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Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #1

As new students at Hogwarts, you've clearly heard plenty of stories about History of Magic from your families and friends - boring drudgery personified, sitting in a sweltering room barely staying awake as you listen to a ghost droning on about ancient magical events that you couldn't care less about. Well, I'm pleased to tell you that I plan to take a bit of a different tack this year. Let's begin with a focus on more recent history - specifically, the events of twelve years ago.

All of you have heard the tales of heroes and foes that came from Hogwarts each in their own time, and returned twelve years ago to do ferocious battle upon the very stones of the school they once learned at. I feel it's important to remember that those who committed great and foul deeds alike did so not as a product of their Houses or upbringing, but thanks to their own hopes, dreams, and impulses - for good or ill. THAT'S what shapes history - the actions individuals take.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Write and submit (in this thread) a 150-300 word (flexible limit if you feel inspired) essay about one of these two things from 12 years ago:
- A hero NOT from Gryffindor
- A villain NOT from Slytherin

I want to hear about how their choices and eventual fates have influenced how you want to spend your time here at Hogwarts. What did you learn from them, and how will you apply it?


Those who make creative choices about the subject of their writing shall be judged more favorably. The one who submits the best essay, by my judging, will win points for their House! Please make your submission by 7 PM ET on Wednesday (~23 hours from now). Deadline may change depending on when the actual month-end deadline is, as I need time to judge.

Good luck!

Podima fucked around with this message at Aug 23, 2017 around 00:29

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busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Deadline for Month 1 actions is 24 hours 20 minutes from this post

CCKeane
Jan 28, 2008

my shit posts don't die, they multiply



Podima posted:

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #1

As new students at Hogwarts, you've clearly heard plenty of stories about History of Magic from your families and friends - boring drudgery personified, sitting in a sweltering room barely staying awake as you listen to a ghost droning on about ancient magical events that you couldn't care less about. Well, I'm pleased to tell you that I plan to take a bit of a different tack this year. Let's begin with a focus on more recent history - specifically, the events of twelve years ago.

All of you have heard the tales of heroes and foes that came from Hogwarts each in their own time, and returned twelve years ago to do ferocious battle upon the very stones of the school they once learned at. I feel it's important to remember that those who committed great and foul deeds alike did so not as a product of their Houses or upbringing, but thanks to their own hopes, dreams, and impulses - for good or ill. THAT'S what shapes history - the actions individuals take.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Write and submit (in this thread) a 150-300 word (flexible limit if you feel inspired) essay about one of these two things from 12 years ago:
- A hero NOT from Gryffindor
- A villain NOT from Slytherin

I want to hear about how their choices and eventual fates have influenced how you want to spend your time here at Hogwarts. What did you learn from them, and how will you apply it?


Those who make creative choices about the subject of their writing shall be judged more favorably. The one who submits the best essay, by my judging, will win points for their House! Please make your submission by 7 PM ET on Wednesday (~23 hours from now). Deadline may change depending on when the actual month-end deadline is, as I need time to judge.

Good luck!

Ethical and moral philosophy has been a cornerstone of education since the ancient Greeks, but in modern times much of this has faded away in favor of harder skills; of promoting productivity and the unrelenting bulldozer of progress. Many schools ignored the value of a moral education, and Hogwarts of old was no exception. Everybody knows of the villains of Slytherin, but other evils exist, and the most insidious of those hide in the cloak of virtue.

Marfius Goodfellow was a Hufflepuff, and he was the first - the very first person to hear of some of the plots and movements to bring Voldemort back, when a Slytherin from his hometown, a childhood friend, ran into him, stumbling, drunk from some stolen mead from the village. The Slytherian confessed that he was involved, and uncomfortable and unsure with what was happening. He knew few details, but he spat out whispers he heard. The Slytherin was not going to be swayed, he would continue on, running errand after errand, getting in deeper and deeper, knowing more and more that he was doing evil upon the world. Sobbing, the Slytherin forced Marfius to promise not to tell anybody.

Marfius was a Hufflepuff, and he was a hufflepuff because of his values. He valued friendship and kindness, and he kept every promise. And he did so here.

Nobody knows what could have happened if Marfius went to the ministry, or a trusted professor, or anybody he thought could have stopped it. We do know, from his journals recovered after the battle, that he told nobody, and that he bore this burden proudly.

The story of Marfius led me to think about the nature of good, and of building a better world, because good is different from kindness or honor or trustworthiness any of the myriad of virtues that exist. Good comes from dedication to Good, and it cannot take place by focusing on any virtue, for virtue ultimately serves the self. The behavior that should be cherished is the continent behavior, the actions that come with a heavy heart, the actions that take place by forcing the self to take them by sheer force of will, not because they are a joy, but because they are right.

I don't have a great answer for how I would apply this, because I certainly cannot describe it in terms of how anything would look differently from outside my own head, but I can say that I drive my actions not by what I want, or by what feels good; even if the action is driven by a virtue, but by a dedication to what is right, even if every fiber of my being is screaming that I must do something different, even if my skull throbs with anger, even if my heart aches with loss.

AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013





##DetentionKeane That's enough Tomfoolery out of you, young man!!

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


AnAnonymousIdiot posted:



##DetentionKeane That's enough Tomfoolery out of you, young man!!

Professor Anonymous is trying to send CCKeane to Detention! Professors can ##abstain, ##veto or ##endorse this detention!
Professors have 12 hours to intercede if they wish to!

King Burgundy
Sep 17, 2003

I am the Burgundy King,
I can do anything!

AnAnonymousIdiot posted:



##DetentionKeane That's enough Tomfoolery out of you, young man!!

##veto Professor Aldous Mudd

King Burgundy
Sep 17, 2003

I am the Burgundy King,
I can do anything!

Podima posted:

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #1

As new students at Hogwarts, you've clearly heard plenty of stories about History of Magic from your families and friends - boring drudgery personified, sitting in a sweltering room barely staying awake as you listen to a ghost droning on about ancient magical events that you couldn't care less about. Well, I'm pleased to tell you that I plan to take a bit of a different tack this year. Let's begin with a focus on more recent history - specifically, the events of twelve years ago.

All of you have heard the tales of heroes and foes that came from Hogwarts each in their own time, and returned twelve years ago to do ferocious battle upon the very stones of the school they once learned at. I feel it's important to remember that those who committed great and foul deeds alike did so not as a product of their Houses or upbringing, but thanks to their own hopes, dreams, and impulses - for good or ill. THAT'S what shapes history - the actions individuals take.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Write and submit (in this thread) a 150-300 word (flexible limit if you feel inspired) essay about one of these two things from 12 years ago:
- A hero NOT from Gryffindor
- A villain NOT from Slytherin

I want to hear about how their choices and eventual fates have influenced how you want to spend your time here at Hogwarts. What did you learn from them, and how will you apply it?


Those who make creative choices about the subject of their writing shall be judged more favorably. The one who submits the best essay, by my judging, will win points for their House! Please make your submission by 7 PM ET on Wednesday (~23 hours from now). Deadline may change depending on when the actual month-end deadline is, as I need time to judge.

Good luck!

As an FYI, I fully endorse this extra credit, and I'm hoping there are enough entries that I can award points to the second places house as well!

Please don't feel discouraged by the Detention attempt on someone who submitted. That was merely coincidence.

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

I discussed with Prof. Mudd and I think we agree his assessment was a bit hasty. No hard feelings, it happens. ##veto Professor Aldous Mudd

Excellent extra credit submission, keep them coming!

CCKeane
Jan 28, 2008

my shit posts don't die, they multiply



I must say I'm a bit disappointed that Professor Mudd would wager on Barius defeating me in a duel, and then attempt to give me detention.

These events seem quite related.

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


CCkeane Detention:
Yea: Professor Mudd
Nay: Professor Podima, Professor Burgundy

A vote to endorse by Professor Ernie will carry the motion, any other will veto.

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

BE ADVISED THAT I AM AN IDIOT WHO WILL OPT FOR INSULTING AND BELITTLING YOUR INTELLIGENCE INSTEAD OF ASSUMING MY LOGIC IS FLAWED IN ANY WAY, IF I DO THIS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE ME

Clearly the true villains of the events twelve years ago was the Hogwarts administration and the Ministry of Magic. This villainous evil is one that permeated though instructors of all houses and beyond. It is through their slothful complacency that darkness rose and the world was almost lost. It is for these reasons why we must always keep a watchful eye on those who dare to claim a position of authority. For who watches these that claim to be our watchmen and guardians?

Nay, say I! Question and stand up to authority because they only wish you to know the "truth" according to their will! We must see that this capacity of evil lingers in the hearts of all and only through the abolition of authority will we ever hope to achieve a state that approaches true freedom. Authority only ever "serves" the people to serve their own interests. We need to stand up and claim Hogwarts and a Wizarding World for all!

Ernie.
Aug 31, 2012



Keane, to have upset a professor in record speed is a feat only you're capable of. I'm tempted to let you sweat my decision and post it a minute before the deadline. Detention by purgatory, if you will.

Ernie.
Aug 31, 2012



##veto Professor Aldous Mudd

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


CCkeane's detention has been vetoed
The month continues as normal.

CCKeane
Jan 28, 2008

my shit posts don't die, they multiply



Ernie. posted:

Keane, to have upset a professor in record speed is a feat only you're capable of. I'm tempted to let you sweat my decision and post it a minute before the deadline. Detention by purgatory, if you will.

You're a good professor, Ernie. I appreciate the veto.

The Lord of Hats
Aug 22, 2010



'Ere is the story of a man my father said was an inspiration to 'im. In a 'istorical sense, I mean. I 'ope you enjoy the read.

Guillaume Ferrus, Le Petit Héros

The French Revolution is one of the most influential events in the history of France, and while it's triumphs and downfalls were largely the work of Muggles, there were more than a few members of the magical community involved, and Monseiur Ferrus was one such wizard. A wealthy and well respected Beauxbatons graduate turned merchant in Marseille, he was elected to the National Assembly not for rousing speeches, fiery dedication to the Revolution's ideals, or wizardly prowess, but for his quiet competence and attention to detail.

In his time in the Assembly, he was a moderate, and wildly unpopular as a result--the nobles and clergy hated his insistence that they must be taxed for France to remain solvent, the Jacobins hated that he always favored caution over ideology, and the people of Paris despised his wealth, accusing him of profiting off their famine. Still, he worked tirelessly to keep the country running, and to keep what food was available flowing into the city via his trade contacts.

When the Terror came, Guillaume stayed in the Assembly as long as possible, though he no longer voted or spoke out as he once had. Instead, he busied himself with the guillotines, arranging their construction--but also enchanting them as he often as he was able. Through a complicated series of enchantments, illusions, and surreptitious bribes to executioners, he was able to prevent many executions with nobody the wiser, smuggling them away to the colonies. It was not flashy, and there were many more he could not save, but he did what he could until he was finally forced to flee to Guiana in 1796.

What we can learn from his example, as my father likes to say, is the value of the right person in the right place, and how small deeds can build to a greater good. He was not brave, exactly--he took as few risks as he could manage. He was not charismatic, or bold, handsome or scholarly. But he was shrewd, and practical, and determined to do what he could. And that is a kind of hero we all can aspire to be.

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


CCKeane posted:

I must say I'm a bit disappointed that Professor Mudd would wager on Barius defeating me in a duel, and then attempt to give me detention.

These events seem quite related.

Yeah! Down with the old masters! Gryffindor Solidarity!

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


*throws a smoke bomb and turns in a circle and runs away after the smoke clears, rendering the trick useless*

The Ninth Layer
Jun 19, 2007



Xenophilius Lovegood: A Beacon Against Tyranny

The tyrannical regime of a revived Lord Voldemort and his Death Eater cronies, though brief, nevertheless etched deep wounds into the Wizarding World of Great Britain, scars that linger to this day. It is no wonder then that modern historians have chosen to reflect primarily on Harry Potter and his allies’ adventurous exploits as student-enemies of the Dark Lord, a bright counterpoint to the darkness that befell wizarding politics. Lost in these accounts of the generals on both sides and their magical battles is the effect of such a drastic takeover on the everyday witch or wizard, of their trials and suffering, and of their quiet acts of heroism in the face of fascism. To best prepare for the next authoritarian regime, perhaps our community should be venerating these everyday heroes, who fought Lord Voldemort with more than magic but with their voices. Perhaps we should be celebrating a hero like Xenophilius Lovegood, of House Ravenclaw.

Despite constant opposition, Lovegood never let the derision or harassment of establishment wizards silence his vocal support for Harry Potter and opposition to all forms of authoritarian government. As the editor of alternative media publication The Quibbler, Lovegood was ostracized by mainstream authors and publishers who characterized his rag as sensationalist drivel. His reputation was so poor that even his daughter, storied Potter comrade Luna Scamander, suffered social consequences. But as the Ministry of Magic pivoted sharply to the right, and as publications like The Daily Prophet propagandized Death Eater anti-Potter talking points, it was Lovegood’s Quibbler that broke the news of the Dark Lord’s return, and gave a platform to The Boy Who Lived when no one else would.

Even after the Dark Lord’s direct seizure of power at the Ministry of Magic, Xenophilius Lovegood remained a vocal supporter of Potter, at great personal risk. Attempting to silence Lovegood and The Quibbler, Death Eaters abducted his daughter Luna and threatened her death unless The Quibbler published anti-Potter content. Instead of caving to threats, Lovegood stood his ground, never once retracting his support of Potter in Quibbler articles. Indeed, it is a little known fact that Lovegood himself informed Potter of the significance of the Deathly Hallows, setting him on a quest that ultimately led to the downfall of the Dark Lord.

It is sometimes difficult to say how each individual may act in times of political crisis. As a society we’d like to believe we would oppose tyranny, even at great personal cost to ourselves. To actually make those choices, to take a stand, to speak out… those actions are what makes a hero. We could all learn from the example of Xenophilius Lovegood, an everyday hero whose stalwart devotion to the truth was as potent as any magic spell.

Radio!
Mar 15, 2008

Look at that post.





Cast Engorgio and/or click for big.

Grandicap
Feb 8, 2006



Radio! posted:



Cast Engorgio and/or click for big.

The best essay yet! Squibs are underappreciated in our time.

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

----------------------
|PMush used Shitpost! |
|It's super effective!|
----------------------


I will give you all my Galleons if you make a real version of that on an actual parchment scroll.

Grandicap
Feb 8, 2006



I Scream for Florean Fortescue:
Remember the A la mode

Florean Fortescue was a hero of little to no renown. He provided the little joys in life to many Hogwarts students by running his ice cream parlor in Diagon alley and was known for his generosity, giving out free sundaes, to those who worked on homework in his shop. His unparalleled knowledge on the historical wizarding world allowed him to both help students working on essays, very much like this one, and probably led to his ultimate demise.
Due to his relationship with Harry Potter, and his knowledge of possible locations of Horacruxes, in 1996 Death Eaters, under Lord Voldemort's direct commands, forcibly captured, tortured, and later killed Fortescue. Personally, I think Voldemort just had a Neapolitan complex.
While not as widely known as his forbear Dexter Fortescue, a former headmaster of this great wizarding institution. His willingness to lend a hand, an ear, and a scoop or two, to struggling students, makes Florean a hero to me.

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


*in the middle of the night, a terribly scrawled handwritten scroll is nailed thumbtacked to the corkboard in the hallway*

Hogwarts. Pristene hallowed hall of our for fathers, home to wizards and witches handsom and Hufflepuff. What horrurs have these walls seen? Well we know because our parents were there and they wont shut up about it. Especially my dad youd think he punched Voldewaitnonvm or something but I know for a fact that he was hiding under a table in Hogsmeade when the bad stuff started happening because every time Uncle Answorth comes over and drinks too much schnapps with him my mum says Dont listen to those cowards T they were drunk under the table then and they are drunk under the table now god why did I ever marry that moron son of a dementor I could have been an actress yes yes T I really could have been. shes really bad at acting too tho and drinks more than both of them combined so I dont know why adults lie so much.

Anyways as I was saying we have all heard all the heroic deeds of the GREAT GRIFFYNDOR HEROES and the terrible acts of Those Who Shall Not Be Named As Accomplaces (Slytherin) but that is not what this essay is about because it cant be ok??. This essay is about the true evil at Hogwarts, a evil so very very terrible that it strikes fear into the hearts of (hold on I have to sharpen my pencil now ok I did it) men and women and boys and girls and even the little animals all over the beautiful grounds, even the little bugs who maybe are nice if you give them a chance! The evil that is so terrible I dare not even speak its name but i have to help you not do it and also want credit so I will. It is:

*Stoat sandwiches*

What is this terribull thing you might ask??? First of all do you even know what a stoat is???? Its a freakn weaseel! And not the cool dudes who helped Harry (bless his Dear Heart) by being cool dudes and pranking the bad people, I mean a real weaseele like a rat but bigger and longer I think (I haven’t taken that class yet ok gosh!!!). So do you want to eat a weesle??? like for serious would u???? if you did lets not be friends because ur probably a Ravenclaw xD haha

But the reel truth is even bigger than what u might think because i bet you are saying missterius dude man i have never eaten a stoat and i wont! well are you sure?? because let me tell you!! its really a conespirasy that goes all the way to the top!!!! yes you heard it here first this goes all the way to headmaster dumbledore busb I would not lie to you tho I dare not speak my name for fear of repre repur reepur being found out! for one night I was pranked so deeply and truly by my brother I can’t even tell you but ok I will. he gave me a sandwich and said “eat this its good” and I said “dude get that away from me also u smell haha” and he said “no really take a bite” and I said “ok *eating a bit* wow this is good what is it” and he said “IT’S A WEESAL U MORON” and I spat it out on the ground right there so take it from me please. I know what this stoat tastes like and it tastes like curruption!!!.

So anyway whats the point you might ask??? A good question so ill tell you now the point is this here it is its that THE CORNED BEEF IS STOAT YES FOLKS YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE TODAY IN RIVER CITY they are passing off wheesle as stoat and I for one wont have it !!! tho I hide behind the shadow of anononynomity for fear of my poor little life! Always saving a dollar eh mister busb???? For shame for shame!

Now you may be asking T theres another part right? yes there is and ill tell you now too as for the true hero of Hogwarts? Well duh thats clearly Hengist of Woodcroft. how do I know this? It’s the coolest chocolate frog card ever and hes a big ole nasty trollll! Haha how could it not be come on

ok thats it in conclusion

SAY NO TO STOAT DONT EAT THE CORNED BEEF (AND DEFINITELY DONT GIVE YOUR EXTRA SANDWICHES TO TREVOR)

*signed anonymouse & all of ravenclaw*

PS GRYFFINDOR ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


I hope that this qualifies as on-topic?

quote:

This essay isn't going to be about the typical heroes from the events of 12 years ago. I feel like the stories about those heroes have been done to death, and I honestly don't have very much to say about popular historical figures that hasn't already been said.

Instead, I want to talk about the person or people who I have been drawing inspiration from since I arrived - the ones that don't get talked about nearly as often. Specifically, my heroes are all of the good people that were in House Slytherin 12 years ago when everything happened. The ones who were against Voldemort from the start but, for one reason or another, didn't or couldn't make their voices heard.

I know for a fact that history doesn't write about those people. Because almost everyone I've met has seemed to have the same opinions about House Slytherin that I did when I first got sorted into it: it's the evil house. That messed with my head super fierce at the beginning. Did getting sorted into Slytherin mean that I'm fated to do terrible things? Were the kids in the common room from other houses justified in bringing up that I was sorted into the same house as Voldemort? Why do all of my housemates seem so friendly and down-to-earth?

After thinking about it, I feel like I understand what happened. There must have been nice/good/friendly/fun people in Slytherin, even back then. It's not like Hogwarts would let a house exist if it was just all Voldemort, all the time, right? But it was different then - those people probably felt like they couldn't speak up, and ultimately their contributions have been forgotten by history.

So those people are my heroes, even if I have no idea who they are or what they did. I wanted to write about them since they've inspired me to lead by example and make a conscious effort to make Hogwarts a better place and Slytherin a better house. I'm at peace with the fact that my house has a history that I don't necessarily approve of - but I feel like it's on me to try to learn and improve upon the mistakes of the past.

In the spirit of that - is it possible for students to get like a magic journal or booth or something where, if we want, we can record our private thoughts and feelings and stuff? I think it would be fun (and maybe even educational?) to be able to go back and read about my experience years from now..

Kashuno
Oct 9, 2012

H O L E
M A D N E S S


Grimey Drawer

Good morning Professor! I've come to turn in my assignment!



Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


Murmur Twin posted:

is it possible for students to get like a magic journal or booth or something where, if we want, we can record our private thoughts and feelings and stuff? I think it would be fun (and maybe even educational?) to be able to go back and read about my experience years from now..

No bamboozles!!

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


Quidthulhu posted:

No bamboozles!!

Murmur Twin posted:

I know for a fact that history doesn't write about those people. Because almost everyone I've met has seemed to have the same opinions about House Slytherin that I did when I first got sorted into it: it's the evil house. That messed with my head super fierce at the beginning. Did getting sorted into Slytherin mean that I'm fated to do terrible things? Were the kids in the common room from other houses justified in bringing up that I was sorted into the same house as Voldemort?

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

Quite a variety of submissions so far, thank you all! I do need to move the deadline up to 6 PM EDT - that's a bit more than 5 hours from now - so that I have time to judge and award points prior to deadline.

bahamut
Jan 5, 2004

Curses from all directions!


peramene
Oct 13, 2015

Just peramene.


With your consent, Professor, I believe I'll submit this to The Quibbler as well. I believe they might quite enjoy it there.



Thanks!

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


*pfft* man so many nerds in these essays. except for whoever wrote that one about the sandwiches, i feel them. also they're handsome i think.

Kashuno
Oct 9, 2012

H O L E
M A D N E S S


Grimey Drawer

Hello, I would like to formally request a detention for Barius, due to his abuse of Ravensclaw principles

Thank you

MinutePirateBug
Mar 4, 2013


Dārta Ozols, First Year
Hufflepuff
Professor Podima

All Wizards Poo

The Hufflepuff graduate, Patchwell Fitzbottom is magical researcher working for the Ministry of Magic. While his exploits may not be considered grand by standards of wizarding society at large his work may nevertheless be considered heroic. In his recent publication in the July publication of the journal Magic, Fitzbottom discusses his discovery on the abuse of magic in regards to sewage disposal, the dire consequences, and the possible solutions.

The history of the septic magical arts of the Wizarding world is one fraught with the ignorant abuse of magic. This septic history can be divided into two distinct periods before the era before 1800s and the one afterwards. For most of Wizarding history, pre-muggle industrial revolution, Wizards simply teleported their business away after performing the necessary act. For the most part during this time period little thought at all was given to storage or non-magical disposal of fecal matter. This would change in the mid-1840s as the muggle population began to dramatically increase so too did the population of wizards and squibs. This forced upon the Wizarding world the need to develop public waste disposal services for those with little magical ability; young children and non-magically inclined squibs. Rather than one-wizard, one poop, one teleport spell, wizarding communities developed the need to send masses of feces away in public restrooms. The archetypical example of a Wizarding sewage disposal being Hogwarts. Hogwarts has long taken advantage of a seemingly modern sewer system resembling that of muggle communities, however this is ultimately not the case. All the water within the Hogwarts sewer is ultimately pumped by magic, issues with pressure and contamination of water sources are solved by magic, and ultimately the waste itself is disposed of in the same way as it has been in ages past; it is teleported.

This leads us to the crux of Fitzbottom’s paper detailing why the practice of teleporting away ones feces is an abuse of magic; where the feces are teleported to. Fitzbottom details tracking of the magical signatures of the teleported stools to their destination underneath Llechwedd in Wales. The storage container for the feces turns out to be an ancient ultra-dense magically contained singularity and the magics containing this singularity are ultimately failing. With every bowl movement the magic maintaining the stability of the singularity grows weaker. It is estimated that if magic containment is broken that at least the greater part of Wales would be vaporized. In addition to the initial blast wave massive amounts of Hawking radiation would be released, and some proportion of the contained feces would be flung across the globe, this would be of relative minor consequence except that the singularity contains the feces of some of the most cursed dark wizards in all of history, having their accursed poo aerosolized and blasted across the globe could have consequences we cannot even begin to comprehend. However, we have time, it is estimated given the magics that maintain the singularity, while poorly understood, will still last between a hundred years to ten-thousand years.

What can we do? There are several solutions proposed by Fitzbottom, one being the old adage “Where magic does not have to be used do not use it”, bringing in muggle experts and emulating muggle construction techniques we can easily meet our waste disposal needs without causing further stress to the magics containing the singularity of poo. Another possibility is altering the most commonly used stool teleportation spells so that the stools are redirected to muggle waste-treatment facilities or the ocean. A more dangerous solution would be using incendiary magics to reduce our waste to ash, however such usage of an incendiary spell has been shown to have been the cause of the great Chicago fire of 1871, when the Witch Cather O’leary unsatisfied at the speed at which she was doing away with her livestock’s waste conjured an inferno to do away with it as well as most of the city.

Without the heroic effort of Patchwell Fitzbottom, this potentially world ending problem may have never come to light and that is why I write this paper to salute this man of learning. Flashy heroics may be sexy, but true good is often not derived from flashy heroics, but by meticulous study.

MinutePirateBug fucked around with this message at Aug 23, 2017 around 22:07

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

That last one is juuuust past the wire but I'll allow it. Judging starts now!

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

More detailed critique of each submission to come later tonight assuming the Headmaster doesn't lock the thread, but for now let's get right to the fun stuff.

You all did very well - VERY well - but there were a few of you who struck upon the point I was trying to make with this first assignment as you start your time here at Hogwarts. While history is filled with memorable names and magnificent or terrible people, there's no need to drive yourself ragged trying to follow in their footsteps. It's not just the big names that change the world, but also the quiet people in the background that never find their way into the history books. Remembering what they've accomplished - and learning from it - is important, too.

To that end, the top two people that have won points for their Houses in this extra credit assignment are Keane (Gryffindor) and Mulberry Evergreen (Slytherin)!

##award Gryffindor

Slytherin, Professor Burgundy should be by shortly to take care of you as well.

Again - will spend more time poring over each submission, but excellent showing from all to begin. I look forward to seeing what else you can accomplish this year!

King Burgundy
Sep 17, 2003

I am the Burgundy King,
I can do anything!

##Approve Professor Podima

##Award Slytherin

Kashuno
Oct 9, 2012

H O L E
M A D N E S S


Grimey Drawer

Congratulations to the winners!

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

##Approve Professor Burgundy

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bowmore
Oct 6, 2008

#BRAITH


Lipstick Apathy

Congrats Mulberry and Keane!

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