what is the best way to make coffee?

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Piso Mojado

i broke my french press and need something new

# ? Aug 30, 2017 04:29

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 06:24

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Chew the raw beans slowly, and mash them through your teeth like mashed potatoes. Swallow with cream and sugar to taste.

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# ? Aug 30, 2017 04:32

Piso Mojado

Splatmaster posted:

Chew the raw beans slowly, and mash them through your teeth like mashed potatoes. Swallow with cream and sugar to taste.

can i just install a gizzard?

# ? Aug 30, 2017 04:37

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Of course! Just remember to swallow some gravel to give the 'ol gizzard sumpin' to work with

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# ? Aug 30, 2017 05:22

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

the little beat aluminum things they use in viet nam work real great for makin coffe OP

uh sry idk how to talk coffe in my native english but i could order you one in saigon or paris or acapulco :shrug:

# ? Aug 30, 2017 06:05

vanisher

Sorry op, you're just going to have to pony up the bucks for a new french press

Or a Keurig

I heavily associate value to cost

# ? Aug 30, 2017 06:33

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

vanisher posted:

Sorry op, you're just going to have to pony up the bucks for a new french press

Or a Keurig

I heavily associate value to cost

you should go spend some vietnamese money then decent coffe cost fifty grand

# ? Aug 30, 2017 06:46

Majuju: I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.

vanisher posted:

Sorry op, you're just going to have to pony up the bucks for a new french press

Or a Keurig

I heavily associate value to cost

french presses are pretty inexpensive unless (like me) you're a clumsy oaf who just cannot stop shattering the carafe

it's the grinders where you can really get your conspicuous consumption on

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:53

Majuju: I had a beer with Stephen Miller once and now I like him.

anyhow the best way to make coffee is using an espresso machine that you've juiced up with extra non-functional gears, a monocle, and some latin engravings

then you keep it warm by putting it in your sous-vide bath

# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:54

City of Glompton

get a pour over thingy they're cheap and good. or a moka pot.

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Aug 30, 2017 21:06

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

probably just get a new french press imo, its the best way to make coffee quickly and cheaply

my sick coffee tips: grind beans fresh (duh) with a burr/mill grinder (hand crank works); put grounds in french press and pour in a little bit of room temperature filtered water, just enough to make a slurry (this hydrates the grounds and prevents them from getting shocked by the heat when you add hot water). then pour in the water at about 180ish degrees farenheit which if you have a click water boiler means click it, open the lid once it boils, let it chill out for a couple minutes then pour. let the coffee brew for 5 minutes and stir once at the end before pressing. this will bring out all the flavorful acids you want in a cup of coffee (these taste good unlike the acrid taste associated with burnt coffee) while maximizing the amount of crema you pull out (good oils) and keeping it from being too full bodied (excessive stirring will break up clumps of grounds and increase the amount of particulates in your coffee). then drink it! i like my coffee with a splash of milk or cream (silk soy creamer is very good) and no sugar. happy "coffeeing"!!

City of Glompton posted:

get a pour over thingy they're cheap and good. or a moka pot.

moka pots make espresso you silly, not coffee! they make dang good espresso too but make sure you get one with a heavy bottom, there are some name brand moka pots floating around with flimsy aluminum bottoms that are liable to scorching your grounds

# ? Aug 30, 2017 22:10

City of Glompton

AverySpecialfriend posted:

moka pots make espresso you silly, not coffee! they make dang good espresso too but make sure you get one with a heavy bottom, there are some name brand moka pots floating around with flimsy aluminum bottoms that are liable to scorching your grounds

close enough :coffeepal:

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Aug 31, 2017 02:15

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

grind your beans by hand in a mortar made of fine peruvian basalt. toss the grounds into a clean toilet tank. let sit 24 hours then flush into a mug

_{Thanks to HotSoapyBeard for the sig image!}

# ? Aug 31, 2017 08:55

Grevling

You can make quite good coffee with just a funnel and a filter.

What the gently caress so this is an option

# ? Aug 31, 2017 09:19

Rushi: by Smythe

i think if you buy something like coffee and take it rly far away from where you bought it then you can exchange for money, more than you bought it for

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# ? Aug 31, 2017 09:34

Twenty Four

Rushi posted:

i think if you buy something like coffee and take it rly far away from where you bought it then you can exchange for money, more than you bought it for

Uh isn't coffee supposed to be hot? I'm not paying more for cold coffee from a 7-11 in Japan.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 09:44

Manifisto

I hate to sound pretentious here but the best coffee is made by hand. get the best unroasted coffee you can to start with--you cannot make good coffee with inferior beans. next, hold those beans in your hands until the warmth from your body roasts them. you are looking to take the beans no further than a full city+ roast, that's just a few seconds into second crack, but for many beans, such as central american or island varietals, you really want to stay firmly within first crack. as soon as your beans are the desired degree of roast, flail the beans around swiftly in your loosely held fists to cool them off.

now you need to grind the beans--an exacting science. you will do this by crushing them in your hands, ideally by holding the beans in an open palm and driving the balled-up fist of your other hand into them like a pestle, but you must use care: you want to crush them neither too loosely nor too finely, and the exact size of the grounds will depend on your method of brewing. here we want something on the slightly coarse side: you're not ready for handspresso! you will freshly crush/grind the beans each time you brew, of course.

now it is time to brew. use whatever method you want to get the water to the ideal temperature of about 200 degrees f. purists such as myself would insist on building a fire with your hands, kindled by rubbing sticks together, ideally something with a slight smokiness that will complement your coffee (mesquite perhaps?), then heating the water in a cupped palm. in any event, once the water is up to temp, you will grab a precisely measured fistful of fresh ground coffee in your mitts and plunge it into the scalding water for the exact right amount of time. a bit of trial and error is involved in figuring the ideal brew time, I suggest starting with four minutes and checking the results. you are more likely to get underextraction at this brew time than overextraction.

when the coffee is ready, you could drink it out of a mug I suppose. if you're an uncivilized heathen. that first slurp from a cupped palm, knowing you've made your beverage exactly the way it's supposed to be made--priceless.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Aug 31, 2017 13:48

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Realpost incoming

pourover. Only buy whole beans and grind them right before you make the coffee. Use good beans, not too old, not sweating their oil out. They shoudl be stored in an airtight glass jar. Use 3 scoops coffee and 12 ounces of water. Medium / "general purpose" grind, maybe even a smidge on the fine side. Only use a burr aka mill grinder - if your "grinder" has little spinning blades like a blender, throw it trash

Holder goes on top of the mug; filter goes in holder. Make sure your filter fits the holder right aka don't use a conical holder for a #2 filter.

If you're using white filters, you should rinse them with scalding water before you put the grinds in. Just put it in the holder and run water through it, then dump that water out of the mug. Don't skip this, it actually does make a difference in flavor If you're using brown filters, it may or may not make a difference, I have no experience in that

anyway that's basically it, pour a bit at a time, the first pour should be just enough to submerge all the grinds and bring out all the co2 bubbles which you can watch happen and is pretty neat, after that just pour a bit at a time to keep it dripping steadily until you have 12 oz of amazing coffee. If it's too bitter you can pour a little water in to dilute it.

There you go, the best coffee.

I got my ceramic pourover holder for $1 at Daiso. I have no idea why they're so expensive on amazon. You can get a powered mill grinder for very cheap on amazon, i think the mr coffee one is down to like $22 there. Or you can spend less for a manual grinder. So this is not very expensive.

If you don't have a gooseneck kettle, you can just pour the hot water from a big pyrex measuring cup

however I strongly recommend springing for a gooseneck kettle... basically once you use it you will wonder how you did without it. I got one on amazon for under $20.

Filters are so cheap I'm not going to price them
Beans are up to you, but obviously you shoudl get the best beans you can, hawaiian or south american tend to be better for this imo vice african or asian beans

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# ? Aug 31, 2017 14:13

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

Doctor Dogballs posted:

Realpost incoming

pourover. Only buy whole beans and grind them right before you make the coffee. Use good beans, not too old, not sweating their oil out. They shoudl be stored in an airtight glass jar. Use 3 scoops coffee and 12 ounces of water. Medium / "general purpose" grind, maybe even a smidge on the fine side. Only use a burr aka mill grinder - if your "grinder" has little spinning blades like a blender, throw it trash

Holder goes on top of the mug; filter goes in holder. Make sure your filter fits the holder right aka don't use a conical holder for a #2 filter.

If you're using white filters, you should rinse them with scalding water before you put the grinds in. Just put it in the holder and run water through it, then dump that water out of the mug. Don't skip this, it actually does make a difference in flavor If you're using brown filters, it may or may not make a difference, I have no experience in that

anyway that's basically it, pour a bit at a time, the first pour should be just enough to submerge all the grinds and bring out all the co2 bubbles which you can watch happen and is pretty neat, after that just pour a bit at a time to keep it dripping steadily until you have 12 oz of amazing coffee. If it's too bitter you can pour a little water in to dilute it.

There you go, the best coffee.

I got my ceramic pourover holder for $1 at Daiso. I have no idea why they're so expensive on amazon. You can get a powered mill grinder for very cheap on amazon, i think the mr coffee one is down to like $22 there. Or you can spend less for a manual grinder. So this is not very expensive.

If you don't have a gooseneck kettle, you can just pour the hot water from a big pyrex measuring cup

however I strongly recommend springing for a gooseneck kettle... basically once you use it you will wonder how you did without it. I got one on amazon for under $20.

Filters are so cheap I'm not going to price them
Beans are up to you, but obviously you shoudl get the best beans you can, hawaiian or south american tend to be better for this imo vice african or asian beans

This. Also don't buy a keurig unless it really doesn't matter to you. Keurigs don't even get up to proper temperature, and the original k-cups are also horrendously bad for the environment.

all of that being said, I'm perfectly happy myself with a crappy ten dollar drip machine from Meh and New England preground French Vanilla or Chocolate Cappuccino. It's certainly not the best way but I find it cheap and effective.

Starman Super DX fucked around with this message at 00:09 on Sep 2, 2017

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Aug 31, 2017 14:24

smoobles: Can't post for 4 hours!

Might I recommend cold brew, since it's summer?

Get a large, 64 oz mason jar and a strainer bag, or a cold brew strainer if you're feeling fancy (they're about $12.95 on Amazon)

https://www.amazon.com/Zell-Coffee-Infuser-Durable-Stainless/dp/B01HIT0XCA/

Fill up the jar strainer, OR add about 2 cups of course ground (GRIND IT YOURSELF!!!) dark roast beans to a strainer bag, and insert it in the jar like its a tea bag.

Let it sit at room temperature for 24 hours for light brew, 48-72 hours if you want it extra dark. I have two mason jars so that I can start my next batch while enjoying the current one.

Serve over ice. Optionally add cream or sugar. It's so cold and refreshing that you may find you don't need sugar, even if you prefer sugar with your hot coffee.

SUGAR TIP: Sugar mixes poorly with cold liquids, so I like to pour it into a smaller jar with ice, cream and sugar. Then I cap the smaller jar and shake it like a cocktail mixer. This mixes the sugar in much more effectively than a spoon. Then I stick a straw into it, and I'm ready for a nice cold morning coffee on the porch.

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# ? Aug 31, 2017 15:06

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

alternatively just make syrup if you want sugar in cold drinks

# ? Aug 31, 2017 16:20

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

just get a Mr. Coffee or whatnot and get on with your day.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 19:08

mailorder bees: FLUFFERNUTTER

eat the grounds

thanks Manifisto!

# ? Aug 31, 2017 20:08

jyrque

Keep your coffee fridgerated so it keeps longer. :coffeepal:

# ? Aug 31, 2017 20:19

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

put the grounds in your mouth with some hot water and swish it around.

# ? Aug 31, 2017 20:27

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

Rushi posted:

i think if you buy something like coffee and take it rly far away from where you bought it then you can exchange for money, more than you bought it for

your sigs so confusing dude

" t o o m a n y b l u n t s " :confused:

# ? Aug 31, 2017 21:06

POOL IS CLOSED: I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.

mouth to mouth is the new cool trend in hot coffee

take it to the next level with your best :coffeepal:

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# ? Aug 31, 2017 22:23

Senior Management

pay someone at McDonald's or 7-11 every morning in exchange for some black coffee.

:jerry:

# ? Aug 31, 2017 23:58

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

two words: neti pot

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# ? Sep 1, 2017 00:04

byob historian: I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

this is what i was talkin bout yall

its a metal coffe filter, for iced coffe just put ice in the glass before you put the filter on, for hot coffe dont bother

you put the ground coffe in the filter, set the filter on your glass, pour hot water in it, and it drips into your glass

i never liked coffe til i went to viet nam so these things work real great imo

also a couple fingers of sweetened condensed milk at the bottom of the glass of ice didnt hurt;-*

# ? Sep 1, 2017 03:01

Meeksha: i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust

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Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!

# ? Sep 1, 2017 20:03

Robot Made of Meat

I know I'll be branded a pariah for this, but I've tried a lot of coffee. I've tried freshly ground, I've tried presses and funnels and whatever-the-hell-else.

And after all this, after all these years, I still like plain old every day Folgers prepared in a Bunn coffee maker. Scoff if you will, but It makes me happy, it's made me happy for decades, and I doubt it'll stop making me happy.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Sep 1, 2017 23:49

Rushi: by Smythe

mrbradlymrmartin posted:

your sigs so confusing dude

" t o o m a n y b l u n t s "

I put coffee in them and it's too much caffine

# ? Sep 1, 2017 23:53

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

Robot Made of Meat posted:

I know I'll be branded a pariah for this, but I've tried a lot of coffee. I've tried freshly ground, I've tried presses and funnels and whatever-the-hell-else.

And after all this, after all these years, I still like plain old every day Folgers prepared in a Bunn coffee maker. Scoff if you will, but It makes me happy, it's made me happy for decades, and I doubt it'll stop making me happy.

when I was dog watching last weekend the apartment I was staying at only had a pre-ground tub of Maxwell House and I actually liked it. :shrug:

e: honestly the worst coffee you can have is coffee you don't make yourself imo. not to say that it's impossible to get good coffee outside of your own home, but anything home made is pretty much always going to beat your typical gas station or grocery store poo poo water.

Starman Super DX fucked around with this message at 00:01 on Sep 2, 2017

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Sep 1, 2017 23:56

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

I really like my bialetti, it was 20bux at target

It's like a little stove top percolator and makes a very convincing espresso approximation that works great for my iced Americano in the am

E:this is the moka pot mentioned earlier.

Mine is cheap, so you have to make sure to take it off the heat when it's done percolating or it will make the codlffee too btiter

# ? Sep 1, 2017 23:57

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

i use a kikkerlund collapsible pourover thinger and a cloth filter, it's good as h*ck and the whole rig was less than tenbux. just boil some water and pour it over when it stops boiling, fam.

# ? Sep 2, 2017 00:05

POOL IS CLOSED: I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.

i love blendy stick. instant lattes and such are my beloved poison.

but mostly i make coffee with a french press or a stovetop percolator. for wahtever reason, the reliable old perk is often reviled, but with just the smallest bit of care it makes a drat fine cup of coffee. plus there's no wasteful paper filters and i've never had a glass explosion ( :argh:

bodum)

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# ? Sep 2, 2017 00:15

Peanut Butler

I would say,

code:

               | Speed | Coffee | Convenience  | Relax | Effort | Cleanup | Cost |
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+
French Press   |medium | tasty! | moderate     |S-rank | some!  | sucks   |  $$  |
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+
Coffee Machine |slowish| normal | pretty good  |neutral|v little| easy    |  $   |
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+
Instant Coffee | fast  |not great| very!       |  no   |not much| v easy  |   $  |
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+
Coffee Shop    |medfast| great! | depends      |A-rank |variable| v easy++|  $$$ |
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+
Keurig         | fast  | p good |star trek mode|lawful |like no |exrteasy |the planet
---------------+-------+--------+--------------+-------+--------+---------+------+

# ? Sep 2, 2017 00:51

poverty goat

In the post apocalyptic future k-cups will be a critical construction material, akin to marble in ancient Greece and Rome

# ? Sep 2, 2017 01:02

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 06:24

poverty goat

Also I've never endorsed drip coffee ever before but after growing disillusioned with flavorless cold brew I started doing iced coffee with one of those single cup drip coffee things, brewed directly into ice, and it's the best tasting iced coffee I've ever had

# ? Sep 2, 2017 01:07

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