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Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Wait I'm genuinely confused. How can someone hate george steele?

Like, he has a green tongue, and he eats turnbuckles???

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Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


sean10mm posted:

Jake the Snake in his prime was fun. He was a "serious" lone wolf villain when everyone else acted like they were cartoons on coccaine.

So, they were just being real, while Jake was the only one pretending he -wasn't-? What a world, what a world!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


sean10mm posted:

Pretty funny huh?

My favorite thing about Jake--well one of my many favorite things about him--was how he was constantly the wettest person. I know he spritzed and studio lights are hot as gently caress, but homeboy was on so much speed and coke that he was constantly just pouring sweat from his entire body. It's hilarious to watch him give a promo where there's sweat constantly dripping off his mustache, off his delicious mullet, and every time he shakes his head there's like a curtain flying off him.

Also its really loving funny on superstars and challenge when Lord Alfred interviewed him because Jake is like intensity personified and Lord Alfred would just stand there smiling stupidly and knowing that he had the biggest penis in the entire world.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity posted:

Oh for gently caress sake.

Legend has it that when the east wind blows just so, Mary Poppins appears in the clouds and can fly around by way of her enchanted parasol.

Legend also has it that Lord Alfred Hayes didn't need any of that poo poo, and would just swing his massive rhinoceros penis like a helicopter

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


C. Everett Koop posted:

North Carolina
C'Mon and Raise Up
Take Your Dick Out
Twist it Around Your Head
Spin it Like a Helicopter

Here you go Hot Rod
Here's my dick in your hand
mate?

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


RZApublican posted:

If the answer was anything other than Brutus Beefcake then that was a waste of an appearance.

Don't worry, he's coming up in a real barn burner of a match soon.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jason Sextro posted:

I don't think Rarity has committed to watching his magnum opus, a Starrcade main event with Hulk Hogan

We could probably convince her to watch it if lord alfred hayes was ever in WCW

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


He pissed vince off by gaining a fuckload of weight, so vince made him dress up like a woman. Also, Adrian was a pretty big star in the 70s and 80s frequently tagging with Jesse "I am Gay, Racist and Macho" Ventura. And uncle elmer was frequently a guy who just sat on the apron whenever hillbilly jim or another of the hick wrestlers would wrestle, and elmer would just sit there and eat chicken. Really.

Also, Hercules Hernandez is really good for a giant muscle. He doesn't show it so much in that match, but he's actually really solid in the ring.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


DJExile posted:

I WILL BROOK NO INSULT OF GREG VALENTINE'S HAIR

It's especially funny because everyone in that match except Davey and Dynamite had feathered mullets

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jason Sextro posted:

Rarity you forgot to mention if Sheiky Baby called him "Gene Mean"

80s Iron Sheik rules imo

Okay gene mean so many is in my army, jews, intelligent jewish peoples like you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KHsNztphWQ

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


LORD OF BOOTY posted:

that sounds like the best job of all time, I would happily take a WWE paycheck just to sit on the apron and eat chicken

Yeah, Elmer was awesome as poo poo. I don't remember where they're from, because I have this pile of terrible quality ancient VHS tapes of wrestling challenge and whatever other weekly junk I could tape back then. Elmer was a mainstay on garbage rear end jobber matches where he'd just sorta fall on a guy, win, and then eat something.

Alternatively, for some reason my granny bought me a bunch of memphis wrestling tapes for christmas one year, and I remember him being prominently featured in a couple of really ridiculous angles that involved, as usual, eating something. Sometimes he'd eat over his opponent and dribble something. Sometimes he'd be having a drink and it'd get all over his overalls. Really Elmer is just a treasure.

Also seconding Power & Glory being loving awesome, and Herc's fantastic olympus promos. He'd also go on tears about "MY NEXT OPPONENT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO STEALING FIRE, THE HYDRA, OR CLEANING OUT THE AGAGA STABLES OR <other wonderfully mispronounced or misunderstood greek myth> I WILL CRUSH HIM WITH THE CHAINS OF OLYMPUS AND HOLD UP THE PILLARS OF HERCULES AND" he'd frequently then trail off or be cut off by someone as he just wandered away.

Actually come to think of it, that's probably where the ultimate warrior stole his shtick

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Bob Uecker will later be literally the best part of a subsequent wrestlemania, don't you worry.

And no, I'm not joking.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity - I was watching poo poo on youtube earlier and found this. It reminded me of your undying love of Lord Alfred "Biggest Dick in the Universe" Hayes, so I thought you might enjoy it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZHW9d8Kho

It's called a bloopers video, but honestly about 3/4 of the thing is about Lord Alfred saying wonderful things.

It includes gems such as: Lord Alfred drinking a protein shake and almost vomiting; Lord Alfred calling Jesse Ventura's hat stupid; Lord Alfred saying the fabulous moolah is odious

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


As a total loving bruti mark I have to weigh in here.

He was awesomely over not despite his absurd, coke-fueled gimmick of a wild man barber with the worst fashion and hair sensibilities ever, but BECAUSE of it. He constantly flummoxed everyone at the commentary table, heel or face or Monsoon, it didn't matter, he was just all over the place all the time. He didn't really have feuds so much as he had brutus the barber acts like a whackjob festivals.

Sean's assertion that he was like four layers of gimmick wrapped up in one is right, although at the time of course, no kid in the world knew that. We just loving loved him for the same reason we loved papa shango. One of them made Ultimate Warrior vomit worms, and the other one looked like he'd been in a fight with a lawn mower and came out the other side to put a sleeper hold on it. Also, yes, he wasn't very good with all the rassle moves and what-not but he did all the poo poo that mattered: slingshots into the ring post, hitting with foreign objects (even though he was a face.......? who cares), and a sleeper that was so strong he had to bounce you off the ropes first.

Also w/r/t koko, jim cornette has a good few stories about him, but the short version is that, yeah he was a solid worker who by the time he got to wwf and got a stupid rear end gimmick didn't really need to bother being good anymore since he knew he wasn't moving up the card. So, he just carried a parrot around and got paid for years on end.

edit; ricky steamboat is a dreamboat

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


C. Everett Koop posted:

No one, besides Tony Schiavone, ever said that Hacksaw was a smart man.

"I'll have you know, bobby, that he went to a college, uh, somewhere!"

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity posted:

Ah poo poo, I'd not picked up on this, thank you!

Trust me, anything that keeps distance between you and wrestlemania 4 is a good thing for the longevity of this thread.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


KungFu Grip posted:

Wrestlemania IV is Karmine's favorite Wrestlemania

I honestly liked WM4 but I like everything from when I was a kid so I'm a terrible judge.

Ted DiBiase is one of my most favorite wrestlers ever and he was great at wm4 so there's that, too.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jake is kinda weird because a lot of his best promo work was on TV tapings and his ring psychology is such that you can't really just watch a blow-off match and have it be awesome.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Feels Villeneuve posted:

I find that Jake's matches can be good if you're watching the TV angles along with the match and get into the booking but they're not that much to re-watch on their own.

Yeah his stuff is weirdly in depth for wrestling angles. I mean there are some terrifying one-off promos but you sorta gotta go with the whole deal.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


What we have here jess, this is a happening! This--perhaps the biggest event in all of professional wrestling history--is a happening the likes of which no one has ever seen.

A

HAPPENING

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


sean10mm posted:

Also I think 90% of his "big" matches happened on Saturday Night's Main Event instead any of the PPVs for some reason, including vs. Steamboat (twice), Savage (twice), and Rick Rude.



Christ those matches with savage and rude were amazing. Rude was absolutely the perfect foil for jake.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Demolition owns, the usos are impossible to tell apart and OF COURSE they all have twin kids because how else could they be more identical !!!

But no, demolition owns and I don't care how much poo poo I get for saying it, they were a better LOD than LOD because at least demolition didn't make it a mission to get as junked up as possible and break jobber necks for fun.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Well and now that they can just stick the actual survivor's series matches on the pre-show then survivor series is literally just another PPV

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jenkem Delivery posted:

Wasn't that Jake the Snake's wife on Rude's tights? Or was that a different match? I remember that being a thing

There was an angle later that involved Rude creeping on jake's [then] wife which led to an excellent feud that, in classic jake fashion, took place mostly away from PPVs.

Also there was a snowball rib which I'll just go ahead and leave at that.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


DJExile posted:

i would love that

Jimmy: "Put my face on my back, man!!"
"okay, sure. I can do that"

Rude: "Put my face on my crotch!"
"wait, what"

More like "put your wife's face on my crotch"

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jenkem Delivery posted:

Would posting that gif count as a spoiler?

Like Sean up there said, I don't think the feud actually intersects in a major way with any PPV she's going to see. It was basically all on WWF Challenge/Superstars and a blow-off at MSG followed by a much less good blow-off a few days later on WWF Challenge

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


It's either verbal confirmation, nodding "yes" or in extreme cases such as the deadly bear hug or the sleeper hold or sometimes a full-nelson they will raise and drop the arm. 3 drops and you're out, buddy!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jerusalem posted:

Looks like this is the end of Hulk Hogan, if you ask me.

Up goes the arm... and down it drops!

Up goes the arm... and down it drops!

Up goes the arm... and dow-




This crowd is going bananas! They are literally, Jesse, hanging off the rafters!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Gaz-L posted:

Would you say it is something of a happening?

This is such a happening that the happening is so thick you can cut it with a knife!

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Jason Sextro posted:

I seriously love Raymond Rougeau's shoot interview because he is the chillest, politest guy probably ever to be a professional wrestler.

Except for George "The Animal" Steele who I will never forgive rarity for being mean to

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Shiki Dan posted:

Boxing/Wresting crossovers have nonetheless been one of those ideas that work much better on paper than in practice.

Yes, there is a crossover, but for the most part boxing fans turn down their noses at "fake stuff", and wrestling fans find actual fighting to be "boring".

The only times in Wrestling that boxing has managed to crossover over successfully are like...Ali/Inoki (still scripted, and only happened b/c both men were friends and Ali desperately needed the $$$), Tyson/Austin (again, scripted, and focused more on Tyson as a character rather than a boxer), and Big Show/Mayweather (also a work, but better than it had any right to be, although WWE couldn't foresee Mayweather as a heel during the buildup).

I mean there's basically no evidence at all to back up your claim.

Anyway, since I like both boxing and pro wrestling but don't like UFC much I'll say that is "the most part" because it's my point of view.

Also I think we are overlooking Rowdy Roddy Piper v. Mr. T's boxing match which was an incredible crossover event!

edit: and also gorilla v ali was actually pretty entertaining for what it was.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


C. Everett Koop posted:

Given the state of Andre's body at this time it's more likely that he was fifteen sheets to the wind, but I wouldn't put it past him to get crunk as well.

Yeah, I was about to say. Poor andre probably had about eight bottles of wine before he sauntered out to the ring for that segment.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


As someone who stood next to andre the giant at a wrestling show as a very young child, I can tell you that andre's shoot height is "the biggest thing that a six year old can possibly imagine"

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity posted:



OH DEAR GOD WHY

Totally owns

edit: I wish I could find you a picture of Lord "Alfred" Biggus Dickus Hayes doing the helicopter with his weenie but I don't think hot rod ever took pictures of it.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Rarity posted:

Wait, seriously? I knew JYD was gone but I figured he'd just retired. How the gently caress do you fire JYD for blow and not fire 75% of the locker room?

Same way you fire duggan and iron sheikh -- they get caught with it by humanoids

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!



I have such clear memories of this.

How much cocaine do you have to be on to manage to deliver this promo straight? Like i don't give a poo poo about how many flips you do or how many wrestle moves you might know. Being able to actually sit there, put on a fist hat and deliver a promo without once breaking character is loving impressive.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Your growing appreciation of Big Bucks Ted and grudging approval of Big Jonathan Studly have almost made me forgive you for George.

Almost.

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


OldTennisCourt posted:

Ya know, I kinda talked poo poo about this project going nowhere at the end of the first thread but I have to give total kudos to Rarity for legit giving this, pretty insane, project a drat good shot.

I'm legit shocked it's come as far as it has.

May this thread last until it is as long and as thick as Lord Alfred Hayes's Johnson

Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


I will never forget being called a "big, fat, ugly, bunch of fort worth hick sweathogs" by rick rude.

Also I will never forget his instructions to "look how a real man looks" and also to 'cut the music' but that's a little more specific.

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Platypus Farm
Jul 12, 2003

Francis is my name, and breeding is my game. All bow before the fertile smut-god!


Big Dave is an rear end Hole for saying anything bad about uncle elmer

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