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I've encountered compelling evidence in an ancient Mayan ruin that Patton Oswald came into this world when the first death occurred, and will remain until the last living thing draws its final breath.
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Oct 10, 2017 03:20
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Grand Prize Winner posted:which "he" Shatner is actually Patton's first wife
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Oct 10, 2017 04:35
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They won't talk about why they killed off the season 1 wife in the new Kevin James sitcom, but I believe he was sending a message to his former King of Queens coworker that he knew what really happened.
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Oct 10, 2017 04:46
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Patton maybe be a mass murderer the likes of which this world has never seen before and god willing never again, but he's not some loving pervert you libelous gently caress.
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Oct 10, 2017 04:54
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Code Jockey posted:i wish patton oswalt would marry kevin james's career 
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Oct 10, 2017 05:03
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Patton's greatest crime took place in the early 20th century, when he offered a sinister deal to a down-on-his-luck Adolf Hitler, promising to ensure that he would be known for his magnificent art. Hitler failed to specify that this would be in the form of paintings and was horrified when he learned what Patton considered to be beautiful. He tried to back out of the deal, but feared that Patton would kill his family if he failed to comply, which ultimately happened anyway.
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Oct 10, 2017 09:21
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Patton framed OJ, and Charles Manson for that matter
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Oct 10, 2017 19:11
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Waffle House posted:Patton Oswald is the male lena dunham to some people it seems What a terrible thing to say about the man who taught the Zodiac Killer.
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Oct 10, 2017 19:28
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The White Dragon posted:wait so did oj murder patton oswalt's wife or did patton oswalt murder oj's wife They had a pact to help each other out.
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Oct 10, 2017 21:50
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What I'm saying is that Throw Momma from the Train inspired these murders.
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Oct 10, 2017 21:51
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Why did you kill her, Patton? because she was home
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Oct 11, 2017 01:54
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"Now where could my wife be?"
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Oct 11, 2017 02:26
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Orkin Mang posted:adnan killed hae It was actually Patton who also kidnapped Berghdal and gave him to the taliban
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Oct 11, 2017 03:56
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call to action posted:Why the gently caress else would she be on a suicide cocktail, then he starts dating someone while her body is literally still warm? Because he wanted to kill her Literally still warm? 🤔
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Oct 12, 2017 16:34
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I think it was self defense
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Oct 15, 2017 17:13
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Patton Oswald is a good man who has been unfairly maligned in the eyes of the public. ...please release my family now
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Oct 16, 2017 18:33
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OXBALLS DOT COM posted:Like a fat Max Payne More like Max Grain.
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Oct 24, 2017 18:57
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Breaking kayfabe real quick: does anyone know what the context there was? Because holy moly
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Oct 24, 2017 19:24
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The thing you have to understand is that he takes no pleasure in it, though he doesn’t regret it either. He is hungry and he must feed.
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Oct 26, 2017 20:50
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Dog Jones posted:I think Patton Oswalt is funny, looking forward to he new stand up. I heard his wife died of pills and a hosed up heart, not that he killed her. You ate my family you fat gently caress!
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Oct 26, 2017 21:31
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Care Bear Stairs posted:quick, point him towards CineD! I thought grotesque city-size Murder monsters usually fought the regular Godzilla?
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Oct 26, 2017 23:44
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Dog Jones posted:I think Patton Oswalt is funny, looking forward to he new stand up. I heard his wife died of pills and a hosed up heart, not that he killed her. “I think Patton Oswalt is.…” “Funny. Looking forward to—“ “He knew!” “Stand up! I heard his wife—“ “Died.” “Of pills.” “And a hosed up–“ “Heart?” “Not that. He killed her.”
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Oct 27, 2017 21:05
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Patton was about to blow the lid on Harvey Weinstein so he hired Mossad to kill her and frame him. His new wife is just the assigned handler to keep him in line.
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Nov 10, 2017 18:02
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The irony is that the only way he can be free is to become the monster that people think he already is and kill his new wife.
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Nov 10, 2017 18:03
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Patton and Weinstein, afraid they were going to be exposed by the other, orchestrated elaborate smear campaigns based on information they fabricated that were nevertheless completely true.
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Nov 10, 2017 18:17
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The White Dragon posted:channel her spirit and tell us how patton oswald killed her I’ve played Phoenix Wright and let me tell you this never as helpful as you’d think.
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Nov 10, 2017 20:06
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Maya Fey posted:i mean sure id love to make this case 1000x more complicated, when its painfully obvious Patton Oswald murdered his wife to marry his lover. I’m going to prove that the the way the fetanyl was administered was at an angle that would have been impossible for someone of his stature, and then the autopsy report is going to show that she was suspended from the ceiling at the time in such a way that my previous argument actually means that only someone of his stature could have committed the murder, which incidentally is the same height and build as the prosecutor on the case
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Nov 10, 2017 20:16
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“I know how Hillary can win” *murdered to protect The Prophecy*
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Nov 13, 2017 17:11
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Maybe she needed to die, ever consider that?
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Nov 13, 2017 20:22
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I’m sorry. After he killed my family Patton has been crashing on my couch a lot. I think I left myself logged in.
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Nov 13, 2017 20:26
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True. You actually need bastard royalty for that.
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Nov 15, 2017 19:59
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It was self defense He did it himself and impaled her onto da fence
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Dec 28, 2017 05:48
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Pawn 17 posted:Patton's dead wife (who he murdered) was working on a book about a serial killer. Patton finished the book after her death. “Try and catch me now, baby”
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Mar 3, 2018 03:23
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