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KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008


____________________________


AUG 20!!!

WWE Universal Title Fatal 4 Way Match
Brock Lesnar(c) w/ Paul Heyman vs. Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe

WWE Championship Match
Jinder Mahal(c) w/ Singh Brothers vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

WWE US Title Match with Special Guest Referee: Shane McMahon
AJ Styles(C) vs. Kevin Owens

WWE Smackdown Tag Team Title Match
The New Day(c) vs. The Usos

WWE Smackdown Women's Title Match
Naomi(c) w/ The Glow vs. Natalya

WWE Raw Women's Title Match
Alexa Bliss(c) vs. Sasha Banks or Nia Jax

WWE Crusierweight Title Match
Neville(c) vs. Akira Tozawa w/ Titus O'Neil

Enzo Amore in a Cage Above the Ring
Big Cass vs. Big Show

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

____________________________

Raw Results

Miz TV opened Raw and Miz called out Jason Jordan, Angle came out and said his son is facing Axel later tonight but he has a different guest for Miz TV. It's Brock Lesnar. Miz mocks Brock and Heyman because he's stupid and Brock kills Miz, Bo and Axel.

Sheamus beat Seth Rollins when Cesaro distracted Seth. They beat down Seth after the match.

Seth hobbled backstage and yelled at Dean Ambrose for not saving his rear end. Dean told him to gently caress off because they aren't friends and he still hates him. Seth tells him to get over it because it was 3 years ago and that doesn't matter anymore. Dean said he has Cesaro tonight because he always has to clean up Seth's messes.

Jason Jordan comes out to his awful theme and no reaction. Axel is too hurt to wrestle so Angle calls over a jobber to go out and wrestle his son. The jobber gets more cheers than Jordan and Jordan is actually booed.

Jordan defeats Jean Pierre Goulett

Bayley comes out to talk about her shoulder injury. The crowd is booing her and Bayley says she thanks the people not booing her for their well wishes. She's asked who she thinks is going to face Alexa Bliss at Summer Slam. She says Sasha and Sasha instantly comes out and hugs her.

Sasha defeats Emma and Alicia Fox.

Renee Young interviews Braun Strowman, he says he likes to hurt Roman Reigns and the crowd popped big time. Braun said he's not a big dog, Roman is just a whimpering puppy.

Enzo and Big Show come out and cut a promo about Big Cass. Gallows and Anderson come out and mock them. Enzo references Austin Powers in 2017.

Gallows and Anderson defeats Enzo and Big Show. Big Cass came out and distracted Enzo and Show. Big Cass beat down Enzo and Show until being laid out with the WMD. Cass eventually got up and walked away on his own.

Finn Balor came out to talk about Bray Wyatt. He said Bray gives him the creeps because Bray doesn't care about winning, he just cares about hurting people. Finn calls him out either way. Bray shows up but Finn was waiting for him and out smarted Bray. Finn kicked Bray's rear end so hard Bray vanished to cut a promo on Finn on the tron.

Dean Ambrose defeated Cesaro. Sheamus and Cesaro tried beating him down but Seth came down for the save. Dean was thankful and put his fist out for Seth, but Seth just walked off like an idiot.

Titus World Wide are talking about Tozawa's Crusierweight Title shot. Neville comes in and tells them that Daivari gets revenge tonight against Tozawa.

Tozawa beats Daivari.

Roman Reigns is interviewed and he says he didn't watch Miz TV. He says he retired Undertaker at WRestlemania and he will retire Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.

Nia Jax beat Dana Brooke and Mickie James. It's Nia vs Sasha next week then.

Goldust cut a promo saying he was scouting talent for his next big picture, a new hero, a new villain, or a new starlett. He says he'll be watching at Summerslam.

Cass demanded a match against Big Show at SummerSlam but he wanted Enzo to be banned form the arena, from Brooklyn, from the state. Kurt suggests putting him in a shark cage. Cass said that works for him. So its Enzo above a cage during Big Show vs. Big Cass.

Braun Strowman threw an office chair at Roman Reigns. He also won the Last Man Standing match when Samoa Joe choked out Roman. Braun was about to lose before Joe's interference. This ended Raw.

____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • Recap of last week's Shinsuke Nakamura/John Cena dream match for a shot at the WWE Title at Summerslam, which Shinsuke won. Included the attack by Corbin after the show went off the air, and John Cena returning to make the save, giving Corbin the AA through the table.

  • John Cena came out and put over Shinsuke beating him clean, offering no excuses. Corbin came out (with new music) to bitch about Cena getting in his business, so Cena called him a skinny-fat dumpster fire and got the crowd chanting "Dumpster Fire". He offered Corbin to come to the ring and fight him, and Corbin was on his way before stopping and noting that as the Money in the Bank Briefcase holder, he could go where he wanted and do whatever he wanted, and Cena wasn't worth his time. Daniel Bryan came out to a huge reaction and informed Corbin he would be facing John Cena in a match at Summerslam.

  • The Usos defeated Sami Zayn and Tye Dillinger after a blind tag gave the Usos the chance to blindside Tye and take out his knee, then throw him into a submission. Afterwards they did an in-ring promo calling out The New Day, saying they'd regain the tag titles at Summerslam. The New Day's music played, but they ran in from behind and blindsided the Usos, grabbed chairs and were preparing to take Jimmy's head off when Jey managed to grab him and they escaped up the ramp.

  • Randy was interviewed backstage about his match with Rusev at Summerslam, and his match tonight against Jinder. Randy claimed that since Jinder wouldn't have the Singhs with him, he wouldn't be able to get away or be saved by anybody else.

  • Fashion Peaks included another amazing noticeboard gag (including a sketch of "Bob" with Tyler's crudely drawn picture of his assailant scrawled over it) and a number of Lynch/Wrestler related puns. Tyler had called in The Ascension to discuss last week's dream, but they just stole his drat good cherry pie. Fandango returned and Tyler was concerned he'd been Dougie'd, but he explained he'd been abducted by aliens and stuck around because of the anal probeswardrobes. Arn Anderson arrived and admitted he destroyed "Tully the hobby horse" because it should have been named after him instead, he was the hoss of the group! Once again the crowd could be heard laughing and happily following along.

  • Lana faced Charlotte in a match, revealed to be due to her aimlessly pondering to Tamina last week how she wanted to be more like her, so maybe she'd face Charlotte why not? Lana got in a bit of offense but Charlotte still ended up rather easily beating her with her Figure 8 Submission.

  • Shane McMahon introduced Kevin Owens and AJ Styles to discuss their upcoming Summerslam match. Owens admitted he was fired up the previous week when he claimed Shane couldn't be impartial, made a fantastic crack about Bret Hart, and showed footage from the time AJ jumped Shane backstage and slammed his head through the window of a car with a magic camera inside of it. AJ said he wasn't fooled by Owens but admitted that if Shane ended up screwing him he would face repercussions like he did at Wrestlemania. Owens showed video of Shane screwing Steve Austin out of a pinfall in 1998 when he was Special Guest Referee. AJ had enough of the mindgames and suggested they have their US title match now, but Owens turned him down (and got in a shot at Toronto as well). Owens shoved AJ, and when Shane got between them, AJ accidentally hit Shane, much to Owens delight as he left the ring.

  • Tamina and Lana came to an agreement that while they were different, they were both ambitious, and Tamina insisted that now Lana was going to help her achieve hers.

  • Carmella defeated Naomi in a non-title match after the surprise return of James Ellsworth, whose suspension was up, tripping Naomi and giving Carmella the chance to superkick and pin her. Backstage, Nattie "welcomed" Ellsworth back and warned him and Carmella not to get involved in her title match at Summerslam.

  • Renee Young did a pre-taped sit-down interview with Shinsuke Nakamura including video packages, where he talked up John Cena but reminded us he beat him.

  • Randy Orton pinned Jinder Mahal clean with an RKO in a non-title match where Jinder didn't have anybody to interfere on his behalf. Shinsuke Nakamura watched the match from backstage.

  • Just as the show ended, Randy was posing at the entranceway when Rusev appeared and superkicked him.

Somebody fucked around with this message at 10:15 on Aug 9, 2017

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That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010

[Wrestles you to the ground all playfully] Hahahah let's kiss

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold
Braun should make throwing a chair his new finisher

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Every week/month I think it can't get worse for Bayley

But uh boy I really think it's going to be hard to get worse than Injured Bayley Getting Booed Enough To Respond To It On-Air

Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...

I hate when my favorite 90s teen sitcom starts adding characters in later seasons

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
Are "Sheamus & Cesaro" ever gonna get a team name, they've been tagging for almost a full year now.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
Summerslam is going to be Very Good. I feel for Bayley, people are jerks.

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR
Look I just think if you're gonna do that finish have Joe choke out both and have the episode end with Joe standing tall. :shrug:

Or Joe chokes out one and Brock F5s the other. :shrug:

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Summerslam is going to be Very Good.

Yeah, uh, this card is feeling really stacked. If they don't book it like jackasses, this could be hella good.

I mean it probably still won't be better than Takeover, but, hey.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

The main event and its ending completely salvaged that Raw for me. Braun is fantastic, Joe choking out Roman before he could get the win was great, and it completely overshadowed the otherwise fairly bland and uninspiring show that preceded it.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.
Wow incredible Roman Reigns has yet another great TV main event. Rest of show was bad. Push Roman more, and Braun.

Barreft
Jul 21, 2014

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Summerslam is going to be Very Good. I feel for Bayley, people are jerks.

How do you know Summerslam will be Very Good?

Intruder
Mar 5, 2003

Roman is good and I hope he can heal the rift between his former friends to form a new, better Shield

VJeff posted:

Yeah, uh, this card is feeling really stacked. If they don't book it like jackasses, this could be hella good.

Saving this post for when Khali beats up Shinsuke to help Jinder retain

Jackie D
May 27, 2009

Democracy is like a tambourine - not everyone can be trusted with it.


Well how is fire pro OP

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

Barreft posted:

How do you know Summerslam will be Very Good?

Because the card looks really great and honestly WWE usually delivers on stacked Summerslam cards.

Looking like the card I conjured up a couple weeks back will be pretty close to right, except the Enzo stip and the Revival not being on it, which makes me think maybe they'll just do Hardys/The Club in a pre-show match or something.

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Sorry about the Hardys btw

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.

Barreft posted:

How do you know Summerslam will be Very Good?

Lots of the matches look good.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

Chris James 2 posted:

Sorry about the Hardys btw

Say awwwwwww :(

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

Barreft posted:

How do you know Summerslam will be Very Good?

because there are a bunch of interesting matches, its not rocket science

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

Chris James 2 posted:

Every week/month I think it can't get worse for Bayley

But uh boy I really think it's going to be hard to get worse than Injured Bayley Getting Booed Enough To Respond To It On-Air

I didn't tune in til the main event. Yikes, how bad was it?

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

Ragnarok the Red posted:

I didn't tune in til the main event. Yikes, how bad was it?

People were booing her during a legit injury promo and she looked like she wanted to cry and I don't blame her to be honest.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008
hey remember when everyone cheered and felt bad for finn balor after his separated shoulder injury

remember when they did the same for a not that serious actually sasha banks injury where she said she'd take off ofr a while but was back in a wee or two

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Setter is Better.

KungFu Grip posted:

hey remember when everyone cheered and felt bad for finn balor after his separated shoulder injury

Wrestling fans are misogynistic. Alexa Bliss fans especially.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

I did dig how Bray teleports in the ring for the 1000th time and Finn was just chilling on the ropes like,"Yeah I've figured out what happens when the lights go out, dude."

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo

SamuraiFoochs posted:

People were booing her during a legit injury promo and she looked like she wanted to cry and I don't blame her to be honest.
I switched channels right as she was coming down to the ring because I knew it would be uncomfortable to watch

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005

I'm convinced Joe might be one of the most invincible wreslters heat-wise ever. You can have him lose, book him like poo poo for years in TNA, whatever, and when he shows up and does something everyone will just immediately buy him as a killer without a blink of an eye.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

I'm convinced Joe might be one of the most invincible wreslters heat-wise ever. You can have him lose, book him like poo poo for years in TNA, whatever, and when he shows up and does something everyone will just immediately buy him as a killer without a blink of an eye.

He's really good at presenting himself as a big deal and someone who can kick anyone's rear end.

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
There was no reason to even send Bayley out there. We already know she's injured, just have Cole give the update and throw up a tweet screenshot like they do for literally every other injury news.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold

Ragnarok the Red posted:

I didn't tune in til the main event. Yikes, how bad was it?

they sent bayley down to the ring to do a cringey af interview with dasha

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


If Bayley was seriously injured they wouldn't have her in a ring cutting promos because she would be at home or getting surgery. Instead, they trotted her out to talk about how sad she is, so the crowd booed because Bayley is boring, Sasha is boring, and the promo sucked.

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR
It's fitting that in probably her last appearance for a few months, they sent Bayley out to die with a horribly written promo one more time.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?

VJeff posted:

It's fitting that in probably her last appearance for a few months, they sent Bayley out to die with a horribly written promo one more time.

You working on your Steph tribute Toxx, VJeff? :colbert:

RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009

by FactsAreUseless

Barreft posted:

How do you know Summerslam will be Very Good?

I told him so.

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer

a new study bible! posted:

If Bayley was seriously injured they wouldn't have her in a ring cutting promos because she would be at home or getting surgery. Instead, they trotted her out to talk about how sad she is, so the crowd booed because Bayley is boring, Sasha is boring, and the promo sucked.

They trotted out Finn. Don't be an idiot.

RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009

by FactsAreUseless

Ragnarok the Red posted:

I didn't tune in til the main event. Yikes, how bad was it?

Imagine one of your posts read allowed on air.

MJeff
Jun 2, 2011

THE LIAR

Jerusalem posted:

You working on your Steph tribute Toxx, VJeff? :colbert:

Yes as a matter of fact I am. I just watched Raw to make sure I'd be there live in case Stephanie showed up I'd be there to document it in real time, and then I watched a Juice Robinson match so I'd have something vastly inferior to compare it against!

*googles stephanie mcmahon*

*googles how to use google slides*

I'll have you know, each slide is even more breathtaking in its magnificence than the rest, much like each Stephanie promo! :colbert:

a.lo
Sep 12, 2009

sorry WWE constantly fed me Roman and now I can't get enough Roman. More Roman please

Cornwind Evil
Dec 14, 2004


The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Benne posted:

Are "Sheamus & Cesaro" ever gonna get a team name, they've been tagging for almost a full year now.

They have a name. They're The Bar.

That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010

Roman Reigns is the big dog and he dropkicks like a T Rex

a new study bible!
Feb 2, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


SamuraiFoochs posted:

They trotted out Finn. Don't be an idiot.

Since you need someone to explain how different situations might elicit different reactions, I'll just cover the top three for you:

1) Finn's injury was more serious
2) Finn was actually over at the time of his injury
3) Finn won the inaugural match for the most important title in the company literally the night before

If you can't understand why one situation necessitated a promo and the other didn't, then you are just being obtuse. Bayley isn't giving up a title and disappearing for half a year. She'll be back in a month.

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Oh Snapple!
Dec 27, 2005

It was a bad loving promo and the crowd, who paid to be entertained, was right to despise it.

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