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Foo Diddley posted:Man, whatever happened to Michael Keaton anyway Last thing I remember seeing him in was The Other Guys.
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Mar 14, 2018 12:17
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Now, I know what you're thinking. "Beet Wagon, how come you only ever highlight stupid kickstarter projects with dubious health benefits? Where is the project for me, the overly affluent turd who wants to show off how wealthy I am at every opportunity?" Well first of all gently caress you, I bet you're not even that rich. And second of all, I found a project for you, please buy me stuff with all your rich doctor/lawyer/bitcoin money! Behold, 24 CARAT GOLD WATER:  https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1925277356/24k-eau-dor-24-carat-gold-mineral-water-0 Now, I'd link you to the pitch video, but our good friend from Copenhagen didn't see fit to make one, and you can probably guess why: the pitch here is pretty thin. Like, paper thin. Or something even thinner than that, I don't know. It boils down to "We want to put gold in water for you to drink" and that's about it. It's worth noting that this is the second time our friend has tried to bring this project to life. I want to poop gold please posted:The standard mineral waters on the market are often overpriced and boring. This is why many people choose a soda instead. We want to change that! We've created a beautiful 24 carat gold mineral water. The bottle is made of glass, so it is sustainable. The mineral water is magnesium rich and of Scandinavian quality. And the gold is from North America's nature. 24K EAU D'OR is just as amazing as it sounds! How is that luxurious, you ask? Well gently caress you, you probably only own one private jet! Just look at this handy chart!    I think my favorite part of this is not that he reused the icons for both the water bottle and the pile of gold bricks, but that the flavor text under "Mineral Water" explains that yes, you will in fact be getting mineral water in your bottle of mineral water.
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Mar 14, 2018 16:43
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quote:Today you can drink mineral water without feeling bad about nature. You can drink the purest gold. Weird. I could've sworn gold mining involves tearing up huge parts of the landscape irreparably, and a bunch of highly lethal chemical processes.
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Mar 14, 2018 17:11
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zcrow posted:Weird. I could've sworn gold mining involves tearing up huge parts of the landscape irreparably, and a bunch of highly lethal chemical processes. Well yeah but you're drinking mineral water which is obviously good for you. Who gives two farts about the rainforest, dude, you gave motherfucking GOLD FLAKES IN YOUR WATER!
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Mar 14, 2018 17:14
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Why is there a diamond image in my 24k gold water bottle? Dude needs to add some diamond dust (made from the purest diamonds) to that water.
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Mar 14, 2018 18:05
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zcrow posted:Last thing I remember seeing him in was The Other Guys. He was great in that! His most recent Big Movie was The Birdman; he was excellent, but the movie was too self-consciously artistic for me.
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Mar 14, 2018 22:45
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zcrow posted:Weird. I could've sworn gold mining involves tearing up huge parts of the landscape irreparably, and a bunch of highly lethal chemical processes. Arsenic is only lethal if you breathe, ingest or otherwise handle it without protective clothing. I think the EPA is fine with it. Beet Wagon posted:Well yeah but you're drinking mineral water which is obviously good for you. Who gives two farts about the rainforest, dude, you gave motherfucking GOLD FLAKES IN YOUR WATER! We're going to look back and laugh when we completely failed to go panning poop in New York. Edit: I came rushing back to mentioned '24K Ordure'. It's poop, y'see. I'll....I'll show myself out again.
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Mar 15, 2018 19:47
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Beet Wagon posted:I can't believe I just remembered that 7-11 had hotdog shaped cheeseburgers like a loving decade ago. They still have those
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Mar 18, 2018 21:47
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Hamdog, you never got the chance to fly
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Beet Wagon posted:Now, I know what you're thinking. "Beet Wagon, how come you only ever highlight stupid kickstarter projects with dubious health benefits? Where is the project for me, the overly affluent turd who wants to show off how wealthy I am at every opportunity?" Well first of all gently caress you, I bet you're not even that rich. And second of all, I found a project for you, please buy me stuff with all your rich doctor/lawyer/bitcoin money! My favorite part is that even with international shipping one bottle is $11.
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Mar 19, 2018 02:42
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Just get a Goldwasser. It's been around for over 400 years and it contains vodka so it makes sense that it's a fancy evening drink and not some goddamn drinking water.
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Mar 19, 2018 09:55
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dovetaile posted:My favorite part is that even with international shipping one bottle is $11. I’m kinda surprised by that. I figures that any idiot that thinks that edible gold is fancy or worth a drat could probably be duped at 30 a pop but hey that’s just me I guess
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Mar 19, 2018 11:10
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AlbieQuirky posted:He was great in that! I think Spider-man Homecoming is probably considered "bigger" even if it didn't get the award nominations or critical reaction that Birdman did. In it, he plays a bird man.
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Mar 19, 2018 15:13
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Palpek posted:Just get a Goldwasser. It's been around for over 400 years and it contains vodka so it makes sense that it's a fancy evening drink and not some goddamn drinking water. 5 x 5" imitation gold leaf sheet - $6.88 Shred that up, drop it in a bottle of smartwater and you have luxury smartwater. - Another great product from the murderbear you should trust.
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Mar 19, 2018 15:57
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These Juicers are especially stupid. Just eat the goddamn fruit, what the gently caress?
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Mar 19, 2018 20:40
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Elderbean posted:These Juicers are especially stupid. Just eat the goddamn fruit, what the gently caress? Too lazy to chew. 
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Mar 19, 2018 22:51
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Elderbean posted:These Juicers are especially stupid. Just eat the goddamn fruit, what the gently caress? But if you eat the fruit the natural healing chi of the fruit will be tempered by the evils of dietary fibre!
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Mar 23, 2018 02:18
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Jonny Nox posted:But if you eat the fruit the natural healing chi of the fruit will be tempered by the evils of dietary fibre! Hey Jonny, where'd you find the wiretap that leads to Doug Evans mind?
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Mar 23, 2018 03:56
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Okay, I can't compete with gold flakes in plain water. But I'll try... Gentlemen, BEHOLD! What, just because you think you've gone vegan (sorry, VEGAN) that you can just use any plain old steel knife like a PEASANT? Nonsense. You need a proper VEGAN knife, for proper VEGAN people. http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/49122191/veganblade-the-best-vegan-kitchen-knife?ref=discovery&term=kitchen Take a shot every time he says 'ergonomic'. Oops, now you have alcohol poisoning.
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Mar 24, 2018 20:02
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It's pretty bold to try to try to break into an industry as saturated as knives considering how huge the cooking industry is. It's even bolder when all you ever used were cheap poo poo knives lying around other students' dorms on the campus:quote:I mean, how hard is it to find a knife that can cut through bread, fruits, nuts and veggies with ease? Very Hard.
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Mar 24, 2018 20:39
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I'd just like to point out that this person doesn't appear to have even a baseline understanding of how to cut stuff with a chef's knife. This is, actually, very much the wrong way to hold a knife.
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Mar 24, 2018 20:47
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Palpek posted:It's pretty bold to try to try to break into an industry as saturated as knives considering how huge the cooking industry is. It's even bolder when all you ever used were cheap poo poo knives lying around other students' dorms on the campus: I know, it's not like a knife was the very first loving tool ever loving invented by our forebears whilst they were off chipping flint in a cave somewhere. gently caress me.
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Mar 24, 2018 20:50
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Frank_Leroux posted:Okay, I can't compete with gold flakes in plain water. But I'll try... I like how in their example of showing the bread being sliced with the vegan 425 day blade, it is obviously pre cut.
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Mar 24, 2018 21:02
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drat, there are so many knives on kickstarter. And some dumb useless avocado cutter got funded: Yes, it's an official photo with one of the designers.
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Mar 24, 2018 21:03
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Oh. My. loving. God. Fer gently caress's sake! A nice sharp chef's knife will do almost any kitchen task you want! Why do they need to pull some uni-tasker bull-snot out of their anus? ("Because Hipster Money') ...Okay, you have a point there. Yes! We should FUND this monstrosity!
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Mar 24, 2018 21:21
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Palpek posted:drat, there are so many knives on kickstarter. And some dumb useless avocado cutter got funded: what the gently caress lol I was thinking that was going to be some kind of like combo tool for cutting it and scooping it or something but nope, it's just a way worse version of cutting open your avocados the normal way. quote:'Avocado hand' could be thing of past with our nifty tool. Literally the first thing that happens in the video is the cutter gets stuck halfway down the avocado and the guy squeezes avocado out all over his hand lmao
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Mar 24, 2018 21:25
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=texyKNGt4iU That seems too hard, better invent a weird hosed up linoleum knife with no real handle so I can shred my hands instead.
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Mar 24, 2018 21:27
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Apparently most avocado-related hand injuries occur because those loving idiots take an avocado into one hand and then put a knife into it like this: If you're this loving dumb then yeah, better buy the stupid avocado gadget.
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Mar 24, 2018 22:42
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If I had a dollar for everyone I knew who cut the gently caress out of themselves while cutting a bagel that way, I would have at least six or seven dollars. It doesn't surprise me that mopes pull the same nonsense with our friend the avocado.
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Mar 25, 2018 06:32
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Palpek posted:drat, there are so many knives on kickstarter. And some dumb useless avocado cutter got funded: This motherfucker looks like a discount Harry Potter.
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Mar 25, 2018 06:38
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At a guess, I'm going to say that Mr Vegan's steel knives that "went dull within 30 days" weren't getting regularly honed and were probably getting cleaned in the dishwasher. Because gently caress taking care of your poo poo properly.
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Mar 25, 2018 15:25
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What if I told you that they're kickstarting ketchup in slices. Finally the horrors of using normal people ketchup will end! Do you want to know more? It's only $1.25 per slice and that's the special kickstarter price, retail price will be higher. It's also already funded.
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Mar 25, 2018 16:02
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Apparently many high-end knife manufacturers say that the dishwasher isn’t a problem for the blade, though it might be for the handle. A Global G2 or something should be fine.
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Mar 25, 2018 16:03
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Is that a Tomato Fruit Roll-Up? I actually bought my sister an Avocado Shark as a gag gift (for less than a third of what that site's charging). Like most unitaskers, it does it's job okay but is entirely unnecessary. The scraper is about the only bit that works well. Also I imagine a good deal of the funding for that tool came from the parents of the kids or their friends' parents (it's designed by bunch of middle-schoolers), and I doubt any of them plan to use it.
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Mar 25, 2018 18:39
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Frank_Leroux posted:Okay, I can't compete with gold flakes in plain water. But I'll try... A ceramic knife? Who would have ever thought of such a thing! Oh, wait, it's something that existed for decades. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJBPpi7T7R0 Obligatory. Like, it may actually be exactly this meme knife.
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Mar 25, 2018 23:05
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Subjunctive posted:Apparently many high-end knife manufacturers say that the dishwasher isn’t a problem for the blade, though it might be for the handle. A Global G2 or something should be fine. Yeah, having water get sprayed on it isn't going to hurt it. I think the confusion started when people get told not to toss a good knife into the sink with the rest of the dishes, so the edge gets smashed by crap. I've always been a fan of clean as you go, so by the time your dinner plate is ready to be served the only things left to clean are whatever pan/pot your food is in.
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Mar 26, 2018 14:50
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The other thing I think is you're not supposed to just leave them wet. Putting them in the dishwasher isn't as bad (as long as they don't have wood handles) as just letting them soak in a sink full of water. also - and I feel like we're not paying enough attention to this - in what possible situation would it be easier and better to have a slice of ketchup than just... ketchup? Palpek posted:What if I told you that they're kickstarting ketchup in slices. luv 2 wrap ketchup slices around my fries instead of dipping
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Mar 26, 2018 15:52
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Beet Wagon posted:luv 2 wrap ketchup slices around my fries instead of dipping I think you're being a little short-sighted here, because sheet-form ketchup is only a stepping stone to other structural ketchup forms, such as the tube. This then opens up an entire world of ketchup-tube stuffed foods, but why stop there. Mayhap a spherical enclosure, finally answering the question that the world has perhaps been asking itself sometimes, what would a cheese-stuffed ketchup profiterole taste like, and how could it promote world peace? We've labored under the tyranny of pasta for a long time, but this could presage the rise of a new order in processed food stuffs.
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Mar 26, 2018 16:31
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Frank_Leroux posted:Okay, I can't compete with gold flakes in plain water. But I'll try... Suspended. Get owned, vegans.
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Mar 26, 2018 17:14
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Beet Wagon posted:also - and I feel like we're not paying enough attention to this - in what possible situation would it be easier and better to have a slice of ketchup than just... ketchup?
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Mar 26, 2018 17:23
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iospace posted:Suspended. Get owned, vegans. I wonder what the problem was? Was it the $1 funding goal? At that point it's just a storefront, you're not even pretending to be fundraising.
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Mar 26, 2018 17:31
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