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Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!


He’s getting married later this month, 18 months after his wife died. I think they got engaged about 15 months in. His newest special is called Patton Oswalt: Annihilation. Put the pieces together y’all! His wife’s true crime research gave him the info to OD her w pills so he could get w the new lady.

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COMRADES
Apr 3, 2017

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN


Did what now?

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001

A Little Known FACT: Burger King's Bacon King is superior to the Baconator.


Maybe the bitch had it coming though.

Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!


COMRADES posted:

Did what now?

Murdered his wife w sleeping pills that aggravated her sleep apnea.

dads friend steve
Dec 24, 2004





King Vidiot
Feb 17, 2007

The video arcade made me what I am today!



You may think Oswalt acted alone, but I think there was a second pillman.

Moneyball
Jul 11, 2005

It's a problem you think we need to explain ourselves.


COMRADES posted:

Did what now?

Assassassinated Ralphie May from the greasy knoll.

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







It's a well-established fact that Patton Oswalt murdered his wife. What we don't know is how many others he has killed and when he will kill again.

Pawn 17 fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Oct 10, 2017

Marxalot
Dec 24, 2008



Oswald was a pattonsy

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.



His dead wife’s doctor did it by giving her fentanyl for home use. There is no legitimate reason to use fentanyl outside of a clinical or hospice setting, except that you’ve decided to do the whole at-home hospice care thing, or you’re a piece of poo poo dr. Feegood who doesn’t know he could make a lot more selling scrips for oxycontin.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs of siren songs
To oohs to ahhs to big applause
With all of my anger I scream and shout
America, I love you but you're freaking me out


Biscuit Hider

I've encountered compelling evidence in an ancient Mayan ruin that Patton Oswald came into this world when the first death occurred, and will remain until the last living thing draws its final breath.

Thots and Prayers
Jul 13, 2006

A is the for the atrocious abominated acts that YOu committed. A is also for ass-i-nine, eight, seven, and six.

B, b, b - b is for your belligerent, bitchy, bottomless state of affairs, but why?

C is for the cantankerous condition of our character, you have no cut-out.

Grimey Drawer

Patten Oswald is coming to my town and honestly, I'm more than a little scared.

ambient robot
Apr 23, 2014

by Lowtax


I have reason to believe Patton Oswald is actually a vengeful wraith or perhaps a lesser demon but I'm still working on gathering the evidence

Blurry Gray Thing
Jun 3, 2009


Zahgaegun posted:

Patten Oswald is coming to my town and honestly, I'm more than a little scared.

Got bad news for you. He's already there. His "official" arrival time is just to give him an alibi.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


King Vidiot posted:

You may think Oswalt acted alone, but I think there was a second pillman.

Marxalot posted:

Oswald was a pattonsy

Flavahbeast
Jul 21, 2001

awoo



Is this thread about the king of queens guy? Im looking at his wikipedia page but I dont see anything about him killing ppl

Apoplexy
Mar 9, 2003

~Neck Angels~



The only thing Patton 'did' is this week's free Chapo! https://soundcloud.com/chapo-trap-h...on-oswalt-10917

spinderella
Jul 15, 2017

by FactsAreUseless


Jesus, that is soon

obviously I fucked it
Oct 6, 2009


King Vidiot posted:

You may think Oswalt acted alone, but I think there was a second pillman.

This is why I keep coming here time after time

Vastarien
Dec 20, 2012

Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.





Buglord

I believe that Patton Oswald acted alone when he shot Jamie Kennedy.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418



Spinster posted:

Jesus, that is soon

my wife started dating me a week after her husband died.

Thots and Prayers
Jul 13, 2006

A is the for the atrocious abominated acts that YOu committed. A is also for ass-i-nine, eight, seven, and six.

B, b, b - b is for your belligerent, bitchy, bottomless state of affairs, but why?

C is for the cantankerous condition of our character, you have no cut-out.

Grimey Drawer

RFC2324 posted:

my wife started dating me a week after her husband died.

Bitch gonna move suddenly move reaaaal sloooooow when you need her to call 911 fyi

super sweet best pal
Nov 18, 2009



There's no proof that he did it but I couldn't imagine how anyone could be back in the dating scene half a year later.

Cnut the Great
Mar 30, 2014


RFC2324 posted:

my wife started dating me a week after her husband died.

Yeah well if true that's seriously WTF, even allowing for "everyone mourns in their own way"

b-minus1
Jul 24, 2008

She's a maniac, maniac
on the floor
And she's dancing like she's never danced before


Why did you kill your wife, Paton?

Durf
Aug 16, 2017






I can't believe that Patton Oswald murdered his wife!!!!

jet sanchEz
Oct 24, 2001

Lousy Manipulative Dog

william shatner killed his wife too.

Evil Agita
Feb 25, 2005

Lord Fool, give me another chance. I'll prove my strength to you!

The only question left is if Patton is the Golden State killer or if he was just working with him. Patton fits the profile; correct age, short, and a small dick.

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007




jet sanchEz posted:

william shatner killed his wife too.

which "he"

did shatner assist in killing oswalt's wife

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs of siren songs
To oohs to ahhs to big applause
With all of my anger I scream and shout
America, I love you but you're freaking me out


Biscuit Hider

Grand Prize Winner posted:

which "he"

did shatner assist in killing oswalt's wife

Shatner is actually Patton's first wife

Durf
Aug 16, 2017






I simply can not believe that beloved comedienne "Patown Oswalt" ruthlessly murdered his wife!

Boywhiz88
Sep 11, 2005

floating 26" off da ground. BURR!


super sweet best pal posted:

There's no proof that he did it but I couldn't imagine how anyone could be back in the dating scene half a year later.

Seriously. Like, I hoped he wouldn’t be stuck in mourning forever but less than a year later? Idk. It’s just kinda ooky.

Riot Bimbo
Dec 28, 2006

Was ist das problem fraulein?


The guy was obviously never that stable, like his stand up is the anxious rambling of a man who does not have his poo poo together ever, and his wife dies. he has pixar money floating around and honestly i could easily see that dude rushing into a rebound marriage

or maybe he killed his wife to marry his secret lover an inappropriately short amount of time later just like out of a murder she wrote episode

Durf
Aug 16, 2017






imagine going back to wife after filming a sex scene with Charlize Theron

a recipe ripe... for murder!!!!

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418



Cnut the Great posted:

Yeah well if true that's seriously WTF, even allowing for "everyone mourns in their own way"

when i found out and kinda freaked out about it, see explained that she had done her mourning before he died, since it was an unpleasant one from brain cancer. she had actually drawn up divorce papers already when he got the diagnosis which explained his insane behavior.

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs of siren songs
To oohs to ahhs to big applause
With all of my anger I scream and shout
America, I love you but you're freaking me out


Biscuit Hider

They won't talk about why they killed off the season 1 wife in the new Kevin James sitcom, but I believe he was sending a message to his former King of Queens coworker that he knew what really happened.

Moneyball
Jul 11, 2005

It's a problem you think we need to explain ourselves.


Boywhiz88 posted:

Seriously. Like, I hoped he wouldn’t be stuck in mourning forever but less than a year later? Idk. It’s just kinda ooky.

Hey, when you're hot, you're hot.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Durf
Aug 16, 2017






fruit on the bottom posted:

They won't talk about why they killed off the season 1 wife in the new Kevin James sitcom, but I believe he was sending a message to his former King of Queens coworker that he knew what really happened.
wasn't the brother from King of Queens in a spinoff where they kept replacing his wife with new actresses to the point he became self-aware of the imposters

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







His Google search history in the 24 hours after he killed his wife:

"how long do you need to wait after your wife dies to start dating again?"
"does the husband get to keep his wifes money after she dies?"
"dominos pizza order"
"patton oswalt fan forums"
"what to do when the police question you for murder"
"how to get a tv show"

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OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless


Young Orc

Boywhiz88 posted:

He’s getting married later this month, 18 months after his wife died. I think they got engaged about 15 months in. His newest special is called Patton Oswalt: Annihilation. Put the pieces together y’all! His wife’s true crime research gave him the info to OD her w pills so he could get w the new lady.

LOLL it's all true hahahahhaha

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