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The Skeleton King
Jul 16, 2011



I have no idea who to talk to about this so I guess I'll do it here. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am 25. My whole life I have never done well at anything, and not because I can't, it's because I never try hard enough and do the things that need to be done.

Even worse is that I want to do things right and work hard and put in the time and effort. I want to very badly and spend every day wanting to be better. But then I don't. As soon as the moment comes where I am about to do something, I stop and then do nothing. Every god loving damned time. I hate it so much and wake up every day hating myself because I didn't do what I needed to do the day before. Then I forget what I need to do altogether and gently caress up even more.

My whole drat life I barely scrape by in every class, every program, everything. I want to be better, but I never improve. My peers are all better than me because eye are what I continually fail to be. They are all working harder than me and doing things right. Then here's me just stumbling along like a loving idiot, I don't really deserve to be considered an equal to them.

I am in the middle of a very important dental hygiene program. I can do the actual clinical work and business portion easily. I learn very fast with my hands and memorize techniques and procedures without difficulty, but then I am a miserable disappointment in the academic portion. I cannot afford to fail any of the academic parts. But I don't study, no matter how much I want to. The moment I open documents and books to study I lose all focus and do something else.

It isn't even too hard. It's my fault. I am capable, I am smart, I do have potential. I want to succeed so badly. I don't want people to have to help me do things. I am bad at socializing and it feels wrong to rely on anyone for help with things that should be simple for me to do.

What the gently caress is wrong with me?

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Crosswell
Jun 7, 2007
Lying in a Bombay alley

Anxiety, ADHD? Who knows? Seek professional help. You're right that it's not as hard for others to focus, probably. Your problems are too vague so take charge of your mental health and strap in for a looong ride. If tour local health authority has an intake coordinator that might be more useful than half heartedly researching therapists.

You're not a worthless lazy rear end hole. Stop listening to your brain. It's just your brain you don't have to follow every dumb self image of you it spits out. It's biased.

The Skeleton King
Jul 16, 2011



Can ADHD actually interfere that much? I've been taking adderall for 16 years and never know how well it works. Sadly I can't just change medication because adderall is a stimulant and I crash for days without it, which is a bad thing when I need to be awake and alert.

Can it make you be lazy and forgetful no matter how hard you try to improve?

Also, I would love to get professional help, but that requires time and money that I don't have. Especially time. The biggest problem I have with getting help is that I have no time to wait. I am able to be in my program because of funding from a state organization that will be lost if I gently caress up too hard. I come close to blowing it every loving semester.

I fail or postpone, and it's over. I miss a day and I am even worse off than I am now. I have 11 months before the program ends. I can still succeed but I need to change my habits RIGHT NOW. I have exams weekly, sometimes more than one in the same day. I have ample time and resources to study, but I can't get myself to do it. How is it so difficult?

Crosswell
Jun 7, 2007
Lying in a Bombay alley

In two seperate paragraphs you said you don't have time to work on to your mental health and you had ample time to study. Do you see how you lie to yourself when contemplating what you feel is an insoluble problem? If you flunk your program you still have to press on in life. People flunk with funding all the time. Maybe a really good therapist can help you push yourself through these 10 months. But it will take months of waiting for referrals to find out what medication works for your avoidance and anxiety problems. They are crippling to you and I understand it's a frustrating process but seperate your mental health from school.

An appointment with a therapist is 50 minutes. A doctor even less. There are resources and if you have a medical diagnosis your school may have resources to help you with your academic issues. Most of it is just a wait and see game but things will not get better if you dont take the steps. Maybe you can't become a mental health superstar overnight and ace your program but you still have to live, dude.

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

A redheaded hussy who ought to be smacked and sent to bed without her supper



Sounds like ADD and/or depression and/or anxiety to me, but my advice is the same as everyone else's, seek help. Your school has resources for poor grad students exactly like yourself, and if they can't help you, they can refer you to places that can.

It's possible that your medication isn't the right one for you. The science has been coming along in the last sixteen years, and I don't know how often you see a psychiatrist or psych nurse to do check-in's, so it could be you need a different medication. Also, therapy. My clinic has a policy in place that everyone on a stimulant has to see a counselor at least as often as they see the psych nurse. It helps weed out the tweakers AND teaches clients coping skills.

Vagabundo
Mar 20, 2007

SWING LOW
SWEET CHARIOT


Seek professional help. It's likely to be mental health issues. Get it sorted.

The Skeleton King
Jul 16, 2011



Alright. You guys have me convinced. I will be meeting with my doctor soon anyway so I will ask about medications and if there's alternatives that can help with my issues. Meanwhile I'm going to look up some possible therapists I can see. I hope it'll make a difference. I do want to be more productive and break free of whatever is causing me to be like this.

Are there experts that can help me identify if it's a part of the brain that causes my problem or if it's a psychological thing, or is that what a therapist does?

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

A redheaded hussy who ought to be smacked and sent to bed without her supper



The Skeleton King posted:

Are there experts that can help me identify if it's a part of the brain that causes my problem or if it's a psychological thing, or is that what a therapist does?

Psychiatrists and psych nurses do that. They don't do the counseling part, so you should always seek talk therapy in tandem with psychiatric treatment.

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

- hi

Cognitive behavioral therapy is useful for changing unhelpful behavior patterns, which you seem to have.

Crosswell
Jun 7, 2007
Lying in a Bombay alley

Another EN success story. Holy gently caress we are getting efficient. You seem super hard on yourself and nice to everyone else. The nicer you are to yourself the easier this will go. Life is struggle.

Edit: here's a different viewpoint. Just because you're smart doesn't make you smart in all areas automatically. You're currently stupidly inefficient and you do need help and practice to not be that way. That's ok, you're actually early to figure that out. Get away from words like SHOULD and WOULD.

Crosswell fucked around with this message at Oct 13, 2017 around 06:41

Bloody Mayhem
Jan 25, 2007

Victimology is all over the place!


If you don't apply yourself and fail, then the fault lies with your lack of preparation.

If you work hard and still fail, the fault lies with you, personally.

At least, that's how chronic procrastinators often see it. They are usually anxious perfectionists. Do you have a debilitating fear of failure?

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

A redheaded hussy who ought to be smacked and sent to bed without her supper



Crosswell posted:

Edit: here's a different viewpoint. Just because you're smart doesn't make you smart in all areas automatically. You're currently stupidly inefficient and you do need help and practice to not be that way. That's ok, you're actually early to figure that out. Get away from words like SHOULD and WOULD.

Solid advice: it's okay to not be good at or knowledgeable about everything. I'm still learning to accept that, which is hard because a big part of my identity is how smart (I think) I am. It's actually empowering to be able to admit I don't know something or when I need help. That gives me permission to ask for help, and to receive it, without feeling like it's a personal failing.

Plus nobody likes a know-it-all.

Edit: I just re-read your first post, and you're only 25? This isn't at all unusual for your age. I was 25 when I was diagnosed with ADD, and had a failed stint in grad school and some job dismissals for being a Knucklehead McSpazzatron under my belt. You're already ahead of the game, as far as I'm concerned. Get these issues addressed, and I'm sure you'll turn out just fine.

Bobbie Wickham fucked around with this message at Oct 13, 2017 around 15:20

John Smith
Feb 26, 2015
Just to clarify, I 100% believe in victim blaming for rape (and sky diving as well). Not joking.


On some days, I wonder if SA is so encouraging that it will encourage even a serial murderer-cum-rapist?

He should certainly seek therapy, if for nothing else than to rule out mental illness. But why is it so impossible that he is indeed simply a worthless human being? Surely, there must be numerous lazy assholes in the world. Why is everyone so certain that he is not one of the many?

So odd...

Jose Mengelez
Sep 11, 2001

the boi from brazil


John Smith posted:

On some days, I wonder if SA is so encouraging that it will encourage even a serial murderer-cum-rapist?

He should certainly seek therapy, if for nothing else than to rule out mental illness. But why is it so impossible that he is indeed simply a worthless human being? Surely, there must be numerous lazy assholes in the world. Why is everyone so certain that he is not one of the many?

So odd...

cum rapist?

John Smith
Feb 26, 2015
Just to clarify, I 100% believe in victim blaming for rape (and sky diving as well). Not joking.


Yup, in whichever order even.

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

A redheaded hussy who ought to be smacked and sent to bed without her supper



John Smith posted:

On some days, I wonder if SA is so encouraging that it will encourage even a serial murderer-cum-rapist?

He should certainly seek therapy, if for nothing else than to rule out mental illness. But why is it so impossible that he is indeed simply a worthless human being? Surely, there must be numerous lazy assholes in the world. Why is everyone so certain that he is not one of the many?

So odd...

1) No one has (sincerely) encouraged surprise sex or murder.
2) Lots of "lazy" and "worthless" people struggle with issues that go unaddressed and make it difficult to function and not be lazy and worthless.
3) It's pretty obvious that the OP isn't lazy or worthless.
4) Shut up.

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012


Bloody Mayhem posted:

If you don't apply yourself and fail, then the fault lies with your lack of preparation.

If you work hard and still fail, the fault lies with you, personally.

At least, that's how chronic procrastinators often see it. They are usually anxious perfectionists. Do you have a debilitating fear of failure?

I definitely fall into this. Any tips?

John Smith
Feb 26, 2015
Just to clarify, I 100% believe in victim blaming for rape (and sky diving as well). Not joking.


Bobbie Wickham posted:

1) No one has (sincerely) encouraged surprise sex or murder.
2) Lots of "lazy" and "worthless" people struggle with issues that go unaddressed and make it difficult to function and not be lazy and worthless.
3) It's pretty obvious that the OP isn't lazy or worthless.
4) Shut up.

1) You didn't understand that comment. Encourage the human, not the act. In that SA will offer encouragement even to a convicted serial murderer-cum-rapist. Telling him that it isn't his fault, that it is all right and we all make mistakes.

2) Completely true. Hence, I did agree with therapy to rule out mental illness. This is a reasonable precaution.

3) Lol. Hell no.

4) You shut up. Unless you want to use your special powers as Mod to shut up people who disagree with you, I entirely intend to post here. He literally posted and asked for advice on "what ...is wrong with [him]?". Him being a lazy rear end in a top hat is an entirely legitimate answer (and in my sincere heartfelt view, truthful possibility).

5) While we are on this topic, are you truthfully telling me you have no idea what I am talking about? I am just bewildered at the almost unconditional support that SA offers posters, independently of how terrible their acts are. It is as if people can never do any wrong in the eyes of SA...

false flag post-op
May 13, 2009

Enjoy Every Sandvich

What the gently caress are you talking about? Stop with the vague accusations about weird cum surprise sex unless you have something to say.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.


Dinosaur Gum

The bad with money thread closed so he needs to poo poo on the worthless lesser humans in other subs now.

John Smith
Feb 26, 2015
Just to clarify, I 100% believe in victim blaming for rape (and sky diving as well). Not joking.


false flag post-op posted:

What the gently caress are you talking about? Stop with the vague accusations about weird cum surprise sex unless you have something to say.
Ok, in very simple terms.

By the OP's own account, he has enjoyed limited success. My primary point is that this is likely because he is lazy and don't work hard enough. My secondary point is that SA is being silly by telling him that it is definitively not his fault when there is no such evidence.

[The murderer example is just an extreme example, i.e. SA telling him that it is not his fault that he murders people...]

false flag post-op
May 13, 2009

Enjoy Every Sandvich

When the gently caress did your "example" happen, and what does it add to this?

No one, especially in e/n, does this, and usually tells people to get off their lazy rear end.

Bobbie Wickham
Apr 13, 2008

A redheaded hussy who ought to be smacked and sent to bed without her supper



John Smith posted:

Ok, in very simple terms.

By the OP's own account, he has enjoyed limited success. My primary point is that this is likely because he is lazy and don't work hard enough. My secondary point is that SA is being silly by telling him that it is definitively not his fault when there is no such evidence.

[The murderer example is just an extreme example, i.e. SA telling him that it is not his fault that he murders people...]

Okay, welcome to E/N, please lurk before you post in this or any other E/N threads. There are some long-running threads you can skim, if you're not sure of the company you've decided to keep. There's also a sticky from the previous mod with all the E/N rules. Enjoy your time in here.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

Four Brain Food Lunches and a Coke. ...and some dry white toast.



I believe cum surprise sex falls within the jurisdiction of the

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Caufman
May 7, 2007



I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a lot of despair. It always sucks to hear a young person suffering.

Though I believe you have a lot of legitimate standards you think you're failing to meet, I suggest that it's meaningful for you to also consider all the metrics that matter to you that you are succeeding in. To start with a lowish bar, I take it that you have not committed murder. Low as that bar may seem to you, there are people of your age and background who have failed at that very metric.

So look at the full range of measures which matter to you. Yes, you may focus on the ones that you really need to prioritize by your own standards. But I at least am grateful and proud of you that you likely have not murdered, on top of the other yet unrecognized successes you have made.

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