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C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


I see Rarity has only now watched her first George Steele match.

spoiler alert the rest are all like this one

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C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Platypus Farm posted:

Legend has it that when the east wind blows just so, Mary Poppins appears in the clouds and can fly around by way of her enchanted parasol.

Legend also has it that Lord Alfred Hayes didn't need any of that poo poo, and would just swing his massive rhinoceros penis like a helicopter

North Carolina
C'Mon and Raise Up
Take Your Dick Out
Twist it Around Your Head
Spin it Like a Helicopter

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Fun fact: that match was how Brutus got the Barber nickname. Before that he was just a guy but afterwards it was straight to the moon!!!!!

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

So let me get this straight. Hacksaw got involved in a conflict between two parties that had nothing to do with him and then proceeded to use underhanded tactics in a manner that hosed over the guys who were supposedly 'on his side'? Hacksaw, you're an actual rear end in a top hat.

No one, besides Tony Schiavone, ever said that Hacksaw was a smart man.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Platypus Farm posted:

"I'll have you know, bobby, that he went to a college, uh, somewhere!"

Might as well throw some context out here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afNOqwJrT8s

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

We play out with a series of stills scored by America The Beautiful as sung by Urethra.

excuse me

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

So here's what comes up for me. Where did this all go wrong? How did we go from a match like this to Sable showing off her tits in 1998 and Kelly Kelly putting on two-minute pissbreak title defences in 2008? It kind of amazes me that while society as a whole became more progressive in its attitude towards women that the WWF regressed the other way. I don't know when they stopped caring about their women's division and I don't want to be spoiled but it feels to me like there was an opportunity here to expand their product and they chose not to take it. I can't believe it's only now, 30 years later, that they've managed to course correct.

Well I don't want to pin the blame all on one man, who I won't name but it starts with a "K" and ends with "evin Dunn that bucktooth pile of trash."



The reason I don't want to pin it all on that man is because Vince Russo deserves a good chunk of blame too.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

The sounds of generic hair metal play as Demolition make their way out, it's some bland attempt at doing KISS and it's exactly what you'd expect of them. But not in the beautiful glory of Rude's music, this is more of an uninspired shrug. And in the interim between Survivor Series and now I've worked out what Demolition are meant to be. They're the WWF's store-brand budget version of the Road Warriors. They've got the face paint, they've got the spikes, they've got the big hefty fuckers doing the wrestling. They just don't have the charisma, the talent or the legacy but hey, you get what you pay for.

Ding ding ding. They're the bagged cereal version of the Road Warriors. And this shouldn't count as spoilers but once you pay for the name brand...

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Maxwell Lord posted:

Odd that the crowd is that small, given this was a hot period. What was the reason for that?

Part of it is just the availability of indoor east coast stadiums large enough in the mid/late 80's. You can't really run an outdoor east coast football stadium in spring due to weather (which WWE found out when they ran Metlife a couple decades later), baseball stadiums aren't available due to the MLB season starting and domed stadiums were in the southeast and midwest, which weren't really WWE territory at the time.

It also wasn't until 23 that they decided Wrestlemania was going to be stadiums only and you've got a proliferation in the southeast/midwest/west coast that you can run, though they've been mostly southeast in the past decade. Before then they ran 6 indoor stadiums in 20 years, one of which (Safeco) they'll never run again and one (Skydome/Rogers) that's iffy at best due to being in Toronto. The rest (Silverdome/Astrodome/Hoosier Dome) have all been replaced but with comparable options (Ford/NRG/Lucas Oil).

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Gaz-L posted:

What about Piper/Valentine Dog Collar?

what about george the animal steele without a shirt

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

I'm not saying that WWE have sole responsibility for the events in Charlottesville but they contribute to systemic culture that has real life consequences.

i cant believe that roman reigns did charlottesville

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


DeathChicken posted:

80s Bossman and Bossman from...I want to say roughly two years from where you are are like two different people. Mainly he drops like a hundred pounds and can suddenly move

Bossman could always move, it's being able to really move. Remember, he got noticed by Dusty because he took the slingshot suplex from Tully and he was probably twice as big as Tully at the time.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Aesop Poprock posted:

Wow that is like dead on. Did anyone ever tweet it to bryan

Twitter wasn't around back then.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Big Coffin Hunter posted:

well it was but the only two wrestlers in WWE regularly using it were CM Punk and Big E

not when the brainbusters were active it wasn't

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Given the state of Andre's body at this time it's more likely that he was fifteen sheets to the wind, but I wouldn't put it past him to get crunk as well.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Platypus Farm posted:

Yeah, I was about to say. Poor andre probably had about eight bottles of wine before he sauntered out to the ring for that segment.

On top of whatever else he had that day.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Shiki Dan posted:

It isn't until 1989 that Bruce Pritchard and Pat Patterson get much better about the concept of laying out storylines for the entire Royal Rumble match (spoilers the 1989 version is much better).

For the run, you can absolutely tell that they're treating this like any other bog standard (pointless) battle royale match during the time with no plots, no big spots, and standard brawling.

The only early concepts you see that continue on are:
a) Really good worker that enter match early and lasts the longest to showcase his talent, unfortunately overlooked by the announcers here. It would be a while before the "longevity" record would become a thing.
b) Monster heel that gets to eliminate a bunch of people

Other than that, it's just basic storytelling with only minimal plot based on feuds (the Harts dump Tito to continue their feud with Strike Force--which didn't go anywhere after this-- and Race and Duggan).

Fun fact is that they tried the Rumble at various house shows with various tweaks and nothing really stuck until Vince and Patterson were talking with NBC Sports Producer Dick Ebersol about Saturday Night Main Event and Patterson tossed out the Rumble as an idea that didn't work. To his and Vince's surprise Ebersol loved the concept as it would work great for TV and gave them a few suggestions.

I know Patterson gets most of the credit for coming up with the idea and the eventual structure, but Dick Ebersol should get credit as well for saving the concept as well.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

What the gently caress was Vince's obsession with the Gang? The guy's been getting a main event level push for a year's worth of PPVs now and he's the drizzling shits. Even by big hoss standards he's dire.

Hogan's run was him vs. enormous guys who looked like they could threaten him (such as Andre, Bundy, Gang, Bossman) or the evil sneaky foreigner (Sheik, Slaughter, Yoko) so they could get as jingoistic as humanly possible.

But wrestling has always loved size, it's why Andre was such an attraction across the world. Vince wasn't an exception to this rule but when your main attraction is 6'8" and the size of a two-car garage you've got to bring in some really big motherfuckers to make him a feasible underdog. Big, coordinated guys are generally the exception, not the rule. For every Bam Bam and Vader there's a bunch of plodding motherfuckers who are lucky to walk without breaking everything in a 500ft radius, including/especially themselves.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Randaconda posted:

well, 6'8" was his billed height, he wasn't nowhere close to that in real life, just like Andre wasn't 7'4"

Right but even if he's like 6'4" he's still juiced to the gills and overall enormous, and if you want to make someone that big look small you've got to bring in some big motherfuckers. The concept's the same.

Vince didn't build around anyone small until the steroid trials came around. Bruno was only 5'10" but was billed at 265 and even if he was only say 230-240 was still an ox of a man.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Randaconda posted:

Meltzer says Andre was probably legit about 6'10" or 6'11"

It also depends on which Andre you're talking about, strapping young Andre or Princess' Bride beat to gently caress Andre, as the former probably has an inch or two on the younger. More when you considered his 'fro.

But it ain't like 6'10-11" is small either.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


It's also a matter that workrate wasn't really a thing back then. Valentine being a good hand and having good matches back then probably wouldn't hold a candle to what we expect out of a ***** match today, and Valentine would probably complain that they're doing too much.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

I just threw up in my mouth a tiny little bit

The Animal has nothing on those three

If it makes you feel any better their workrate was about as equal as it was here.

If you really wanna throw up they wore their same gear, more or less

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:



OH DEAR GOD WHY

did i not loving tell you

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E4V4oi19ow

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Platypus Farm posted:

I have such clear memories of this.

How much cocaine do you have to be on to manage to deliver this promo straight? Like i don't give a poo poo about how many flips you do or how many wrestle moves you might know. Being able to actually sit there, put on a fist hat and deliver a promo without once breaking character is loving impressive.

enough to get your eyes to look like that is the answer

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


KungFu Grip posted:

Yes, Jake, Robin, and Sam Houston are all related because their dad was a bastard

I think that works the other way around.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Davros1 posted:

I like that now Demolition just half rear end their face paint.

They can't sue you for copyright infringement if you do a complete poo poo job of it, I guess.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


sean10mm posted:

The WWF was the rear end end of Dusty's career, it's OK to not be that impressed.

Yeah, WWF Dusty is only notable for Vince being petty as all gently caress and Dusty still managing to spin some gold out of it. But Dusty's one of the best pure babyfaces of all time and it's based on his ability to connect to the fans (especially minorities, to the detriment of actual minorities in the business) and talk them into the building. Besides, when you've got Ric Flair opposite of you, you let Flair do the wrestling for both of you, just bleed and sell.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


DeathChicken posted:

Zeus here would of course go on to have a famous acting career, with such roles as "That guy who got knocked the gently caress out in Friday" and "That prisoner on the boat in Dark Knight". WWF had the Rock here, man

Tiny Lister had himself a life, man.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity I've put up with a bunch of your bad opinions on George Steele and the like but hating on Tiny Lister and saying he's "barely an actor" is a bridge too far.

The man's Deebo. Deebo is the baddest man on the block. He's a box-office legend.

Apologize to Deebo Rarity.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Randaconda posted:

Yeah, Fritz was a special type of scumbag.

The state of Fritz' heart would be better or worse depending on the ticket sales for their next show.

Now I'm sure for most promoters that's the case but Fritz was kayfabing it on TV.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Jason Sextro posted:

Earthquake was great, I'm pretty sure I've seen him throw dropkicks and do poo poo off the top rope

He was less of a hoss in the One Man Gang style and more like Bam Bam Bigelow

Well he wasn't as flashy as a young Bam Bam was, but Quake was an incredibly solid big man who played the monster against Hogan and the like. He's not going to win any track meets or dazzle you with athletics, but Quake isn't going to halfass anything and will take his bumps.

If Rarity's beef is with the bad workers the WWF had in spades, Quake doesn't belong in that list.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Feels Villeneuve posted:

One major problem with current WWE is that there aren't enough fat wrestlers.

Call up Chris Hero thatíll solve everything.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

I loved Mark Henry, I liked Rikishi, I tolerated Viscera, I think I'm doing all right on the bias front

I'm already working up a rebuttal to your inevitable Yokozuna hate post.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Jason Sextro posted:

Yeah they used to be called The Sheepherders and were anything but family friendly.

They've had a legit 5* match and a legit -5* match, so that tells you the spectrum of their work.

But when they were worth a drat they were a violent team having bloodbaths with whomever, I want to say they worked Puerto Rico a lot but someone c/d this for me. But by the time they got to WWF, they weren't worth a drat anymore and were content just to do easy comedy to use what was left of their bodies.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


I can't believe J-Ru cancelled PPV because Hogan went over Zeus like he did.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Sydney Bottocks posted:

This just in, Billy Corgan has bought the J-Ru Network

Well let's not make the man suffer he only cancelled PPV.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Rarity posted:

I was surprised to see the Genius in the ring and surprised to see he didn't suck balls. He actually had a couple of things going for him and I'd be interested in seeing him again which is way more than I thought I'd say.

In a previous life he was Leapin' Lanny Poffo (brother of one Randy Poffo, former minor league catcher and did some other things post-baseball) and was a cruiserweight 20 years ahead of his time. If he came up in the 80's-90's he would have fit right in with the cruiserweight scene that WCW had. But back then high-flying was doing a dropkick or a crossbody off the top so no one knew what to do with him, meaning he spent more time doing promos or sitting at home getting paid to do nothing. Now tbf that latter part is the real American Dream (not Dusty) but still.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Bossman was always an athletic freak; he first got noticed by Dusty when he came in as a job guy and took the slingshot suplex from Tully Blanchard, which was a 400lb guy bumping big for someone less than half his size. Dusty turned him into Big Bubba, a bodyguard for Jim Cornette who just had to stand around and not sell anything, which was good since Bossman was green as goose poo poo. So once he got to WWF as the Bossman and started actually working, he got to show off more of his agility and the more he moved, the more the weight started to come off. Someone post that .gif of him against Kobashi in Japan tia.

Also, since I can't remember where it was in the timeline so I'll throw it behind tags are we at the point where he took that superlex off the cage against Hogan on SNME because that was ridiculous by today's standards, much less back then.

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C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


DeathChicken posted:

That is easily the biggest bump I've ever seen Hogan take. For a man who typically doesn't leave the ground higher than the Legdrop (brother) that's amazing

And apparently that wasn't the only cage match between the two, it was the main event of the house shows for a while and every night Bossman took that bump off the top, meaning Hogan took that bump as well. And that was the old-rear end rings as well that didn't give an inch.

No wonder these guys did all the drugs.

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