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The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Welcome to Mindfuck Academy

cda: by Hand Knit

Welcome to Mindfuck Academy. No, it's not just a name. No, we weren't founded by Mr. Mindfuck.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 18:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 13:36

cda: by Hand Knit

Our coat of arms is the Expanding Mind meme. By the way, you're all expelled.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 18:43

cda: by Hand Knit

Here's your dorm room. We put a nasty venomous snake in it to keep you on your toes. Do you want to see a picture of the snake so you'll know what to watch out for? That's why your room comes with a mirror. Goodbye!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 18:48

free Trapt CD: *~~*
I've got plenty of java
and Chesterfield Kings
*~~*

welcome to your final exam for woodwork 101. go ahead, saw open that box. ...what's that, boy? blood on the saw? my god - i'd recognise that blood anywhere. you've killed my lovely assistant, Anastacia! you swine! didn't you recognise her sparkly red pumps laying on the ground there? quickly, pry open the box with that crowbar. what's that you say? well, Anastacia hasn't had a moustache for weeks. aha, it's your archnemesis damien! you've killed damien!! mindfuck!! and it's good that you did, because this is actually your self-defense exam. mindfuck. looks like there's an extremely distressed and mindfucked young man who just earned himself an A+ - mindfuck!! it's me.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:10

joke_explainer

Welcome to midterms, class.

*places sealed box, two dice, and notecard with "Celiac Truths" written on it on each desk*.

You have two minutes. It's open book, so feel free to reference your notes.

*sits in on teachers desk with overhead projector empty, on, and pointing at my expressionless face*

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:18

joke_explainer

Hey kids, this is physical education. I know the academy is weird, I haven't really made any friends here except the chemistry teacher that only speaks in Akkadian and won't give you a passing grade unless you transmute gold into lead while giving you no gold. At least I think we're friends, I helped him get a fruit snack out of a vending machine and he shoved me manically until I slapped him, at which point he grinned and bowed deeply. Anyway. Today we're playing... huh. Triangle ball. I guess that's these things. The goal is to get it in the net, and the net is... ah, gently caress.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:22

cda: by Hand Knit

joke_explainer posted:

Welcome to midterms, class.

*places sealed box, two dice, and notecard with "Celiac Truths" written on it on each desk*.

You have two minutes. It's open book, so feel free to reference your notes.

*sits in on teachers desk with overhead projector empty, on, and pointing at my expressionless face*

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:25

cda: by Hand Knit

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:31

joke_explainer

"You guys like history? Here, check this out." *opens bag, pulls out Hitler's severed head* "Pretty cool, huh?" *head begins mumbling, shoved back into bag*

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:31

joke_explainer

He carried that bag around the rest of the semester. He never opened it again, but I swear I saw it move on its own several times.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:33

joke_explainer

It was distracting trying to do the SATs with that audio of the SEAL team god-knows-where calling for backup and requesting orders, but it just got disturbing when we realized it was live, two way, and we were expected to be telling them what to do.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:37

little munchkin

*at a job interview, trying to appear both humble and confident at the same time* I wrote my master's thesis on seeing through society's bull poo poo

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:41

little munchkin

getting decked out in our school's colors for the big football game against Regular gently caress Academy

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:45

joke_explainer

There's only one rule in my class, and it has to do with all the pigeons in here, but you're going to have to figure it out on your own. Now, let's learn some home economics. *opens Milton Friedman book and turns on stove*

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:47

cda: by Hand Knit

little munchkin posted:

*at a job interview, trying to appear both humble and confident at the same time* I wrote my master's thesis on seeing through society's bull poo poo

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 19:54

alnilam

little munchkin posted:

*at a job interview, trying to appear both humble and confident at the same time* I wrote my master's thesis on seeing through society's bull poo poo

# ? Aug 25, 2017 20:19

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Your acceptance letter is written on the restraining order prohibiting you from the campus

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 20:53

Meeksha: i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust

i went to MFA because i heard they had a great social economics program. it turns out, however, that the dorms are all solitary confinement cells. i was recently released after 4 years, and i must say that i have a very different view of social economics than graduates from other "normal" universities. 10/10!!

-----

come on and slam and welcome to the jam

Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 20:59

joke_explainer

There's a longstanding rivalry with Brainfuck Tech. Their mascot, ++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.<<+++++++++++++++.>.+++.------.--------.>+.>, tried to dump a water barrel on our mascot, but after the splash its head slipped off to reveal just an empty suit.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 21:03

FutonForensic

*grabbing head, screaming*

# ? Aug 25, 2017 22:05

joke_explainer

FutonForensic posted:

*grabbing head, screaming*

[At the noise, previously unseen teachers rush into room at the sound, looking confused, they turn toward the teacher]

"Who are you? What are you doing to these students!? They're here to learn!" [They push him out of the room]

[The other adults leave except for one new school teacher. She speaks to the class.]

TEACHER: Class, I'm sorry, there was a terrible mistake. That man was a stranger and not associated with our curriculum at all. This is an english literature course and I'll be your real professor.

[TEACHER turns and looks mischievous, setting a previously unnoticed duffel bag on the desk. She sets a radio on the desk and turns it on, which begins listing a series of numbers.]

TEACHER: But first, we have a special treat. My fellow staff have trapped the intruder in the Physical Education maze. We thought it only fair to give you this one and only shot at a passing grade.

[Unzips duffel bag fully, and starts removing sharp implements, spears, knives, swords, which she begins passing out.]

TEACHER: Hunt him down and kill him. The winner will move on... perhaps. If I know Reginald, he's already getting set up for this, so you better hurry.

# ? Aug 25, 2017 23:03

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

At Mindfuck University we grade our tests on the Space-Time curve. Getting a 4.0 GPA is impossible, however.

The only way to make the Dean's List is if you anger him and he marks you for death.

All first time students are required to fill out an organ donor card and keep your organs in excellent health because you just never know.

Please make sure your Personal Contacts list is kept current at all times. They may be your only hope...

Hopefully you're not allergic to scorpions, cobras or flesh-eating bacteria, for no real reason so don't worry about it.

It's possible LSD may have leeeched into the water fountain in the cafeteria, please form a single line and wait your turn.

Please try to stay alive long enough to attend the briefing in 3 days on "How to Avoid the Deadly Things That Most Assuredly Will Try To Kill You This Semester".

Take your nerve agent antidote pills before each meal, the assholes in Chem Lab can't read a complex formula apparently

All classes have been rescheduled, good luck finding out what classes start when, and where!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Aug 25, 2017 23:34

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

I thought orientation was gonna be helpful but all they did was hypnotize us to think all the doors are walls and all the walls are doors.

# ? Aug 26, 2017 00:20

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

Music class is everyone making explosion noises out of their mouths while doing finger motions on their scalps

Putty fucked around with this message at 01:08 on Aug 26, 2017

# ? Aug 26, 2017 01:06

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

everyone gets a free bottle of "ear hole lube"

# ? Aug 26, 2017 02:45

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

Putty posted:

Music class is everyone making explosion noises out of their mouths while doing finger motions on their scalps

# ? Aug 26, 2017 03:10

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Mindfuck Academy is a perfectly ordinary educational institution that just happens to be named Mindfuck. In the same way that Brown is not, in fact, brown.
Anyway, your first class will beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[transforms into a giant cockroach with the face of a beautiful woman]

# ? Aug 26, 2017 05:14

cda: by Hand Knit

Putty posted:

Music class is everyone making explosion noises out of their mouths while doing finger motions on their scalps

# ? Aug 26, 2017 13:29

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

The most hosed up part of Mindfuck Academy is that the janitor is still a normal janitor and he has to clean up all the mind loving

# ? Aug 26, 2017 18:01

cda: by Hand Knit

You want to join our Simon Says team? Just cut off your finger and you're in.

# ? Aug 26, 2017 18:10

cda: by Hand Knit

Our marching band can't start playing our school fight song until the MGM lion roars for the third time.

# ? Aug 26, 2017 18:13

alnilam

cda posted:

Our marching band can't start playing our school fight song until the MGM lion roars for the third time.

# ? Aug 26, 2017 19:11

joke_explainer

Our school's band director, Mr. Cage, has his face locked in an iron mask. You may be wondering: Nicolas or John? You'll never know. Or will you? You won't.

# ? Aug 26, 2017 20:59

Macnult

joke_explainer posted:

Welcome to midterms, class.

*places sealed box, two dice, and notecard with "Celiac Truths" written on it on each desk*.

You have two minutes. It's open book, so feel free to reference your notes.

*sits in on teachers desk with overhead projector empty, on, and pointing at my expressionless face*

little munchkin posted:

getting decked out in our school's colors for the big football game against Regular gently caress Academy

AverySpecialfriend posted:

I thought orientation was gonna be helpful but all they did was hypnotize us to think all the doors are walls and all the walls are doors.

Putty posted:

Music class is everyone making explosion noises out of their mouths while doing finger motions on their scalps

cda posted:

You want to join our Simon Says team? Just cut off your finger and you're in.

lmao this thread

# ? Aug 26, 2017 23:01

Ultra Spoot

Some think he really got his nose. Others think he merely cloned it. Some say it's just a trick, but nobody knows for sure. A cult has now formed around worshipping the mysterious man who can steal noses. Just another day at mindfuck academy

# ? Aug 27, 2017 09:36

google THIS

The professor kept telling us to look down, then look up, and each time we did the PowerPoint presentation would have switched to something completely different, or we'd be in a different lecture hall, or we'd be underwater, or the professor would be sitting on a horse. But it turns out all you need to do to get an A is use Old Spice bodywash.

# ? Aug 27, 2017 22:37

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Criss Angel teaches one of the classes. It's really boring and nothing unusual happens at all.

# ? Aug 27, 2017 23:34

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

just got accepted into mindfreak prep!!

# ? Aug 28, 2017 03:02

google THIS

AverySpecialfriend posted:

just got accepted into mindfreak prep!!

...or did you? :raise:

:raise:

# ? Aug 28, 2017 03:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 13:36

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

The same grades got me put on academic probation and on the dean's list.

# ? Aug 28, 2017 03:35

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Welcome to Mindfuck Academy

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