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DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


I choose F3 for my portrait!



Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 0
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Backstory: Convicted of twenty-seven counts of shoplifting items of less than one copper piece in value, "Shiny" is basically a magpie in human(oid) form. She likes shiny things.

Action: Dig!: 1d100 66

Horde Vote: While Queen Reina's death was a national tragedy, equally tragic was the sad death of her little dog, Snugglemuffins. A pocket-sized Chihuahua, the tiny and nervous and actually pretty inbred and stupid canine was sleeping peacefully in the Queen's royal pocketbook when she expired, and when she collapsed she had the bad luck to fall directly on top of the stupid little yappy thing. While no one really liked the mutt except the Queen, someone felt it was only right to honor him somehow, and what better way than by attaching its name to the least impressive of Tö's armies? Thus, we have been named The Snugglemuffins Memorial Legion.

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at Sep 21, 2017 around 01:29

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DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Dog Kisser posted:

Updated to reflect all the portraits that have been taken. Aiming to update tomorrow, but applications aren't closed - and never will.

literally, get in

For those of us that were lazy and didn't get a picture of their character cropped before you put big red Xs over them, can we see the original pic again? Thanks!

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Dog Kisser posted:

Check out the end of the first post, my man!

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 1
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Fröman swords might be rubbish...



...but they're shiny. Well, shinier than any of the rest of the crap laying around/ Shiny, appropriately, wants one. Or ten. If she can polish 'em up right she'll want all the swords. But right now she'll settle for one. And if beating the crap out of a wooden stick-y thing is what it takes to get one then by God she'll beat the crap out of a wooden stick-y thing.

Kill Dem Stick Ogres: 1d100+1 66

...of course, even if she's not awarded a shiny, maybe she can just nick it from whoever does win it. That sounds more realistic.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 2
Skill: Stealin' Stuff


Downtime
Oh man.

Oh man Shiny wants that sword. But it's not like she has anywhere to put it - it's not like she has a private tent. And... besides, swords are sharp, and the person who owns it usually is the only one who gets to hold on to the not-cutty part, so nicking it might be kind of tricky.

Plus she might actually, like, need Noggins to save her life or catch an arrow or something for her, and so she probably shouldn't get on the bad side of Officially The Most Capable Warrior In The Regiment.

So stealing the sword is out of the question (for now). So maybe Shiny will stick with stealing, like, things that won't be missed. Things like rocks. There are rocks around that she can steal, right? There are always rocks. She'll collect some rocks. Neat thing about rocks - get a couple of 'em into a pouch and they weigh about the same as a coin pouch so if you're good enough you can nick someone's coin purse and replace it with a rock purse and they might not notice. Yeah, this is a good plan. If there was anyone around who had, like, coins, it might even be a productive one. But there isn't, so she's just sidling around the encampment sneakily picking up rocks. So that's a thing.

Stragety
"Sneaking around and scoping things out sounds useful. We should know ahead of time where the best loot is! I mean, where the guards are! Both of those things! Definitely both of those things, with an emphasis on the second, definitely not the first. Absolutely. I'd go scope it out."

Scout: 1d100+2 94

EDIT: added dice roll

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at Sep 23, 2017 around 15:18

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Scribbleykins posted:

Strategy

Shiny felt a shape loom up behind her. A familiar voice rang out in its usual cheery, bombastic tones.

"Hello Shiny! Mind if I join you, for old times' sake? Haha, of course you won't," declared Humbug, patting her on the back and stepping up as the last volunteer sent to Scope out the Fröman caravan. Shiny would - no doubt! - be up to her old tricks, but she'd never been one of the Bad Ones, and in the field her magpie-like nature stood a chance of being a good thing. At least as far as it concerned enemies. For the rest... well, it wasn't as if they had much to steal anymore, but Humbug would keep an eye on her as much as the enemy all the same. He had to stay in practice, after all!

Sleuth scout: 1d100+12 50



Shiny cannot suppress a small shiver as Humbug strolls up behind her. You see, Shiny understands who and what Humbug is. Humbug is a detective. He detects.

And here's the thing about detectives.

If you're a criminal - at least if you're the kind of criminal that Shiny is (or was, as she's now a Government Employee and clearly above the petty civil code) - life is pretty simple. See thing, want thing, take thing, kick thing's previous owner inna fork if he gets uppity about it, run real fast. Thinking is generally not a major part of the operation. Thinking, indeed, gets in one's way, as being halfway through nicking someone's purse is a terrible time to suddenly be struck with a realization vis a vis the probabilities of your current course of action ending with you in prison.

But detectives? They think all the time. They think about crime. They think about crime more than most criminals do. And they don't just think about one kind of crime - oh no, they understand stealing and killing and mugging and arson and mail fraud and identity theft and kidnapping and artificial sweeteners and all sorts of other unsavory activities. And they're so good at thinking about it that they can reverse-engineer who did a crime even though the person what did the crime probably didn't think about it all that much. Do you know what that makes them? It makes them criminal masterminds in denial, and the chance that one day Humbug's essential criminal nature will emerge into the light of day makes him scary as heck to Shiny, because criminal masterminds have a tendency to look poorly upon criminals whose minds are less than masterful.

So she'd better get on his good side ASAP, which is why Shiny turns and smiles brightly. "'Course not, for old times' sake. It'll be a hoot, just you wait an' see!"

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 3
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

"Holy crap we won!" Shiny was heard to exclaim, pounding Humbug on the shoulder in her exuberance before she remembered that she was (potentially) terrified of him and stopping.

Moments later, though, even that fear dissolves. Not in the face of her delight at victory, but in the face of the fact that there were Dead Bad Guys around and she could nick their stuff. And no one could tell her not to! She was even expected to! Maybe the attack actually failed and she died and went to Heaven? Doesn't matter. There's stuff to steal.

Action: Looting Shiny Stuff!: 1d100+10 15

Shiny is really way too easily distractable, and her head is still swimming from the joy of being able to steal stuff scot-free, so her odds of getting anything valuable - never high to begin with - plummet as she ends up frozen in indecision. Which of the Shiny Things should she loot? In the end it'll probably end up being "random scraps of metal that happen to catch the light in interesting ways while being utterly useless," but honestly, that's okay. She'll be happy with that.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 4 -> 5
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Shiny might feel jealous over the Cool Things her fellow Hordelings have discovered, especially Humbug's pearl, except for the fact that she found the coolest thing of all - several small glass beads that reflect the light in interesting ways. They're shiny. Utterly useless, and potentially dangerous in that she's going to carry them in her pocket and if anything hits them they'll probably break and drive sharp bits of glass into her, but shiny.

Shiny is a pretty simple Töan, really.

(Also, she's still a little jealous of Humbug's pearl. It's SO SHINY OH MY GOD. But Humbug still scares her a little so she's trying to pretend otherwise)

At any rate, like the others, she is silent and at least vaguely attentive as Magda speaks, her eyes slowly widening. The Quartermaster, it turns out, is familiar with Shiny's First Rule Of Crime - 'Don't steal nuffin' where the person who you stole it from might find out an' punch you inna face.' It took her ages to work that one out! If only she'd known Magda before she might have grown up with fewer bruises. She nods sagely, then, declaring to no one in particular, "I like her. She's smart."

Downtime Action:
As the Horde starts to break apart into small groups for discussion and/or food and/or sleep, Shiny sneaks over to the nearby clump of bushes where Grimper tossed Ringo's topknot. She will scavenge Ringo's topknot and then deliver it to Hat. Maybe she can make a new hat for Ringo out of it!

(Dog Kisser, let me know if I have to roll for this, but since we all watched the de-topkotting I figure it can't be too hard)

The fact that Hat's skill of Millinery traditionally refers to making hats for women, as separate from Haberdashery, which is making hats for men, is entirely irrelevant. Ringo'd look good in a lace bonnet anyways.

Horde Votes:
Shiny votes to Head to Noostra, because of all the destinations, it sounds like the one most likely to have Shiny Things available for stealin'. Oh, sure, one of them is a mining town and all, but there you have to dig to get the shinies. That sounds like work.

Also she would like to hear more about Monsterism, because it sounds spooky!

DivineCoffeeBinge fucked around with this message at Sep 27, 2017 around 21:16

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Scribbleykins posted:

----> LUCKY PEARL TRANSFERRED TO SHINY.

"I... you... but--"

See, part of Shiny wants to refuse this precious gift. Humbug, after all, stole it fair and square! It was vaguely criminal-ish, or at least disreputable, of him! She was vaguely proud of him finally giving in to his inescapable nature as a criminal mastermind!

But... it's so shiny.

In the end, Shiny cannot refuse this gift. She's just not built for it. But what she can do is provide a gift of her own, and you know what isn't shiny? Flowers aren't shiny. So she scurries up to the Quartermaster, humbly requesting to purchase some provisions - namely, some Cowardclaw. This will be discreetly stuffed into Humbug's pack at some point during the night.

----> SPENDING FIVE GLORY TO PURCHASE COWARDCLAW, TRANSFERRING IT TO HUMBUG.

This way he won't die before she has a chance to establish herself as his Trusted Crime Lieutenant, too. It's bound to happen, you just wait and see.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Shiny quite cheerfully shakes Klörf's hand, as A) he seems nice enough, B) he's smart enough to make friends with Humbug, the Mastermind-In-Waiting, and C) she's seen his handiness with fires, and fires make light, and light makes shiny things shine. Ergo, by Shiny's standards, he seems to be a fine fellow.

As long as he doesn't look covetously at her shiny things. Only she can look covetously at her shiny things. They're hers, so she really doesn't need to look covetously at them anymore, you don't need to covet something you already own, but she does it anyways out of force of habit.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 0 -> 1
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

You know what would be good? If the other side had less soldiers and our side had more. Which means Shiny is going to Recruit Steal Some People.

(it's the same thing, right? "You should join us, we're better" is sort of like swiping someone's shiny things only one you do with your words and another you do with your hands. Because shiny things don't usually respond to words.)

Steal/Recruit Soldiers: 1d100+10 53

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 1 -> 2
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Okay. Okay, Shiny has a plan.

...no, no, hear me out for a sec.

The thing about Angry Mobs, in Shiny's experience, is that it is always better to be part of one than to be surrounded by one. So as she sees the townspeople start to surround them, she's immediately looking for Something To Distract Them. And look! There's a bunch of soldiers running outside of town towards stick ogres!

So she points in that direction, and bellows, "HEY! LET'S GET 'EM!" and starts running off like she's joining the soldiers to go kill stick ogres.

Directing Mob Violence: 1d100+1 54

If it works and the mob runs off too, then it's a simple matter of running slower than the rest of the mob, waiting until the mob is in front, and then making with the stabbing while they're paying attention to things that aren't her. Simple!

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 2 -> 3
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

"Noggins!" The danger having passed, Shiny rushes out of town towards the site of the Glorious Stick Golem Ambush, stepping gingerly over several dead bodies so she can check to make sure her fellow Unexpectables are none the worse for wear. Which, astoundingly, they aren't. They really ought to be! "Oh geez is everyone okay it was such a keen idea we were gonna send the mob out and while you ambushed 'em in the front we were gonna ambush 'em in the back and it would have been like *krrrck* like that noise it makes when you use those metal thingies to crack a walnut? Except the stupid mob wouldn't listen and we couldn't ambush 'em right and wow you guys got a whole bunch of 'em! An' I was worried that you wouldn't and then I'd feel really, really bad 'cause we weren't trying to get you in trouble, I knew you had an awesome ambush all set up, but still! You're okay, right? I'm really, really sorry!"

In all the breathless excitement of actually using a lot of words all at the same time, which Shiny is typically very bad at doing, she even forgets to loot bodies until after all the best stuff has already been picked through. Well, she didn't die, that's something, right? If she finds anything cool she'll probably give it to Noggins and the other Ambush Mooks by way of apology anyway.

Looting Shiny Stuff!: 1d100+12 17

Oh my god how can I be so bad at looting

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 3
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

So... so that was a thing. Shiny makes a note - Humbug might be a budding criminal mastermind, but Grimper was the boss.

Thinking about bosses and masterminds and crime - which is basically most of what Shiny thinks about if she's not distracted by a shiny thing, though to be fair she's usually distracted by shiny things - makes Shiny remember her early days, the start of her own Life of Crime. Like most young Töans who turn to lawbreaking, she got her start early, as a street urchin, and she ran with a gang.

A gang is kind of like a Horde, only smaller and less official-like, right?

Anyways, back in that gang there was a gang Boss named Midget. He was seven feet tall, Shiny never did figure out who named him that. It was ironic, like. And Midget was kind of like Grimper, only with fewer nails and more brass knuckles. Also he wasn't quite as naturally terrifying as Grimper is, so he had to make up for it by beating the stuffing out of any Töan unlucky enough to cross him, and it was really easy to cross him. So if you were in Midget's gang, you learned to take a beating. But you also learned that if he was mad at one Töan, he might take it out on many Töans. So sure, you could let someone else fail and take a beating and be happy that it wasn't you, but he'd still be in a foul mood after. But you could also help each other and make sure no one failed, and then maybe there wouldn't be any beatings.

All of this is on Shiny's mind as she sneaks over to where poor Gado is digging holes. Sure, he's taking a punishment - a metaphorical beating. But if Grimper's not happy with his results, he might take it out on the rest of them too. So she looks around, makes sure that Grimper has stalked off and isn't looking in this direction, and without a word she grabs a nearby shovel and helps the poor fellow dig for a bit. She can't take the beating for him, but maybe she can help absorb a punch or two.

Helping Gado Dig: 1d100+3 92

.....oh, Midget? Yeah, he died. Freak carnivorous butterfly accident. Very tragic. Shiny doesn't even feel that bad about slipping that tasty butterfly food in his back pocket when he wasn't paying attention.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 3
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

Shiny can't help but smile, using the cover of Humbug's 'harangue' of Gado to quietly keep digging. For one thing, the detective being all bombastic never ceases to amuse, but for the other... once he's gone, Shiny murmurs sotto voce to the beleaguered (and tearful) Gado. "Us Unexpectables've gotta stick together, right? Ain't no one gonna look out for us but us."

Maybe not even Grimper, she thinks but does not say. Just what is a Warlord of his obvious ability doing out here in the boonies instead of leading a, y'know, real army? Shiny doesn't doubt that he'd throw them all over in a heartbeat if it meant regaining the prestige a Warlord should be entitled to... which means the Horde's best bet for survival is going to be success.

Easier said than done.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company


Prince of Space posted:

Another moment from the past:



Shiny Humbug

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DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company




Name: Shiny
HP: 3
Glory: 3 -> 4
Skill: Stealin' Stuff

"Dif if gooh breah," Shiny makes sure to tell Patsy, though since she doesn't stop stuffing her face while she speaks, it is unknowable whether or not the poor Baker understands what she's actually saying. She seems happy, at least, even as she idly scratches at the spot on her shoulder where the Nail sits. She would have thought it would ache, but it just sort of itches a little every so often. So that's weird.

Well, really, a lot about her life is weird these days. She's palling around with a professional digger and a detective who used to be her nemesis (or would have been her nemesis if she was ever successful enough at crime for long enough to deserve a nemesis, really he was just one of an endless parade of figures who caught Shiny stealing things and tried to make her stop in various ways). Also she's in the army. Well, the Horde, which is sort of like an army. Except without all the ranks and uniforms and proper hygiene. Okay, maybe it's not so much like an army, but it's where she is, dangit.

Shiny mills about the camp, chowing on bread, humming thoughtfully. When she comes across several of her compatriots arguing about how much food to swipe from Fostis, she even chews and swallows before arguing for Taking Some Rations rather than taking most or all, because "if the miners all starve to death then they can't mine more iron and Magda can't use that iron to make more nails and then Magda might get angry." Good old self-preservation instincts, they work every time. She watches Gawp set off looking quite put out, but most of the excitement seems to be among the group setting out to search for the Old Guy Relic. Her new buddy Gado is even joining up, which is good, Shiny judges, as he'll be wanting some redemption after the earthquake plan didn't pan out, and she goes over to wish Gigs' Old Guys Thing-Finders luck... but she'll not be joining them.

"I've been in prison," she explains, "and it stinks. And Fröan prisons must, like, extra stink. So I wanna help people not be in prison. Good luck, you guys!"

Scouting Out Nägel: 1d100+3 46

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