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This is going to be a beautiful miracle!
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Oct 25, 2017 02:36
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:17 |
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Toad is lookin' good. Also, in retrospect, I'm surprised we didn't have a goatman in the first SA LPFWA...
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Oct 27, 2017 05:22
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See Palpy up above.
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Oct 27, 2017 16:37
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The camera pans across a starship parking in the lot behind the LPFWA headquarter. It's sleek, black, and cool--all the descriptors a six-year-old would use to describe a starship. It's also covered in rust and garbage. It's the Outrunner, Dash Rendar's other ship. Purchased when he had a surplus of money, it's now the only thing he owns after having to sell the Outrider due to a shortage of money. Suffice it to say, his LPFWA career had not worked out. His final appearance on the show had tanked his reputation, sending all of his business ventures spiraling into ruin. Inside the ship, we see Dash Rendar sitting at a desk, his holovid camera recording himself. Having subsisted on a steady diet of meat-lover's pizza and beer, the Dash we knew is now unrecognizable: overweight, unwashed, and out-of-shape. His stomach is visible, his clothing no longer up to the task of adequately cover him; his skin is the colour of a Kaminoan, his red treasure-trail standing out in stark contrast. Dash picks up a large platter covered in slices of pizzas and grunts loudly for the camera. He reaches out of view and grabs a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise--a remnant of his days in the LPFWA when he had stolen the entire moon's supply of food. One wonders if the best before date has passed, but only for a moment. Dash gives the bottle a shake.  Oh yeah. You all know your boy Dash loves the taste of mayonnaise on pizza for breakfast.He squeezes the bottle over the pizza. Just drench this bantha poodoo in mother-crinking mayonnaise, oh yeah.He grunts, a noise halfway between Tim Allen and a nerf. He tosses the bottle off-screen. A guest in the room would have noticed it was not the first bottle to have been so casually tossed aside--a monument in the corner sat as a testament to his sins. Mother-crinking twenty-five slices of pizza, oh yeah. I love'em all being drenched in Sith-varped mayonnaise.He reaches off-screen for another bottle. Now that we got mother-skrogging mayonnaise all over the place, here comes to syrup!!! Gotta have that sweet and savoury taste!He waves the bottle back and forth, spraying cheap corn-based syrup all over the pizza. His grunting intermingles with the grunts of the bottle until it is difficult to tell the two apart. Aw, yeah. Stacks of sithspittin' mayonnaise and syrup-covered pizza, all for my gosh-dwanged gut! Yeah, boy, look at that sloppy-shebbed druk. Yer boy Dash is gonna eat it all!He slaps his belly, as if for good measure. Twenty-six syrup-drenched, mayonnaise meat-lover's pizza slices going in your boy, Dash Rendar's, karking gut, hahahahaa!Dash readjusts the camera--the top of his head is now cut off. He lays the platter on his ample lap. On a small being, it would be balanced precariously, but on Dash is settles in as if it belonged there. He grabs a slice of pizza and raises it to his mouth. He starts to take a bite then stops. There's a smidgen of mayo now in his beard. Don't forget to like and subscribe if you wanna see your boy, Dash, put more bomb-sheb food-stuff jammed into this kraffing gas tank.He grabs his stomach at this, clutching it for emphasis. His desperate shill complete, he begins to eat. Slice after slice. Bite after agonizing bite. His breathing is so loud at parts that it peaks the audio. May the Star Wars gods have mercy on those viewers listening with headphones. A door in the background opens suddenly and in steps a spindly robot, Dash's companion, Leebo. Dash scrambles, knocking over a beer-can tower as he falls out of his chair. The pizza platter is spillt all over the floor. He grabs a blanket to cover himself--it is covered in mayonnaise.  Sir, I have good news! The LPFWA has renewed your--oh, what the hell. Again? Seriously!? It's not what it looks like! You mean you're not eating a bunch of garbage for your horrible YouTube channel? Uh-- And you wonder why Guri left us. Hey, now that's not fair-- You've spent the last two years sulking and drinking and eating--and eating. It's time for you to do something with yourself! I AM doing something with myself! Something else. My last video got 10,000 views! I'm moving up in the world. Did you know that my Master_Jedi_Dash channel is the 15th most popular junk-food-related review channel on the moon's YouTube network? I didn't. And I still don't. Gonna quickly purge that bit of information from my memory banks. Oh, come on! You've never supported me! No! Never! And I never will! But at least you didn't embarrass me! Dash Rendar used to mean something. He used to be the greatest jobber in the LPFWA-- Wait, I was a jobber? --now you sit around the Outrunner making weird internet videos. On the Outrunner! You used to do this poo poo on the Outrider!!! Bandwidth isn't cheap on the moon. Look, the LPFWA renewed your contract. I don't know what they were thinking. I'm guessing it's a clerical error. Doesn't matter. You're back. I-IGgy wants me back? Again, it's very likely that this was a mistake. Leebo, ol'buddy, I have to go!Dash jumps to his feet and sprints to the hatch. He grabs his giant shoulder-pad armour off a hook and looks at it wistfully. The mayonnaise is still in his beard. Here's hoping the old suit still fits. I wouldn't count on it.He moves to leave but stops himself. He reaches up on a nearby shelf and pulls down a bottle of Corellian brandy. For courage.Exeunt Dash. Leebo walks over the holovid camera and switches if off.
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Nov 3, 2017 07:12
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hmmm... will this be the season where kadorhal gets unmasked?
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Nov 11, 2017 23:33
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Sorry, man. I'll turn it down.
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Nov 12, 2017 05:22
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Turtlicious posted:Is... Is this a roleplay? What is going on in this thread, I read the OP but I do not understand. The talent cut promos. Bit of trash-talk, y'know. Heightens the urgency of matches.
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Nov 14, 2017 14:43
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I'm feeling pretty good about Dash's win, everyone. I mean, I stopped updated his LPFWA Wikia page, but I'm pretty sure he's never won a Buscus Title. He's not just some regular jobber, no. Dash is the Jobber's Jobber. He's the Jobber other Jobber's aspire to be. This last match just goes to show. Sure, it was a countout, but Dash is a professional. He knows the rules. He knows how to play by them and when to break them. That countout win was pure Dash, man. This next match? Looking at the voting, it seems people think goatse will win, but I know better. The Goat Man has been around the block, but has he been around the LPFWA block? This match is gonna go one of two ways: Dash is gonna blow him out of the water, or Dash is gonna throw the Goat Man a pity win. Why? Well, Dash is just that kinda guy. If the Goat Man can prove himself, he'll give him the bump. You know who's gonna wind up being the LPFWA Champion, though? It's gonna be Dash. His star is shining, I'm telling you. It's on the rise. That Buscus match proved it. IGgy is gonna try to stop it, but Dash can't be stopped. He just keeps coming back, bigger and better.
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Nov 24, 2017 18:33
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hell loving yes dash rendar wooooooon 
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Nov 26, 2017 07:43
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In the parking lot outside of the LPFWA arena, the Outrunner sits surrounded by a mountain of empty pizza boxes and beer cans. Inside, Dash Rendar is enjoying a pizza sandwich--a slice of pizza wedged between two other slices of pizza. Well, sir, sorry you lost your belt so quickly, but do you really think it's a good idea to drown your sorrows in food? Sorrows? The hell you on about, Leebo? I'm celebrating! You're celebr--what? Don't you see? This is big for me. I, uh, I don't see. Care to explain? IGgy's got something planned for me. Something big. I can feel it in my gut. Are you sure it isn't-- No, it's not indigestion! Not this time. Sir, let's be frank: IGgy has it out for you. He wants to see you demolished. Nonsense, Leebo, why would he give me my old job back? So that he could stage your death to look like a wrestling accident. He let me triumph in the Buscus match! He's going to kill you in a staged wrestling accident. He also let me win that Rabbit belt from the Goatse! You nearly bled to death. Bled to death? Leebo, you've got your circuits crossed. That was hot sauce. H-hot sauce?! I'll admit, stuffing my clothes full of bottles of hot sauce was not the brightest idea I've had in a while, especially not before a match. (I'm still picking shards of glass out of my underwear). Hot sauce. But really, between you and me, that Bunny Belt ain't nothing. I've shown the moon ol'Dash Rendar can win it, but I don't wanna keep it. No, Dash is no midcarder--anilEhilated can keep the belt. He's not main event material. But Dash? Well, I'm aiming even higher. There's no way you'll ever get the LPFWA Championship belt. Not yet, Leebo. Not yet. IGgy's planning something, I know it. He's got something big for me. Not now, but soon. In the meantime, I need to earn a little extra cash. Here, I got a bunch of these ads printed off. I need you to go poster them around the moon. I'm a rising star, Leebo. There's gonna be someone who'll be willing to pay to have a little bit o'Dash rub off on'em. Ugh. Somewhat later... There is a tree standing tall in the middle of a field. There is a note nailed to its trunk. It reads: HEY, WHATS UP GUCCI GANG, it's yer Boy Dash Rendar, here, offering my services as a wrestleman manager! Thats right! ARe you in the LPFWA? Do you feel that your mat game lacks that certain gin is say choir? Do you have money to burn? Call Dash Rendar--Today!! (direct a;l calls to Leebo). Two weeks under Dash's tutelage and walla! You will be a high flyin' death defyin' wrestle champion. Cal 1-6666-555-3274 right now!
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Dec 3, 2017 02:57
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Dash is walking through a field and stumbles upon a tree with a note on it. He reads the note and frowns. Aw, what the hell? Some jerk tore off my sweet wrestlemanager ad! This sucks... Dejected, Dash leaves the field to film a reaction video for MoonTube.
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Dec 9, 2017 22:51
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Dash fell asleep.
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Dec 31, 2017 00:56
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i cared. behind the scenes lp stuff always interests me.
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Jan 6, 2018 15:11
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quote:i have fallen behind with this LP. clearly i need to catch up
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Apr 2, 2018 16:11
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what, did Dash Rendar win or something?
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Apr 8, 2018 00:03
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YEAAAAAH DASH!!! I knew you still had it in you!
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Aug 13, 2018 00:06
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even as a winner Dash is a loser
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Aug 13, 2018 01:12
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 04:17 |
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Tevery Best posted:Ldash Prendar Freeks Wof Atrash 
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Aug 19, 2018 16:58
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