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My submission for Podima's extra-credit assignment. It ran a little long I'll warn. A Yule Jarvey When you live in the country, you get gnomes. And when you have gnomes, you get a Jarvey. Never more than one, they're fiercely territorial as my father explained once. But when you hear cussing coming from the garden, manic rants echoing from beneath a chicory bush, that's your Jarvey. Mine had an American accent; I used to wake up early to hear him threaten the gnomes. And then one morning I told my dad I would like to go outside and thank Jarvey for all the work he did. And my father told me, “He wouldn't understand.” “But … He speaks English.” I retorted, young and confused. “Well, sort of...” For those who don't know, a Jarvey is a very large ferret, with a peculiar gift. They go a step beyond mimicking human language - they mimic grammar, word variance and tone. They will speak sentences they've never heard before, composed of bits and pieces of conversation they've heard elsewhere. Jarvies use language to intimidate, you cannot talk to one very long without being called a number of not very nice things. And apart from this predilection, the effect is so like cognizant speech that the Jarvey was, until only 240 years ago, thought to be an intelligent creature. Recent research leaves the question open. Well, I have a point to submit on the open question of Jarvey intelligence. And strangely enough, it is a Christmas story. Only ten years old and left to man the house all by myself while my parents went out to acquire other guests, I was feeling pretty unshakable. I just had to stir the gravy and keep the food warm while they were out. But my confidence shrank immediately when I saw the Jarvey's eye's leering at me from a perch on the counter. “Ha-Hallo Jarvey... What are you doing inside? You're a garden-” “You listen to me you son of a bitch... I did all the work...” I blinked a few times. Jarvey's don't make eye contact, it wasn't as though he were staring me down. I knew it was just a defensive mechanism. But I was nervous. I'd never been this close to Jarvey. I latched onto the last thing he said, and responded bewildered, “...You did all the work?” “I DID ALL THE WORK!..” It screamed, facing the oven. It lowered its head like a predator and said very calmly. “All of these smells... I demand to have these smells, yes, I demand it ... I did all the work...” I shook my head and gestured at the oven. “No. Mom cooked all of that.” He turned to me then, stared me down with his red eyes, only for an instant, to deliver a message he really wanted me to understand. “You're a CRETIN!...” By that point I had enough. A simple charm levitated the creature up off the ground calling and wailing “I did all the work!”. I raced for the nearest window to throw the creature out and just as I had swung it open, I spot the strangest of spots. Outside, beneath a tree, was a mound of headless gnomes, piled unceremoniously on top of each other. The tree itself was strung with intestines and sinew. The oldest gnome had been placed on top of the tree, he had spiky white hair that escaped in all directions. There was, unmistakably, a deranged and bloodsoaked Christmas tree in our yard. I turned to Jarvey, suspended against his will and writhing like something mad; he hissed a shrill rebuke, the same it had always been. “I did all the work ...” Needless to say, I sent Jarvey off that night with a portion of the family dinner. He got two goose drumsticks and he lapped up the first before I could even cut off the second. When my family got home and heard the story, they understood. Afterall, how could we turn down a neighbor who just wanted to spend the holiday with us? Especially after he had done all the work? The thing that amazes me about that night isn't a Jarvey sneaking into a home. It's knowing that at the same time we're trying to understand these fantastical creatures that we live next to everyday, they are also trying to understand us. That Jarvey had no idea what a “Christmas” was, could never have. But, it puzzled together by watching us that Christmas Dinner came after decorating the tree – and it wanted Christmas Dinner. We live surrounded by creatures that we are not necessarily like us. Whom, like Jarvies, we can't talk with and share ideas the same way. That's what makes Care of Magical Creatures so important. Our fantastic beasts can't always tell us what they need, or why they want it, or how to properly care for them and live among them. But by learning to find a common ground and speak a common language, we bridge the gap and can take better care of the animals we derive so much from. -Paris Mudd-
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Aug 27, 2017 01:02
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| # ¿ Apr 18, 2024 18:37 |
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So, Burgandy's extra credit is over, but I made this weird egg. And I have nothing else to do with it really so, i'm just gonna post some pictures of it anyway. Look guys, it's a weird egg! What kind of egg is that you ask? Snake egg! And it's got pictures of wizards and dementors on it. ... I think it's pretty groovy.     
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Aug 27, 2017 02:44
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*nods ditractedly* Well, I think that definitely turned out for the best. Good execution of justice all around. You all are good at your jobs - this is such a fine institution! ... You know, ancient and ... Hallowed... I really have no idea what she was talking about .
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Sep 2, 2017 00:39
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Look, I know just as well as everyone here that this whole situation is weird and awkward. But hear me out. Look out there! ... Professors are literally giving away house points! For nothing! For being seen in the company of someone not from your house. What is a date anyway? We're twelve and locked in a boarding school. What kind of a date do they think we're gonna have? This is just a bunch of old people getting their jollies forcing young people to awkwardly hold hands while the teaching staff ruminate about "young love". It's pagentry! And it's demeaning if you really think about it. ... But they're offering points. Man. Here's all I'm saying. You and me, we wander through the great hall holding hands. The minute a teacher notices, we can be done. Go back to our regular scholastic lives. The sooner we get the five points, the sooner the whole thing is over. Which is why it's gotta be you Keane. We wanna be noticed quickly and you're a big guy; like half-giant or ... troll or something, aren't you? We've never actually talked about this. Anyway, you're big. And the teaching staff already keeps an eye on me after the Darta Incident. We'll get noticed immediately. Immediately. I'm sure of it. And then we're both five points richer... ##date: Keane ... Come on, man. Hold my goddamn hand. ... ... ... ... So - Umm ... Do you like sports? Or...? ... You know this is already more awkward than I thought it would be.
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Sep 8, 2017 01:05
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Murmur Twin posted:Oh, I just thought of something!! May I please borrow that egg and try something with it? You need an ornately painted snake egg? For some tangible purpose? I'm so intruiged. Yeah, it's yours. Anything for a housemate. It's just an ornately painted egg, I ... don't really know what you do with it anyway. If you believe in superstitions it will bring you good luck. If you don't believe in superstition it'll sign your name up to one of those muggle telemarketing call lists so, just be careful.
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Sep 9, 2017 07:55
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VivaNova posted:Professor Novis LOVED quiddich! The crisp air, the cheers of the crowd, the house flags snapping smartly in the wind. She especially loved reliving her glory days as seeker of her house! But Novis could barley force herself to sit through the last match- it was a disgustingly one sided affair. After First Year Herbology the next day she pulled Eddie aside. "I've heard rumors your house has snatched up all the Bamsticks. Now, I'm aware that they were a perfectly legal purchase, but I wonder if it wouldn't be a bit more sporting if I tried to even the field. AnAnonymousIdiot posted:
es·ca·la·tion eskəˈlāSH(ə)n noun A rapid increase; a rise An increase in the intensity or seriousness of something; an intensification. To become worse or to make worse or more severe.
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Sep 11, 2017 01:09
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I see no one wants to date a 12 year old who smokes cigarettes and traffics drugs out of a train-car. You know that's probably a really good thing. I'm gonna applaud everyone's moral integrity there.
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Sep 12, 2017 11:02
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Frank Turner - If Ever I Stray.
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Sep 28, 2017 01:33
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I thought the core of the game was wonderful and I would eagerly play in a sequel. But if we're doing a notes session.... I'd Rework Effortblocking. -- in my opinion they're the best class besides studious. They heavily affect the game, going without one in Slytherin was a little rough. I think i'd recommend nixing effortblockers as a class for students and instead give each house a "House Ghost" who can't contribute to events but handles the house's effortblocks, defenses and heals. That way every team has the same effortblocking potential and students don't have to shoot their own studies to try and bring someone else down with them. More Money, Broader Economy. -- Money was kinda hard to come by in this game. Everything seemed expensive because we had no way to earn money. I think the average person started with ten or twelve and didn't get a Christmas package. So their whole yearly nest egg would have been enough for two butterbeers. Having some events reward gold in addition to points would have been great for that. Professors Might Have More Fun With A "Hated House". -- I think having a house to try and destroy instead of a house they are assigned to protect might be more engaging. It would make it more difficult to discern professor's motives and give them more incentives to cooperate with other houses. This game played out with the professors pretty solidly in each of their own team's camps, because all three other houses and professors were the enemy. Whereas, if you give each professor a hated house, then it's easy to imagine cooperating with three of the four houses and any of the professors. I'm gonna echo Podima too, they should have more ways to talk. Like an auto RoR or something. Or if you like the house ghost idea, give each of them a house ghost to relay messages with, something. More Even Rewards for Each Skill -- Knowledge was the best for points with two sets of tests - eight subjects- that awarded 20 per subject. An additional 100 to Dux and an additional 100 for best house could have earned a high knowledge team 520 points. Next best was bravery; Each time had six quidditch matches that awarded 40 and the team that did best got 200. A perfect showing of bravery netted a team a potential 440 points. After that was Empathy with one event, the Yule Ball, that awarded 100. And Cunning had no special events. Cunning Should Have Something -- I don't know if I prefer the idea of there being a duel club or the idea of cunning students having a way to produce galleons; but you got to give cunning something. It's lonely. We're the only not special stat. Cunning got used somewhat disproportionately in the events themselves, but thats not the same. And if you gave cunning something special then you wouldn't have to give it preference in events. It's Calling For A Narrative. -- For me it just isn't the Harry Potter universe if you're not stopping the spread of sinister dark wizardry in between classes. Having a small 'main quest' wouldn't even have to distract from the format of the game. Have every house pick a champion. Every other month or so have champions do some kind of Genius Death Match game to see who advances the plot line of the main quest. The person who performs best at stopping evil or whatever earn points at the end. And maybe gets cool items during the in-betweens. It would be tremendously satisfying to know that, by the time we are done with the school year, our little graduating class have saved the Wizarding world. In some small way or another. KhediveRex fucked around with this message at 09:18 on Oct 10, 2017 |
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Oct 10, 2017 09:16
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