Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


What's the most exaggerated "The streets are a WARZONE OF CRIME!!!" movie?

Lots of contenders for that one from the 1980s.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Basebf555 posted:

Can you elaborate a bit on what you mean by "nonsense"? I only ask because a lot of people would probably call the plot of John Wick 2 nonsense but I absolutely love the insane world of that movie. Is it along those lines, or more of just a completely nonsensical plot that's impossible to even follow?

It's not as good as Wick 2 so don't expect that.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Who invented the movie quip? They are worse than Hitler.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Lobok posted:

Liam Neeson?

He did it for the A-Team movie, oddly enough.

By Taken #12 I'm sure he gave zero fucks about anything though.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Wheat Loaf posted:

I always liked the story about Michael Gambon being offered the role of James Bond where he protested to Cubby Broccoli:

Funny thing is that Connery was an amateur bodybuilder before he got the Bond role, and completely dropped that stuff and just had a generic not-fat 1960s male physique for his classic run of Bond movies.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


I think you see the transition to making normal actors get jacked for action roles in the early 2000s, give or take. Like Hugh Jackman in X-Men was just a ordinary looking fit dude, but by X2 in 2003 he's huge.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Wheat Loaf posted:

Jackman's thing is that he works out really, really hard before he does an X-Men movie, then lets it go once he's finished until the next one's ready to start.

Conversely, I think Henry Cavill's supposed to have enjoyed the regimen he was put on when he was cast as Superman and kept it up after he finished Man of Steel, which is why he looks like Superman all the time.

Yeah, and also IIRC he had to get way smaller to play other roles in-between where he's a physically normal human.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Halloween Jack posted:

The insane thirst for troop dick didn't exist in 1997. It's entirely a propaganda product of the War On Terror.

There was some around the Gulf War, but it was pretty mild and pretty transient compared to what we got from 9/11 to now.

It also had an undercurrent of "making up for" how Vietnam veterans were treated. Even though people's ideas about that were based on Hollywood action movies as much as anything real.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


poo poo, I think the first Jackie Chan movie I saw was fuckin' Operation Condor.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Wheat Loaf posted:

A few years ago, Nathan Rabin did a series of articles for the Dissolve called "Forgotbusters" about movies that enjoyed great popularity in their day but didn't have longevity commensurate with their immediate success.


The original xXx was one of them
and its basic thesis was that it "tried to make James Bond irrelevant" in the same year that Die Another Day came out, but failed largely because of the other "game changer" spy movie that came out that year: The Bourne Identity.

Avatar is probably going to be the king of this if/when Avatar 2 craps the bed.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Schneider Heim posted:

Thanks to discussion of the thread I've started watching all the Mission: Impossible films as well. I really liked 1 but I didn't understand the opening scene very much, like what was the deal with the bloodied woman on the bed, the fake room, and stuff? Also that part where Ethan's teammate follows the guy with the disk who gets pulled through a fence and stabbed, and then she gets stabbed too, like couldn't you have just stepped back from the fence? But it was all good.

I didn't like 3 very much (I guess I expected a lot more but it was just okay), skipped 4 because of that, watched 5 in theaters because I had nothing to do and was basically blown away. I guess I saw a bit of 2 in the bus so I have to see it in full.

4 is more like 5 than 3 so you should probably go back to it.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


LORD OF BOOTY posted:

Oh gently caress

That's going to be loving awesome if it ever gets made

Warcraft suggests...not?

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


I liked Seagal as an enjoyable trash-tier action star through Under Siege doing gross arm snaps and poo poo. But he kept getting fatter and giving less of a poo poo about anything, and of course was always a huge rear end in a top hat IRL.

e: I love the facial expressions he pulls in almost all the screen shots here.

http://www.imfdb.org/wiki/Above_the_Law

sean10mm fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Mar 16, 2018

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Under Siege was more of a real movie, but I don't know that it's the best STEVEN SEAGAL MOVIE if you know what I mean.

The pre-Under Siege movies were all mean-spirited exploitation movies where pre-fatness Seagal did gross poo poo to bad people. They weren't actually good, but they were kind of a breath of fresh air. Stupid, limb-snap-y fresh air. Weirdly, they were often less right-wing than the preceding 80s action movies. Then his brain broke (more) and he became a Putin fanboy and whelp.

Also:

Ruthless Reviews posted:

Seagal encourages a young soldier to occasionally question authority and think for himself. Busy says that Seagal ďhates America.Ē Seagal blows Busy up with a shell the size of my couch.

We joke around about it, but seriously, itís pretty striking how the militantly right wing films of this genre are uniformly super, super gay, while commie Seagal is usually Out For Pussy. The evidence is more overwhelming than I ever thought it would be.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


McSpanky posted:

I can't believe there was like two pages of classic pre-nutso(er) Seagal discussion and nobody brought up Hard to Kill, the movie that features a resplendently bearded Seagal outmaneuvering his assassins by rowing his coma bed around a hospital with a mop.

In that movie a woman got hypnotized by his bone while he was in a coma, right?

STONECUTTER G HURRICANE

THE G IS FOR GUAPO WHICH MEANS HANDSOME

ALSO THE G IS FOR GIANT PENIS

no really guys

sean10mm fucked around with this message at 12:56 on Mar 18, 2018

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

I liked Ebert a lot and thought he was a great writer but when he missed, he missed big.

His negative review of The Thing is an outstanding example of this too.

""The Thing" is basically, then, just a geek show, a gross-out movie in which teenagers can dare one another to watch the screen."

Woof.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Tezcatlipoca posted:

The genius of The Thing is that Ebert is right.

Not really. The gore is amazing but the film runs on creating a great paranoid atmosphere between those moments.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Halloween Jack posted:

I like TMP much more than most people, but I also have a fetish for bald women, so YMMV.

I think I just like old effects-heavy movies with cool soundtracks, and don't care if they're slow as hell, so naturally I dig TMP.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


So I actually like the movie The A-Team.

It's basically asking, "What if a team of soldiers existed who a) really were as heroic as all our rah-rah ARE TROOPS bullshit makes them out to be, b) unironically believed in America's stated ideals, and c) actually acted on them?"

Its answer is, "Every American institution tries to destroy them at once, in the time it takes to type out this sentence." Like 2/3 of the movie is them at war with the Department of Defense, CIA and Blackwater simultaneously

The entire movie runs on the fact of how overpoweringly naive you have to be to buy any of this poo poo. Which Hannibal totally is. He's the only guy in the room that really, truly wants to limit loss of life in Iraq, for instance, but has no idea that this is the case. He's completely sincere about the idea of American intervention saving lives, which makes him and his team an intolerable danger to what American intervention is actually for. Sincerity wanting to do good, taken to its logical conclusion, makes the entire American enterprise in Iraq poo poo its pants in this movie. The only guy who can thread the needle and get them out of the mess even temporarily is... the team's con man, because the whole scenario is bullshit. He sees it for what it is.

The extended cut is actually worse than the theatrical cut. You get like one good Murdoch joke in return for a half hour of dull filler.

Fart City posted:

I think the MVP of this for me is Demolition Man, where the apocalyptic hellscape it opens with is set a mere three years after the year of its release.



Demolition Man is the MVP in general tho.

I mean not really, but it's tons of fun regardless.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Wheat Loaf posted:

I haven't seen it but I'm trying to imagine Liam Neeson's accent in it.

"Aye luv it when a plawn comes tagethair!"

He fights the accent to... mixed results.

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD posted:

There's an extended cut of that movie? In theaters it was already like two hours and change. Anyway, I also really like that movie.

The extended cut is the one they show on TV most of the time, it seems like. It adds a ton of Jessica Biel's "investigating" for no discernible reason, and I think 1 joke scene about Murdoch getting electroshock therapy. The blu-ray has both versions fortunately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3kHy9TCr-Q

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


CelticPredator posted:

Predator 2 is a good 1997 hellscape.

Oh hell yeah, that opening urban war zone scene is just hilariously over the top.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Halloween Jack posted:

And for contrast, consider how John Carpenter's films in the 90s looked like cheesy ripoffs of himself.

Most of them were literally low budget. Prince of Darkness is a movie about universal apocalypse made for a budget of whatever was buried in Carpenter's couch cushions for instance.

E: that was late 80s but still.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


I do have a soft spot for Under Siege, it's the one time Steven Seagal made something that felt like a real movie!

Everything else he made was either fun trash (early career snappin' arms before he got fat) or just poo poo (everything after Under Siege, basically.)

I vaguely remember hearing that the Guy Pearce movie Lockout was OK, is that true?

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


MeatwadIsGod posted:

Yeah, I preferred Bourne because it doesn't rely on magic gadgetry and has lots of cool commonsense stuff like Bourne knocking out a goon and taking his earpiece so he can keep tabs on other pursuers. Plus I love all the fight scenes, shakycam or no. They're still a tad bit schlocky but are really enjoyable. I saw the trailer for the newest one and could tell they were totally out of ideas. MI has managed to stay fresh and I think the varied directors and larger scale is a big part of that.

It should be noted that The Bourne Legacy or whatever with Jeremy Renner is not included in my love of the series because lol. The Bourne trilogy is damned great, but I leave it there.

I like the first 3 Bourne movies overall, but the shaky cam got downright STUPID in some scenes. Like at one point you have two people sitting down having a quiet conversation indoors... and the camera is just oscillating for some loving reason? Just get the gently caress out with that poo poo.

Fart City posted:

The first Jack Reacher is legit underrated.

Werner Herzog as the puppet master villain? Címon!

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


verdigris murder posted:

You really do come across as some holier than thou, pompous fool. With a massive chip. Iím not Louis Ck, and using melodramatic words like Ďexposedí invests way more in my horrific racist triggering than is actually available for you to use to shovel into your furnace of outrage that drives your train of Justice.

Its actually indicative of a more widespread insidious issue: for many users of the internet, thereís a profound narrowing of the gap between how they relate and measure abstract, immaterial and for the most part, meaningless events and words online with how they would interpret and process real life events. The ideological vacuums that bucket around the web are slowly transmuting into the real world and thatís not a good thing.

Much of the above, in relation to quote pulling from my history just comes across as not only disingenuous but to be perfectly honest pretty pathetic. And I really dislike Louis CK.

And while Iím here, deplatforming is another hosed up thing. Whoever thought that was a good idea should be sent away on a train.

Counterpoint: I can just read this post you just made and know immediately that you're an insufferable prick.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


CYBORG 2: GLASS SHADOW with Jack Palance! Just look at this:

Only registered members can see post attachments!

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Predator 2 might have the best "80s crime panic" opening ever.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Halloween Jack posted:

So is Ermey's speech from On Deadly Ground the cautionary tale?

I'm not sure it's even the best Steven Seagal movie version of that.

quote:

Commander Krill: Ryback's file wasn't IN personnel. It was in the Captain's private cabinet. Ryback is an ex-SEAL.

Doumer: The Goddamn cook's a SEAL?

Commander Krill: Shut up and listen. "Expert in Martial Arts, Explosives, Weapons and Tactics. Silver Star, Navy Cross, Purple Heart with Cluster, and Security Clearance revoked after Panama." That means he couldn't hold any rating except that of a yeoman or a cook. How little did I know.

Shadow: We just lost two more men in the Engine Room!

William Strannix: You were told to review the personnel file on every individual on this ship.

Commander Krill: I know what I was told, but I didn't have access to the Captain's files at that *time*!

Doumer: I'll get this fucker myself!

William Strannix: Oh no, calm down. You wanna get killed?

Commander Krill: Are you an *idiot*?

Doumer: You're calling *me* an *idiot*?

Commander Krill: Yeah, I'm calling you an idiot!

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Tezcatlipoca posted:

The one from First Blood is the best.

https://youtu.be/sdEONLwlkjo

Better cautionary take from First Blood:

Rambo: Don't look at me, look at the road! That's how accidents happen.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Halloween Jack posted:

Bad Boys 2 had that ending where the drug lord gets shot and steps on a landmine.

Also the Tropic Thunder landmine scene.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Narzack posted:

I don't know, man. Like, it's a top tier Van Damme movie ( probably up there with Bloodsport and Kickboxer), but I don't think it's very good Woo.

Yeah it's not so much Woo-y as craz-y IMO.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


brocked posted:

At least his nickname was "Dutch" in Predator

Matrix: You know, when I was a boy and rock and roll came to East Germany, the Communists said it was subversive... (thinks for a moment) Maybe they were right?

They actually thought of everything in Commando.

e: My favorite bit of Commando stupidity/genius is when they know the fuel receipt was for a sea plane because it's AMPHIBIAN FUEL.

sean10mm fucked around with this message at 19:43 on Sep 6, 2019

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Blast Fantasto posted:

^Heís like 5í10Ē so smaller than Schwarzenegger but not exactly Tom Cruise

Staying Alive is fascinating to me. Saturday Night Fever is such a grim, honest movie about youth culture. Then Staying Alive is this overblown goofy thing.

If Staying Alive had come out in 79 and Rocky was the only movie Stallone had made to that point, you would have thought he was the perfect person to make a consistent sequel to Saturday Night Fever. But by 83 he had already made Rocky 3 which was the first time we saw his tendencies to get goofy as a director/writer.

More like 5'8" IRL. But he's always acted like a 5'4" dude trying to fake being way taller, he's got a big ol' complex about it.

https://www.celebheights.com/s/Sylvester-Stallone-347.html

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


MrBling posted:

You're probably thinking of this scene from Armour of God 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tA-9m3j7_Q

edit: skip to 2:30 if you don't want to see jackie chan doing cool stuff on a bike

That gag with the goggles to start the scene is such a fun detail.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


quote:

but without the campiness.

Unless I watched the wrong clip just lol, like Bennett 2.0 was legendary

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Basebf555 posted:

Maybe it's just a generational thing. Stallone and Arnold weren't exactly known for having small egos when it came to how their characters were presented either.

Rocky always got the piss beat out of him even when he won, and Arnold had a protracted fight with out of shape Australian Freddie Mercury at the end of Commando, somehow.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


What those gifs taught me is you need blanks and squibs for days or the director is a gently caress.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


The one blight on the wick movies is all the cg blood instead of real squibs and poo poo.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


poonchasta posted:

Nobody was enjoyable. I don't think I could watch it again, though, because it's basically Boomer Dad Power Fantasy: The Movie.

Also, does anyone else remember the very first John Wick trailer where they called him The Nobody instead of Baba Yaga?

Better or worse than Taken?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


I remember the first one being fine as far as action went, and then the rest go pear shaped because they have 500 cuts per second to hide how Neeson either can't or won't move faster than some metaphor for slowness.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply