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  • Locked thread
AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013





##approveProfBurgundy
##approveProfPodima.
##approveProfViva

AnAnonymousIdiot fucked around with this message at Aug 30, 2017 around 01:18

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Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


AnAnonymousIdiot posted:



##approveProfBurgundy
##approveProfPodima.
##approveProfViva

edited post, mod kill imho

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


AnAnonymousIdiot posted:

##awardravenclaw
##awardravenclaw

This action missed the Professor deadline by 8 minutes. I will have to disallow these unless there is unanimous Approval from all Professors. Any abstaining vote will count as a veto.

King Burgundy
Sep 17, 2003

I am the Burgundy King,
I can do anything!

##approve Professor Vivan

##approve Professor Podima

##approve Professor Aldous

The Lord of Hats
Aug 22, 2010



Also late, but I would like to share Make a Wish in which 'Arry Potter, resigned to the fact that 'e may never get to live a normal life because 'e's too busy fighting Voldemort, spends a summer backpacking across Europe and further anonymously and without warning. A comedy of misunderstandings ensue, and 'e ends up building quite a legend under another name. A bit of a single joke story, but it is a good joke, and told well.

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

##approve Professor Novis

##approve Professor Burgundy

##approve Professor Mudd - first one only, not second


Sorry, but I've been pushing myself to make sure I hit those deadlines every month, and would appreciate other professors being held to the same standard. I'm fine with letting one go because of magi-technical issues last month, but not both.

The Ninth Layer
Jun 19, 2007



I'm a big fan of this article too:

http://the-toast.net/2014/05/27/ayn...orcerers-stone/

Harry Potter as written by Ayn Rand.

bowmore
Oct 6, 2008

#BRAITH


Lipstick Apathy

The Ninth Layer posted:

I'm a big fan of this article too:

http://the-toast.net/2014/05/27/ayn...orcerers-stone/

Harry Potter as written by Ayn Rand.
It's just pointing out that Ayn Rand is scum right?

MinutePirateBug
Mar 4, 2013


busb posted:

If anyone posts Snape Snape severus Snape Dumbledore! I will place them in detention forever!!!!

The mechanics of detention must be tested for science . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


busb posted:

This action missed the Professor deadline by 8 minutes. I will have to disallow these unless there is unanimous Approval from all Professors. Any abstaining vote will count as a veto.

Unanimous approval has not been granted. As headmaster I need to enforce the rules, and fairness is one of them.

I'm going to have to disallow these ravenclawn points.

Please make sure all professors have ample time to mark assignments before the deadline!

The other points allocations are approved.

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Month 3 results
With the end of term came a brief lull in the often manic of Hogwarts. The Professors once again set their students various educational tasks for extra credit, and one rather tardy Professor Mudd was left hanging as he mixed up his paperwork and forgot to sign his official points allocation slip! Bureaucracy being strict under harsh Headmaster Busb, the first controversial decision by the new administration was made. in the end though, most of the houses saw points coming their way!
Slytherin was awarded +20 Points
Ravenclaw was awarded +20 Points
Gryffindor was awarded +20 Points


Month 3 Event1 - A piece of magical history
With Professor Podima thoroughly frazzled, several students really went out of their way to find a third edition copy of "Celts and Belts - Barbaric Tribesmen or People that Just Wanted Pants that Stay Up". The Gryffindor representative scoured the grounds, while a surprisingly conscientious Hufflepuff battled the library. The Gryffindor eventually found the book in a small ruined hut outside the castle and ran inside yelling "PROFESSOR PODIMA! PROFESSOR! I FOUND IT!" He banged on the door to the Professor's Lounge until a bemused Podima opened the door, to let a cheery Timony Cartright out. Professor Podima looked at the book held up to him and exclaimed "My dear boy thank you ever so much, but Timothy here has just now found my very own copy in the library where i left it. Jolly good now, run along!" Timothy grinned cheerfully at the saddened Gryffindor, and scooted off to class.
+20 points to Hufflepuff!

Then Professor Podima gruffly looked back at the Gryffindor student and said. "Oh very well Edwin, i accept you did what i asked. +20 points to Gryffindor also.


Month 3 Event2 - Drake Kits!
With the commotion of points awarded ringing happily in their ears, Hufflepuff went into a quiet rest compared to some of the other houses. Ravenclaw was notably silent, (but not unexpected) but Gryffindor and Slytherin both prowled the grounds searching for voles to coax along and feed to the voracious kits. Some students of Hufflepuff, not coping well to being cooped up inside, decided that they might as well join in and make some new friends too! Under the careful eye of Professor Podima, all the students brought in many voles and steadily the drake kits improved over the month! Professor Podima was incredibly pleased, and when he went to his ledger, not only had Hufflepuff and Gryffindor returned with the same amount of voles, they had helped exactly the same amount of drakes, and they had grown at exactly the same weight! As Headmaster Busb always says, 'there is no coincidence in magic, but there are magical friendships. Because we are wizards, not ponies.'
+20 points to Gryffindor!
+20 points to Hufflepuff!



Month 3 Quidditch - Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff!
While friendship definitely took first place during the month, the final quidditch match of term was destined to end it. Erstwhile friends keenly took to the skies for what could mean an astounding comeback for Hufflepuff, or a stirring lead for Gryffindor in the House Cup stakes!

The game began with Hufflepuff's beaters doing an incredible job keeping Gryffindor's early quaffle movements mostly at bay, and a few crucial interceptions saw Hufflepuff lead Gryffindor early 40-80. Gryffindor finally got into the wing of things, and scoring was matched blow for blow, until Hufflepuff seemed to start fatiguing, letting Gryffindor claw ahead 150-140 at 40 minutes down. What happened next must have been one of the best passages of play from first year quidditch players ever in Hogwarts. The Hufflepuff and Gryffindor seekers watched carefully for the golden snitch, and fended each other off numerous capture for 30 minutes long minutes. Hufflepuff slowly brought the game out to an inevitable win and with a lead of 290-150, the golden snitch finally resurfaced! Hufflepuff's seeker screamed out to it fingers outstretched and smelling victory, when Gryffindor's beater thwomped a bludger past, just missing him. But it was enough. Gryffindor's seeker sliced across, nabbing the snitch, and stealing a 290-300 point victory for Gryffindor!

+40 points to Gryffindor!

And so ended the first Term of Hogwarts. Headmaster Busb addressed the cheering sportsfans, and with a deft wave of his wand announced "Congratulations one and all! Although the snitch has been snaffled by Gryffindor, all students - and indeed Hogwarts itself - is the real victor today! Now move along move along, exciting things are afoot... and they are...

to be told to you at dinner. Professors, if you will see the students back to the castle..." and he disappeared. For a bit.

busb fucked around with this message at Aug 31, 2017 around 12:34

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Current House Cup Standings:
Gryffindor: 200
Slytherin: 120
Hufflepuff: 80
Ravenclaw: 60

busb fucked around with this message at Aug 31, 2017 around 12:32

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.



Month 4
The beginning of Term 2 came around quickly for the no-longer-quite-so-fresh First Years. The Gryffindors had hit their straps early, but were not quite rampant. There were several changes afoot throughout the castle, and whispers of secrets shared...
The Professors had decided that for this term there would be trialling a new crossdisciplinary education syllabus, recently designed and used in Morocco to great effect.


(d10=1)Month 4 Event 1 - Chugglepots - 2v2 event
The students filed into Potions class to see a rather disgruntled Professor Novis. "Come in come in students, Yes i know i'm new, but these potions won't brew themselves now will they? Stop gawking and come IN! Now you've all heard that we're trialling a new method of teaching for the whole Term. It's rubbish is what it is. But not only that - the Headmaster thinks that you all need a reminder that working together is wot Hogwarts is all about. So. hmmm. Ravenclaw and Slytherin one side, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff on the other. Lets see how you collaborate while still competing? hmm? I want one perfect Chugglepot, pages ninety-three through one hundred fifteen. You will note it requires the collection of a modest amount of Flubberwort Juice from my greenhouse. Smartly now. I'm a bit fan of following rules to the letter so i expect EXACT friendship students. Now on with it! I expect a cheerily bubbling Chugglepot to grace my table quick smart!
This event tests your: ((Effort*Cunning) +Potions + 2 forPureblooded) + (Effort+Bravery) +Herbology
The amounts from each house will be added up, and combined with their partner house for this event.
The winning houses receive +20 points each if they contribute the same amount
If one house submits more points than the other, the House that contributes the most wins +15 Points, and the House with the lower amount wins +5 points
The losing Houses win 0 points.


(d10=4)Month 4 Event 2 - Chraining Changelingfish
If Professor Burgundy was a little sour at the Headmaster's decree, he wasn't showing it. He waved his students in and showed them his test for the month. It seems that a baby changelingfish had somehow made its way into the staffroom's fishbowl. the Professor thought he could test his students on their use of some simple spells to teach the baby fish some wonderful new things to change itself into before being let back into the wild.

This event tests your: ((Effort*Cunning)+Transfigurations +2 for prankster +2 for Pureblooded) + (Effort+Bravery) + DaDA
The house that scores the highest will receive +20 points!


Hogsmeade open!
Hogsmeade is open again for students (and professors) with the following items:
* Colin Creevy’s Notes (43 available) - 40G - while in possession, the notes’ owner lets them take 1 other student and/or Professor to the Room of Requirement for the entire month(private discord channel)
NB Unless stated otherwise, items are not consumed on use; possessing them grants the benefit indefinitely
* Invisibility Cloak (Teacher Only)(1 available) - 20G - can spend 1 effort to liberate a specified item confiscated by a Professor and can deliver to target player or keep for self. Can be confiscated itself.

* Bamstick Alpha 8 (4 0 available) - 10G - provides its owner with an enchanted Beater club that adds its owners Cunning to their Bravery for all quidditch games
* Twig of the Elder Wand (Mystical secret artefact of greatness) - 5G - This is definitely a remnant of the Elder Wand! Buy it now before it disappears forever! Affects duels


Best of luck everyone!

busb fucked around with this message at Sep 1, 2017 around 04:51

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Time is a bit awkward this week because of my delayed resolution. I'm going to make a Sunday 9pm EST deadline. The other option is a 36 hour deadline for Friday night...

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

busb posted:

Time is a bit awkward this week because of my delayed resolution. I'm going to make a Sunday 9pm EST deadline. The other option is a 36 hour deadline for Friday night...

Preference would be Sunday yeah, 36 hours is a bit tight for planned extra credit stuff.

AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013



From Prof. Mudd's desk posted:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...it?usp=drivesdk

Please find the answers to the quiz in this sheet.

MinutePirateBug
Mar 4, 2013


Extra credit:

Oogity boogity. Hufflepuff, tis a silly house
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Z5_wipT2o

MinutePirateBug fucked around with this message at Sep 1, 2017 around 03:10

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

Getting this assignment out early in the month - I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #3

Prof. Novis looks a bit grumpy this month, doesn't she? I can understand, given that both my classes were selected for special attention last month. Let's give her a pleasant distraction AND see what we can't do to encourage a cooperative frame of mind for one and all, yes?

P.S. Welcome, Prof. Novis! We're all thrilled to have you here.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Share your favorite "potion" (mixed alcoholic beverage) recipe with the class and explain why you enjoy imbibing it, with bonus points if you include a practical demonstration of its brewing!

Note that if your submission is good enough, I may give brewing it a go myself and share the results. I'm sure that'd be fun for everyone!

P.S. If you prefer non-alcoholic potions or perhaps alchemical creations of a different sort, feel free to submit something to that effect!


As always, creativity is worth rewarding. Your deadline is, let's say... 5 PM ET on Sunday (like two and a half+ days from now?)

Good luck!

VivaNova
Sep 12, 2009

The most epic adventure ever undertaken

Hey, I wanna say I loved all the responses to my Extra Credit project! Thanks, kids.

Classic, glad busb didn't give you detention for it.

Grandicap posted:

But as far as a Harry Potter Fanfic that I have actually read, there is Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. This follows the Harry Potter saga if his Aunt Petunia had married a scientist, and Harry had been raised with the the scientific method as a backbone of his upbringing. It is an interesting take.
drat, this is quite a thing! Did you really read all of it? Sometimes I encounter things and I'm just like 'woah I am so glad I live in a universe where this exists'. This totally gave me that feeling. Did you read the CFAR tab on the site? It made me feel like a badass for quitting grad school.

xiw posted:

My Life as a Background Slytherin.

http://emilymcgovern.com/category/m...ound-slytherin/

<- LAST MONTH




I read a bunch of them, very cute.


Radio! posted:

Professor, please allow me to introduce you to the absolute best thing ever: Wizard People, Dear Reader. It's a full length voiceover of the first Harry Potter movie, done by Brad Neely (the guy behind the animated George Washington song, among other things).

Wizard People, Dear Reader FULL MOVIE: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...mXa-O9B8599NhiQ

I love it so much I literally named my cat after one of the characters (Professor Catface Meowmers).

Here is a bonus picture of said cat:

It took us 3 nights, but Mr. Novis and I finally finished this and suffice to say I don't regret announcing this the winner. I also recommended it to a co-worker today! Cute Cat!

The Ninth Layer posted:

My favorite Harry Potter fanfiction is "Seventh Horcrux' by Emerald Ashes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10677106/1/Seventh-Horcrux

In which Lord Voldemort fails to kill Harry Potter... and ends up possessing a baby instead. The writing is a cut above most fanfiction out there, and is full of funny takes and great nods to the series. It is also a finished work, and does not take too long to read.
Read Chapter 1. Amaze. Maybe I can get my phone to read my this during my commute?


Fun.


Meinberg posted:

I'd like to introduce folks to New World Magischola, a live action experience loosely based in the world of Harry Potter. Muggles from all over the country and all over the world come together to play wizards in college and have wizard college experiences, ranging from attending classes to saving the world from horrifying abominations from beyond space and time. Everyone involved brings their all, and create stories together that will remain with them for the rest of their lives, in an environment that is open and accommodating for all sorts of folks.

Hundreds of people attend each year, across four different weeks, and live on campus, go to classes, and do all the sorts of things that a college wizard would do. You can see some of the costumes and stuff in use in this album! It may be super-nerdy, but it also is a whole lot of fun.
Ok, I wasn't expecting that! You have introduced me to something new. I viewed their most recent album as suggested. Have you attended?

The Lord of Hats posted:

Also late, but I would like to share Make a Wish in which 'Arry Potter, resigned to the fact that 'e may never get to live a normal life because 'e's too busy fighting Voldemort, spends a summer backpacking across Europe and further anonymously and without warning. A comedy of misunderstandings ensue, and 'e ends up building quite a legend under another name. A bit of a single joke story, but it is a good joke, and told well.
Unfortunately, Chapter 1 didn't grab my attention- I preferred the more immediately humorous submissions. But I believe it gets good and it's probably someone else here with more time would like it.

The Ninth Layer posted:

I'm a big fan of this article too:

http://the-toast.net/2014/05/27/ayn...orcerers-stone/

Harry Potter as written by Ayn Rand.
You get me, TNL.

~~~
So thanks again, these really made me laugh after a long day!

VivaNova
Sep 12, 2009

The most epic adventure ever undertaken

What in Merlin's fragging Beard??

MinutePirateBug posted:

Extra credit:

Oogity boogity. Hufflepuff, tis a silly house
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Z5_wipT2o
Not only is this INSANELY late, it's like you're willfully discouraging your own house. This isn't the first time I've noticed this attitude from you in this thread. I don't appreciate that one bit and I think you could use some time to think about how to adjust your attitude.

## Detention MinutePirateBug

Podima posted:

Prof. Novis looks a bit grumpy this month, doesn't she? I can understand, given that both my classes were selected for special attention last month. Let's give her a pleasant distraction AND see what we can't do to encourage a cooperative frame of mind for one and all, yes?
Who can blame me for irritability when silliness like this^^ is present in our fine institution?

bowmore
Oct 6, 2008

#BRAITH


Lipstick Apathy

Professor Podima, we are not legal drinking age

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

bowmore posted:

Professor Podima, we are not legal drinking age

If you don't tell, I won't!

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

BE ADVISED THAT I AM AN IDIOT WHO WILL OPT FOR INSULTING AND BELITTLING YOUR INTELLIGENCE INSTEAD OF ASSUMING MY LOGIC IS FLAWED IN ANY WAY, IF I DO THIS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE ME

Podima posted:

Getting this assignment out early in the month - I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #3

Prof. Novis looks a bit grumpy this month, doesn't she? I can understand, given that both my classes were selected for special attention last month. Let's give her a pleasant distraction AND see what we can't do to encourage a cooperative frame of mind for one and all, yes?

P.S. Welcome, Prof. Novis! We're all thrilled to have you here.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Share your favorite "potion" (mixed alcoholic beverage) recipe with the class and explain why you enjoy imbibing it, with bonus points if you include a practical demonstration of its brewing!

Note that if your submission is good enough, I may give brewing it a go myself and share the results. I'm sure that'd be fun for everyone!

P.S. If you prefer non-alcoholic potions or perhaps alchemical creations of a different sort, feel free to submit something to that effect!


As always, creativity is worth rewarding. Your deadline is, let's say... 5 PM ET on Sunday (like two and a half+ days from now?)

Good luck!

The traditional party drink of the house of Mord is a tropical drink called the Basilisk Venom.

Unfortunately, unless you have some proper connections, you won't get your hands on the ingredients anymore.

Required Ingredients:
A large cauldron (a gallon jug)
1 750ml Bottle - 151 Rum
1 Cup - Malibu Rum
Pineapple Juice

Instructions:
Pour the bottle of 151 Rum into the cauldron. Add one cup of Malibu Rum. Fill the rest of the cauldron with pineapple juice.

Single Serving Directions:
Use 2 jiggers of 151, 1 jigger of Malibu Rum, and 4 jiggers of Pineapple juice.

Drink Responsibly
The House of Mord prefers the Basilisk Venom for its potency and efficiency. The drink is always a hit at the High House of Mord's world famous wizard parties. All are lured in by the exotic taste, but the ability to properly imbibe the drink is the true test of one's fortitude.

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Professors have about 12 hours to respond to Professor Novis' intended detention.

The Ninth Layer
Jun 19, 2007



The following is my extra credit assignment for Professor Podima. I also intend to provide a demonstration tomorrow, time permitting.

The Thunder Punch of Invention: A Rediscovered Potion Recipe
By Nintholomew Layerastre
First Year of House Ravenclaw

Upon my travails through the Hogwarts Library's tomes of wizard lore, I stumbled upon a dusty tome that purported to be the logbook of a wizard sailor identifying simply as the "Second Mate." The author describes his journey as a passenger aboard a ship he foresaw as doomed, and indeed the wizard author initially appears quite invested in averting catastrophe. Soon, however, the author devolves into gratuitous bragging of his own magical abilities and mooning over crewmates, all while drinking every possible alcoholic beverage known by Muggles or Wizards. As I progressed I began to think the author was completely indifferent to his own inevitable demise, but I'll admit I was pleasantly surprised by a twist ending that I feel was executed competently, if somewhat unbelievably. I'll leave that to other readers to decide, should they prove interested in what might have been an otherwise interesting story if not for this particular narrator's limited perspective.

In any case, delving through this alcoholic's diary scribbles, which range from immediately untrue tales of dragon slaying to page-eating poems about man-eating sandwiches and made up countries, I did find a promising beverage recipe called "Dead Lime Ale" or alternatively "Thunder Punch," which even describes itself as a "Wizard's Brew." Upon cross-checking this library I could not find a competing source for a Wizarding World™-related wizard to have claimed to invent or even brew this potion, or a drink like it. The author purports to have invented this drink, but admits himself that it may have been an independent discovery. It is entirely possible that such a potion was brewed or spread mostly by word of mouth, or that whatever written records of the recipe existed simply did not survive the centuries. Perusing the logbook for context clues I estimate roughly that the events the author describes likely took place in the early 1870s at the very latest; in a draft of a likely unsent letter to a crewmate that may also be a hamburger, the author mentions "swinging atop rope ladders," which strongly evokes the image of Victorian-era naval rigging. It is very possible that, unless a competing claim from a wizard surfaces that was written prior to 1872, or thereabouts, this could very well be a unique, heretofore undocumented and therefore entirely original Wizard's potion.

Without further ado, I now present the enigmatic Second Mate's "Dead Lime Ale (aka Thunder Punch)" original recipe, transcribed word-for-word in its entirety:

The Second Mate's Log, Page 37 posted:

Second Mate's Notebook
++++++++++++++++++++

Wizard Brews: Dead Lime Ale (also known as Thunder Punch)

Ingredients:
1 part Mt. Dew™ Baja Blast ®
1 part Tropicana Pink Lemonade
1 part Sierra Mist
+ vodka to preference


I stumbled upon this drink one accidental afternoon astral projecting at a Taco Bell. I had always enjoyed the sweet and savory taste of Mt. Dew™ Baja Blast ®, which as any wizard knows is a Taco Bell fountain drink exclusive. In particular I enjoyed the beverage's absurdly bright aqua-green coloring, which resembled a tropical ocean or a vial of deadly poison, take your pick. Eventually I sought to spice up the drink with interesting mixes, such as fruit punch or orange soda.

From previous forays into the exciting world of soda mixology, I knew that lemonade made a great pairing with almost any carbonated beverage, so on a whim I mixed the Baja Blast ® with a promising Tropicana pink lemonade splash. And the result was beyond my wildest dreams...

Close your eyes and imagine, just imagine what color beverage must have spawned from the mixing of bright green Mt. Dew ™ Baja Blast ® and the incredibly pink Tropicana Pink Lemonade. Dark brown, you may be thinking. Or a deep shade of blue. Perhaps some hideous form of purple. Certainly one of these is what I expected.

Clear. Colorless. If someone handed this drink to me I might suspect it to be water, or at the very least Sierra Mist.

I was beyond excited to have discovered a beverage phenomenon of this magnitude, and rushed to discuss it with other wizards. But I soon found out that this drink had already been discovered and named. Called "Thunder Punch," websites sell the mix of this soda concoction. The beverage recipe is simple:

Start with 1 part Mt. Dew ™ Baja Blast ® (which you can acquire at Taco Bell or purchase in can form at some stores, as I later came to do)
Pour in Tropicana pink lemonade until the colors cancel out, mixing a bit (it will be a pretty similar amount to the Dew)
Add 1 part Sierra Mist to level off the flavor

As it turns out, the beverage is great as a mixer with vodka, as it is flavorful enough to mask even hefty doses.
[1]

Note that the header announcing that this belongs to the "Second Mate's Notebook" appears on nearly every page in the work, possibly to protect his intellectual property, or alternatively as a helpful and, at times, seemingly necessary self-reminder. Evidence of the man's cognitive deficits appear almost immediately, and in the potion's very name; though described as an Ale, "Dead Lime Ale" is most certainly not one, instead consisting almost entirely of sugar water and distilled ethanol. Perhaps acknowledging how preposterous this name was (although further reading I've conducted suggests this name may have been a play on words appropriate for its time), the author wisely introduced the beverage by a second name, Thunder Punch, and seems to suggest this may be an even older name than the one he initially provides, as well as serve as counter-evidence the Second Mate may not be entirely truthful in his claim of independent discovery.

One thing I do know for certain is that the recipe works, and I have tried it myself several times to great delight. The two necessary components are the Mt. Dew ™ Baja Blast ® and the Pink Ade of Lemonjuce (any brand will do), but I have since come around to the author's suggestion that Sierra Mist be included to help level an otherwise very potent drink. Upon tasting it, the "Dead Lime" pun becomes a little less obtuse, but when poured into glass it is clear why the Second Mate included the "Thunder Punch" name; the sheer overpowering suffusion of refreshing lemon, lemon/lime and a stronger lemon/lime taste like lightning. While colorless, the drink is not quite opaque; poured into a paper cup it will resemble water and other clear carbonated beverages, but in a glass it appears a cloudy, thunderous grey/white. The recipe is vague on exact proportions, and in my own experience it's best to use the eye test to determine when Thunder equilibrium has been achieved. As I am twelve years old, I have not attempted the drink with the Second Mate's recommendation of vodka, and so cannot speak to its quality as a "mixer." I simply note that the author himself vouches for the sugary citrus drink's effectiveness at completely covering the vodka, and that perhaps a fair amount per concoction can be poured.

Unhelpfully, the rest of the Logbook's entries include severe discrepancies in the Second Mate's narrative that hinder the author's credibility on any and every subject, including potion making. For example, the author claims to be a time traveler and slayer of dragons from far antiquity, yet appears instantly familiar with the broad strokes of a large naval vessel, if not the specific terms of nautical operations. Despite possessing a level of comfort in this time period that makes incredible the Second Mate's insistence of astral projection, at several moments the author lacks basic knowledge that presents as unbelievable to anyone of that time period; the Second Mate claims to celebrate the Christian holiday of Easter, but is entirely ignorant of the existence of Spain, an over 400 year old nation at the time of the Logbook's writing. Other sections in the text provide "examples" of magic that if anything discredit the wizard's claims of magical prowess, such as a clearly bungled ritual to summon a meandering cat, or the first mentioned brew in the Log, "a hearty if somewhat tangy concoction of Imperial Stout and Chardonnay," (Second Mate, p. 6). All clear evidence if the author is not a liar or a madman, he can only be both at once.

Yet amidst the idiosyncrasies of the Second Mate's writing and his often nonsensical or obfuscating choices of subject matter, a glimmer of the wizard's insane genius shines from the words of this comparatively lucid and, upon closer inspection, evidently magical potion recipe. Unmentioned in the author's professed expertise of the potion technique known as Fountain Weaving are the years and years of false promises and painful mistakes in the long process of its mastery, of Weaving Fountains that should never have been Weaved. What a fool this wizard must have felt, mixing Ade of Lemonjuice and Doctor's Pepper Elixir like they would ever taste good in any proportion, or heaven forbid attempting the impossible dream of a Super Caffeinated Beverage through the crude method of mashing together Wings of the Crimson Torus and strong Brazilian coffee? One can only imagine potions like these brought out the worst in their respective ingredients, clashing loudly in the mouth and, in the case of the entirely hypothetical latter beverage, creating permanent and easily recalled memories and light emotional scarring that I speculate the Second Mate experienced even a full decade afterward.

Oh, to be there! To be present the day, that fateful day before the Taco Bell's Endless Fountains, to bask in the icy air at once a welcome refuge from the desert heat and a convenient scapegoat for the shivers the Second Mate in that moment could not but have felt! My own imaginings could never match what the real event was like, but nevertheless I picture it vividly. The look of routine about the Second Mate as he poured a modest portion of Mt. Dew ™ Baja Blast ®, itself a risky drink known for its Xtreme flavor and a color suggestive of chemical spills. The near-silent scoff of half-derision, half-amusement as he reached for the Pink Ade of Lemonjuice, a color clash that surely would result in a brown-purple monstrosity of a potion to rival that Doctor's Pepper debacle. Most significantly, the two seconds of hesitation between his eyes reporting the result and his brain receiving it. The frantic retesting as the Second Mate, convinced that this is just a trick of the obfuscating, opaque Taco Bell cup and just a really really gray shade of brown, makes lightning strike twice. The moment of fear, of excitement, and uncertainty before tasting it, the moment before casting the dice, over in an instant yet timeless for encapsulating every possibility. The moment before glory. The moment before magic.

In truth I may never know whether the author of this recipe experienced those things, or whether I just want to believe he did, or even if I am just desperate to take some deeper meaning out of the personal diary of an undeservedly arrogant and overly wordy man. Putting aside authorial intent, I still took a great deal of inspiration in uncovering this potion recipe and in turn uncovering the story behind its creation. The study and practice of magic is storied and ancient, perhaps predating the written record, and among those centuries past are countless potions and spells, enchantments and artifacts that were created or discovered yet eventually were lost to the passage of time. Having rediscovered one such example, a potion recipe uncatalogued and nearly forgotten, reminds me both to continue my scholarly pursuits, so that I may find more lost wisdom in the successes and failures of those before me, and to embolden my own inventive nature, so that my own successes and failures may one day be wisdom for others to discover.


Sources:
1. Mate, Second (1870s). Second Mate's Logbook. Publisher unknown. Retrieved in the Hogwarts Library.

The Ninth Layer fucked around with this message at Sep 1, 2017 around 10:36

bowmore
Oct 6, 2008

#BRAITH


Lipstick Apathy

Podima posted:

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Share your favorite "potion" (mixed alcoholic beverage) recipe with the class and explain why you enjoy imbibing it, with bonus points if you include a practical demonstration of its brewing!

Note that if your submission is good enough, I may give brewing it a go myself and share the results. I'm sure that'd be fun for everyone!

P.S. If you prefer non-alcoholic potions or perhaps alchemical creations of a different sort, feel free to submit something to that effect!


As always, creativity is worth rewarding. Your deadline is, let's say... 5 PM ET on Sunday (like two and a half+ days from now?)

Good luck!

Made in memory of Fred Weasley after the battle of Hogwarts, The Cracked Weasley now stands on any half decent drink menu throughout the wizarding world.

The Cracked Weasley consists of a good quality gin poured over ice, lemon juice & sugar syrup to your preference, topped w/ ginger beer, garnished with a good lashing of fresh cracked black pepper & a slice of lemon.

I enjoy drinking it I like to imagine this is the kind of drink Fred would have enjoyed best, something funny and light with a sudden punch!!

Kashuno
Oct 9, 2012

H O L E
M A D N E S S


Grimey Drawer

Podima posted:

Getting this assignment out early in the month - I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #3

Prof. Novis looks a bit grumpy this month, doesn't she? I can understand, given that both my classes were selected for special attention last month. Let's give her a pleasant distraction AND see what we can't do to encourage a cooperative frame of mind for one and all, yes?

P.S. Welcome, Prof. Novis! We're all thrilled to have you here.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Share your favorite "potion" (mixed alcoholic beverage) recipe with the class and explain why you enjoy imbibing it, with bonus points if you include a practical demonstration of its brewing!

Note that if your submission is good enough, I may give brewing it a go myself and share the results. I'm sure that'd be fun for everyone!

P.S. If you prefer non-alcoholic potions or perhaps alchemical creations of a different sort, feel free to submit something to that effect!


As always, creativity is worth rewarding. Your deadline is, let's say... 5 PM ET on Sunday (like two and a half+ days from now?)

Good luck!

DRINK INGREDIENTS:

2oz Sint Maarten Guavaberry
1oz Coconut Cream
3oz Pineapple Juice or Pieces
Ice
HOW TO MIX THE DRINK:

Put ice in blender, add Sint Maarten Guavaberry, Cream of Coconut, pineapple pieces or juice. Blend well. Garnish with pineapple, toasted coconut & fresh nutmeg.

This is a Guavaberry Colada. I love this wonderful drink, because it is rare and not something that can be easily obtained in the US or EU. You need specific Guaveberry from a small island in the Caribbean to make it: I went on a long journey to obtain the necessary liquor for this and it paid off in spades. Indeed, prior to the trip i had not been aware it had even existed, and I did not know what I was missing from my life. It will always remind me of this wonderful trip, and the beautiful sights associated. It is very sweet, and is the perfect drink to sit by the ocean or unwind after a rough day. I do not have a practical demonstration of the brewing. Due to the rarity of the ingredients, I have only a small portion of what is necessary and I must save it for the holidays. As a consolation, I will show you a photo adventure of gathering the wonderful Guavaberry Liqeur and drinking the thing. I also have a custom painted of the stuff sitting at home that I may try to take a picture of later!







AnAnonymousIdiot
Sep 14, 2013



http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z6fR7bRXT...1600/eenie1.png

I'm not sure if this would be for Darta's own good. That said, I do think Darta owes you an apology.

##vetoProfNovis

AnAnonymousIdiot fucked around with this message at Sep 1, 2017 around 14:43

Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

I don't feel this detention is being assigned in good faith, but will defer to the majority as needed. ##veto Prof. Novis

King Burgundy
Sep 17, 2003

I am the Burgundy King,
I can do anything!

##approve Professor Vivan

I guess we should tamp down on the house self hate. Maybe a good conversation will come out of this.

MinutePirateBug
Mar 4, 2013


I believe that at this point my purchase of "banned substances" in front of Professor Mudd from his nephew should be pointed out. It is unreasonable for a facility member to allow such behavior to occur in front of him and allow students to go unpunished for it. I still have the physical evidence *points to dime bag of bud*. And I can call on testimony from Paris Mudd, Mulberry Evergreen, and Professor Podima.

VivaNova
Sep 12, 2009

The most epic adventure ever undertaken

Well, I'll certainly be looking forward to confiscating THAT in detention.

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


MinutePirateBug posted:

I believe that at this point my purchase of "banned substances" in front of Professor Mudd from his nephew should be pointed out. It is unreasonable for a facility member to allow such behavior to occur in front of him and allow students to go unpunished for it. I still have the physical evidence *points to dime bag of bud*. And I can call on testimony from Paris Mudd, Mulberry Evergreen, and Professor Podima.

*freezes up, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to get anyone in trouble*

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


*eyes widen, leans to keane* dude whaaaaaat is going on right now?

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Minutepiratebug has been placed in detention

KhediveRex
Jul 11, 2016

A poster to surpass Bifauxnen!


*nods ditractedly* Well, I think that definitely turned out for the best. Good execution of justice all around. You all are good at your jobs - this is such a fine institution! ... You know, ancient and ... Hallowed...

I really have no idea what she was talking about .

Grandicap
Feb 8, 2006



Podima posted:

Getting this assignment out early in the month - I look forward to seeing what you come up with!

Prof. Podima's Extra Credit Assignment #3

Prof. Novis looks a bit grumpy this month, doesn't she? I can understand, given that both my classes were selected for special attention last month. Let's give her a pleasant distraction AND see what we can't do to encourage a cooperative frame of mind for one and all, yes?

P.S. Welcome, Prof. Novis! We're all thrilled to have you here.

Your extra credit assignment for this month:
Share your favorite "potion" (mixed alcoholic beverage) recipe with the class and explain why you enjoy imbibing it, with bonus points if you include a practical demonstration of its brewing!

Note that if your submission is good enough, I may give brewing it a go myself and share the results. I'm sure that'd be fun for everyone!

P.S. If you prefer non-alcoholic potions or perhaps alchemical creations of a different sort, feel free to submit something to that effect!


As always, creativity is worth rewarding. Your deadline is, let's say... 5 PM ET on Sunday (like two and a half+ days from now?)

Good luck!

This is my least favorite "potion" as inspired by Opop and DrinkfiaTM. (And the flying jacob). I call it The Drink That Shall Not Be Named

Here are most of the ingredients I would use, but improvization was required so it is not the complete list.


As you can see, I went with burbon as it obviously goes the best with an abomination out of all of the liquors. I used Pork Side Meat rather than bacon because I wanted too, and the thicker slices looked like they would be easier to candy. I was wrong on that front. I never actually used the brown sugar pictured here because white sugar turned out to be easier.

I started off my slicing the banana into strips and then candied it.
The basic steps here are cut with a mandolin, cover in sugar, then take a brulee torch and set them on fire.



Then I did the same to the bacon.

Look how thick it is.


Ok, then I diced some of the remaining bacon, added to some chicken stock, some bourbon and some hot sauce. I microwaved the mixture to let it infuse and let it sit a while too.


Then I shook well with ice.


Now I needed to get the peanuts in somehow. So I diced some up and tried to rim the glass with them... They didn't stick, so I put some peanut butter on the rim and them rimmed the glass with them and it worked, mostly.


Now to bring everything together. I poured the monstrosity in, added the garnishes and ended up with this.


So the bananas didn't nearly hold up as well as I had hoped when candied so they drooped a bit, but otherwise, it looks... still awful. Well let's give it a shot.

I did try it, and I did finish the garnish at least, but let's just say that I won't be making this again. This is what is left


Never try this, ever. It will take over Wizarding Britain in a heartbeat.

Grandicap fucked around with this message at Sep 2, 2017 around 04:46

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


For this extra credit assignment, my goal was to brew a potion that would either cure grumpiness or cause happiness for those who drink it. I did this by taking potions that create a short-term blanket of warmth and relaxation for their users, and combined them with ingredients that I know are cold and refreshing and delicious.

Please see the attached recipe for Mulberry's Drink:


Ingredient #1: one part Skele-Gro, a common ingredient often found in healing potions.


Add to pitcher.


Ingredient #2: two parts Blackjack Juice, known to bring good luck to those who drink it.


Add to pitcher. The room should briefly turn purple roughly a minute.


Ingredient #3: one part Essence of Dragonberry, known for giving those to drink it the ability to temporarily breathe smoke.


Add to pitcher.


Ingredient #4: one part Peach Elixer, knock for making those who drink it feel good, act silly, and lose inhibitions.


Add to pitcher.


Ingredient #5: two scoops of Wizard Sorbet, known for changing colors and flavors frequently.


Add to pitcher.


Ingredient #6: four spoonfuls of Evergreen Farms' Mixed Berries, sent here by my mom and pop from back home! No magic there, they're just delicious.


Add to pitcher.


Focus your wand on the pitcher and say the magic words:


"Blendio Smoothie!!!"


Transfer the potion to a suitable drinking flask.


The finished product tastes wonderful!


If brewed correctly your breath should look like this afterwards.

After extensive testing, I can confirm that it works as intended. After creating three such potions and drinking them, I found myself so relaxed and comfortable that I couldn't muster the energy to complete this report! With that said, I can confidently recommend that Mulberry's Drink be given to those who may be suffering from grumpiness - it is also good fix for boredom as well.

busb
Mar 19, 2009

Anime for Trump.


Hmm that is a lot of great potions. Professors have 3 hours! Except Novis, of course who is relishing in discipline.

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Podima
Nov 4, 2009

so long suckers! i rev up my linking book structure and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely trapped in another age

Extra Credit #3 Individual Grading:


Malibu and Pineapple is a time-honored tradition indeed (and one I fondly remember from my younger days), and this seems very much like a crowd-pleaser! Certainly a stealthy slayer, though. Your wizard parties must be something to remember!



Hahahahaha this was quite excellent. A good study of historical writings, especially ones that I myself am likely to find personally relevant. I know you were working on a photographic demonstration - even though it's past deadline, I should be quite interested in seeing it nevertheless! Well written indeed, and excellent academic representation for Ravenclaw!



I give you full credit - this is a simple but effective drink, and one that I would certainly be interested in trying myself. Excellently described. Now I'm thirsty - sadly, no gin to be found in my temporary dwellings! Perhaps upon my return home. Also, the inclusion of fresh black pepper is an intriguing idea that I think many might otherwise avoid.



A well-traveled recommendation indeed, and one that clearly comes from the heart. I'm quite motivated to seek out more of the same for myself, though it sounds like it'd be a difficult endeavor. I can only hope that the wizard pictured alongside you ((i have to assume you are the lady here OBVIOUSLY)) enjoyed it half as much as you seem to have!



This is, politely described, an atrocity. I commend you for your bravery in sharing it, but this is frankly horrifying. I hope nobody else follows in your footsteps here, and applaud your willingness to tread where fools dare not. Kudos for the effort both in creation and documentation, but urgh.



This gave me a big goofy grin from the start and never stopped. Incredible effort and attention to detail, as well as creativity! (I LOVE the bottles being stored in the hat.) It sounds like you had a ton of fun with this assignment, which is absolutely what I was hoping for. Furthermore, BLENDO SMOOTHIE is quite advanced magic indeed. WELL DONE!

I highly encourage other professors to choose their favorites (and have made recommendations for which ones I feel are worthy of recognition), but from my end Evergreen has truly impressed me. Many others put in quite a commendable amount of effort, but her joyful effort made me happy in a way that is difficult to explain.

##award Slytherin

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