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Twat McTwatterson
May 31, 2011


see subject, i cant figure it the gently caress out

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myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ceci n'est pas mon père

College Slice

Very carefully

OpaqueEcho
Feb 8, 2003

oh no no bro oh no

crack it against a flat surface, don't crack it on the edge of the bowl

SCROTO TURBOSPERG
Jan 21, 2007

Suck the shit out of my own asshole, please

Get your minder to do it, OP

EorayMel
May 29, 2015

You got the fluffy kitty kitty!

I'm onto your kitchen-euphemism murdering spree, OP

Fallows
Jan 20, 2005
not racist

I only crack metaphorical eggs of wisdom

Super Grocery Kart
Apr 6, 2011



Take a package of eggs, throw it on the floor and eat it off the floor like a animal, you piece of poo poo

OpaqueEcho
Feb 8, 2003

oh no no bro oh no

EorayMel posted:

I'm onto your kitchen-euphemism murdering spree, OP



is that a dick

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008


Raise your hand with the egg
Raise your other hand
Violently hurl the egg at the edge of a pan
Use your other hand to catch the shell fragments during the "bullet time" phase

me your dad
Jul 25, 2006



just loving throw the whole egg into whatever and eat it like a man, crunch and all

Jeffrey Dahmer
May 21, 2017

Cannibals Anonymous Meeting Tonight.


Put the pan about 3meters behind you, put the gun in your mouth and give it a shot.

Take a pick and then we can make more detailed responses about how to get your egg in the pan.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Chairman Mao
Apr 24, 2004

The Chinese Communist Party is the core of leadership of the whole Chinese people. Without this core, the cause of socialism cannot be victorious.

Just swallow the egg whole like a normal person jeez

ambient robot
Apr 23, 2014

by Lowtax


they sell pre-cracked eggs now OP

EL BROMANCE
Jun 10, 2006


OpaqueEcho posted:

crack it against a flat surface, don't crack it on the edge of the bowl

This, and do it one handed to feel like a pro regardless of how bad your cooking is.

Jeffrey Dahmer
May 21, 2017

Cannibals Anonymous Meeting Tonight.


EL BROMANCE posted:

This, and do it one handed to feel like a pro regardless of how bad your cooking is.

Uh, use a concave surface

So its splits open, like the rounded inside sides of a bowl

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


myDad posted:

Very carefully

unironically this

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

Light city
Bright streets

Well first you crack it like you normally would. Then you get a small spoon. You pour out the contents of the baggie, put some water on it, then put a lighter on underneath the spoon. Once it's sufficiently liquid, take your syringe and draw some of it. Don't worry if your needle isn't fresh as long as it was capped. Then get your buddy to find your vein and put the tourniquet on--you can do it on your own but it's not recommended--then stick it in at about a 45 degree angle. You need to get into the vein and if you go straight-in you'll just hit muscle. Push in slowly, you'll blow or roll the vein if you do it too fast. This is where a buddy comes in handy because they'll take off the tourniquet and take the needle out if you bliss out quickly. Once you're done, nod off for a while. When you wake up, use part of the old shell of the egg to scoop out whatever bits of shell got into the yolk. Then cook it up and eat it and enjoy the salmonella poisoning you sick loving junkie. By the way the power company called again, you've got 2 days before they shut it off and CPS is breathing down your loving neck again. Also Dave said he'd be out of town this weekend and he's the only guy you know isn't cutting his poo poo with fentanyl so you'd better get on that today.

Uncle at Nintendo
Dec 31, 2000



myDad posted:

Very carefully

ArchNemesis
Jun 27, 2007

I'm going to wipe the floor with you, Gaius.

College Slice

one-handed, usually

Pewdiepie
Oct 31, 2010



Twat McTwatterson posted:

see subject, i cant figure it the gently caress out

By learning simple motor skills, usually at a young age.

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001


Added shells make it more romantic to your mother OP.

LSD CURES JUNKIES
Sep 12, 2013


SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:

Get your minder to do it, OP

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008


Two words, OP: sling blade

Gazpacho
Jun 18, 2004

FIRE AND FURY
🔥🔥🔥


Use gravity, op

SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001


You can't make an omelette without first cracking some eggs IMO.

Macnult
Jul 7, 2013



crack it once instead of hammering it

a few DRUNK BONERS
Mar 25, 2016


uh how are you going to make an egg white omelette without the shells dumbass

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007



use the ovaries

Novo
May 13, 2003

Stercorem pro cerebro habes

help gbs how do i drink a soda without dribbling it on my shirt

pimpbot
Apr 30, 2005
neeej!!!

College Slice

Crack the egg against somethin with a thin, relativly sharp edge.
For example a steel spatula.

HJE-Cobra
Jul 15, 2007

Bear Witness

Hell Gem

To be extra-sure you don't wind up with eggshells in whatever you're putting an egg in, you can break an egg into a bowl first. Then when your clumsy oafish hands shatter the eggshell resulting in dozens of pieces falling into the bowl, you can fish them out before pouring the egg into your frying pan or whatever.

Jiro Kage
Aug 6, 2003

PICKLE SURPRISE!

I saw some thing that said if you dip your finger in water it makes the egg stick to it so you don't have to fish around in the yolk. Don't have a loving clue if it works since I just saw it but hth

Isaac
Aug 3, 2006

Take that and be happy.


Fun Shoe

I learned egg techniques from a tibetan man

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



Jose
Jul 24, 2007



try not being a retard op

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



guy fiero is my spirit animal

Orkin Mang
Nov 1, 2007



numberoneposter posted:

guy fiero is my spirit animal

my spirit animal is the yak in heat

Pitdragon
Jan 20, 2004
Just another lurker

on a similar note i've been having issues with making sandwiches, how am i supposed to get the peanut butter out of this jar and onto the bread? i tried turnin it upside down and shaking it but it dont work.
please help me im starving

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014



Pitdragon posted:

on a similar note i've been having issues with making sandwiches, how am i supposed to get the peanut butter out of this jar and onto the bread? i tried turnin it upside down and shaking it but it dont work.
please help me im starving
shouldnt be wasting your time with baby sandwiches

upgrade to this bad boy:



http://www.timescolonist.com/ask-er...ed-meat-1.75167

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Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

expect attention, newbie


It requires a sharp and swift strike to the edge of the pan or bowl. You must strke exactly 2cm deep into the egg.

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