's fine because they're the champions and they're not going to start losing now. Hawk adds that it's also fine that the Disasters want to throw their weight around because “we want to throw your weight around too”. Ok, that's a nice line. He says that after they win the Disasters's tongues will be hanging out like dead deers which is a disgusting image. Then in the biggest shock of the night Zombie Mean Gene sends us back to ringside before Hawk's had a chance to get in his catchphrase! It's a good thing he's already one of the undead because we all know Hawk's about to kill him.

Tag Team Title Match
The Natural Disasters w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Legion of Doom


While I don't have much in the way of love for any of the men involved in this one I'm still quietly hoping that this will be good. Animal and Earthquake's exchanges at Survivor Series did a lot to turn me around so there's a possibility for a solid hoss-off buried in here somewhere. Still, it's very strange that we're blowing it off here though. I figured this one was a lock for WM8. The Disasters are out first and then there's big cheers for LOD as they walk out. These two are crazy over like no tag team we've seen before. Which makes this a great time to honour our latest entrants in...




Ladies and gentlegoons, let me introduce you to Eyas. It means baby hawk, look it up.

There's a bit of a big match feel going on with this one. It's not like massive or anything but this does feel a bit special. Hawk kicks things off with Typhoon and he goes for a couple of shoulder blocks but he rebounds off like he's run into a wall. He follows up with a flying clothesline which manages to get the big man down but he rushes off to make the tag. Hawk tries a dropkick on Earthquake but it gets a no-sell and then EARTHQUAKE GOES FOR A DROPKICK OF HIS OWN. Oh my god what the gently caress what the gently caress. Who the gently caress ever expected that? Hawk's lucky he dodged because otherwise he'd probably be in hospital. Jesus. Animal comes in and gets caught in a slugfest with Earthquake which ends as both men collide in a double clothesline and both go down. Really solid start here, this is what hoss-offs were meant to look like.

Animal lifts Earthquake up for a body slam but just like anytime anyone tries to body slam Earthquake he can't keep him and Earthquake collapses on top of him. The match is starting to fall apart a little at the seams now. Animal nails a diving clothesline on Typhoon and makes the tag to Hawk. Typhoon catches Hawk out of the air when he goes for a crossbody and connects with a series of backbreakers. He slaps on a bearhug but Hawk breaks out and comes off the second rope only to get caught in... another bearhug. Ok, now it's starting to fall apart a lot at the seams.

Luckily Earthquake tags in to save us with his varied and creative offence no wait he's just slapping on a bearhug as well. I'm starting to think that Jimmy is not the strategic genius that he's made out to be. Earthquake whiffs a stinger splash and Animal comes back in with a high shoulder tackle. LOD hit a double clothesline to the Disasters and everyone falls to the outside where things descend into a brawl. Just as my Piper match PTSD is triggering Typhoon gets back into the ring to beat the ref's count to mean the Disasters win. Jimmy grabs the belts and jumps around celebrating as the Disasters lift the titles high as the new champs. New champs!


New... champs?

Don't be silly! As any fool or Gino will tell you there's the champions advantage which means the titles can't be won on a DQ or a countout. This ain't TNA country, boys. Now I'm willing to overlook the Disasters forgetting about this because neither of them have ever displayed any real smarts but this is what Jimmy is supposed to be getting paid for. Poor showing all round tonight, Jimmy. While the Disasters are still celebrating LOD jump them from behind with a chair in an attack that ends with a disgusting chair shot from Animal straight to Earthquake's face. That would be a six figure fine in this day and age, jesus. LOD take back their titles and are announced as retaining the belts by that most sweet of victories, the technicality.

This match started off pretty fun but got worse and worse the longer it went on. None of these men really has the stamina to pull-off the lengthy blow-off that this feud deserves. I'm assuming that this match is intended to build to a rematch at WM8 which is an interesting way of keeping the tension climbing but it's also killed my interest in seeing a rematch. I fear that the first few minutes here were the best that these teams can manage so I don't see how they'll be able to do any better the next go round.

In the back Mooney is waiting for Jimmy and the Disasters post-match and they are mad as hell. Jimmy wants to call his lawyer and he probably should because there's never been a lawsuit Tunney's not been able to lose. The Disasters still believe that they're the champions because they beat LOD fair and square and they decide this is all Tunney's fault. Yeah, Tunney, you should never have put the champion's advantage rule in the rulebook! They vow to beat LOD if they ever face them again. At this point with how bad Tunney is at his job I'm thinking he's already pencilling in a rematch for the dark main event.


Earthquake looks like he's both seen a ghost and is a ghost at the same time

It looks like we've started our interview marathon stage of the evening as Zombie Mean Gene is with Rowdy Roddy Piper and his new IC belt. Piper says that only in America can a “15 skinny year old kid” become champion which makes even less sense than Piper normally makes. He's got the Rumble now and he'll have all the other guys “falling down like President Bush”. Which according to Wikipedia means he'll have them vomiting in the lap of the Prime Minister of Japan. Now that's a PPV gimmick.

Back over to Mooney who reports that there's a lot of tension in the lead up to this Royal Rumble as evidenced by the Barbarian barging into him. Although I suspect this has more to do with the WWF's locker room's endless quest to give Mooney as much poo poo as possible. Mooney wanders through the room to find Shawn Michaels who has got himself a whole new look and has dumped the dead weight that was holding him back because the Rockers are officially no more. AND OH SNAP WE'RE GETTING A CLIP.

So we flashback to an appearance of the Rockers on the Barbershop with Burtus who is apparently recovered from getting his head smashed in by a parasail. The Rockers have been bickering but they clasp hands and hug to make up but then Shawn hits a superkick on Marty! Then he grabs Marty and shoves him head first through the window of the set. Oh Marty, look how badly you Martied yourself out of the Rumble there. For being one of the most famous heel turns in wrestling I've never seen this moment before and while I wish they'd shown the whole segment this was still loving aces.


WHY SHAWN WHY?

Mooney describes this as “one of the most heinous acts he's ever witnessed” so I'm guessing he wasn't watching the Bushwhackers match from earlier tonight. Shawn doesn't see the big deal because he saved Marty from twenty nine other beatings tonight, although none would be as bad the one that Shawn gave him. Shawn has no doubts that he's winning the title tonight and calls himself “the hottest thing” the WWF has ever seen. I liked this interview as a brief taster of Shawn's new character and I'm so drat hype to see how his singles career develops. The only criticism I have is about the ugly as gently caress earrings.


Seriously, those are hideous

Manic_Misanthrope
Jul 1, 2010

Stromgarde pincushion factory, est. whenever a Troll decides to get near.

Rarity posted:


It looks like we've started our interview marathon stage of the evening as Zombie Mean Gene is with Rowdy Roddy Piper and his new IC belt. Piper says that only in America can a "15 skinny year old kid" become champion which makes even less sense than Piper normally makes. He's got the Rumble now and he'll have all the other guys "falling down like President Bush". Which according to Wikipedia means he'll have them vomiting in the lap of the Prime Minister of Japan. Now that's a PPV gimmick.


HE'S GONNA PUKE!

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011


Rarity posted:

The only criticism I have is about the ugly as gently caress earrings.


Seriously, those are hideous

But not that mullet?

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Heenan was on point announcing during the Barber Shop thing too

"These two won't ever turn on each other. They need each other."

*Shawn superkicks Marty*

"I knew he was going to do that."

ShadowedFlames
Dec 26, 2009

Shoot this guy in the face.


Fallen Rib

Jerusalem posted:

Shawn and Marty forever!

Someone may need to do a safety check on J-Ru here....

Shiki Dan
Oct 27, 2010

If ya can move ya toes ya back's fine


DeathChicken posted:

Heenan was on point announcing during the Barber Shop thing too

"These two won't ever turn on each other. They need each other."

*Shawn superkicks Marty*

"I knew he was going to do that."

"JANNETTY TRIED TO ESCAPE THROUGH THE WINDOW!"

Any way, here's the last official match for the Rockers in WWF canon, their title match against the LOD:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSbmxDlKRn0

After this, Marty started teaming with Jim Powers on house shows for about a month until the Barbershop segment.

The last Rockers match was actually about a week after the taping of the LOD title match, in the Tokyo Dome on yet another cross-promotion card between the WWF and Tenryu's SWS.
The Rockers faced the Takano brothers in a solid but mostly pedestrian match....except for the finish:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcFjuCzuczs&t=42m25s

The card was also notable for a hot main event featuring Hogan and Tenryu (considered one of the best matches of Hogan's career) and a MUCH better LOD vs Natural Disasters match than what was in the update.

As over as the LOD was in America, they were arguably even MORE over in Japan and Earthquake was incredibly respected among Japanese fans that were well aware of his sumo career, so they kick things into high gear:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxDcVrFNBaw&t=27m26s

Shiki Dan fucked around with this message at Jun 17, 2018 around 18:15

Jason Sextro
Jul 30, 2003

Un alpha en développement depuis quatre ans? C'est incroyable!



Awesome, LOD used better music in that SWS show.

Jason Sextro fucked around with this message at Jun 17, 2018 around 21:26

anakha
Sep 16, 2009


Say 'Thank you, Ershin'.

Say it.



They even got billed as the Road Warriors in that show. Interesting.

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Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Before Rarity hits the fireworks factory, I figured I’d talk about another media release from this time in WWF history. I’d like to discuss the bane of my childhood, a little game known as Super WrestleMania.

LJN is known for being a sub-par-at-best video game company that specialized in licensed games. They made a handful of WWF games for NES and while they were mostly garbage (their best release around that time was probably the 1991 Superstars game they made for Game Boy), you could give them a pass because it was the NES days. Wrestling games were more miss than hit back then.

Meanwhile, Technos was making the arcade WWF games. They did WWF Superstars and its follow-up WWF Wrestlefest. The latter of which was the ultimate in wrestling videogames of that time. Sure, there have been better games since, but it had everything you could possibly want in a wrestling game during the early 90’s. A vast roster, a simple but unique engine, options to go for the tag titles or just do a fun Royal Rumble, the final bosses cutting a promo, taunts, weapons, cage matches, a bunch of unique and trademark moves and so on.

Sadly, the game would never be ported to the SNES because LJN had the console WWF market cornered. Still, this was a new age. SNES games were able to hit a level of quality equal to or just below certain arcade hits. Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat II, Saturday Night Slam Masters, Turtles in Time, NBA Jam, etc. The next game may not have been Wrestlfest, but it could have been on that level.

In this pre-internet time, we didn’t really get to see footage of upcoming games. We had stills and the words of a Nintendo propaganda magazine.



As a WWF fan, everything looked awfully promising. The graphics were decent enough and everyone was distinct enough. It had a respectable ten-man roster (Hogan, Savage, Sid, LOD, Natural Disasters, Dibiase, Jake Roberts and Undertaker). The select screen pics were photos of the wrestlers, which kind of came off as a big deal back then. It even promised 4-on-4 Survivor Series matches!

Finally, the game was released and... man. Seeing the game in motion sure told a different story than stills and descriptions from a Nintendo advertisement publication. The gameplay itself was mostly about mashing buttons to the point of whoever’s thumb bleeds first wins the lockup.

Otherwise, there were MAJOR problems that were never alluded to in the hype. Even though there was indeed ten characters, there’s actually nothing that separates them other than appearance and name. Not only do all ten characters have the same movesets, damage, height, speed, etc. but there were no special moves tossed in there at all! No Million Dollar Dreams. No DDTs. No Earthquake jumping around like an angry baby before sitting onto his opponent’s ribcage. The best you could do was have Randy Savage do the generic elbow off the top rope and pretend.

The game had no music during the matches and the crowds didn't seem to care all that much.

Not only that, but there was no 1-player mode outside of one-off matches. Even though the back of the box talked up winning the WWF Championship, that turned out to be a big lie. There was no title chase. If you had a match against the computer and won, you’d be rewarded with the choice of either a rematch or returning to the main menu.

Months later, a Genesis version would be released with a different roster (keep in mind that a couple of the names are SPOILERS to this thread, so keep quiet). It did have an option to compete for the title and even added finishers, but the finishers looked like complete rear end across the board. Worst of all of them was the British Bulldog’s powerslam, which was just a bodyslam animation merged with a pinning animation. Some guys didn’t even have the right finishers!

WWF Super WrestleMania was hot garbage and it would get two sequels in the years that followed. Wonderful.

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