Having an Alligator as a pet is dangerous for reasons you wouldn't expect

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Having an Alligator as a pet is dangerous for reasons you wouldn't expect

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vanisher

I have a wading pool full of standing water for my pet alligator and it attracts bugs, some of which may spread disease

# ? Oct 2, 2017 19:52

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:06

vanisher

I also hurt my hand petting his sharp scales

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# ? Oct 2, 2017 19:53

Manifisto

alligator feed, while almost identical to crocodile feed, is subject to an insane markup because alligators are a trendy pet for a wealthier socioeconomic group

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:06

Gone Fashing: KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

all of my neighbors assume im from florida now

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:28

vanisher

Lady on a Southwest flight with allergy to Alligators tells a flight attendant

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:32

Manifisto

alligator version of toxoplasmosis creates a strong desire to give belly rubs to large toothy reptiles

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:46

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

Every day I take my gator for a walk I risk drowning in pussy

# ? Oct 2, 2017 21:52

Dads Dip Cup

only one that's going to be in danger is the next person that says "see ya later" with that dumb stupid smirk on their face

# ? Oct 2, 2017 22:29

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

every time he brings me the paper it's in shreds. I mean, it's less dangerous and more financially irresponsible than anything...

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Oct 2, 2017 22:32

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

I slipped in an "alligator puddle" fell down and died

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:30

vanisher

Tweaked my back trying to catch my over excited pet alligator when it jumped into my arms as I got home

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:32

vanisher

Don't say "walk" around my pet alligator or else he goes crazy. He wags his little tail so hard it puts holes in the drywall

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:33

vanisher

tfw your pet alligator puts his little chin on your leg when you're eating raw egret

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:36

vanisher

Dads Dip Cup posted:

only one that's going to be in danger is the next person that says "see ya later" with that dumb stupid smirk on their face

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:38

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

having to pull him off of friends and family he wants to maul after they make the inevitable comment: "you know I hear alligator tastes a lot like chicken."

I mean I can't really blame him. He wouldn't taste like chicken because he would taste like alligator.

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Oct 2, 2017 23:48

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Pavlov originally did experiments involving alligators but when he rang the bell assistants would disappear, no longer to be seen again so dogs were used to reduce any further incidents

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Oct 3, 2017 00:24

FutonForensic

warning: watching this compilation of gators greeting returning veterans will make your heart explode from cuteness!!!

# ? Oct 3, 2017 00:46

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

real post for a sec: gators are kind of primitive creatures, right? I was thinking that it would be cool if they were smart enough to form bonds with people but they�re probably not smart enough :shrug:

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Oct 3, 2017 00:49

Putty: HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

its very hard to clean an alligator with your own teeth when theres no birds around

# ? Oct 3, 2017 01:42

City of Glompton

tried to teach my alligator to cry crocodile tears, she couldn't, I ended up crying instead

# ? Oct 3, 2017 02:10

Macnult

Can't enjoy a friggin' Gatorade anymore without some rando walking up to me like "You gonna share that with him?"

# ? Oct 3, 2017 02:15

Macnult

I called up my neighbor to check out my new gator. He's the type who likes to one-up people, so I was hoping he would see it and then buy one so my pet alligator could have a friend. Instead, my neighbor showed up wearing alligator skin boots and demonstrated how they also serve as running shoes.

# ? Oct 3, 2017 02:24

vanisher

Ever try to give an alligator a bath? They give you those big eyes like you're torturing them!! Then you let them out and they just run around like crazy jumping on everything and rubbing their face into your furniture to try and dry their scales.

# ? Oct 3, 2017 03:21

vanisher

(just having fun imagining an alligator behaving like a dog)

# ? Oct 3, 2017 03:32

Ultra Spoot

My pet alligator keeps calling me a dumb idiot, and you know what? I'm starting to believe him

# ? Oct 3, 2017 03:35

Starman Super DX: This title text is surprisingly sturdy.

What I didn�t know is that all alligators freely live an alternative lifestyle...

...not that there�s anything wrong with that!

Tell me more!
btw ty Birdcon for the sweet spring sig

# ? Oct 3, 2017 03:38

Ultra Spoot

I keep telling him that's really redundant, like, just say dumb or idiot, but alas, the abuse continues

# ? Oct 3, 2017 03:40

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

a gator's a hazardous pet, because they're such enablers. they never say no to an extra swirl of softserve, another shot of tequila, or launching bottle rockets at the local police fully nude in the town center.

really, the gator's first act of enabling is when they enable you to make one of them your pet. after that, welcome to the enabling spiral.

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# ? Oct 3, 2017 04:08

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

Everyone assumes I'm a Florida fan, but I'm a Seminole all the way

# ? Oct 3, 2017 06:36

google THIS

My municipality allows all alligators except my specific breed and I'm under a lot of stress trying to keep my landlord from finding out.

# ? Oct 3, 2017 15:35

little munchkin

one of the most dangerous parts of owning a pet alligator is having to save it when it gets kidnapped by a gang of bloodthirsty international alligator theives

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# ? Oct 3, 2017 16:00

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

little munchkin posted:

one of the most dangerous parts of owning a pet alligator is having to save it when it gets kidnapped by a gang of bloodthirsty international alligator theives

My neighbor Croc-ella Deville is always eyeing my gator

# ? Oct 3, 2017 16:19

vanisher

Running with 101 alligator eggs to escape a crazy lady who wants to make a bunch of belts is dangerous

# ? Oct 3, 2017 18:34

Darkman Fanpage

the amount of raw chicken this ting eats....

# ? Oct 4, 2017 14:36

Meeksha: i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust

my alligator ("allie" gator!!) loves it when i put on one of my pairs of crocs. i think it is a dominance thing since people often confuse the two and it makes him glad he's not a pair of comfy shoes.

-----

come on and slam and welcome to the jam

Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!

# ? Oct 4, 2017 17:54

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

*me opens an inconspicuous jar tucked carelessly behind a shelf of textbooks*

bwha!? where'd my dank nugs go?

*alligator rolls past on two hoverboards, grinning like a punk rear end*

crimes

# ? Oct 4, 2017 18:22

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

i can not imagine how having an apex predator, that has been virtually untouched by evolutionary pressures for literal hundreds of millions of years due to its perfection as a primordial killing machine, as a pet, might be dangerous

[edit] i also like to swim with sharks as they are very empathic creatures

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 4, 2017 21:29

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

Darkman Fanpage posted:

the amount of raw chicken this ting eats....

yeah, my house is so full of salmonella now, I've started charging it rent.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 4, 2017 21:50

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Whomped me out of bed this morning with a playful little death roll, had a kink in my neck all day since!

The alarm goes off at 6 every morning, must you do this at 5:45 every day?

# ? Oct 6, 2017 05:07

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:06

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

*Me and Ali, my pet alligator are out for a walk*
Stranger: "In a while..."
Ali: "Oh HELL nah, you did NOT just say that!!!!"
Me: "Chill dude, he's just ignorant, he's not worth it. We don't want to deal with animal control again."
Stranger: "Woah your lizard is a psycho"
Me: "Watch who you're calling a lizard... that's it, it's on"
*I clamp my teeth onto this guy's ankle and start thrashing and spinning around as my pet alligator looks on, shaking his head in embarrassment *

# ? Oct 6, 2017 13:05

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Having an Alligator as a pet is dangerous for reasons you wouldn't expect

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