Search Amazon.com:
Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
  • Post
  • Reply
Dog Jones
Nov 4, 2005



Ugh -- can't sleep too many weinstein nightmares. Anyone else dealing with these since the recent scandals came out?

IN my dream me and the boys are hanging in the trailer, and my phone rings.

My friend picks it up and glances at the caller ID. "Oh poo poo, its HArvey WEinstein.'

I reach over for the phone, but he holds it out of reach suddenly. His eyes narrow and his voice drops to a reflective and ominous whisper: "Weinstein -- he's the ugliest and most prolific rapist of our age... he's the most dangerous and powerful man alive,"

I reach out and snatch the phone impatiently, "Yeah yeah I know him, now give the drat phone over!" I accept the call and hodl it up to my ear -- big mistalke. Weinstein's repellant mouth odor stinks of unwashed pussy even through the receiver, and his voice sounds like a chorus of a millino pickup artists screaming boastful lies over EDM right into your ear. He tells me he has an important career opprutnity in mind for me -- big fame, big bucks, big respect, top earnings. He says he wants to schedule an official, legitimaite business meeting to gently caress the details into my eye socket. Just the thought of being near the man makes me throw up all over my shirt, and my normally moist and loose rear end hole evaporates into thin air. Hell no way will I ever meet WEinstein the mad rapist, weinstein the devil in a fat suit. But then weinstein says one of his top and most trustworthy executives will be present atr the meeting -- a woman executive, at that.

I lower my defensces a bit. "A woman? Like nana?" MY eyes cross like a stupid rear end hole and I remember back to grammy's warm living room,watching nickelodean smothered in blankkies and pillows.

"Just like your nana, my boy. What do you say?", weinstein lies. I feel safe going to the meeting, comforted to know a woman will be present to take control of the situation if things get too rapey.

Next thing I know, Im heading to the meeting. [dream time, drema logic] Im followoing the high powered female executive down winding hallways of mirrors and velvet, as she assures me weinstein has never even raped a child, much less a full grown man, and he is actually a kind felllow who pays her a trillion dollars to do this. Next thing I know, she says, "WEll! here it is! the business meeting is in there-- room # 80085!" I turn to thank her but she is gone.

Thats when I realize Im not at a bank or an officemax. Im not a staples or a ups store and Im not logged into a webinar. I am in a sleezy motel on the edge of town, in a pit so deep and nasty the sunshine doesnt reach it rhough the cigarette smoke. I gulp and try to think of my future billions as I walk up to the door. The overpowering scent of lotion hits me in the face, like I just got flushed down a lotion tube. I can hear the shower running from behind the door, and the meaty wet slaps of countless penises against unknowable fat folds.

A business shower? Business penis slaps? No. No... Something is wrong here. A soft red light is shining from beneath the door, a fog bank of ball musk, shower fog, comes rolling forward. The whole effect is helped by some hollywood magic -- a couple of good old fashioned smoke machines alongside the door. Evvery neuron in my brain is screaming at me to just walk away from the door. My cells all want to just let go of each other and fly away form the door at the speed of sound. The door is the worst thing Ive ever seen, the most intiimdating and scary door I could imagine, and all Ive ever wanted to do is turn around and walk away from it. I open the worst door of all time and go in, and I dont need to tell you what happens next.

After its done, Weinstein tucks a 10 billion dollar bill into my shirt pocket like Im some kind of cheap whore. Weinstein says to me, "my team of managers and financiers will contact you shortly with tickets to the oscars -- where youll be winnning a poster of the year award!" I shudder at the thought of ever seeing or speaking to this devil of a rapist again, and vow to cut off all contact with him after the oscars are over. Thats when I wake up and I am getting the poo poo kicked out of me for screaming myself hoarse and pissing in my drawers at the library.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

If you have a tiny dog you should be arrested and the dog placed on a tiny dog rocket and fired into the sun!!!

Ramrod XTreme

Calm down Pick

Dog Jones
Nov 4, 2005



Big Beef City posted:

Calm down Pick

What do you think of my nightmare I had Big Beef? Pretty wild huh?

Chrs Gry
Sep 21, 2015



Think I'll sleep with the lights on tonight after this

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005



Buglord

But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a gun, sell your coat and buy one

Koyaanisgoatse
Apr 23, 2014

What is that life doing to its balance??

that was no dream, OP....

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF THE KUATO FAN CLUB 4/2/13-PRESENT

KUATO IS MY HERO! AMA!


Iím designing a Harvey Weinstein based video game, itís designed to be a harrowing experience. Itís like Gone Home mixed with Tacoma with a bit of Leisure Suit Larry.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

The original Leonard Cohen version.


you got Weined and dined OP.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013

I bet you would really enjoy One Punch Man.


Heavy Weinstine

Jose Mengelez
Sep 11, 2001

the boi from brazil


he tried that poo poo on antoine de caunes daughter.
good luck 'pulling a polanski' and fleeing to france now you fat gently caress lmao.

Peace de Bundy
Dec 29, 2006

WHY DID MY ABUELA LOSE? HOW COULD ANYBODY FAIL THE ICE QUEEN OF MISSOURI? YOU FOOLS. YOU'RE ALL FOOLS. MUSLIMS FOR HILLARY 2020

Jose Mengelez posted:

he tried that poo poo on antoine de caunes daughter.
good luck 'pulling a polanski' and fleeing to france now you fat gently caress lmao.

isn't Polanski in Switzerland because France changed their law to extradite him ???

Lowtax
Nov 16, 1999


Peace de Bundy posted:

isn't Polanski in Switzerland because France changed their law to extradite him ???
Roamin' Polanski

Beef Turret
Jul 9, 2009



lol

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Jose Mengelez
Sep 11, 2001

the boi from brazil


Peace de Bundy posted:

isn't Polanski in Switzerland because France changed their law to extradite him ???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1EIUP8tvbE

Jesustheastronaut!
Mar 9, 2014



Was that written by R. L. Wenstien because that gave me goosebumps

Peace de Bundy
Dec 29, 2006

WHY DID MY ABUELA LOSE? HOW COULD ANYBODY FAIL THE ICE QUEEN OF MISSOURI? YOU FOOLS. YOU'RE ALL FOOLS. MUSLIMS FOR HILLARY 2020

Lowtax posted:

Roamin' Polanski

after a brief qualude the Polanski picture will resume

Oscar Wild
Apr 11, 2006



Op, you should masturbate into a succulent, it'll take the edge off.

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009

Burned up on Reentry


lowtax plz rename me Business Penis Slaps

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

COMRADES
Apr 3, 2017

By bourgeoisie is meant the class of modern capitalists, owners of the means of social production and employers of wage labor. By proletariat, the class of modern wage laborers who, having no means of production of their own, are reduced to selling their labor power in order to live.


Dog Jones posted:

After its done, Weinstein tucks a 10 billion dollar bill into my shirt pocket like Im some kind of cheap whore.

Well, to be fair...

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply