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Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

I know it's been around for a long time and has always been a staple food, but I want to know more about it.

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Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
it is















delicious

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

bread fact: I am eating some right now

Sits on Pilster
Oct 12, 2004
I like to wear bras on my ass while I masturbate?
The Germans do it best

Edit: you can make it into an edible soup bowl

Sits on Pilster fucked around with this message at 00:53 on Aug 14, 2017

kshift
Aug 13, 2017

"except one day i rolled up wearing a citizen watch, full ross"
It's very versatile

Nutella
Jun 27, 2005

"And the meek shall inherit the earth"
It's also musical https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGfVOdTiUEc

zjentohlauedy
Feb 27, 2006

Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seem to have forgotten good old-fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow w
it's poison, op

Macarius Wrench
Mar 28, 2017

by Lowtax
I like my bread like I like my women. Brown and full of meat.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004


Out here, everything hurts.




Bread is love. Bread is life.

Come join us, friend. We have the breads.

TheBlackVegetable
Oct 29, 2006
Another word for money is bread. Also dough, which is used to make bread. This is why we say "it takes money to make money", that is the origin of that phrase.

Otto Von Jizzmark
Dec 27, 2004
You can use yeast or baking soda/powder to leaven the bread.

Don't cum in your bread though...

mystes
May 31, 2006

Otto Von Jizzmark posted:

You can use yeast or baking soda/powder to leaven the bread.

Don't cum in your bread though...
Please. It's not a real bread if it's only chemically leavened.

GWBBQ
Jan 2, 2005


Homemade bread is really good, and if you're lazy or really short on time, a cheap bread maker can mix and rise dough for you (and even bake it, but it will be better if you bake it yourself.)

MC Hawking
Apr 27, 2004

by VideoGames
Fun Shoe
Go get a copy of Beard on Bread and hit up your local goodwill for a 2nd hand breadmaker. Quickbreads (non yeast based) are easier to get a feel for than yeast breads, but yeast breads can be much more rewarding once you get the hang of it.

I make yeast breads in my bread maker every week for sandwiches. It's a good hobby.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

My girlfriend says I eat too much bread, but really I drink too much beer

The General
Mar 4, 2007


Professor Shark posted:

My girlfriend says I eat too much bread, but really I drink too much beer

Are you sure she's not saying "You drink too much bread." like making a beer joke? but it's not a joke, you really do drink too much bread

Lima
Jun 17, 2012

You should get into kvass.

Mofabio
May 15, 2003
(y - mx)*(1/(inf))*(PV/RT)*(2.718)*(V/I)
There is a really good bread book called The Bread Baker's Apprentice. Most recipe books are like 30% quality, 70% filler. I've been going through it and every drat bread in it is stellar. Bread.

Mr Enderby
Mar 28, 2015

Bread is widely considered one of the most basic foodstuffs. You can eat it with butter or animal fat for a simple meal. Bread is rarely seen in the best dishes, prepared by the finest chefs, but that does not mean bread is a low food. Every king or wealthy businessmen you meet has eaten bread. Our Lord Jesus Christ lives today in the bread of the sacrament. If you are hungry, bread will "rise" to the occasion. Thank you for your interest in the well-known food of bread.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

German breads are good sometimes but not always because the taste is funny

Lima
Jun 17, 2012

I can recommend ryebread with lingonberries. It's slightly sweet without being sugary and much less dry than ryebread usually is.

Shbobdb
Dec 16, 2010

by Reene

Professor Shark posted:

German breads are good sometimes but not always because the taste is funny

Disagree. German breads are always good but sometimes you may not like them because they have flavor and sometimes you dislike the flavor.

That's a good thing.

sebzilla
Mar 17, 2009

Kid's blasting everything in sight with that new-fangled musket.


Bread was invented in England in 1104 by Sir Geoffrey de Bread and later improved upon by his descendant John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich who realized that it's better with other food inside it.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

I want to bake a round loaf of bread, hollow it out somehow, and fill it with beef and gravy

I'll call it a Bread Meat Egg or something

Dennis McClaren
Mar 28, 2007

"Hey, don't put capture a guy!"
...Well I've got to put something!
Bagels taste great. Why can't they just make bagels in the shape of a bread loaf and slice it up to sell it to you?

System Metternich
Feb 28, 2010

But what did he mean by that?

Fact: When you're German, bread everywhere except for Austria and maybe Switzerland looks and tastes like literal dogshit



This is the ideal bakery. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

Honj Steak
May 31, 2013

Hi there.
Dogshit is usually moist. The "bread" they have in France takes a few hours to be so dry that you die from the dust getting in your lungs when you try eating it.

Insanite
Aug 30, 2005

mystes posted:

Please. It's not a real bread if it's only chemically leavened.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/woman-makes-bread-with-vaginal-yeast

exquisite tea
Apr 21, 2007

Carly shook her glass, willing the ice to melt. "You still haven't told me what the mission is."

She leaned forward. "We are going to assassinate the bad men of Hollywood."


Dennis McClaren posted:

Bagels taste great. Why can't they just make bagels in the shape of a bread loaf and slice it up to sell it to you?

Boiling is an important part of the bagel making process, and for practical reasons it's hard to boil an entire loaf of bread. Bagels also require a stiffer, more protein-heavy dough that while delicious and chewy in circle form would come out pretty nasty if you had to cook a 2lb. ball of it.

His Divine Shadow
Aug 7, 2000

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.
Bread is great, nothing like some 100% rye "jälkiuunileipä" with a generous portion of butter and some juniper smoked ham. Hope you got good teeth:

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

His Divine Shadow posted:

Bread is great, nothing like some 100% rye "jälkiuunileipä" with a generous portion of butter and some juniper smoked ham. Hope you got good teeth:



this looks great and i'm going to be in Helsinki in a few days where's a good spot to get it?

His Divine Shadow
Aug 7, 2000

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.
The only way I know to get a sandwich like this is to buy the ingredients and prepare it at home, really that's the only way I know to get a (good) sandwich. Jälkiuunileipä can be found in any store.

It's all butter, easiest way to get butter from a solid block out of the fridge, is to use a cheese slicer.
vvvv

His Divine Shadow fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Sep 5, 2017

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

what kind of cheese is that on there?

Shooting Blanks
Jun 6, 2007

Real bullets mess up how cool this thing looks.

-Blade



One thing to understand about bread if you ever try making some yourself is that while cooking is mostly art, baking is mostly science. Having the correct ratios of water, flour, salt, and yeast (plus anything else) is very important - many, if not most home bakers use a scale for this exact reason. I've done a bit of home baking and it's always come out OK to pretty good, but nowhere close to a buddy of mine who's much more precise with his weights/ratios.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

Which European country is the best at bread?

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Professor Shark posted:

Which European country is the best at bread?

It's France, both in terms of quality and diversity. Also for bread-adjacent products like pastry. This is ably supported by their also possibly world's best access to good cheeses.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

I like French Champagne on special occasions with my lady, we're very domestic. I should start baking bread

Your Gay Uncle
Feb 16, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Earwicker posted:

what kind of cheese is that on there?

It's actually not cheese, it's a very stiff butter.

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003

it looks Good I will be in Finland soon I will look for it

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MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Hot pastrami on Rye, with mustard, is amazing, it is the only use for Rye bread, that is a fact, you should write it down.

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