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Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


There was once a peaceful, glorious kingdom called Tö. It was pretty great and everyone was happy and all that crap.



The Queen - our Queen - was just and kind and beloved by all the people in her kingdom. Her death shocked the nation, but even moreso once it was discovered that the fiends of Frö had been behind it!



Those red bastards had been jealous of our bountiful lands and superior intelligence for generations, and at last their savage nature overcame their cowardice - they poisoned her at a royal banquet. Beloved Queen Reina was no more.



But her death stoked the flames of our rage, and roused the sleeping engine of our military from its long slumber! Emboldened, the Hordes of Tö have pierced deep into Fröman territory and even now march on their vile capital!



...But I'm not there with them. I'm here, with you maggots, while the other Warlords get the glory. This fortress is the gateway to their reinforcements coming from the south, and High Command has determined that it must be taken and held if we're going to win this campaign. But since the elite forces are needed for the big push on their capital, all I've got to work with is you scum. Convicts, conscripts, deserters or morons, I wouldn't trust any of you to know which end of the stick to poke those red bastards with!

But that’s why I’m here. Old Warlord Grimper’s going to train you worthless assholes into something approaching acceptable, and then we’re going to take that fortress. First things first, pick up a stick. You get weapons when you earn weapons; we’re on a budget and we don’t arm worthless chattel. Next up - see the ruin of that castle wall over there? It’s a timeless relic, leftover from when the Old Guys were running the show. Well, they’re dead now and all their poo poo is rotting all over the place. Lucky for you, because you’re going through that wall.

How, you ask?

Don't think, just act! Go, and



---
Welcome to Break Down That Gate, the game of hordes, violence, and doing what you’re told so you aren’t beaten to death! For those of you who played my past games Fragile Gods of Somewhere, Sundown Run or Lord of the Tower: this is nothing like them! Well, kinda. There will be rolling, probably some art (not to the degree of Fragile Gods, mind you!) and the same kind of goofy-poo poo-played-deadly-seriously-except-when-it’s-not that you’ve come to expect from my games.

The (Nameless) Horde!
In BDTG, each of you will take the form of an individual member of this (currently nameless) horde. There are different levels of participation possible, but regardless everyone who applies WILL get to play. Yes, everyone. Not much of a horde without a big group, right? The horde has 100 members currently, which means potential slots for PCs. Naturally, we’re not going to get that many players, so most of them will be faceless NPCs… until such time as someone decides they want to join in, whereupon it will turn out that they’d been there all along, off camera! This will also become relevant in case you should happen to die. Permadeath is a fact of life, but you can always hop back into a brand-new character… as long as there are members left in the horde to embody!

First things first: We need a name! You can be the _________ Legion or the Horde of ________ or something like that, but either way make it a good one! This is the first instance of Horde Voting, in which the horde as a whole votes to do something as though this were a single character CYOA. It’ll be pretty obvious when this is the case, but failing that I’ll preface them with “Horde Vote”.

Character Creation
Name
Anything you want! Töan names tend to be short, single words, though soldiers often use common nouns as nicknames. Twelve letters max.
Portrait
Pick from the image below! The list will be added to periodically, but to begin with there’s fifty men and fifty women. Equal opportunity army, y’all! As people pick, I'll cross out options that have already been chosen, but for the moment just keep track yourselves.

Skill
A single thing you’re particularly good at. Could be Fighting or Singing or Hiding, or something even weirder. Nothing magical, mind you - magic is of a particular flavour in this game, and (to start with) you ain’t got it! Ingame, using a Skill appropriately grants +10 to your roll - but cannot be used on consecutive turns. Try to keep it more specialized than not so you have a chance to shine! It's also important to note that even strange skills may have unexpected narrative effects, so don't feel forced to have something combat-useful.
HP
Starts at 3. Healing comes tough unless you have a talented medic on your squad - or you are one, yourself. Death, on the other hand, comes easy… but you can always just make a new character!
Glory
Starts at 0. Each turn you take an action, gain +1 to your future rolls. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good roll or not, it’s about participation. Glory not only improves your rolls, it can also be consumed to purchase Gear for yourself or participate in Rituals that will improve the Horde as a whole. Sure, it’ll weaken you in the short run, but the horde comes first! Besides, if you die any excess Glory vanishes.
Backstory
You’re disposable scum! You’re a conscript - you don’t get a backstory! Keep this to two or three sentences at most; if you survive a while, you may get a chance to delve deeper, but the horde is your life now. Feel free to introduce some places and characters from your past, but unless you build up your Glory don't expect you'll ever see them again!

Conflict Resolution
The Horde can divide itself as they wish to attack several objectives at once, with each player rolling their action to contribute. Objectives are given numbers that represent the relative difficulty - and also how many d100s the Horde has to beat. Conflicts can be Open or Closed to indicate whether or not the Horde can just pile onto the challenge to overwhelm it. You can usually throw more bodies at an army to beat them down; on the other hand, a small stealth mission won’t benefit from too many people. Closed Conflicts are surrounded by brackets [like so].
    EX: WIN THE PIE EATING CONTEST - Difficulty 50
    12d100 vs 50d100
    EX: CLIMB THE WALL - [Difficulty 5]
    Max of 5d100 vs 5d100
The Horde MIGHT take damage from failed Conflicts, but this will usually be indicated in advance - failed Conflicts will mostly be narrative effects. Let’s practice right now: Warlord Grimper wants you lot to break down that gate. Now, what he probably means is you need to get through it, leaving the how of it up to you. Though he thinks (correctly) that you are scum, you are after all citizens of Tö, and therefore smarter and better than the average rabble. So, roll 1d100 to try your luck at passing through (or around or under or beside) that gate, potentially leveraging any Skills you may have (adding +10 if you do so). No need to give us your life story, just briefly describe your action and link your roll for us to laugh at to look at. The gate, incidentally, is Difficulty 50, so between the one hundred of you you need to somehow beat an immobile object half as mighty as yourselves. Good luck!


-THE UNEXPECTABLE HORDE-

Dog Kisser fucked around with this message at Oct 17, 2017 around 23:57

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Successful Businessmanga
Mar 28, 2010




Gado!!!
Skill: Digging [Unavailable Next Turn]
HP: 3
Glory: 0 -> 1
Horde's Glory/HP Count

Momma Gabo may have raised a dummy, but she'd raised a slippery one! Gado had always been good at squeezing into places he wasn't meant to be, and what was a fortress but a larger version of Momma Gabo's treat cupboard?

Hefting his mighty stick, Gado charges at the gate and swan dives toward the base of the thing. His stick isn't exactly a blur as he digs, but the runt does his best at bypassing the gate.

Warlord Grimper might have said to smash on through it, but giant doors are hard to make, and it's much harder to defend a fortress when you've smashed down the first line of defense!

e: I did roll , accidentally deleted my blurb at the end via overzealous undo.

Digging Under that gate! 1d100+10=35.
Glory becomes 1.

Astus posted:

Also, clearly we are Old Warlord Grimper's Tunneling Circus at this point.

Successful Businessmanga fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 03:44

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Welcome! Make sure you roll - if you're digging, that's 1d100+10. You gain Glory just by posting, but you won't have it till next turn. I know you know this, but including it for everyone's edification!

Barbed Tongues
Mar 16, 2012



(Face B10)

Pythag
HP: 3
Skill: Math
Glory: 0

In debtor's prison for student loans, death for the glory of the horde is probably the easiest way to skip out on repayment.

Help Dig! 1d100 = 42

Name Vote: The Rockkicker Horde

Barbed Tongues fucked around with this message at Sep 20, 2017 around 18:29

TheNabster
Apr 26, 2014

Death, but with a gun



I claim E4

Spleen
HP: 3
Skill: 'Splosions
Glory: 0

I AM THE TERROR THAT BOMBS IN THE NIGHT
THE MAD BOMBER, WHO BOMBS AT MIGNIGHT. (And Midday, and the Afternoon and the Morning and after elevenses )

Spleen is gonna help dig under that gate! Spleen has plans. Huge plans. Huge explosion plans.

1d100 = 55

EDIT: I nominate The Unexpectables for our name.

TheNabster fucked around with this message at Sep 20, 2017 around 17:07

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Secret Art: Toxic Crotch Whirlwind!

Picking Portrait C8

Name: Ringo!
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Lockpicking

Ringo is a self-appointed master of lockpicking. He joined the horde willingly (to get out of having to pay for food). But in this case, he's going to help dig.

Help Dig: 1d100 28

And we're The Queen's Lads (n' Gals)

Edit: Oops, did my roll wrong. Edited it to be correct.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Green Intern posted:

Name: Ringo!

Help Dig: 1d100+10 38

You only apply the +10 bonus if you're using your skill, which it does not appear you are!

Fuzz
Jun 2, 2003

Avatar brought to you by the
TG Sanity fund


I choose H10!

Name: RIK
HP: 3
Skill: Guitar Solos

"RIK ROCKS" is a common epithet in the Horde. When he's not wailing on his axe, he's hanging out with all the chill people and offering sage one liners of life advice and encouragement.

Helping dig!: 1d100 73

He adds in a digging shanty:

"Pickup your shovel, let's hit that hovel!
Grab your trowel, don't throw in the towel!"

Mr. Prokosch
Feb 14, 2012

Behold My Magnificence!


D4

Name: Dummy
HP: 3
Skill: CHARGE!

Dummy's mother once told him that his only use was as a human shield, and he took that to heart. He loves to run straight at things so better people can take advantage of his glorious death! FOR THE HORDE!

CHARGE into the gate!: 1d100+10 60

Dummy takes a running slam into the gate. He wouldn't be beat by some dumb hunk of whatever-it-was-made-of!

Horde Vote: The Legion of Meh sounds goo to me

Mr. Prokosch fucked around with this message at Sep 20, 2017 around 18:25

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


I choose F3 for my portrait!



Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Backstory: Convicted of twenty-seven counts of shoplifting items of less than one copper piece in value, "Shiny" is basically a magpie in human(oid) form. She likes shiny things.

Action: Dig!: 1d100 66

Horde Vote: While Queen Reina's death was a national tragedy, equally tragic was the sad death of her little dog, Snugglemuffins. A pocket-sized Chihuahua, the tiny and nervous and actually pretty inbred and stupid canine was sleeping peacefully in the Queen's royal pocketbook when she expired, and when she collapsed she had the bad luck to fall directly on top of the stupid little yappy thing. While no one really liked the mutt except the Queen, someone felt it was only right to honor him somehow, and what better way than by attaching its name to the least impressive of Tö's armies? Thus, we have been named The Snugglemuffins Memorial Legion.

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 01:29

Mithross
Apr 27, 2011

Intelligent and bright, they explored a world that was new and strange to them. They liked it, they thought - a whole world just for them! They were dimly aware that a God had created them, was watching them; they called out to him, thanking him in a chittering language, before running off.




Name: Patsy
HP: 3
Glory: What the hell is that?
Skill: Baking

One day, Patsy saw some conscripts being taken to Horde Hq, and feeling bad for them, he went down to see if he could donate some day old bread from his bakery to feed the poor hungry looking bastards. Apparently he signed a form without reading it and... well, you can probably guess.

Let's ruin these beautiful bakers hands with a shovel, I guess: 1d100 44

Mithross fucked around with this message at Sep 20, 2017 around 21:40

oldskool
Aug 9, 2010


Lipstick Apathy

J4 for me!

Name: Spekz
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Echolocation

Backstory: Born without eyes, Spekz utilizes his keen hearing to find his way around. Nobody's quite sure if he officially joined the Hordes of Tö, or if he's just stumbled into the horde & the cacophony of sound is too deafening for him to find his way back out.

Action: Follow that loud crashing sound!
"Help" Dummy "CHARGE" into the gate: 1d100 63

LucyWanabe
Nov 4, 2009




Name: Agile
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Acrobatics

Agile was once a tumbler in a circus, but the circus went bankrupt leaving Agile without a job. Desperate for something, she wound up being a conscript. She hopes, at the very least, that her tumbling will help her avoid attacks.

Action: Help the digging efforts!
Dig!: 1d100 11

Glory: 0 -> 1.

Horde Vote The Legion of Meh.

LucyWanabe fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 17:22

Yvonmukluk
Oct 10, 2012

Is he strong? Listen, bum!
He's got radioactive cum!
Shoots death in ropey threads!
Want throat cancer? Give him head!

In the chill of the night,
At the gentlemen's club,
This swinger will get
Atomic rub & tugs!





4C
Name: Bully
HP: 3
Glory: None, thus far!
Skill: Oratory/'leadership'

Bully is perhaps too eager to go to war. When all of the other hordes refused to accept him, he decided to join up with this one in the hope it will be his ticket to fortune and glory!

He briefly ponders the problem of the intractable gate, and instead tries to convince his fellow Töans to create a Töan pyramid/ladder so a few brave souls (including himself, naturally) can climb over the walls and then open the gate from within.

Attempting to cajole my comrades: 1d100 = 8 (or 18 if you factor in his 'skill'.)

It goes...poorly.

sheep-dodger
Feb 21, 2013



J3

Name: Sucy
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Mushrooms

Sucy was imprisoned for illegal mushroom experiments and quickly gangpressed into service with The Expandables. (sic)
Faced with the obstacle of the gate, Sucy decided to help build a Töan ladder: 1d100: 31

Kyyp
Jan 14, 2007



Face: G10


Name: Doc
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Surgery

Tried to sign up with the main forces as a surgeon. Was rejected and sent here instead when no record of schooling in medicine or surgery could be found.

Dig?: 1d100 = 4

What even IS digging?

Kyyp fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 04:12

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006


9c
Name: Dofro
Hp: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Romance

"By rights, we shouldn't even be here."

Mr. Dofro knows this is true. We should be on the other side of that gate!

Ramp it!: 1d100 43

Horde Vote: The Wild One Hundred

Zybourne Clock
Oct 25, 2011

Poke me.

Name: Klörf
Portrait: C10
Skill: Starting fires
HP: 3
Glory: 1
Backstory: Klörf became a pyromaniac at a very young age. His parents forgave him when he burned down their chicken coop the first time, and let him off with a stern lecture. Five burned chicken coops later they discovered his microcephalic skull retains lectures the same way a strainer holds water, and sent him off to fight in the war.

Break down that gate? In any way he sees fit? The giant, wooden, possibly flammable gate?

Klörf, the simpering simpleton, runs off giggling. Wielding a pot of oil in one hand, and a lit torch in the other. He warns exactly none of his fellow legionnaires as he drenches the wooden parts of the gate with one hand, and sets it alight with the other.

1d100+10=21

Infinity Gaia
Feb 27, 2011

a storm is coming...



HP: 3
Glory: 0 -> 1
Backstory: Biggo was always the biggest growing up. That's why he's called Biggo. Biggo is good at punching and bad at math. Biggo likes long walks on the beach and punching people smaller than him. And people bigger than him. And people the same size.

Also surprisingly good at embroidery.

Biggo looks up at the large gate and considers all his various options and abilities. Then he decides to just, completely unexpectedly, start punching the gate.

Punching! 1d100+10 = 58

Infinity Gaia fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 04:53

Theantero
Nov 6, 2011

...they shall march out of my laboratory and sweep away every adversary, every creed, every nation, until the very planet is in the loving grip of the Pax Bisonica. And then peace will reign, and the world, and all humanity, shall bow to me in humble gratitude...

Name: Stårn
Portrait: E1
Skill: SIEGE WEAPONS
HP: 3
Glory: 1
Backstory: Stårn is a classic tale in the feelings of inadequacy endemic to many goblins. Being tiny and weak, he chose to overcompensate by having the BIGGEST WEAPON. After many days of intensive training, Stårn is ready to take the field as the Horde's premier siege weapons specialist.

"Hmm yes."

Stårn regarded the gate, hand on his chin. "A peculiar case, very difficult. But perhaps, with a big enough ROCK, we can break down this gate also?"

Thus did Stårn load a big stone into his homemade catapult, take aim, and finally shoot towards the Gate.

Catapulting down that gate: 1d100+10=80

Astus
Nov 11, 2008




Name: Dack
Portrait: B7
Skill: Athletics
HP: 3
Glory: 0

Backstory: When the war broke out, all Töan athletes waiting for this year's Töan Olympics were conscripted, including Dack. Dack has yet to realize this, and assumes they just changed up the events this year.

For example, clearly this is just the pole vaulting competition, right?

Pole vaulting over the gate: 103.

Help, what do I do when I'm actually competent?

Also, clearly we are Old Warlord Grimper's Tunneling Circus at this point.

Astus fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 03:48

WereGoat
Apr 28, 2017





Name: Hob
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: bee keeping

Backstory: Hob overenthusiasticly signed up for this, sound exciting!

Under the gate? Over the gate!

Climb over the gate: 1d100 64

Glory becomes 1

WereGoat fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 07:13

Ralith
Jan 12, 2011

I see a ship in the harbor
I can and shall obey
But if it wasn't for your misfortune
I'd be a heavenly person today


Portrait B9
Name:
Gopher
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Climbing

Backstory: Gopher took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up here by accident, but was too socially awkward to disobey orders.

Climb the (horde piling up in front of the) gate: 1d100+10 = 49

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

I can't help but see our guys as Lemmings from the videogame of the same name.

[/b]Portrait I6
Name:[/b] Tix
Hp: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Survive falls

Backstory: A conscript who owns a parasol.

And making dice rolls sucks on tablet, so Tix is just gonna pretend to help right now.

Scribbleykins
Apr 29, 2010

Any scientist with the right background can brew his own booze.

...

What do you mean electrolytes aren't used for brewing booze? That's silly!

...

Well when all you have are chunks of TNE and an overly large water ration, all the world looks like a still!

Grimey Drawer



Name: Humbug
Portrait: D5
Skill: Sleuthing
HP: 3
Glory: 1
Backstory: A Töan to whom solving mysteries comes as naturally as traditional pursuits like brawling or breaking things. Humbug was civic-minded enough to investigate Beloved Queen Reina's murder, but was arrested during his investigation and sentenced to life for inexcusable idleness in a time of war, before having his sentence overturned to conscription. The culprit had already been found, after all!

------------

Humbug looked at the horde as they descended upon the ruined wall with gusto, and gave a tiny shake of his big head at what his life had become. "Humbug", he muttered to himself "you really stepped in it this time, didn't you?"

Thinking about it, his arrest and sentencing had been an impressive half hour of work by the court. It had the unmistakable smell of mystery to him, like damp socks left over a hot oven (or was that the guy over there? Eh, maybe, maybe not.), but nothing doing now. He was stuck trying to take a fortress with a bunch of ne'er-do-wells (Hadn't he put away that one? AND that one? And why would they ever have let THAT ONE out?!), with only sticks on hand and Grumpy Old Grimper at their backs. Humbug shook his head again. Don't think, just act. Really? He could think-act just fine! If Grimper was gonna be such a regressive skinflint, then the detective resolved to not even need the stinking sticks on offer!

It was a good thing another Töan piped up beside him or Humbug's budding military career might have ended with a court-martial for brooding.

Theantero posted:


Stårn regarded the gate, hand on his chin. "A peculiar case, very difficult. But perhaps, with a big enough ROCK, we can break down this gate also?"

Thus did Stårn load a big stone into his homemade catapult, take aim, and finally shoot towards the Gate.

Catapulting down that gate:

"A case? Well, this is Humbug, and I'd like to be on it! Let's boulderdash that wall down!" he said enthusiastically and adjusted his hat and went to search for huge rocks for Stårn. It looked like siege engineer's words had gotten the big detective really going!

Helping Catapult efforts: 98

Horde Vote: The Unexpectables

e: Derped my picture management. Fixed now.
ee: Better pic get.

Scribbleykins fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 01:42

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009

erhecktile disfunction

Lipstick Apathy



Name: Portha
Portrait: F8
Skill: Rummaging
HP: 3
Glory: 1

Backstory: Portha was just about to start her job as the sub-assistant to the royal chambermaid but the Queen's death prompted a cutback on the royal cleaning staff. Enraged at the loss of her new job (and the loss of the Queen I guess), she enlisted as soon as she found out.

Action: DIG! 1d100: 83

super sweet best pal fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 10:52

Cloud Potato
Jan 8, 2011

"I'm... happy!"


[Phone posting, sorry for any mistakes!]

Name: Hat
Picture: F7
Skill: Millinery
HP: 3/3

Hat makes hats. Hats are very useful things, and so Hat is a very useful person to have around. You might be surprised at the things you can pull out of a hat, or the myriad of possibilities that the right headgear can provide. So, if you want to get ahead, get a Hat! Dislikes eggs.

-----

Gotta get through that gate. Hat sees the people digging, and decides to join them, using one of her many hats as a shovel. Or is it a spade? Something to think about as she digs.

Digging, with a hat: 1d100+10 67

Horde Vote: Warlord Grimper's Barmy Army!

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


Updated to reflect all the portraits that have been taken. Aiming to update tomorrow, but applications aren't closed - and never will.

literally, get in

Torchlighter
Jan 15, 2012



Portrait A8
Name:
Gryph
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Bandaging/Medicine

Backstory: Gryph spent a lot of time poking things with a stick as a child.
Now he has a knack for knowing what should and shouldn't be inside a person.

Gryph is going to make sure Biggo and the diggers are covered. Die roll:
1d100: 98

Torchlighter fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 11:03

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Dog Kisser posted:

Updated to reflect all the portraits that have been taken. Aiming to update tomorrow, but applications aren't closed - and never will.

literally, get in

For those of us that were lazy and didn't get a picture of their character cropped before you put big red Xs over them, can we see the original pic again? Thanks!

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Then you remember. You have a message to send.

Something everyone must know.

You have the power. You have the means.

Let it be known.




Potrait:


Name: Mason
Skill: Mason Hootin' an' Hollerin'
HP: Mason
Glory: Mason

Roll: Mason: 1d100 47

HiHo ChiRho fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 16:41

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.


DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

For those of us that were lazy and didn't get a picture of their character cropped before you put big red Xs over them, can we see the original pic again? Thanks!

Check out the end of the first post, my man!

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Dog Kisser posted:

Check out the end of the first post, my man!

Successful Businessmanga
Mar 28, 2010



Dog Kisser posted:

Check out the end of the first post, my man!

Swedish Thaumocracy
Jul 11, 2006
Jinat Ulukaï, hâ oagé.

Portrait: J6

Name: Snödis
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Disapproving Poetry

Backstory:
There are many things in life that a Töian might take an interest in. As a people, they are famed for their much varied excellence. Snödis is no exception, having honed her craft since early childhood.
She is known in the circles that care about those sorts of things as one of the most accomplished disapproving poets in the nation.

Action:
Snödis saw
a great big gate
and scoffed at it
eyes full of hate


Demoralize the Gate: 1d100+10 72

"That aught to show it who's boss!"

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007



Toilet Rascal

Portrait: A3
Name: Splut
HP:3
Glory:0
Skill:Bluffing

Backstory: Never, ever play Splut at cards. He's sneaky, conniving, has a face that even officers would believe, and can twist the truth into delicious pretzels through sheer chutzpah. Sadly, twisting a little too hard and stretching the credulity of the powerful a little too often led to his conscription here, but rather worryingly, he's taking it all in his stride...

Action: Try to convince the enemy to open the gate 109!

big bag of nacho cheese
Feb 19, 2011



Portrait: I8

Name: Qwäg
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Risk Assessment

Backstory
There is no achievement so great that a perfect storm of keen eyes, statistical acumen, and crippling anxiety can't undermine it. Qwäg ignored her mother's entreaties to volunteer rather than be conscripted, suspecting her of simply wanting Qwäg out of the house to better allow her to pursue her romantic interests without her perennial wet-blanket of a daughter around. Her suspicions were true, but that didn't stop the horde from absorbing the hapless Qwäg. Her calculations of her survival are...not promising.

Action
Clutching her stick in a white-knuckled grip, Qwäg looks about her at the motley horde surging forth against the fortification. "At least seventeen percent casualties before the enemy is even sighted," she predicts darkly to herself. Blinking through a pernicious eyelid twitch, she scowls at the would-be sappers laying to with crude digging implements. "That's a mass grave, not a tunnel," she shouts futilely into the general chaos. "Shore up those diggings before you all eat dirt terminally!"
Qwäg shakes her head in a futile attempt to banish the images of horrific cave-ins that dance through her mind. Dunderskulls.

Analyzing Risk: 1d100+10 22

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?




Portrait: I10


Name: Spanks
HP: 3
Glory:0
Skill: Angry screeds against the nearest authority

Backstory: Perpetual contrarian. Except for when she's not.

Action: DIG! 1d100=77

Crazycryodude fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 14:31

CourValant
Feb 25, 2016

Do You Remember Love?



Portrait: G9
Name: Bamboo
HP: 3
Glory: 0 -> 1
Skill: Basket Weaving

Backstory: Good. Queen. Dead! No. More. Buy. Baskets! No. Baskets. No. Food. For. Family! Burn! Pillage! Maim! Loot! For. Family!

Action: Hit. The. Gate!: 1d100 80

Horde Name: The Queen's 100


***** Edit *****

Never mind, figured out the hosting thing, thanks!

CourValant fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 03:59

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Blasphemaster
Jul 10, 2008





Name: CORNBREAD
HP: 3
Skill: Chucking poo poo (often literally)



Named such since it is the only word in his vocabulary. Former inmate for crimes of throwing his own waste at the nobility with uncanny accuracy and disturbing fervor. Released into military service so his *ahem* 'hurling' abilities can be put to better use.

Cornbread will pick up some sizable stones, use them to wipe his rear end, and hyuck 'em at the upper hinges to destabilize the gate.

Chuck rocks at hinges: 1d100+10 109

Blasphemaster posted:

CURRENTLY

Name: CORNBREAD
HP: 3
Glory: 1
Skill: Chucking poo poo (often literally)

Blasphemaster fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 22:37

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