Pyroi posted:

I can't wait for the first 30-minute long match where the wrestlers just reposition a ladder 80 times every minute.

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

Okay, I sent in a character idea.

Strange Forest posted:

I submitted a tree

VolticSurge posted:

OK, submitted my guy. And I've got an idea for a lady wrassler if needed down the line.

Jaguars! posted:

I don't know any either, so I just made some notes on the fighting style I want and a name for a finisher.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

that was embarassing

Bliss Authority posted:

I can't wait for my Breakfast Cult character to get rejected from the League.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

I'm back, baby! I'm back and ready to caffeinate anyone and everyone shut up and take this coffee IGsen drink it like a man

Or like a woman, I'm not gonna judge, coffee is cool and good and improves the lives of all genders!

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Also can I just note that the fact that you still have the adorable bunny avatar makes me smile.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Fruitsniffer, you can avoid the Buscus! I believe in you! And in Hug Lyfe!

Jaguars! posted:

This should be a walk in the park compared with the average meeting of the faculty biomedical ethics committee!

And it can't be said that the alma mater wasn't supportive!

I don't know that a prestigious medical research university based in Maltibore will get many enrollments from this place, but at least they'll get a few concussion research subjects! They have to spend their excess marketing budget somewhere, I suppose.

And they printed me a nice collegiate jacket!


(Can we do crowd signs? And chuck the second logo on either her existing jacket or on a college style one. No hurry though. )

Oh man, I really halfarsed this. This is probably better intro music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ-Xkb-uwKI

IGgy IGsen posted:

All right! Time for the first show! Here's the exact time when it'll hopefully happen. It's possible that I'll have to delay it if the prep work I still need to do takes longer than expected.

Match Card is below:

Match #1 - Buscus Brawl
IGgy (c) vs. Fruitsniffer

Match #2 - Extreme Rules
The Masked Man vs. Dr. Ham

Match #3 - Singles Match
El Catire Arrecho vs. Lotus Aura

Match #4 - Singles Match
Toad vs. Schir

Match #5 - Lightbulb Match (more conventionally known as "Ladder Match")
Lady of the Lancet vs. Divine Coffee Binge vs. Nadira

Match #6 - Kawaii Title Match
Hell-Ena vs. Konami Kouda (c)

Match #0 - LPFWA vs. The Universe
You get to decide!
Here's a poll to determine who LPFWA will face
And here who will represent LPFWA

If the trios match wins the three LPFWA wrestlers with the most votes will make it. I'll probably close the polls some time on Friday. OH, and I should probably mention that whoever you select as a opponent will be fought until they are either defeated or have defeated all of our guys.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Fruitsniffer, you can avoid the Buscus! I believe in you! And in Hug Lyfe!

Fruitsniffer posted:

Thanks, DBC. Just because I was the guy who "won" the belt the most times last season, doesn't mean I plan on doing that again this time. No matter what happens though, I'm sure Iggy and I will be able to hug it out in the end, even it will have to be a bear hug.

VolticSurge posted:

I cannot wait to meet Lord Sidious! He is to thank for Grandfather turning out the way he did. Shame he keeps such...distasteful company. That Rendar character reminds me too much of Father Han Solo.

Kadorhal posted:

Alright, first match in a couple years... I'm probably a bit rusty. God knows the stuff I was wearing at the end last time is. _{I don't even know how that's possible when there really wasn't anything that could rust. Maybe it's moon-rust.} I should practice a bit. Let's see, I was using...

Oh god. I think I forgot my finisher's name. What was it again... Hanging DDS? No... _{poo poo, glad I don't have to call my attacks or anything.}

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

I'M DA BEST!

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"So my first patient is The Masked Man? I see there's no mention of a problem area, which means this must be a-" *cracks knuckles* "-full-body work-over."

Jaguars! posted:

This should be a walk in the park compared with the average meeting of the faculty biomedical ethics committee!

And it can't be said that the alma mater wasn't supportive!

I don't know that a prestigious medical research university based in Maltibore will get many enrollments from this place, but at least they'll get a few concussion research subjects! They have to spend their excess marketing budget somewhere, I suppose.

And they printed me a nice collegiate jacket!

Bliss Authority posted:

My first match shall be against a pawn of eldritch powers? How appropriate.

jimmydalad posted:

Grawwr rawrrrr rooooaarrr! Grrrr raaaarr roaaarr!!! Wrooooooo grrr grwwwl roar!! Awrr. (I am not Eldritch! I am Demonic! Your flesh shall be delicious!!! Bitch.)

Dragonatrix posted:

It was just lying there, on the ground... It had a doctor's name on it... so why did that bearded man say I own it now? That doesn't even make sense! I was trying to return lost property and now I have to fight someone...?

...

No, wait, I'm looking at this wrong. This is professional wrestling, right... so it's not a "fight," it's a stage show. And one I can use to better help people in the future.

...

Yeah, that's it! It's a show. I've done that before! But it's on Friday and I haven't been given a script yet. Hopefully I'll get my copy in time, so I can practice this.

Blind Sally posted:

The camera pans across a starship parking in the lot behind the LPFWA headquarter. It's sleek, black, and cool--all the descriptors a six-year-old would use to describe a starship. It's also covered in rust and garbage. It's the Outrunner, Dash Rendar's other ship. Purchased when he had a surplus of money, it's now the only thing he owns after having to sell the Outrider due to a shortage of money. Suffice it to say, his LPFWA career had not worked out. His final appearance on the show had tanked his reputation, sending all of his business ventures spiraling into ruin.

Inside the ship, we see Dash Rendar sitting at a desk, his holovid camera recording himself. Having subsisted on a steady diet of meat-lover's pizza and beer, the Dash we knew is now unrecognizable: overweight, unwashed, and out-of-shape. His stomach is visible, his clothing no longer up to the task of adequately cover him; his skin is the colour of a Kaminoan, his red treasure-trail standing out in stark contrast.

Dash picks up a large platter covered in slices of pizzas and grunts loudly for the camera. He reaches out of view and grabs a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise--a remnant of his days in the LPFWA when he had stolen the entire moon's supply of food. One wonders if the best before date has passed, but only for a moment. Dash gives the bottle a shake.

Oh yeah. You all know your boy Dash loves the taste of mayonnaise on pizza for breakfast.

He squeezes the bottle over the pizza.

Just drench this bantha poodoo in mother-crinking mayonnaise, oh yeah.

He grunts, a noise halfway between Tim Allen and a nerf. He tosses the bottle off-screen. A guest in the room would have noticed it was not the first bottle to have been so casually tossed aside--a monument in the corner sat as a testament to his sins.

Mother-crinking twenty-five slices of pizza, oh yeah. I love'em all being drenched in Sith-varped mayonnaise.

He reaches off-screen for another bottle.

Now that we got mother-skrogging mayonnaise all over the place, here comes to syrup!!! Gotta have that sweet and savoury taste!

He waves the bottle back and forth, spraying cheap corn-based syrup all over the pizza. His grunting intermingles with the grunts of the bottle until it is difficult to tell the two apart.

Aw, yeah. Stacks of sithspittin' mayonnaise and syrup-covered pizza, all for my gosh-dwanged gut! Yeah, boy, look at that sloppy-shebbed druk. Yer boy Dash is gonna eat it all!

He slaps his belly, as if for good measure.

Twenty-six syrup-drenched, mayonnaise meat-lover's pizza slices going in your boy, Dash Rendar's, karking gut, hahahahaa!

Dash readjusts the camera--the top of his head is now cut off. He lays the platter on his ample lap. On a small being, it would be balanced precariously, but on Dash is settles in as if it belonged there. He grabs a slice of pizza and raises it to his mouth. He starts to take a bite then stops. There's a smidgen of mayo now in his beard.

Don't forget to like and subscribe if you wanna see your boy, Dash, put more bomb-sheb food-stuff jammed into this kraffing gas tank.

He grabs his stomach at this, clutching it for emphasis. His desperate shill complete, he begins to eat. Slice after slice. Bite after agonizing bite. His breathing is so loud at parts that it peaks the audio. May the Star Wars gods have mercy on those viewers listening with headphones.

A door in the background opens suddenly and in steps a spindly robot, Dash's companion, Leebo. Dash scrambles, knocking over a beer-can tower as he falls out of his chair. The pizza platter is spillt all over the floor. He grabs a blanket to cover himself--it is covered in mayonnaise.

Sir, I have good news! The LPFWA has renewed your--oh, what the hell. Again? Seriously!?
It's not what it looks like!
You mean you're not eating a bunch of garbage for your horrible YouTube channel?
Uh--
And you wonder why Guri left us.
Hey, now that's not fair--
You've spent the last two years sulking and drinking and eating--and eating. It's time for you to do something with yourself!
I AM doing something with myself!
Something else.
My last video got 10,000 views! I'm moving up in the world. Did you know that my Master_Jedi_Dash channel is the 15th most popular junk-food-related review channel on the moon's YouTube network?
I didn't. And I still don't. Gonna quickly purge that bit of information from my memory banks.
Oh, come on! You've never supported me!
No! Never! And I never will! But at least you didn't embarrass me! Dash Rendar used to mean something. He used to be the greatest jobber in the LPFWA--
Wait, I was a jobber?
--now you sit around the Outrunner making weird internet videos. On the Outrunner! You used to do this poo poo on the Outrider!!!
Bandwidth isn't cheap on the moon.
Look, the LPFWA renewed your contract. I don't know what they were thinking. I'm guessing it's a clerical error. Doesn't matter. You're back.
I-IGgy wants me back?
Again, it's very likely that this was a mistake.
Leebo, ol'buddy, I have to go!

Dash jumps to his feet and sprints to the hatch. He grabs his giant shoulder-pad armour off a hook and looks at it wistfully. The mayonnaise is still in his beard.

Here's hoping the old suit still fits.
I wouldn't count on it.

He moves to leave but stops himself. He reaches up on a nearby shelf and pulls down a bottle of Corellian brandy.

For courage.

Exeunt Dash. Leebo walks over the holovid camera and switches if off.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

....oh Jesus I'm gonna die so hard it comes through the PC and breaks my nose

....but with enough caffeine anything is possible!

anilEhilated posted:

Is that thing working? It's gotta be working. So much lost, so much forgotten. What's the ticking sound? I know you're out there! Oh, the light is on. Ahem.

As a perfectly reasonable precaution, I have taken to hiding these logs in inconspicous places behind shaped charges. Note to self: toilet - super bad idea for hiding place. Don't repeat. Second note to self: Make sure the explosion goes outward this time, recovery of data from smoking clumps of wire proving difficult.


I know I'm onto them. It was obvious from the start that the LPFWA was hiding something sinister and I, in my innocence have ignored it for too long. Then the fools asked me to investigate. They awakened the genius detectiv- Ho! Who goes there? That ticking sound again!

Now they're after me. They want to be rid of me. They say I've had a breakdown. They say I don't think straight. They say they need to ask me a couple questions about those explosions. All excuses. Want proof? Look at that schedule! I'm not even competing! They removed me from it because I know too much. But that won't stop me, oh no. That ticking again?!

...Ooh. I remember now. Log over. No, wait. Note to self: proximity detonator and timer not the same thing. Log over now. AnilEhilated, genius detective, exit stage... uh, shaft!

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

AnilEhilated! What happened to your kitty ears they were the best!!

anilEhilated posted:

Surgery. Not voluntary. They said it was a spontaneous nerve-condition triggered growth but that is clearly just an excuse. They were on it. All. You might be on it as well. Shame. I was about to warn you about the ticking package in the middle of the cofee storage but I am not going to. So there. Real shame. I appreciate a good set of neurotic tics.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"We had a good session today. I believe you'll agree we had major progress! But remember, this is a process. There's no quick fixes. Talk with my secretary and he'll schedule you in for your next appointment."

Vanderlyle posted:

Catire and arrecho are both venezuelan colloquialisms, where catire means blond, and arrecho can mean either mad/angry or badass. So the fact that you can see he’s neither angry or blond is perfectly fitting for my mental image of the character. Coñazo, which is part of the name I gave the finisher, is a strong hit or impact.


“I want to say how grateful I am for this opportunity, most people didn’t think I’d ever get to wrestle on the moon, mostly because I wouldn’t take my mask off for the space suit, but not only did I make it, I even won the bunny belt, so I want to think mi madre, Valeria, mi padre, Tomas, mis hermanos y hermanas, Carlos, Genesis, Elimar, Ped-oh, my time is up? but I have mo-.”

Man, I wish I could have watched this live, but my internet has been horrible lately.

Jaguars! posted:

hmph... ...Perhaps there's more to this wrestling thing than there appears. I don't see why they call themselves professionals though, it's semi-skilled work, or a trade at best. Some guy even told me it's just a job to him!

Bliss Authority posted:

"I underestimated my opponent and unleashed my ultimate technique too soon. Clearly I need more training - if I want the next time we meet to go differently."

Rather Watch Them posted:

Now that All Hallow's Day--and my phantasmagorical week-long bender--has concluded, I'm now free to return to my plan of total moon domination. Like the ebbing tide before the storm, I have lied in wait for my debut, and now the time has--Oh, hold on... Sorry, my coven-buddies want to know about lunch? Most of them are vegan, but I think we can settle for pescetarian--I would kill for some good sushi right now. Good sushi, okay? ... Great. Where was I?

Valerie scrolls back through the script on her phone.

Now, the time has come for Hurricane Val to hit the LFPWA! And believe me, she hits hard. I swear to the powers of the Deep, I will tame this demon and bend her to my will! Though my physical prowess may be... lacking, I know a few tricks, a few charms, perhaps an incantation or two. No matter how you slice it, I am destined to be victorious, kehahahahaa!... I'll be in my sanctuary, and don't you dare follow me!

Valerie exits down the hallway and takes an immediate turn into the locker room. The camera lingers.

(off) L-P-F-W-A! Dammit!

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Okay, phew. I think I'm mostly conscious again. Did you know Asuka can kick your soul right out of your body? I know, right? I didn't either! But all of a sudden BAM, there I was, floating above the moon, watching my body sleep. Which was kinda strange, as it hasn't done that for something like seven weeks...

Anyway, God says she's pretty much okay with the way things are going in the LPFWA. Okay, so the demoness winning the Kawaii Title is a little worrisome, but she's sure one of us will go and beat her up and win it back for, you know, the glory of whatever. Also she says I need to keep at it so I can win my first match. It's bound to happen sometime, she assured me!

She also said that I'm on to something with this whole coffee thing. I'm developing this extra-caffeinated mondo recipe that involves what I think might be a black magic portal to the Elemental Plane Of Caffeine? Is that even a thing? Well, it is now. I tried some and it made me start shaking so much that I slipped through a wall like the Flash but it tasted a little acrid, so I'm gonna keep refining my recipe. Soon it'll be available at Moon Starbucks! I'm thinking of calling it the Hyperccino...

Rather Watch Them posted:

Foolish whelp, you know not the power with which you are tampering! Such potent conjuration is not for the realm of mortals!

But for real, did you take my spellbook? I've been making potions to achieve a similar effect and--Hey, if you're that good at brewing, maybe we should trade notes on the D-L? I'd love some input from a third party. You know how it is running a coven; everybody just says what they think you want to hear.

Mathwyn posted:

Well Woolsey, here you are. Not the chance at stardom you were hoping for, but beggars can't be choosers! Time to take the moon by storm!

Wait. The Moon? When and how in the blazes did civilization reach here anyway? What year is it?

*Checks calendar* Woolsey, you may have some catching up to do.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Ooo, you're going to have to stay up pretty late if you're going to do all the reading you'll need to get caught up. Here, drink this.

Mathwyn posted:

Ah yes. Coffee, drinking, sleeping. All things that I still do as a living, breathing person.

Thanks for the coffee, doll. No, no. No need to hand it to me, just leave it on the table. I'll drink it later when I'm feeling less incorpo- I mean indigested. Yes. Less indigested.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"You seem to be suffering from an acute case of Monochromaticism, I suggest you arrange an appointment with me post-haste! I'll crack some color out of those bones."

Mathwyn posted:

This? No its just stage makeup you know? Things always look different on film. _{Besides, medical help is about a century too late at this point 'doc'.}

anilEhilated posted:

The ghost does present a peculiar dilemma in performance in an essentially contact sport in a state of being corporeally challenged. The implications are intriguing, need to obtain a bit of ectoplasm, maybe with a cunningly concealed container. Naturally, the option the ghost is merely pretending cannot be discounted. Or the option of a ghost pretending to not be a ghost so badly he actually reveals his ghostitude. Or a non-ghost pretending to be a ghost so badly he reveals his nonghostitude. But why would he lie? Is he on it? Is a ghost a he?

...Is a ghost susceptible to explosives? Ectoplasm experiment needs to feature a source of external combustion. I will get to the bottom of this mystery, my word as a genius detect- is that security again?

FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT ANY FIRE ALARMS!

ALSO I AM NOT HERE.



e: Seriously, you have one fantastic character idea in there.

Kadorhal posted:

In the fifteenth abandoned room with a Goldberg nametag off to the left, Face is currently struggling with connecting various wires to a TV while talking into a phone.

Alright... then I connect this other wire? Okay... alright, all of 'em are connected.

The screen on the TV suddenly blinks to life. Filled with static, which seems odd for a TV in the 2020s. I dunno, I didn't make the thing. Sound begins emitting from its speakers - a voice.

Ahem... are we live? Good. Hello and welcome, all you superstars of today, yesterday and tomorrow on the moon with LPFWA- _{Face stop breathing so heavily, I can hear you through the phone} - welcome to the arrival of Kadorhal, Incorporated's CEO. As you are all no doubt aware from our many varied ads that were run during the first show-

Uh, sir?

_{Face, please put down the phone.} Anyway, as you are indubitably aware of now, my name is-

Sir.

Damnit, Face, stop breathing so heavily, I'm trying to cut a pr-

Sir, nobody else is watching.

Wha? Oh... uh, just you?

Just me.

Uh-huh... Well, we can do this in a couple hours, right? They did see all our wonderful ads, yes?

They decided not to run any for the first show. There weren't enough.

Well that's the-... eh, gently caress it, that's reasonable. This moon-market's untapped potential that's gonna be lucrative as hell - you see those new videos of that one guy eating pizza and stuff? Don't want to drown out all the competition before they become big enough to be worth buying out. Did you at least find a sweet TV?

I think this TV is older than any of the wrestlers here.

Jesus... Why did you even pick now of all times to do this? It's right around 6 AM where I'm from!

Well, y'know, we're kind of on the moon. Nighttime and daytime don't really apply the same way, so my biological clock's a little...

Yeah yeah okay I get it. Jeez, this guy. You don't see me complaining about heading to the moon at this time of night!

About that... why now?

Well, I don't want to have to chase the moon down getting to it!

... Uh, sir... you do know-

YES I AM FAMILIAR WITH THE BASICS OF SPACE TRAVEL. I don't want to waste twelve loving hours waiting for the destination to come back to me, either! I'm not wasting time or fuel on this poo poo, not when there's so much work to do! Find a bigger TV in a more populated area and get ready to start this poo poo up again in... eight hours sounds reasonable. Eight hours! End transmission.

The TV suddenly turns off, as do the lights. Then it starts smoking, because it hasn't been stored or maintained properly - who'd they expect to keep an eye on things back here, a fifteenth Goldberg? The weird sci-fi dual-screen thingy that wasn't meant to be used with it probably didn't help either. Face is left in near-complete darkness, the only light provided by the weird (but totally awesome) glowing eyepieces to his mask.

...


Why did I sign on with this jackass again...?



Oh, yeah. He pays really well.

Dragonatrix posted:

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no...

I betrayed the Cosmic Bunnies... too many times to count... I threw away that belt I found lying around, by giving it to Rara so I got the Bunny Championship :3 as a curse...

But then I lost the Bunny Championship :3 immediately!

And then... and then... Rara got attacked... no, Rara got murdered! For that terrible, ugly belt that really belongs in the dumpster...

I think I can fix all this though. First, I just need to figure out who attacked Rara... who would want an ugly belt that they need to defend all the time...? Hmm.

Pyroi posted:

Hey, doc? That full-body workover...it really did wonders for my back. Thank you.

Next time though, I'll be giving you a full examination. With a hammer. Or a staircase. Or...or...uh..._{gently caress poo poo poo poo gently caress you had it you sounded so threatening}

I'LL GIVE YOU A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE, DOCTOR MAN!

Kadorhal posted:

C'mon, you stupid piece of... I got this working on a TV that doesn't even have the right hookups for this poo poo, why won't you... there!

At the press of a button, the TV springs to life. And... once again, filled with static. Does Face just have a fascination for outdated poo poo? This time, though, there doesn't appear to be any sort of figure on the other end - just the static.



Huh... that's weird. I'm doing this at the right time, aren't I?

Face pulls out his phone, dialing a number. After a few seconds of ringing, it picks up.

Yes, hello?

Sir, I set up on a newer TV like you said, but nothing's coming through.

Wha...? Oh, it's Fa- The hell are you calling me about that for now, my man?

Eight hours. Exactly how long you told me to wait to do this again.

Oh... so I did. Still, the point is, I'm not on the space-plane anymore. I haven't had time to set up a more permanent thing for making statements! Do you have any idea how short a time eight hours really is?

... so, what do you want me to do now, then?

Find a different TV, most likely. Did you get a better one at all?

Well, I went into the twelfth room instead of the fifteenth... it's a little better...

Gah, you and your obsession with old technology... _{what the gently caress is any of that even doing on the moon?...} gently caress it, I'll do the promo myself when I'm all set up and ready. Just take the day off or something, get ready for the next show, whatever.

Sure thing, sir.

Face hits a button to end the call, looking over the TV still displaying nothing but static. He gives it a knowing nod, smirking underneath his gas mask. What the hell does this mysterious boss-type character know, oldies are goodies.

The TV itself disagrees, though, as it befalls the same fate as the last one - shutting down, taking the power in the room with it for a while as it begins emitting a foul-smelling smoke. Face can only be glad he's already wearing a gas mask. ^{_{no, i don't care if they don't actually do anything about smells. bite me, i'm the narrator.}}

... Maybe the boss is right about this old poo poo. _{Hey, doctor! You got a TV I can borrow?}

jimmydalad posted:

!em htiw etepmoc dna yrt ot hguone hsiloof yna tiawa ylregae I !sehctam eht lliw os erofereht dna gnidnenu si regnuh yM .ecalp tsrif eht ni ytinutroppo siht pu em gnittes rof slaem ym morf deraps eb llahs yggI !noititepmoc fo eman eht ni em ot dereffo eb lliw taht slaem ynam eht ot drawrof kool I ,noipmahC iiawaK eht ma I taht woN .snamuh fo hself eht morf hceeps fo mrof emos deniag evah I taht smees tI - (It seems that I have gained some form of speech from the flesh of humans. Now that I am the Kawaii Champion, I look forward to the many meals that will be offered to me in the name of competition! Iggy shall be spared from my meals for setting me up this opportunity in the first place. My hunger is unending and therefore so will the matches! I eagerly await any foolish enough to try and compete with me!)

(in response to Konami)
.gnorw em evorp ll'uoy ebyaM .nosaer emos rof ti ni supotco fo egnit a dah hself ruoy hguoht ,laem ecin a ekam did uoy rof yrt ot uoy egaruocne od I hguohT .em taefed reven lliw uoy ,hguorht flesruoy tup uoy gniniart hcum woh rettam oN - (No matter how much training you put yourself through, you will never defeat me. Though I do encourage you to try for you did make a nice meal, though your flesh had a tinge of octopus in it for some reason. Maybe you'll prove me wrong.)

(in response to Valerie Easton)
.teid ym pu ecips ot gniht eht tsuj eb dluohs hself lacigam ruoY .revewoh ,em thgif dna yrt ot eerf leeF .em enola tel ,lliw ruoy ot ylf a dneb t'ndluoc uoy ,enacra eht revo evah uoy rewop elttil tahw htiW - (With what little power you have over the arcane, you couldn't bend a fly to your will, let alone me. Feel free to try and fight me, however. Your magical flesh should be just the thing to spice up my diet.)

(in response to DivineCoffeeBinge)
.suoiciled naht ssel eb dluow hself ruoy erus ytterp m'I ,knird uoy "eeffoc" siht fo tnuoma eht htiw ,niaga nehT .laem a sa llew sa tnemesuma na sa evres lliw tI .yrolg fo esuaceb em thgif dna yrt ot eerf leef ,seY - (Yes, feel free to try and fight me because of glory. It will serve as an amusement as well as a meal. Then again, with the amount of this "coffee" you drink, I'm pretty sure your flesh would be less than delicious.)

Vanderlyle posted:

“Excuse me, I’m new to this wrestling thing, (not fighting though! just wrestling, I’m super experienced with fighting) and I don’t think I was told about any Cosmic Bunnies, or that the belt I’d be fighting for was cursed, is this normal?”

IGgy posted:

Don't worry about the bunnies. They only curse you if you commit crimes against bunnikind. Such as not hiding easter eggs, eating rabbit, not cuddling bunnies encountered in the wild, not respecting the bunny code and declining cupcakes.

VolticSurge posted:

OK,I've calmed down a bit now. Good news is that my deluxe RWBY boxset was undamaged by my tantrum the move! The show speaks to me on a personal level. Adam Taurus is my spirit animal. Anyhow, time to break in my new digs! *connects his music player to the gigantic set of speakers* Alright, let's get this binge session started! *turns on TV and Blu-Ray player, puts in the RWBY Season Volume 1 disc* But one more thing before we get going... *sets his iPod to the RWBY soundtrack, hits "Play All" and turns the speakers up to an ear-shattering volume. At this point anything he says is inaudible due to the sonic assault that can be described as the RWBY soundtrack.*

FPzero posted:

You could stuff it all into an SSLP testpost to save thread space.

IGgy IGsen posted:

All right, I got a match card for most likely this saturday at a time you can find you can find out by clicking on these words.

#1 Buscus Brawl
IGgy vs. Lotus Aura (more punishment for crimes against bunnikind)

#2 Triple Threat
Fruitsniffer vs. Toad vs. Dr. Ham

#3 Bunny Championship
The Majestic Goat-Man vs. El Catire Arrecho (c)

#4 Feeding the once greatest jobber to a newbie
Schir vs. D the Destroyer

#5 Tables Match
Tolvie vs. Valerie Easton

#6 Co-Comm championship match
Face and Kylo Ren (billed as oRa 66) vs. Woolsey Smythe & a tree (c)

#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
Whoever you vote for most vs. Asuka

VolticSurge posted:

Hello, masked man. I see the powers at be have decided that we should be paired up...which explains why the help droids hauled in two beds. As my roomie apprentice, I have a few ground rules:

1. Do not touch any of Grandfather's belongings. They're encased in glass for a reason.

2.access to my iPod is a privilege, not a right. Adding or deleting songs without my permission will cause me to revoke this privilege.

2a.Don't delete any of my podcasts, I'm still getting caught up on Night Vale. Doing so will cause your privileges to be revoked as stated above.

2b.Televison privileges follow the same thought process. You record any stupid poo poo like Golden Girls, you're stuck with that fossil you keep.

3. If I you break any of my things you're paying for the repair/replacement. No exceptions.

4.If you ship Arkos, I don't know you. Bumblebee or bust.

5.If you don't think When it Falls is the best song on the OST we'll have words.

5a. If you like Taiyang, I'm gonna have to correct you. He is NOT a Good dad, and is a TERRIBLE character. Not that I know what a good dad is.

6.If you talk about Han Solo, I WILL INFLICT PAIN UPON YOU LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DREAM-

7. Lower the toilet seat when you're done. Don't be a dick.

I think that covers it.

Vanderlyle posted:

“Lo siento, señor hombre-cabra, but the cosmic bunnies say they know my secret, and I don’t know what will happen if I lose the bunny belt, so I can’t let you take it”

Mathwyn posted:

A tree!? A tree! What is this codswallop?

Wait a minute Woolsey. I see their game here. Its a test. A test of your acting prowess. Its like that time I acted alongside a broom with lipstick and a wig on top, and I'll be damned if I didn't make that mop look like Joan Crawford!

You were the best actor of your whole generation Woolsey. If you need to make a tree look like a wrestler, then you will make them believe that tree can take on a million of these 'Kylo Ren' and 'Face' fellows without so much as breaking a twig!

Rather Watch Them posted:

I've heard that all regulation LPFWA tables were formed on a ley line. I would love to tap into that energy, if only something to break one open... or someone.

TOLVIE! Now we can kill two birds with one stone. How about you lie on a table and let me do my magic? I promise it won't hurt a bit.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"My sincerest apologies, I have no idea how you two got double-booked for the appointment. My secretary will be getting a scolding, have no doubt about it!"

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Oh hey! IGgy! We have enough female performers now for us to have tag teams! We should have tag teams, IGgy! I'm not just saying this because it's a way to possibly get me a win that doesn't involve me being in the ring! I just think tag teams are cool and good!

Kadorhal posted:

Sweet, another man with some form of face-concealing mask for me to team up with! _{...Although, why do I get this strange sense of dread regarding my first tag match of the season...? Weird.}

Oh, and he's left some rules, eh? Lessee here... Don't touch the glass, got it... Don't add or remove songs or shows from an iPod and TV that aren't mine, got it... Repair poo poo I've broken, got it... _{could probably just get the boss to pay for that stuff...} Not familiar with any "Arkos", and the wording implies familiarity with it is a bad thing, so, I guess got it... _{Bumblebee like the Transformer? Wha?} When It F- oh, is that the song I heard from the other side of the building the other day? _{Huh, vaguely sounded like a fan's first attempt at Guilty Gear music from where I was.} Definitely got that, then... Taiyang, is that like Thai food? I prefer egg drop. Got that... Han Solo? Never touched the stuff. Got that... Lower the toilet seat, sure. Yeah, this is all reasonable. Alright then, who are we teaming up agai-

The guys who act like a tree and a ghost? Uh... did I accidentally jump ship from LPFWA to DnD?

Danaru posted:

So, Phantom Space Man, it looks like you'll be assisting me with my debut! Let's show the crowds a battle befitting of two masked men of JUSTICE!



Uh, this is awkward, everyone, but if anyone sees an old-looking machete lying around, let me know. Some of my luggage got misplaced. It's got a bunch of red stains on the handle and I need it for...

...something mundane. Look it's a family heirloom, just let me know if you see it.

Strange Forest posted:

There is a tree standing in a field. A breeze blows a note from its branches. It reads:

I am not some weirdo acting like a tree, I AM A TREE! This is real, strong bark on me. Does anyone think a mighty oak like me and a high class star would lose to two losers in masks?

P.S. Bumblebees are only good for pollination, nothing else

Kadorhal posted:

Alright, just about showtime... gotta get ready, let's check everything. Gasmask? Cool. Hat? Gone, and good riddance. Identity? Still a mystery. Completely. And totally. Alright, we're good to go! Ren, buddy, you ready? Put that loud metal of some of variety on pause, we've got a tree and a ghost to show who's boss!


edit: link on last page

IGgy IGsen posted:

#1 Buscus Brawl
IGgy vs. Lotus Aura (more punishment for crimes against bunnikind)
IGgy squashes Lotus. Didn't even try.

Scene: Konami demands Black's title from Nadira. She thinks it's evil or something.

#X Backstage Brawl
Konami Kouda vs. Nadira
Konami double superkicked Nadira into the lockers, rip

#2 Triple Threat
Fruitsniffer vs. Toad vs. Dr. Ham
Toad friggin F-U-2s Fruity onto Dr. Ham and crawls onto fruity with his last bit of strength for the pin, holy poo poo!

#3 Bunny Championship
The Majestic Goat-Man vs. El Catire Arrecho (c)
Catire Arrecho loses despite twerking before the match. Goat-Man is the new Bunny Champion :3

Scene: Dash Rendar tries to fool IGgy with a really lazy disguise, trying to get a job. IGgy obliges, vowing to make Dash job to Lotus next week.

#4 Feeding the once greatest jobber to a newbie
Schir vs. D the Destroyer
Schir Determination (tm) is not enough to go against D the Destroyer

#5 Tables Match
Tolvie vs. Valerie Easton
Val gets powerbombed through a table

Scene: Palpatine introduces Kylo Ren to the world while also trying to shill his own stuff.

#6 Co-Comm championship match
Face and Kylo Ren (billed as oRa 66) vs. Woolsey Smythe & a tree (c)
After a hard fought battle Kylo Ren puts Woolsey Smythe down with two Starkillers and another random high flying move

#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
Hell-Ena vs. Asuka
The undefeated Empress of Tomorrow is undefeated no more. Hell-Ena earns the win

Kadorhal posted:

Well, that hurt... A lot. Not quite sure why I'd be expecting it not to, though. Still, not all bad. We won, and we're champions now! And Ren invited me to watch that "ruby" thing too, which could be a fun evening... assuming the show itself's not as edgy and grating as that song, I guess. I mean I get liking that sort of thing... _{when you're thirteen, maybe...} but hey.

Still, wonder what was up with that feeling of dread I had before the ma-

Face's phone suddenly rings.

Hello?

Hey, Face, good to see you won your first match. _{I tell ya, honestly, I didn't think you had it in you. Less so than that other guy you're with, but still, close to 50-50 not-in-you.} Anyway, congratulations on being a champion from the second show onward. Now get out here, I need you to hook something up on the Titantron. I'm here and I've got an announcement to make.

Aww... Can't I at least have a few moments to recuperate? Even if we won, I still kind of got beaten up. You know how wrestling is.

I suppose I do, yes. Alright... eight minutes. Keep resting for eight minutes, then go plug the thing into the Titantron. See ya then... _{or, not. It's not two-way, after all.}

The totally mysterious guy on the other end ends the call. Face just shakes his head.

Gaah... but the Titantron is so far out there... and I'm in here, in the doctor's office that has Goldberg's name on it for some reason... _{kind of confusing to navigate, really, hope the boss'll be okay when he's out and about. gently caress it, I'll just borrow his TV, it's good enough...}




Eight minutes later...



The TV in the doctor's office suddenly comes to life... still with static, for some reason. Much less than previous attempts, however, so there's an improvement. Clearly visible on the television is... Gordon Freeman?

Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever it is here on the moon, superstars and lunar viewing public. I apologize that I could not make a less showy introduction for myself - say, a guest-appearance at the commentator's table - but time crunches and all that. Anyway, my name is Gordon Threemen, and I am the CEO of Kadorhal, Incorporated, the fine company you have no doubt seen many advertisements for during yesterday's performances. I'm here to say, simply, that the moon - as you are no doubt aware, considering the presence of this wrestling promotion - is untapped potential. The Wild West, moved more... uh, north-ish, I guess? _{There's no cardinal direction for gaining altitude, poo poo.} Well regardless, there's money to be made up here! And Kadorhal, Inc. is here to get in on that money. We've already got various goods and services on sale, again as you are no doubt aware of already from our advertisements, and we hope that with a new lunar-based operation we can improve the quality and production-time. Perhaps, even, expanding further...? There's still a whole eight other planets... _{seven? Eh, Pluto's still a planet. It was when I was born, gently caress off!} There's still a whole rest of the solar system to explore... the business opportunities of, that is. And once we've gone beyond that... there's a whole galaxy. And another whole galaxy some of our talent has been coming from. We're looking forward and ahead, is what I'm getting at.

Now that all the introductions are out of the way, allow me to make a few more statements regarding the future of the moon and our co-

Threemen's image is suddenly removed from the TV as it turns off. Face is standing nearby, holding the device he'd connected to it to allow the message to be transmitted - disconnected from the TV.

Sorry, boss. Ren just brought those Blu-rays, and we need to borrow a TV. Eh, I'm sure he had a script or something, he can read off it some other time.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"Woah.... Err... Great work. We made.. Progress... Come back.... No quick fixes... Gotta lie down... for second."


"... secretary... fired."

Rather Watch Them posted:

Tolvie, you... are much taller in person. Thankfully, your bomb powers have inadvertently awakened a new facet of my water-based sorcery.

Valerie produces an ice pack and presses it to her forehead.

Ice. Lots and lots of ice... My defeat had only made me stronger. I have fully, fully experienced the leyline's energy, and now... I need to lay down.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

I know how you feel, believe me. Here, try this special pain-reducing coffee. I developed it after... was it the seventh time I got suplexed? Something like that.

The secret ingredient is vodka.

Don't tell IGgy. Or Dash Rendar, for that matter.

Mathwyn posted:

I would've hoped that the events just witnessed would refute any claims I am a ghost! Could a ghost interact physicaly in the ring like that? I think not! Unless they were cursed by a gypsy woman that they won't know rest until they are famous in the ring of honour, but that would be completely ridiculous! See? Not a ghost.

That should throw them off for a while Woolsey. You are as excellent a thespian as ever. Stupid gypsy crone wasn't lying though, turns out I can touch things in the ring, though I can also still feel pain. A lot of pain. Almost as much as when I was crus-

No Woolsey, you promised yourself you wouldn't think about that. No need to dwell on the painful past. Just think about the painful present. And probable painful future. Speaking of...

ALSO WOULD WHOEVER HAS THEIR RECORD PLAYER TURNED UP SO LOUD CUT IT OUT! THAT ISN'T EVEN MUSIC. WHERE IS THE SAXOPHONE? WHERE IS THE ORCHESTRA? DON'T MAKE ME SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER ABOUT THIS!

I should also have a chat with that tree. He was highly unprofessional but I overheared an excellent, though highly inaccurate, tag team name. And Woolsey Smythe is never one to let a little tiff get in the way of a snazzy idea.

VolticSurge posted:

So, we won. I must admit that masked man is pretty capable. He will make a fine ally apprentice. Honestly, I didn't expect to win-the Supreme Leader never trained me to fight ghosts or angry trees. Neither did RWBY. That thing smacked me around for a while, I can still feel it. It is a good pain.Fortunately, it suddenly lost the desire to win,allowing me to hold the ghost in place with the Force for 3 seconds. That took ALL of my concentration and training to pull off. And to think I could get even stronger under Lord Sidious' tutelage!

Also, masked man-Face, I think your name is- I.. can't believe I'm saying this... but I apologize for leaving such a bad first impression. I'm not used to having a partner. Subordinates,sure. But I never had someone who I could really...talk to. It feels...nice. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, yet. But one thing I know for sure- keep training and you might be good enough to be a Knight of Ren one day. Maybe. So, how's about it? Willing to start fresh? You can come over and I can introduce you to RWBY. I got all the Blu-Rays and I can get that loser FN-2187 to pick up snacks for the both of us! It'll be fun... I mean, if you're interested. No skin off my back if you aren't, nosiree.

nine-gear crow posted:

...Read the card.
*sigh* "Congratulations, boys. I am very [EMOTION HERE] of [BOTH / ONE] of you."
That's supposed to say "proud". I left it blank because who knows which way that gong show was gonna go. Right, thank you, Galen. You can leave now.
But--
Vamoose! I'm talking to the Talent now.
It was my esteemed privilege to serve you in your victory, Lord Sidious.
Same, boss.
Riiiiight. Welp, those campaign posters aren't gonna design themselves and gently caress me if I'm letting Starkiller touch Photoshop again, so get back to your REAL jobs already, before I have you replaced with even cheaper knock offs.
...There's a cheaper Vader knock off than Ren?
*twiddles fingers* Face, my boy, you have no idea....

Dragonatrix posted:

Look, I know there's some people questioning what happened last night and it's simple.

Sometimes, you're a traitor to bunnikind and you get punished for it. When that happens, you have to accept your punishment.

It's a lesson. For the kids.

Yeah, that's it.

_{no, shush, they can't know that yet}

Raramuffin posted:

Wow, Lotus, you got destroyed out there. You let Iggumz beat you? >:3

You know, there's a way you can regain your honor in the eyes of the Cosmic Bun and let Her light shine on you once more. I don't think it will get rid of the curse of the Bunny Championship :3 on the LPFWA but I don't think I would wanna do that anyway, the belt is too cute :3

It may be a difficult road to travel, but nobody ever said achieving the three B's was easy. Let me know if you wanna join me in my bunology studies and become one of my leporine laborers. For justice, or whatever :3

Defiance Industries posted:

Already the LP Superstar champion and its his first match? I'm so proud.

Hattie Masters posted:

Oh poo poo LPFWA is back!

... Guess I gotta buy 2k18 and make Freddie again

Edit: it's on its way. Will you be ready... For Freddie?

Defiance Industries posted:

Uh, excuse me? Why is it only about cats with you? Don't you have anything to say about my movie career? I was in Wonder Woman, dammit! That tunnel vision is why I'm still LP Superstar champion and you're not!

IGgy IGsen posted:

Match Card for hopefully this Saturday

#1 Buscus Brawl
Lotus Aura (c) vs. Dash Rendar

#2 Conspiracy theories or something
AnilEhilated vs. Woolsey Smythe

#3 Bunny Championship :3
The Masked Man vs. The Majestic Goat-Man (c)

#4 NBD FEMALE TAG GET IN THE RING BOYS JK ITS GIRLS HAHA
DivineCoffeeBinge and Valerie Easton vs. Rara and Lady of the Lancet

#5 LP Superstar Title Match
Dr. Ham vs. Thundercat Chris Pine (c)

#6 Number 1 Contender Match for LPFWA Championship
Toad vs. Emperor Palpatine

#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
LPFWA vs. The Universe
With Asuka defeated we need to vote on a new opponent, as well as challengers. If a Tag team or Trio is elected as opponents the our Top 3 will be going up against them.

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

See, I knew if I suggested tag teams IGgy would go for it, because we have enough girls on the roster now that he wants to get a bunch of us on the show without needing to use twelve match slots.

My plan is foolproof!

I better make sure I have enough energy out there, though, so I don't get outshined in the match! Better have more coffee!

Jaguars! posted:

So... we are enemies now! Know that I will bring to the ring the precision of ten years as a surgeon and neuropathologist, the petty malice of 15 years of medical academia and the concussion knowledge of countless head trauma research projects!~

Er, can I please get a Turkish brew thrice boiled with a pinch of salt. And a Blueberry muffin.

Rather Watch Them posted:

I've been brewing something very special for our next match. It's a... hold on, it's somewhere in my notes.

Val opens her locker, revealing a few sketches of bunnies--of the photo-realistic persuasion--and a comp book with two crude anime drawings: a young man with feathered black hair, and a young woman with blue hair and wrist warmers. From this hodgepodge of notes, she produces an aged slip of notebook paper.

I hope you'll forgive the mess. I had to dig into the (shudders) archives. Anyway, it's a potion that, when ingested, causes the subject to become an orphan at a young age, left with only the vampire cult to raise him--Son of a--

Val flips the paper over.

Titanic strength. The strength of a thousand able-bodied people! There, that's the big reveal. I'll be stronger. And maybe I'll slip some in my partner's coffee if I feel charitable.

Jaguars! posted:

Pah! Mere pseudoscience. My beautifully tuned Brachioradials shall disprove these claims!

Defiance Industries posted:

Being LP Superstar Champion is the biggest honor in my career since I accepted the iconic role of Captain Kirk in J.J.'s Star Trek reboot. Great guy, phenomenal film, wonderful experience. The cast and I, we've become great friends.

But in that film, I played a young and hot-headed, but talented officer who had to contend with a powerful enemy who carried a dangerous vendetta. In LPFWA, I will be showing off my natural athleticism in a sport that I love.

Also I'm a man-cat, but that's not all there is to me.

Pyroi posted:

After the INJUSTICE I faced in the previous match...this time, I will not only DESTROY my opponent...I will get...what's the belt?

Yes...yes...what?

It's a bunny?

I NEED IT NOW. I MUST HAVE THE BUN.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

*looking at an x-ray of 'Thundercat' Chris Pine's spine* "Hmm, okay, I'll need more time for an accurate diagnosis, however I believe I can say this man is suffering from some kind o-wait, what? It's a cat?!"


"... oh, oh, a cat-man! See, I was half right! Please, don't scare me like that!" *stares apprehensively at his LPFWAU chiropractic degree on the wall*

VolticSurge posted:

I have heard about your upcoming battle with a mushroom, Lord Sidious. If you require me to lend my...assistance, give the order Master and it shall be done. With power as mighty as yours, this is gonna be more violent than Yang VS Adam in the Volume 3 finale! Which, BTW, is one of my favorite fights in RWBY. I need to lend you my Blu-Rays one of these days so you can experience it for yourself.

Oh, FN-2187 just arrived with the snacks. Which means Face is gonna be here soon! Sorry I can't talk more, Master. I'm not used to this kind of social interaction team-building exercise.

anilEhilated posted:

: ...Where did you get those ears?!

The results... posted:

Scene: IGgy tells Lotus stuff that's probably all bullshit, I dunno. But he tries to get Lotus fired up for the match against Dash.

#1 Buscus Brawl
Lotus Aura (c) vs. Dash Rendar
Lotus gets most of the offense in but Dash wins by countout

#2 Conspiracy theories or something
anilEhilated vs. Woolsey Smythe
anil blows up a ghost

#3 Bunny Championship :3
The Masked Man vs. The Majestic Goat-Man (c)
Goat-Man won by pinfall, but holy crap, it took multiple MGMs outta nowhere and a superkick in mid-air to take The Masked Man out.

#4 NBD FEMALE TAG GET IN THE RING BOYS JK ITS GIRLS HAHA
DivineCoffeeBinge and Valerie Easton vs. Rara and Lady of the Lancet
Val puts the Kiss of Death on Rara and pins her. This is also DCBs first ever victory. But clearly, it doesn't count if it's not a singles match

Scene: Konami Kouda is about to destroy Black's Title but then Jumpy-Chan makes a shock return, challenging Konami for Black's Title, also putting her Ultimate Gokuweight title on the line to unify the belts next week at Anime Showdown!

#5 LP Superstar Title Match
Dr. Ham vs. Thundercat Chris Pine (c)
Two count-out victories in one show? Thundercat wins dishonorably

#6 Number 1 Contender Match for LPFWA Championship
Toad vs. Emperor Palpatine
Toad defeats Emperor Palpatine in a hard-fought match. They exchanged F-U-2s and Imperial Powerbombs. Palpy didn't whip out the Galactic Elbow, though.

Scnene: LPFWA champion, Nuffkins, appears after the match to challenge The #1 Contender, Toad for his clothing in addition to it being a title match.

#0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
A tree vs. Roman Reigns
Wow, that was a long match. But all that happens when a dog pisses against a tree is that the tree falls down on the dog and ouch. A tree wins.

IGgy IGsen posted:

Well, that's a rap.
*wrap
*reasdkf

Well, anyway. I got through this show solo
Good matches.
You wouldn't believe me if I told you that LPFWA are the only times I really get drunk.
Plus I never had hangover.


i got chokeslammed thorugh wa wiskyhlek
i8 llove u

well, I got chokeslammed through cinammon shots.
But that doesn't quite have that same ring to it.
Man, I'm gonna eat some pringles now.

I think I have to make my self some spring rolls now
Because I don't have an entire loving salami to powre thorugh


And it might have been stupid but I just took a piss and decided to hop on one leg back to my chair
I didn't fall
That means I'm superior to you.

Look at my works ye mighty.
and despair.


I drank three quarters of a bottle of Dos Mas.
And I can still hop on one leg to my chair.
What's your excuse?


So, I put the bottle back in the fridge and found a few beers.
So that's what I'll drink now.
I donJ't even like beer. But I have it so it's gotta go.

Man, I feel like making some ravioli, now.



Gosh, I can't believe the stupid poo poo my 2017 self would do... What a drat moron

Can't wait till we're back on earth and I get access to alcohol again instead of these drat razorblades.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

*lying on the patient's bed in Goldberg'shis clinic, a bag of ice pressed to his head* "And to think, Cats is my favorite musical... Which has nothing to do with the fact it's the only musical I've seen..."

Defiance Industries posted:

Uh, excuse me? Why is it only about cats with you? Don't you have anything to say about my movie career? I was in Wonder Woman, dammit! That tunnel vision is why I'm still LP Superstar champion and you're not!

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"I don't watch the 'MCU'-" (*GASP*) "-movies, as I believe they're called. To be frank, your cat-itude is the most notable thing about you."

Defiance Industries posted:

You didn't see Hell or High Water? We got nominated for Best Picture and I got to meet Jeff Bridges! I'm gonna have him sign my belt next time I run into that dude.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

"Feel free to faff about with your friends, I've got work to do and people to save."

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

I think we have clearly demonstrated that Ladies Tag Matches are awesome, and so there should be Ladies Tag Team Belts.

Except if we do that I might never get a singles win. Hmm.

Ah well, I am sure IGgy will do whatever is good for the business once he sobers up! You know what helps you sober up, IGgy? COFFEE!


EDIT: Also I love how the AI making dumb decisions and having a character just run around wherever and taunting at inappropriate times is actually just perfect for DCB, whose hyperosity can always just be explained away by the caffeine rush

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

P.S. HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THIS FEELING OF NOT BEING DEAD WHEN THE BELL RINGS WOW IT IS AWESOME

Rather Watch Them posted:

That's the feeling of deep magic. I'm very happy that I could allow you to experience winning. That rascally rabbit may have landed more than her fair share of hits, but my potion worked marvelously. You see what a little "teamwork" can do? Just you, me, and the strength of a thousand people.

Lady, I have a feeling you and I are more in tune than we might think (and I'm not just talking color scheme). After all, not many people can face Hurricane Val in all her potion-enhanced glory. We should discuss philosophy sometime. Maybe over... coffee?

Val returns to her locker. Tucked inside is a folded coffee sleeve with something resembling her name written on it in black marker.

VolticSurge posted:

I am sorry for your loss, Lord Sidious. I regret my failure. If only me and Face weren't watching RWBY I could've assisted in some form.

Speaking of which, I think it went well? Face kept bursting into laughter even during non-comedic scenes. When we were finished, he remarked that I "have unusually good taste in comedy for a Sith". I don't know how to feel about that.

nine-gear crow posted:

*inhale* Calming breath in... *exhale* Calming breath out... *inhale* Calming breath in... Calming bre--gently caress it


God, what was my therapist thinking? This is MUCH more relaxing!

DivineCoffeeBinge posted:

Congratulations, you said the magic words! Well, word. I always said coffee was magic, after all.

anilEhilated posted:

: Hello? Anyone around? No? Good.

: Log number, I don't remember anymore. Used to have a system to keep track of them, a system comprehensible only to genius such as I. Then I mistook timer for a remote detonator. Ears ringing, lost count.

: Anyway. Ahem. Yesterday was a success. "Ectoplasm" sample obtained and safely secured, potential for use in explosives limited but I have not yet given up hope on being able to walk through walls yet. Escape from anywhere, anytime. Potential.

: No news regarding the conspiracy yet. A lesser detective with a lesser mind and a lesser grasp on reality would probably strike ghost from the list of suspects. Not I. After all, a ghost could easily be in two places at the same time.

...

: Uh... Couldn't it? Note to self: need to read up on ghostonomics. Another disturbing development: saw the catman fight. From the distance cannot judge if ears are the ones wrongfully stolen from me by entirely involuntary surgery. Need to get closer. Ideally with a scalpel. Coated with C4.

: World's greatest detective... Out!

IGgy IGsen posted:

Time for the next show Click here for the exact time

Next up will be our first "PPV". Of course, no one actually pays anything for it. It's just a bigger show and as a rule every title (except The Buscus) Is defended there.
Just for fun you can try and predict match outcomes here

Match #1 Co-Comm Championship Match
D the Destroyer and The Masked Man vs. Face and Kylo Ren (c)

Match #2 LP Superstar Title Match
A tree vs. Thundercat Chris Pine (c)

Match #3 - Blatant Filler!
Dr. Ham vs. Fruitsniffer

Match #4 - Kawaii Title Match (Hell-Ena In A Cell-Ena)
Nadira vs. Hell-Ena (c)

Match #5 - Bunny Championship :3 - Yer goin' down Dash!
Dash Rendar vs. The Majestic Goat-Man (c)

Match #6 - LPFWA Championship Match
Toad vs. nuffkinsVEVO (c)

Match #7 - Falls Count Anywhere double Title Match for Black's Title vs. Ultimate Gokuweight Title
Konami Kouda (c) vs. Jumpy Chan (c)

Match #0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
LPFWA vs. The Universe
This one will be voted on again.

Now let me actually talk a bit about who our very own might face.

1v1 Regular vs. Brock Lesnar is a legitimate shoot fighter and known for throwing people around a lot. As of late he became more known for doing, like, six suplexes and one F5 and then gently caress-off into the sunset. But hey, it's Brock Lesnar.

1v1 Regular vs. Bailey is one of the so-called Four Horsewomen and partially responsible for the Women's Revolution in WWE. Her gimmick is she likes to smile, be wholesome and hug people.

3v3 Tornado Tag vs. Bullet Club All-Stars: The Bullet Club is one of the better known Factions in Wrestling right now. Its Founder and first leader was Prince Devitt, who became known as Finn Balor in WWE later on. He was succeeded in Leadership by AJ Styles who in turn abdicated to Kenny Omega when he left for WWE. Having these three in one team at one time is not likely to happen.

4v4 Elimination Tornado Tag vs. NJPW Great Four: In New Japan Pro Wrestling there are four major factions. First up the unaffiliated faces, for which Hiroshi Tanahashi functions as a representative. To oversimplify it, Tanahashi is NJPW's John Cena only he's universally beloved. Then there's Chaos, led by Kazuchika Okada who has multiple six star matches under his belt. Two of which he had with Kenny Omega, leader of the Bullet Club, another one of NJPW's factions. The Bullet Club, for the very most part, is composed of Gaijin i.e. foreigners to Japan. Finally, there's Los Ingobernables de Japon led by Tetsuya Naito. NJPW is very particular in its booking and the factions don't typically team up with one another.

Zanzibar Ham posted:

*on the phone*

*beep*


*beep*

"Oh, hello? Did I reach IGgy's office? Oh, yes, yes, it's Dr. Ham talking. Can I talk to him? Oh, uh, it's about vacation days, I was going through our contract and- oh, alright, I'll hold."

*time passes*




*more time passes, until-*

"Yes, I'm still here! So can I- what? I get time off when he feels like it? That's uh... And there's another appointment already?? Who... Didn't I treat him recently? Though that day is kinda hazy... Alright, yes, yes, that was all. Thank you for your time."

*closes phone with a sigh*

Pyroi posted:

I'M AWAKE!

...okay, how long was I out? ...HOW LONG!?

And I have another match in the PPV? And it's a tag team match? Alright, who am I teamed up with?



...well, he seems like a nice man. Let us bring death to our enemies!

Defiance Industries posted:

Just because I'm a major Hollywood celebrity and the LP Superstar Champion doesn't mean I'm too good to fight opponents like A Tree. You'd certainly think 'oh wow, that's Chris Pine, there's no way he has time to wrestle A Tree!' but actually, I love wrestling so much I'll even wrestle him. Just like you loved me in Wonder Woman, you're gonna love my second successful title defense. And this cat? He's not gonna get stuck in that tree... he's gonna chop it down.


Meow.

Junpei Hyde posted:

: ...^_^

Kadorhal posted:

So, an all-mask brawl. I like it, it's appropriate. Although I gotta say, I especially like the taller guy's mask... seems familiar, somehow.
Now, what would be a good strategy...




I've got it! Ren can quote lines from RWBY out of context! He gets to feel like a teenager's idea of a badass, they'll be distracted from laughing too hard so I can sneak up and smash 'em. It'll be perfect!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

This is going to be my moment; the moment I show the world that I truly am da best.

YOU HEAR THAT MARIO!? I. WILL. BE. DA. BEST!

VolticSurge posted:

I've got a few I can use. They include:

1."It's not about why. It's about knowing." a line I still don't understand honestly.

2."I want to be a normal girl *awkward pause* with normal knees"

3.*shudder* This is a quote from Taiyang, AKA THE WORST FATHER (FICTIONAL OR OTHERWISE)TO EVER EXIST: "Your Semblance is just you throwing a tantrum. Stop using it."

4."Time to claim the power that was never yours."

5. "Let's start this off...with a Yang. *Revolver Ocelot finger-guns accompanied by a wink that can't be seen because mask*"

Those are the ones I have at the top of my head.

IGgy IGsen posted:

Scene: Jeff Lyfe, some guy I picked up from the side of the road hosts the show and goes through the matches. Then interviews D and Masked Man.

Match #1 Co-Comm Championship Match
D the Destroyer and The Masked Man vs. Face and Kylo Ren (c)
oRa 66 take the win

Scene: Freddie Hope and Flamander enter the ring through the crowd and announce that they are gonna be the very best tag team, like no one ever was.

Match #2 LP Superstar Title Match
A tree vs. Thundercat Chris Pine (c)
When a cat-man and a tree meet and the tree falls on the cat, the tree wins

Match #3 - Blatant Filler!
Dr. Ham vs. Fruitsniffer
Ham submits to Hug Lyfe

Match #4 - Kawaii Title Match (Hell-Ena In A Cell-Ena)
Nadira vs. Hell-Ena (c)
Hell-Ena retains the Kawaii title

Scene: Jeff asks IGgy about him booking Dash for a title match and about Fred Hope and Flamander. IGgy hopes Goat-Man kills Dash and confirms that Hope and Flam have signed with LPFWA. As if there was ever any doubt.

Match #5 - Bunny Championship :3 - Yer goin' down Dash!
Dash Rendar vs. The Majestic Goat-Man (c)
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffffffffff (Dash won, fucker bled, though)

Match #6 - LPFWA Championship Match
Toad vs. nuffkinsVEVO (c)
Nuffkins proves why he's LPFWA champion and defeats Toad

Match #7 - Falls Count Anywhere double Title Match for Black's Title vs. Ultimate Gokuweight Title
Konami Kouda (c) vs. Jumpy Chan (c)
Last time jumpy-chan made a big entrance and a debut she lost immediately. This time she won!

Match #0 LPFWA vs. The Universe
Team LPFWA (IGgy, Fruity, Palpy, Masked Man) vs. Team NJPW (Tanahashi, Okada, Omega, Naito
Palpy gets eliminated first... but then nothing happens for a while until all the NJPW guys submit to Hug Lyfe

Match #666 Iggy vs. Jumpy for the LPFWA Shoot Fight Title
Jujmpy as Sting vs. Iggy as Cactus Jack
.sting wins, gently caress. I tried.

VolticSurge posted:

Go,Team... er, KF? FK? Really need more people so we can make a proper acronym that doubles as our team name. Anyhoo, it's our first successful title defense! You know what that means! Time for me... to burst into song! How do I get this karaoke thing to work... *tinkering noises*...there we go. Now, *clears throat* let's do this! *begins to sing I May Fall but horribly off key and at earsplitting volume due to his mask malfunctioning*