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Tik Tok Tommy
-uction "katana" (and/or a collector of handmade and artisan steel Kuiinshen Garratano objects for those of you yobbers that are deep enough into this hobby as I am and can actually contribute to a lively debate; wherewhichall you'd have to be as ~~>_o~~ "in the know" as I am) is EVEN BETTER than any sister items of Japanese steel.

It's Friday eve so I know the 'yob would wanna party with a good old fashioned thrown-down. So I'll reiterate the question:

WHY DO PEOPLE WHO PAID JUST FOR A JAPANESE REPRODUCTION THINK THEY CAN LOOK DOWN ON THOSE OF US THAT PAID *MORE* FOR AN AMERICAN ONE?


P.S. Also, my doctor told me that he had penicillin for the tertiary syphilis I had from all the poonani I've been getting, but alas! Alackaday! Not a health potion, unction, or any other treatment for the reproduction/collectibles chip on my shoulder. I'm a pretty big authority on a lot of the "KuiGar" boards, so I know I could choose to drop his name and I know you goons would come to my aid and doxx him!!!! (MODS: SERIOUSLY JUST KIDDING) But honestly wouldn't it be funny if someone sent like, a double bacon-dorito-pizza and his house? I mean, one of you guys would have to pay for it, but I can totally hit you back with BTC (just having some problems with my wallet???).....kidding!
SERIOUSLY MODS I AM NOT CONDONING INTERNET-BULLYING, DO NOT DOXX THIS QUACK OF A DOCTOR. haha and wouldn't it be funny if we made it with cheese in the crust with sour cream on it too? He'd be all like "this ain't the kind of pizza I like!!!"



SO PLEASE, BYOB, ask away. I will defend my reproduction "Inferior" steel with with the TRUE FACTS. Being the foremost authority I will actually be kind enough to even interpret those facts for you.

Good example questions:
1. Is it true that the real Hattori Hanzo has returned to forging blades of war in Japan?

2. How many kills can you get between each blade, and why is the American reproduction better suited to a master-trained samurai?

3. Tell us about your collection. How'd you get so intelligent. (Yes, I will admit. I am on the higherest itellectlual/lower *social brainwashing* aka "autism spectrum".) My girlfriend will be happy to tell you about how great I am at talking about KuiGar blades...and sheathing them. heh heh. Maybe she'll join live stream or something but right now she's working in Paris. Obviously with all my notoriety, I can be a bit intimidating but that's not a problem because of her career. I mean I guess I'll just say she does stuff with designers. directors, and editors. But we both obviously like our privacy.

4. Why is the higher pricing of Japanese garbage fan gear so much more expensive, and what lies does that serve? (I won't tell you what I paid for my highest priced pieces under any circumstances. Only if I think you're like cool or have cred. This is a very hard world to break into. Think velvet ropes and VIP, guys.

5. How can I attain your level of success. That's a very good question. Points to anyone smart enough to ask that.

6. What celebrities have you met thru this hobby? Again, I can only give hints, but showing you're serious goes a long way with me. I identify a lot with wolves. Wolves are loyal and one wolf cannot survive without the pack. I am very loyal to my close friends, but if you show your back or a weakness to me, I'll be on you in a second.


LET'S GO! Really guys, it's my...well, not honor...but I think it will be a pleasure to edjucate you. I'll be here all night (so sick of the party scene, right? ugh...) but if it takes a second for me to get to your question it might because me and the gf Scarlett are having SkypeSex ;)

~~~=^.^=~~~

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Bo-Pepper

Want some rye?
Course ya do!

So it's like a knife? Or...

Manifisto


op i think a "katana" is just a japanese kitten

in which case i am happy for you

is "hattori hanzo" the name of your furry little katana? that's adorable, please feed him a saucer of milk


ty nesamdoom!

Bo-Pepper

Want some rye?
Course ya do!

No wait I think a katana is just a snuzzly cute nickname a couple of gal pals named Kate and Ana gave themselves.

Oh look there goes katana what a pair of bitches.

Tik Tok Tommy
Wow I'm really glad I came here because, as an INTZ my nature is to educate. I don't have cats. Well, my mom upstairs has two, but I'd say they're too expensive to feed.

Ummm... I'm 99% likely to be wildly wrong here, but there is a theory that Adult Steel Reproduction Prop Hobbyists should, in fact bathe their rare steel in the milk of virgin cows. (So, like Vitamin D or something.)But I highly doubt you're a serious hobbyist too.

Tik Tok Tommy fucked around with this message at 02:09 on Aug 12, 2017

bacalou


can you use the knife on a plate or is it like my ceramic cutlery that needs a specific surface to prevent chipping

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

Bo-Pepper posted:

No wait I think a katana is just a snuzzly cute nickname a couple of gal pals named Kate and Ana gave themselves.

Oh look there goes katana what a pair of bitches.

JUST put together the joke in the name of the twins from Wario Ware

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

Bo-Pepper

Want some rye?
Course ya do!

Can I use a glass cutting board with my katana

Tik Tok Tommy

bacalou posted:

can you use the knife on a plate or is it like my ceramic cutlery that needs a specific surface to prevent chipping

Let me stop and correct you right there. These plural noun of these blades is called a 'festival'. (See QVC's "Festival of Blades" infomercial.)

Starman Super DX

This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

mademoiselle posted:

Let me stop and correct you right there. These plural noun of these blades is called a 'festival'. (See QVC's "Festival of Blades" infomercial.)

did someone say spaghetti time???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49AcTLAe4kk

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

Tik Tok Tommy

Bo-Pepper posted:

Can I use a glass cutting board with my katana


No, no, no. Don't you see? The purpose of the KUIGAR blade is to never ever use it.

One should avoid looking at it too much or letting anyone unworthy lay eyes upon it.

Manifisto


honestly it is a waste of money to buy any japanese steel that is not GINSU

sorry for your inferior blades op


ty nesamdoom!

Tik Tok Tommy

Here, I'll get you started: After mastering the many arts and paying for a number of classes at the local community college to attain the level of samurai. My first purchase was a $3000 limited edition "Put the CHRIST back into Christmas" blade that was store brand from Hobby Lobby. I've been an American bladerunner ever since. But, like the event I mentioned today, people still try to get all up in my biz about the quality of my steel.

I wanted to educate you guys so we could all have a sick circlejerk about all these sweet comebacks I've been writing down.

bacalou


i don't understand. do i have to mix equal parts of the epoxy with the katana or is it like those mighty putty tablets

Tik Tok Tommy

bacalou posted:

i don't understand. do i have to mix equal parts of the epoxy with the katana or is it like those mighty putty tablets

I almost got a PhD in chemistry so I could answer that question on an atomic level, but I don't think you'd understand it.

I mean, you could mix the epoxy with the katana to use it as a test for an inferior blade, but there are no katana tablets to my recollection.

bacalou


okay okay, so... do i use soap or hand sanitizer with the knife

Tik Tok Tommy

Manifisto posted:

honestly it is a waste of money to buy any japanese steel that is not GINSU

sorry for your inferior blades op

Ah, finally someone who thinks they know about the fruits of the forge but has only been subjected to the lies of the Japanese-Katana-Industrial-Complex.

One of the things you need to research about GINSU is their direct participation in the creation and experimentation of chemtrails. Ever seen 'Ginsu' in sky-writing? No one has. Because they don't want you to know.

bacalou


i once bought a knife off of ebay and it turns out it was just a really sharp piece of paper but hey it's been three years and i've been using it daily

Tik Tok Tommy

bacalou posted:

okay okay, so... do i use soap or hand sanitizer with the knife

To clean your blade you need to follow the story of the 47? 700? the whatever number of great Samurai Retainers in their quest for revenge for their master (much like my quest to get this doctor DUDE I mentioned who thinks just because he can give people PENICILLIN he must be special or something.)

I wrote these directions myself. They are used by the top blade-wielders in the world. So, just me.

Step one: Hold your holy blade up to the great stoking fire of Kuiinshen Garratano and beg with all your heart for a sequel to Pulp Fiction.

Step two: When your heart is pure of all doubt of the greatness of Hattori Hanzo, visualize Lucy Liu (anime form)

Step three: Let the spirit of this desire overcome you.
.
.
.
.
Step 23: clean up and have mom bring you the oil you bought from Japan on Ebay, but that you tell people you "found in a market in Kyoto when you were living there".

Step 24: Tell your mom to get the gently caress out, you're REPLENISHING YOUR WEAPON.

Step 25: If it's taco night, the next steps can wait an hour or two.

Step 26: Now remember the greatness of your AMERICAN BLADE. Because Trump is just getting ready to push the button on the economy.

Step 27: Oh yeah, remember that you're gonna shuffle over to the SSI office tomorrow.

Step 28: Find the most fragrant sock you have (or use your gf's thongs like I do)

Step 29: Wipe. Replace scabbard if you have not yet killed an enemy that day.

Step 30: Watch Ghost in the Shell the live action movie. (Well actually for you, you should probably stick with the manga.)

ron color

mademoiselle posted:

To clean your blade you need to follow the story of the 47? 700? the whatever number of great Samurai Retainers in their quest for revenge for their master (much like my quest to get this doctor DUDE I mentioned who thinks just because he can give people PENICILLIN he must be special or something.)

I wrote these directions myself. They are used by the top blade-wielders in the world. So, just me.

Step one: Hold your holy blade up to the great stoking fire of Kuiinshen Garratano and beg with all your heart for a sequel to Pulp Fiction.

Step two: When your heart is pure of all doubt of the greatness of Hattori Hanzo, visualize Lucy Liu (anime form)

Step three: Let the spirit of this desire overcome you.
.
.
.
.
Step 23: clean up and have mom bring you the oil you bought from Japan on Ebay, but that you tell people you "found in a market in Kyoto when you were living there".

Step 24: Tell your mom to get the gently caress out, you're REPLENISHING YOUR WEAPON.

Step 25: If it's taco night, the next steps can wait an hour or two.

Step 26: Now remember the greatness of your AMERICAN BLADE. Because Trump is just getting ready to push the button on the economy.

Step 27: Oh yeah, remember that you're gonna shuffle over to the SSI office tomorrow.

Step 28: Find the most fragrant sock you have (or use your gf's thongs like I do)

Step 29: Wipe. Replace scabbard if you have not yet killed an enemy that day.

Step 30: Watch Ghost in the Shell the live action movie. (Well actually for you, you should probably stick with the manga.)

Macnult

I heard a rap song where the lyrics were "I don't need no strap I let my blade hit (aye)" and I thought of a scenario where my opponent would be totally not bushido and a bring a gun to a sword fight. Is there a katana that specializes against bullets? I would like one that deflects them off the flat end of the blade, and also can split a bullet in half so both parts whizz past me

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nobodygetshurt

Why don't katanas use silver instead of steel? What about the werewolves? Why won't anyone think about the werewolves?

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