|
This book is self evidently bad, but it's better than the thread making fun of it.
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 12:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 20, 2024 06:34 |
|
|
JacquelineDempsey posted:So wait, there's only one bathroom, and it's on the complete opposite end from the command room? What chafk-of-a-chybut vutz designed this thing? quote:OATHS, EPITHETS & OTHER FURLITIAN TERMINOLOGY You called him a "poo poo-of-a-ball gently caress."
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 14:27
|
|
|
A human heart posted:This book is self evidently bad, but it's better than the thread making fun of it. Yeah, no. From what I have seen, no real editor would have passed it on in it's current condition, so it has to be basically a vanity press production. As soon as you go that route, you deserve what's coming your way.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 14:36
|
|
|
Samizdata posted:Yeah, no. From what I have seen, no real editor would have passed it on in it's current condition, so it has to be basically a vanity press production. As soon as you go that route, you deserve what's coming your way. And yes, this book is vanity-published, as are the others in Marie J. S. Phillips's oeuvre. Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Sep 27, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 15:30
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:A human heart posted earlier about wanting to see the "drunken James Joyce" mentioned in the OP, so I'm pretty sure the complaint isn't that the thread is making fun of a book but that it's doing a poor job. That may be a fair point - I'll admit that I've followed better mock threads - but it's not one that I can entirely agree with, if only because of the post right above yours. I'm waiting to get to the sex scenes. Apparently the spin-off book with Kutius gets to it a lot faster and has like, three of them.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 16:19
|
|
|
quote:Murkuria nibbled at the delicious frozen snack in her hand, careful not to drip any on the cushion. Tonight, her favorite treat did not taste the same. Around her, lounging in the Common Room, her family talked, with intermittent attention to the sports program on the big screen. The past seven days had flown by like frightened Matissias. The dreaded day arrived tomorrow. When the Starship, its crew, and their mission made the news days ago, she relished the attention. Congratulations and questions engulfed their octiens[10] at school. To add to that, Kutius’ absence satisfied her sense of justice, though she doubted the bully’s mother’s claim that she belonged to the notorious extinct Clan Koris. All the attention, and Kutius’ expulsion, filled her with joy, but now it meant nothing. The ones she loved most departed tomorrow, leaving forever in her mind. quote:[10] An Octien is one Aroriellian hour comprised of four quats = 4.2 Earth hours. The kids now find the attention for their clan's fame meaningless if they can't go on the trip. Also I want to point out that the ice cream is called "freezeball", possibly a predecessor to the shartball. Across the room, Nethunia is trying to calm down Geupetus. She reminisces on how they first met: quote:Her first day of Fundamental School seared up from deep in memory. At eight years old, the world sparkled new and exciting to her eyes, if not a bit scary. On the playground, she accidentally bumped hard into him. She vividly recalled her terror as this huge boy spun around, a wrestling challenge in his throat. She locked eyes with him, losing herself in that sea of purple. He lowered his hands and beamed a smile at her. She discovered they lived within easy walking distance of each other, to the dismay of her family. She lingered on the old memories a moment, as emotions rippled through her, forcing images into crystal clarity. Furlite society is unbelievably violent. They may claim to have bred murdering genes out of society by executing murderers immediately, but it seems like just about every fight (even between 12-year-olds!) involves people nearly being slashed to death. How do they even get to the point of building starships when accidentally bumping into another mechanic may end in a grudge match on the scaffolding? Elara, meanwhile, is still angsting about Tes and whether or not he still thinks of her after THE MYSTERIOUS TRAUMATIC INCIDENT OF SIX YEARS AGO. Nethunia interrupts her emo moment and reminds her that guests are arriving soon, so she stops "sun-dreaming" and goes to get snacks. There's a mention as Elara grabs the tray of food from her grandfather that Orios is a former farmer and still grows produce at home for the family. quote:“Ah, Bondfather! As usual, these look and smell delicious.” Nethunia took the tray. “Everyone should enjoy this Gathering!” The 12-year-olds are brushing their fur in preparation for the family visit. They remove the clumps of fur from their brushes and drop it in a high pile in a basket. quote:“The fur collector was due tomorrow,” he muttered. “What will be made from this load?” quote:[11] Octade = An Aroriellian decade, made up of eight Aroriellian years, is approximately 13.6 Earth years. One thing that I can't get unstuck from my craw is that they keep using "oct-" prefixes for everything because of their base 8 number system. The problem is that as far as I know, they're not speaking English! Unless the Furlites have a stranger origin than I thought, the author is translating alien words into equivalent English terms that aren't actually real words anyways. Murkuria and Thorius brush each other's backs, and she notices that Thorius has gotten lazy and left huge clumps of knotted hair unbrushed. They play with Iggie and brush her fur, but sudden laughter and talking from another room alerts them to the fact that their guests have arrived and they rush out to join the party. Even their Ancientparents, Caltra and Iseus, are here; the two are over 145 years old, as Furlites are longer lived than humans. The kids quickly meet their teenage cousins, Ceria and Elia (identical white-furred twins), who they're going to be living with while their family is in space. They bond over their shared interest in the video game Star Warrior, but the family surrounds them before they can get to the console. Uncle Cerus grabs Thorius in a big, somewhat unwelcome hug. quote:“Greetings, my Nephew!” Cerus pulled back, but did not let go. “I hear you are doing excellent in school, and on the Shartball field.” Geupetus watches the circle from the other side of the room, happy to see that his kids are cheered up. He takes note of the scar over Cerus' eye, the one he left in that schoolyard fight years ago, and realizes that he never really asked Cerus about his feelings on their former feud. He talks to his Aunt Suria and his mother, Isea, about Suria wanting to pick Uncle Elarus to replace the incompetent Kintus as her Second for her ship. quote:A loud bellow stunned him to silence. Geupetus’ eyes roved the room, then settled on his grandfather, Callistus, a giant of a Furlite. Geupetus glanced down at his own huge powerful body, aware that Callistus bequeathed this trait to him. Callistus raised a glass. I can definitely say that when I see how large my grandfather is, I immediately look at my rippling muscles and think about how his genes gave me strength. That's a normal thing to do. quote:Across the room, the twins battled Elia and Ceria in Star Warrior, oblivious to their greatparent’s bellow and the resultant cheers. All anger and depression gone, they concentrated on the game, surrounded by a ring of youngsters. He has to be back! How else will he have his graphic sex scenes in the spin-off novel? Also, you may find some of this familiar if you first heard about this book in the excerpts in the PYF Terrible Novels thread. The spin-off pretty much directly repeats at least part of this scene, and possibly others. Kutius hangs up, and Murkuria starts crying. quote:“He is not worth it,” Elia added. “He sifzes on everything like an untrained Monius kit, the vachok.” Calling someone a vachok is actually seeming a bit terrible to me, looking back at the appendix describing it as an archaic term for half-breed slave labor. It almost feels like the equivalent of Furlites casually dropping N-bombs all over the place. quote:“They are leaving tomorrow, and it may as well be forever.” Murkuria exhaled in sobs. “Living with Elia and Ceria will be fun, but what will happen after the lights go out at night? I will miss Mother and Father. Uncle Cerus is strong, and Aunt Eselia is kind, but it is not the same.” The beautiful Squet trees framing the Shartball.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 16:33
|
|
|
quote:Pillisk = a table game resembling Billiards.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 18:40
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:A human heart posted earlier about wanting to see the "drunken James Joyce" mentioned in the OP, so I'm pretty sure the complaint isn't that the thread is making fun of a book but that it's doing a poor job. That may be a fair point - I'll admit that I've followed better mock threads - but it's not one that I can entirely agree with, if only because of the post right above yours. A fair enough point. I will give you that uncontested. And my snark about vanity publishing and deserved misfortune is largely that, once you shopped your magnum opus around and no one wants it, getting vanity published is the author saying "Hey, I know better than THESE people!". That puts you on the schadenfreude priority list.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 20:37
|
|
|
I wonder how much money Marie gets from each Amazon sale.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 20:40
|
|
|
Also, if a freezeball is related to Shartball, not thinking I would want to lick it.
|
|
#
?
Sep 27, 2017 20:41
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:One thing that I can't get unstuck from my craw is that they keep using "oct-" prefixes for everything because of their base 8 number system. The problem is that as far as I know, they're not speaking English! Unless the Furlites have a stranger origin than I thought, the author is translating alien words into equivalent English terms that aren't actually real words anyways. On the topic of "translating alien words into equivalent English tems that aren't actually real words anyways" (give me a second to catch my breath), I really love "chafkhead". Either "chafk" doesn't actually mean "poo poo" and instead stands for some concept beyond the limits of English, or the Furlites' word for head is literally just "head".
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 00:18
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:It's even dumber than that, because every single unit has the same prefix. Octlo. Octa. Octafet. Octien. So it's completely meaningless as a prefix! It's like if the metric system's units of distance were decameter, decapeter, decabeater... The whole Oct- thing is why I asked if they had 4 fingers way way back near the start of the thread. Still trying to work out the three testes though,
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 04:00
|
|
|
Samizdata posted:Still trying to work out the three testes though,  Well you see, unlike the other two, the third testicle produces sperm during sex.Hope that answers your question without raising any others!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 05:44
|
|
|
TheSmilingJackal posted:
Yeah, no. So two of them are stealthed decoy testes? Bilateral symmetry would argue against that!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 06:26
|
|
|
Samizdata posted:The whole Oct- thing is why I asked if they had 4 fingers way way back near the start of the thread.  Samizdata posted:Yeah, no. So two of them are stealthed decoy testes? Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 06:37 on Sep 28, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 06:31
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:
Well, pretty much all the existing cases we have to work on with existing creatures shows bilateral symmetry in their junk too, barring injury or deformity.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 08:35
|
|
|
1. As long as the third chybut is centered between the other two, they're bilaterally symmetrical. A functioning chybut between two dummies would be even more so. 2. They're aliens. 3. This is the least entertaining thing possible to mock the book for or care about at all, you dork. And you wonder why A human heart hates this thread.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 10:05
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:1. As long as the third chybut is centered between the other two, they're bilaterally symmetrical. A functioning chybut between two dummies would be even more so. Dunno. Was just reminding myself of all the thought I used to put into world building back before my nigh-permanent case of writer's block. And, yeah, aliens are alien, except in this book.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 10:08
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:“I never realized before now just how important they are. Twenty-five years is so long. They will miss everything we do. Winning the Shartball World Title without them means so little.”
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 10:17
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:you dork. I appreciate your word choice in this context. I'm finding that like most awful fiction I get frustrated because there are ideas that could be legitimately interesting. The experience of being a teen and learning your parents and extended family are leaving for an interstellar mission that will leave you older than them upon their return could be some legitimately interesting drama. How does a society handle teens navigating adulthood when their closest influences are gone? Is that why social interaction gets violent and murderers are executed to try and dissuade it? Do the lead characters begin to question or try to change that? But NOPE, there's more care put into a base 8 measurement system and biological reproduction. Anything that could get the reader to empathize is described, as MST3K once put it, "like a voiceover for a [1950s] coffee commercial." For peoples' focus on the weird sex scenes I think it's in part because everything else is so bland or impenetrable it's the only thing a reader can remotely relate to, and even then we're just stunned going why THIS, Marie? Why this?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 14:38
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:This line hasn't gotten enough love. I want it framed on my wall. Knock yourself out.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 15:56
|
|
|
SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:I appreciate your word choice in this context. The thing about "half breed slaves" is another interesting concept. Is it ever mentioned outside the insult glossary? (I'm guessing not.) Also, I know the furlites are meant to look cute and sort of menacing-- like a combination of big cats and feathered T. rexes-- but boy are their faces ugly. They all seem to have the same unchanging uncanny valley rictus, too.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 15:57
|
|
|
The World of the Furlites We get into our units of measurement here! But first, the weird way Furlites read clocks:  I just can't wrap my head around this. You say "twenty-four" out loud by write 30 because it's in base 8? How does changing to a base 8 numerical system cause a number to change to a different one when spoken vs. when written? quote:TIME DELINEATIONS  quote:CONVERSIONS RELATIVE TO EARTH TIME quote:TEMPERATURE MEASUREMENTS quote:OTHER MEASUREMENTS (measurements are rounded to nearest similar measurement) If I see another equals sign, I'm going to strangle myself with a tape measure.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 16:08
|
|
|
God. drat. If your book needs this much supplementary material, you've done a TERRIBLE job at story-telling.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 16:11
|
|
|
This reminds me of why I started hating Homestuck before most other people did. Why would you make your material obtuse and hard to relate to deliberately?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 16:23
|
|
|
Sham bam bamina! posted:3. This is the least entertaining thing possible to mock the book for or care about at all, you dork. And you wonder why A human heart hates this thread. Eh, different things will stick out to people as being naggingly wrong with the story telling or prose. OP hates all of the "oct" prefixes, someone else complained about smiling dialog. For my part, I'm endlessly annoyed that generic classes (ie- human, furlite, monii, etc) are capitalized. I think that because Main Coon is capitalized, she thinks cat is capitalized too. I also think it is stupid that the child welfare laws of this planet are set up to split the children from the vast majority of their family for no good reason. But that's less quibbling than bad grammar complaints. But I think this thread has enough room for all of our baffled irritation! Complaints large and small are all welcome! Let your incredulity run free and wild like a shartball in the wind!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 18:08
|
|
|
Whiz Palace posted:This reminds me of why I started hating Homestuck before most other people did. I'm firmly of the belief that there are two types of Homestuck fans: 1. The ones who pretend to understand it because their friends are into it and they want to join in on dressing up in gray paint and roleplaying. 2. The ones who completely understand it, and therefore are absolutely insane.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 18:22
|
|
|
SerialKilldeer posted:The thing about "half breed slaves" is another interesting concept. Is it ever mentioned outside the insult glossary? (I'm guessing not.) I was also wondering what the other half was and haven't seen anything else referring to it. Granted, I've really only skimmed the thing. Oh wait, quote:The five original Frlitian races , Artropic, Tropic, Midrace, Arctic, and Arielartic, became very prejudiced and did not allow interracial bondings to survive. Maybe that's what it refers to?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 18:23
|
|
|
Good news! Our next appendix reading will start on Furlite biology!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 18:24
|
|
|
Hopefully there is an appendix on whether the furlites have an appendix.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 18:44
|
|
|
quote:“Hello, Shaltra.” Elara sat beside her cousin, her eyes on the little one. “Your baby is so adorable.” Elara finds her cousin Esurus sitting with her other cousin Thitris, and it's already getting hard to keep track of everyone. Esurus immediately starts the conversation by asking Elara for advice on how to get Commander Ransius to like him at the academy. The rest of their conversation is too meaningless to really deserve recounting, mostly just establishing that Thitris is a class clown and having trouble advancing through the academy because of his poor discipline. quote:“Well, I . . . ” Thitris stared at Elara, his dark russet coat bristling. Wait, hang on. Psi talent? Furlites, what, psychically project emotions to make people feel bad? Literally none of this has been properly established and suddenly our aliens are also psychics. Elara notices that Murkuria is crying, and gets up to get everyone's attention. After a good paragraph or two of Thitris being a dick and everyone mocking him for it, she proposes a game of Walball for the family and sends Thorius to get the game box. quote:“All right,” he replied, a slight smile tugging at his down-turned lips. Elara and the entire Clan waited for Thorius to return with the game. He hauled the large box into the room, then unpacked it. He took the cloth basket and secured it to the wall. As he did so, Murkuria plucked a plastic octagon from the box. Elia ranged alongside, then pulled out a smooth hitting stick and a sponge ball. Elara watched, satisfied, as the twins lost their woebegone expressions, eager to play this simple game. The person to score the most baskets by hitting the sponge ball won, but the toss of that numbered octagon dictated how many chances a player took at each turn. The children gathered around, eager to play. Impatient, Elia took the rod and tapped the octagon. Murkuria nearly dropped it. The kids play for a bit, and Thitris manages to come in last even against preschoolers. Everybody hates Thitris. quote:“He cannot retort back at her now,” Ceria giggled. “I would love to see him try. He is nearly as bad as that slimepot in your class, Kutius.” The "Dokit" thing reminded me, swear words just seem to tumble out of Furlites' mouths like candy from a pinata. If it weren't for them being aliens, Murkuria freaking out at the call from Kutius would have been a preteen just dropping racial slurs in between calling him a piece of poo poo. Also, someone mentioned Kutius being sterile. Here's why: quote:“But I was there.” Elia frowned. “You do not believe me either?” “About someone admitting being related to Koris? Furlite society is horrifying. quote:“If it is true Kutius is a direct descendant, that does explain his idiocy,” Thorius commented. “He and his mother are misfits, and, by their actions, deserve whatever is coming to them. He deserves to lose his chybutz. I hope they remember to get the third chybut, the one that descends at bonding. Then he can never consummate a bond.” Even the children in this book are a bunch of assholes!
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 19:13
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:
There was something earlier about "empathy," but it wasn't clear whether that was a reference to psychic powers or just normally picking up on emotions. Looks like I was wrong and the half-breeds are somewhat relevant, so kudos to Marie Philips for that I guess? But these are a disturbing bunch of aliens, especially considering that the author based them on animals she loves. I'm just glad that real cats aren't sapient enough to read and understand this.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 19:42
|
|
|
I remember my days in middle school, talking to my siblings about how I wished I could beat a school bully to death (immediately after mocking him for being castrated as punishment for a distant relative's crimes) and how I was only stopped by the threat of immediate execution.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 19:45
|
|
|
quote:Elara waited as Shaltra detached the infant from her breast. Sooooo, not lizards then. Honestly what was the point of making them dinosaurs if you didn't want any reptilian features?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 20:54
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:I remember my days in middle school, talking to my siblings about how I wished I could beat a school bully to death (immediately after mocking him for being castrated as punishment for a distant relative's crimes) and how I was only stopped by the threat of immediate execution. Remember that in this context, that horrifying sex scene from the terrible books thread was supposed to be a heartwarming moment of triumph against an oppressive, brutal system.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 21:13
|
|
|
TheSmilingJackal posted:Sooooo, not lizards then. Because, you know, dinosaurs are cool! All kids love dinosaurs! EDIT: I walked into this particular Let's Read blind. Does someone have linkage to the post about this infamous sex scene? Samizdata fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Sep 28, 2017 |
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 21:18
|
|
|
Samizdata posted:Because, you know, dinosaurs are cool! All kids love dinosaurs! Toward the end of this page. This is what we're working towards.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 21:27
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:Toward the end of this page. Wow. Just... Wow.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2017 21:32
|
|
|
chitoryu12 posted:Toward the end of this page. Oh my. So. It's based on her cats, which I have to assume from that scene were neutered, but she felt sorry for them and invented a way for them to have sexual pleasure due to a magical third testicle that was missed during the surgery? Perfectly normal and healthy.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2017 03:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 20, 2024 06:34 |
|
|
Well, I guess we should be be happy they are not-cats, since cat dongs are barbed...
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2017 03:29
|
|