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Kadorhal, Inc. will proudly sponsor this iteration of LPFWA. EDIT: i also have an idea for a lady wrestler if the need arises, and for possible later gimmick changes depending on what happens. I'm prepared, this time. Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 00:35 on Oct 25, 2017 |
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Oct 24, 2017 23:36
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 Alright, first match in a couple years... I'm probably a bit rusty. God knows the stuff I was wearing at the end last time is. I don't even know how that's possible when there really wasn't anything that could rust. Maybe it's moon-rust. I should practice a bit. Let's see, I was using... Oh god. I think I forgot my finisher's name. What was it again... Hanging DDS? No... poo poo, glad I don't have to call my attacks or anything.
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Nov 2, 2017 05:03
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In the fifteenth abandoned room with a Goldberg nametag off to the left, Face is currently struggling with connecting various wires to a TV while talking into a phone. Alright... then I connect this other wire? Okay... alright, all of 'em are connected. The screen on the TV suddenly blinks to life. Filled with static, which seems odd for a TV in the 2020s. I dunno, I didn't make the thing. Sound begins emitting from its speakers - a voice.  Ahem... are we live? Good. Hello and welcome, all you superstars of today, yesterday and tomorrow on the moon with LPFWA- Face stop breathing so heavily, I can hear you through the phone - welcome to the arrival of Kadorhal, Incorporated's CEO. As you are all no doubt aware from our many varied ads that were run during the first show- Uh, sir? Face, please put down the phone. Anyway, as you are indubitably aware of now, my name is- Sir. Damnit, Face, stop breathing so heavily, I'm trying to cut a pr- Sir, nobody else is watching. Wha? Oh... uh, just you? Just me. Uh-huh... Well, we can do this in a couple hours, right? They did see all our wonderful ads, yes? They decided not to run any for the first show. There weren't enough. Well that's the-... eh, gently caress it, that's reasonable. This moon-market's untapped potential that's gonna be lucrative as hell - you see those new videos of that one guy eating pizza and stuff? Don't want to drown out all the competition before they become big enough to be worth buying out. Did you at least find a sweet TV? I think this TV is older than any of the wrestlers here. Jesus... Why did you even pick now of all times to do this? It's right around 6 AM where I'm from! Well, y'know, we're kind of on the moon. Nighttime and daytime don't really apply the same way, so my biological clock's a little... Yeah yeah okay I get it. Jeez, this guy. You don't see me complaining about heading to the moon at this time of night! About that... why now? Well, I don't want to have to chase the moon down getting to it! ... Uh, sir... you do know- YES I AM FAMILIAR WITH THE BASICS OF SPACE TRAVEL. I don't want to waste twelve loving hours waiting for the destination to come back to me, either! I'm not wasting time or fuel on this poo poo, not when there's so much work to do! Find a bigger TV in a more populated area and get ready to start this poo poo up again in... eight hours sounds reasonable. Eight hours! End transmission.The TV suddenly turns off, as do the lights. Then it starts smoking, because it hasn't been stored or maintained properly - who'd they expect to keep an eye on things back here, a fifteenth Goldberg? The weird sci-fi dual-screen thingy that wasn't meant to be used with it probably didn't help either. Face is left in near-complete darkness, the only light provided by the weird (but totally awesome) glowing eyepieces to his mask.  ... Why did I sign on with this jackass again...? Oh, yeah. He pays really well.
Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 12:20 on Nov 7, 2017 |
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Nov 7, 2017 12:14
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 C'mon, you stupid piece of... I got this working on a TV that doesn't even have the right hookups for this poo poo, why won't you... there!At the press of a button, the TV springs to life. And... once again, filled with static. Does Face just have a fascination for outdated poo poo? This time, though, there doesn't appear to be any sort of figure on the other end - just the static.  Huh... that's weird. I'm doing this at the right time, aren't I?Face pulls out his phone, dialing a number. After a few seconds of ringing, it picks up.  Yes, hello? Sir, I set up on a newer TV like you said, but nothing's coming through. Wha...? Oh, it's Fa- The hell are you calling me about that for now, my man? Eight hours. Exactly how long you told me to wait to do this again. Oh... so I did. Still, the point is, I'm not on the space-plane anymore. I haven't had time to set up a more permanent thing for making statements! Do you have any idea how short a time eight hours really is? ... so, what do you want me to do now, then? Find a different TV, most likely. Did you get a better one at all? Well, I went into the twelfth room instead of the fifteenth... it's a little better... Gah, you and your obsession with old technology... what the gently caress is any of that even doing on the moon?... gently caress it, I'll do the promo myself when I'm all set up and ready. Just take the day off or something, get ready for the next show, whatever. Sure thing, sir.Face hits a button to end the call, looking over the TV still displaying nothing but static. He gives it a knowing nod, smirking underneath his gas mask. What the hell does this mysterious boss-type character know, oldies are goodies. The TV itself disagrees, though, as it befalls the same fate as the last one - shutting down, taking the power in the room with it for a while as it begins emitting a foul-smelling smoke. Face can only be glad he's already wearing a gas mask. no, i don't care if they don't actually do anything about smells. bite me, i'm the narrator. ... Maybe the boss is right about this old poo poo. Hey, doctor! You got a TV I can borrow?
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Nov 7, 2017 20:30
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Sweet, another man with some form of face-concealing mask for me to team up with! ...Although, why do I get this strange sense of dread regarding my first tag match of the season...? Weird. Oh, and he's left some rules, eh? Lessee here... Don't touch the glass, got it... Don't add or remove songs or shows from an iPod and TV that aren't mine, got it... Repair poo poo I've broken, got it... could probably just get the boss to pay for that stuff... Not familiar with any "Arkos", and the wording implies familiarity with it is a bad thing, so, I guess got it... Bumblebee like the Transformer? Wha? When It F- oh, is that the song I heard from the other side of the building the other day? Huh, vaguely sounded like a fan's first attempt at Guilty Gear music from where I was. Definitely got that, then... Taiyang, is that like Thai food? I prefer egg drop. Got that... Han Solo? Never touched the stuff. Got that... Lower the toilet seat, sure. Yeah, this is all reasonable. Alright then, who are we teaming up agai- The guys who act like a tree and a ghost? Uh... did I accidentally jump ship from LPFWA to DnD?
Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 22:58 on Nov 10, 2017 |
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Nov 10, 2017 17:55
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Alright, just about showtime... gotta get ready, let's check everything. Gasmask? Cool. Hat? Gone, and good riddance. Identity? Still a mystery. Completely. And totally. Alright, we're good to go! Ren, buddy, you ready? Put that loud metal of some of variety on pause, we've got a tree and a ghost to show who's boss! edit: link on last page Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Nov 11, 2017 |
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Nov 11, 2017 23:12
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Well, that hurt... A lot. Not quite sure why I'd be expecting it not to, though. Still, not all bad. We won, and we're champions now! And Ren invited me to watch that "ruby" thing too, which could be a fun evening... assuming the show itself's not as edgy and grating as that song, I guess. I mean I get liking that sort of thing... when you're thirteen, maybe... but hey. Still, wonder what was up with that feeling of dread I had before the ma- Face's phone suddenly rings. Hello? Hey, Face, good to see you won your first match. I tell ya, honestly, I didn't think you had it in you. Less so than that other guy you're with, but still, close to 50-50 not-in-you. Anyway, congratulations on being a champion from the second show onward. Now get out here, I need you to hook something up on the Titantron. I'm here and I've got an announcement to make. Aww... Can't I at least have a few moments to recuperate? Even if we won, I still kind of got beaten up. You know how wrestling is. I suppose I do, yes. Alright... eight minutes. Keep resting for eight minutes, then go plug the thing into the Titantron. See ya then... or, not. It's not two-way, after all.The totally mysterious guy on the other end ends the call. Face just shakes his head. Gaah... but the Titantron is so far out there... and I'm in here, in the doctor's office that has Goldberg's name on it for some reason... kind of confusing to navigate, really, hope the boss'll be okay when he's out and about. gently caress it, I'll just borrow his TV, it's good enough...Eight minutes later...  The TV in the doctor's office suddenly comes to life... still with static, for some reason. Much less than previous attempts, however, so there's an improvement. Clearly visible on the television is... Gordon Freeman?  Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever it is here on the moon, superstars and lunar viewing public. I apologize that I could not make a less showy introduction for myself - say, a guest-appearance at the commentator's table - but time crunches and all that. Anyway, my name is Gordon Threemen, and I am the CEO of Kadorhal, Incorporated, the fine company you have no doubt seen many advertisements for during yesterday's performances. I'm here to say, simply, that the moon - as you are no doubt aware, considering the presence of this wrestling promotion - is untapped potential. The Wild West, moved more... uh, north-ish, I guess? There's no cardinal direction for gaining altitude, poo poo. Well regardless, there's money to be made up here! And Kadorhal, Inc. is here to get in on that money. We've already got various goods and services on sale, again as you are no doubt aware of already from our advertisements, and we hope that with a new lunar-based operation we can improve the quality and production-time. Perhaps, even, expanding further...? There's still a whole eight other planets... seven? Eh, Pluto's still a planet. It was when I was born, gently caress off! There's still a whole rest of the solar system to explore... the business opportunities of, that is. And once we've gone beyond that... there's a whole galaxy. And another whole galaxy some of our talent has been coming from. We're looking forward and ahead, is what I'm getting at. Now that all the introductions are out of the way, allow me to make a few more statements regarding the future of the moon and our co-Threemen's image is suddenly removed from the TV as it turns off. Face is standing nearby, holding the device he'd connected to it to allow the message to be transmitted - disconnected from the TV. Sorry, boss. Ren just brought those Blu-rays, and we need to borrow a TV. Eh, I'm sure he had a script or something, he can read off it some other time.
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Nov 12, 2017 15:11
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So, Face... Yes, boss? You've noticed some of the really weird people here, right? To be perfectly honest, you're gonna have to be more specific than that, sir. I mean, weird like the guys you and that Sith kid fought for the title, the guy with skin like tree bark and the other guy that gives me ghost vibes. I didn't know you could detect ghost vibes, sir. Well I didn't watch Ghostbusters for nothing! Well actually I only watched II. Nobody will pay for the rights for a good movie, I'm noticing. Anyway, there was that one lady too, with red hair, talks backwards or some poo poo like she's possessed. What's the deal? Well, you're right in them being... well, weird. Apparently Hell-Ena is an actual demon. An... actual demon. Yeah. And tree bark guy? An actual tree. A... walking, talking tree. Yep. And Woolsey is... well, I don't know for a hundred percent sure, but everybody's pretty much convinced he really is a ghost. So... a demon and a ghost. And a talking tree, yes. Hmm... HOLY loving JESUS NIPPLES! Face, what the actual gently caress?! What's wrong? I seem to remember there being a ghost last time and you didn't freak out. Yeah, but that was just one ghost! One odd thing, and it took months to show up! We've just started here and we've got like three in one week! And more are probably on the way! Jesus Christ, Face! What are we going to do about it, sir? Face, these are drastic times. I've been in negotiations with people back on Earth, just in case I was right about there being supernatural things afoot, and we got the go-ahead. Kadorhal, Inc. is going to officially sponsor a lunar F.E.A.R. squadron. "F.E.A.R.", sir? It stands for... Alright, I couldn't quite get the rights to the name. We're going with it meaning "Face Encounter Assault Recon" for now. It's something meant to deal with the supernatural poo poo that's clearly going on here, and you're leading the charge. A squad named after me? Well, better that than being named for everyone in the squad... speaking of, who do I have to work with? Uh, yeah, actually... well, it's not really a "squadron". When I said you're leading the charge, I meant you're the only one here to lead the charge. Mute guys who can slow down time are hard to find. Or negotiate contracts with, for that matter. Surprising, I know. ... So, business as usual. Well, I mean... well, more or less, yeah. I mean, if you suddenly find laptops littered about the building, I can magic-hack my way into them to read out unencrypted text files detailing top-secret and highly illegal projects going on behind the scenes or something, but actually fighting - or I guess wrestling - the spookhouse poo poo? That's all you, my man. Well and whoever the booking forces you to work with, not like I've got any say on that. Yet. I'm glad to hear you have so much... faith, I guess, in me. That's the... eh, shouldn't say "spirit", don't want to jinx it. One's probably coming up the pipeline next week or so, at this rate. You do you, friend, make the original team that has no idea either of us exists proud!
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Nov 21, 2017 00:36
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So, an all-mask brawl. I like it, it's appropriate. Although I gotta say, I especially like the taller guy's mask... seems familiar, somehow. Now, what would be a good strategy... I've got it! Ren can quote lines from RWBY out of context! He gets to feel like a teenager's idea of a badass, they'll be distracted from laughing too hard so I can sneak up and smash 'em. It'll be perfect!
Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Nov 23, 2017 |
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Nov 23, 2017 05:23
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Good show today, other than the actual "show" of the highlight reel. How is it that thing always manages to pick nothing but the actual victor getting their rear end handed to them? Well, whatever, I guess we've got another team to defend the title against next time. Even more men in masks... well, and sunglasses. Worthy opponents, I'm going to assume. I'm sorry, Face, I can't hear a damned thing you're saying over that racket. Oh, Ren's music? Eh, you get used to it eventually. I personally act like it's Guilty Gear fan-music by someone who only vaguely understands music theory, helps me stomach it better. Are you even saying anything? I can't tell through that mask! God drat, Face, soon as we find an excuse to change your gimmick significantly I'm giving you something with an actual mouth to it.
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Nov 27, 2017 02:37
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IGgy IGsen posted:
I still can't tell if that tattoo is supposed to be a sword or a zipper.
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Nov 30, 2017 06:03
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Well, I'm not sure I liked this outcome. A draw? We beat a tree and a ghost soundly, we should have done at least as well against actual living people! Face, my man, you're not looking at this the right way. I mean, sure, it's not a victory, but it's not a loss either! You've still got the belt well, one of the two and you've got an actual idea of what you're up against! The advantage is yours! Wouldn't the latter be just as much an advantage for them, boss? I mean, we already won the title and successfully defended it, that's two whole matches of ours they probably already saw- Face, Face, don't worry about that! Besides, you've had the title for weeks now, and defended it at least once, that means you've got greater odds of continuing to successfully defend it! That's how moon-math works! Didn't you hear any of my ramblings at the commentator's table? I was kind of busy getting the poo poo kicked out of me, sir. Well, don't worry about that either. The point is, the math's in your favor, and it doesn't lie. Besides, Ren pulled off his finisher, like, twice in a minute. Guy's got stamina when he's properly motivated. Probably thought about his dad again and got angry, I dunno. Whatever works for him. You guys have this in the bag!
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Dec 18, 2017 01:58
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Hitlers Gay Secret posted:I thought he said he was from Rio. Not as far as I remember. Guy always gets angry whenever anyone tries to discuss where he came from or what he did before coming to America.
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Dec 22, 2017 04:09
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Well... drat. I guess nothing lasts forever, but still... I was getting used to always having the belt. All three of us had one in some form. Oh well, we'll always get another shot later. Right, boss? ... Boss? Where'd you go? Meanwhile, in an unknown location... I knew there was something odd about that version of Ric Flair as he appeared in 1991 showing up in the 2020s... and this one photograph will definitely prove it. Ric Flair from '91 is of the Cabal! This changes everything!
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Dec 31, 2017 02:10
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Attention, superstars of LPFWA: It has come to my attention that something is very, very wrong with the talent on display lately. No, not any of you guys, I mean the one that's been defeating our randomly-voted people in the aftershow. That Ric Flair, the version who's apparently from 1991 despite that having been almost 40 years ago. Clearly, Ric Flair from 1991 is of a secret society aiming to take over the world through economics. No, not like us at Kadorhal, Inc. We just like selling things. Clearly, our F.E.A.R. squadron that's not exactly a squadron is best-suited to handling this sort of possibly-soon-to-be-supernatural threat, so I need all of you to vote Face in to fight this threat. And once he defeats this Ric Flair who's from '91, then we can... oh, hang on, visitor. Yes, what do you n-  Marana, pallex!
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Jan 8, 2018 01:08
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Hey, good job, Ren! I know the match against the tree could have gone differently... y'know, the way it did when it was a tag match also involving me and the ghost... but still, beating Ric Flair? I was convinced that guy was unstoppable. Which really didn't bode well for me when the boss started on that thing saying he's some sort of supervillain or something and was trying to convince everybody I should have fought him. I mean, becoming The Man™ would have been cool, but I'd have to beat him, and I don't think I could have done that. But you could, and you did, and that's cool. Speaking of the boss, can you help me find him? I haven't seen him in two weeks or so. I wouldn't care so much, if not for the fact I haven't gotten any paychecks from him in those two weeks either.
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Jan 22, 2018 01:39
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Come in, Agent 825. Crunatus. Time is short, so I'll be brief. We have reason to believe there's still suspicion about the disappearance of this Threemen fellow. Shaantitus? Not quite at that level, yet, but we still need to allay these fears right away. And you're currently our best infiltrator... you can guess what I'm hinting at, correct? Pretaanluxis? No, no no no, God no! We're going to need something a bit more subtle than a zombie with an axe killing everyone. Ah... Desco malax, hatanoceo shaantitus. Precisely. I'll leave you to it. Bhuuesco... caecux...  Exim'ha.
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Jan 25, 2018 07:49
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I suppose I should have expected this. Ren got his chance at facing the tree one-on-one, and now it's my turn. Well, Mr. Tree, I hope you recall how our first tag match against one another went. And not, y'know, how your one-on-one with Ren went. I'm going to win this time, is what I'm getting at. Also, before we fight, can I pin a missing poster on you, since you're a tree and all? Still haven't seen the boss lately, he owes me like a month of pay. Elsewhere...  I... am... Three... men... Ah, the third man is I. Eh... three person is... Third human is... AAAGH, INVISUX! MARANA HATANOCEO MALAX!
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Feb 1, 2018 01:36
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Boss, there you are! I've been looking for you for... two months, I think? Where the hell did you go? Aah... the Face, yes, Three-Man is returned. Forgive disappearance. This one has been looking into many things, many many things, needed privacy, alone-time. Well, if you say so, Boss. But, uh... did you forget to take care of- Three-Man forgets nothing! Important business still on, still on at ringside! Will be there to commemorate-commentate on the Face's matches! But I'm not fighting today. I just haven't been paid in two- Irrelevance, unnecessary! Fighting never ends, the fight always on! Always fight, the Face, for everlasting unity with our benefactor! Benefactor, what? You mean Palpatine? Aah... yes, sure, indeed, him. He will serve the role well, indeed. For now.
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Mar 3, 2018 22:49
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Very much interesting indeed. Must investigate this "Kaphomet", determinate possibly connection between strange coffee being and One That Binds. Possibly witnessed demon fight as well, must keep close eye on. Very interesting, yes... The gently caress are you talking about, "interesting"? The whole reason I'm still in my riot-gear gimmick is because you started up a F.E.A.R. squadron-that-isn't-a-squadron just to keep more supernatural things like her out of the arena. Aah, the Face, shortsighted now, yes. Immediate elimination helps not, examination helps yes. If able to use, keep around, finding use is my problem; if not, then eliminate, will be the Face's problem. And how, pray tell, will we do that? The rules don't allow inter-gender matches. There's not much we can do about her short of having a second female squadmember. And I know you've been missing for about 66% of the time the squad's actually been active, but in case you're unaware - nobody's even so much as called us to take care of a docile ghost haunting a damned library, much less knocked on our door to sign up. Also I'm pretty sure murder in the ring, even against a demon, is also illegal. Do you even know what the hell you're doing anymore? The Face, have I mentioned lately... that the Face is best in promotion? . . . Well, I'm glad someone realizes it, finally. That clears up all my suspicions. Sorry to have doubted you, boss. Is not problem. Now, pardon, please, must continue investigations, yes.
Kadorhal fucked around with this message at 12:18 on Mar 6, 2018 |
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Mar 6, 2018 12:11
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Wait, waitwaitwait. The Buscus? Me? But... but the boss said I'm the best in the promotion! He wouldn't lie, would he? *sigh* Fine. If this is the poo poo I have to put up with, I'll put on the best show possible. I'll show these assholes I'm better than they all think! I will win the match and not get that title! Or if I do, I'll only hold onto it for one week, tops!
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Mar 15, 2018 00:25
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 08:38 |
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Ah, don't worry too much about what Palpy says, my man. You at least proved you're not Buscus material for about a week. Thanks, I guess. Though, unrelated... where the hell were you for two months? Oh, yeah, that. It was an impostor. A really bad one, far as I could gather. How did none of you notice? Well, I was a little suspicious... but then he said I was the best in the business... but anyway, why was he replacing you? It's kind of a long story, but the gist of it is that it was the end result of an assassination attempt. One that failed, obviously, so I'm back now. And... why are you back now? Because much like the eye for talent that was the only attribute of mine the impostor shared, I also have an eye for business opportunities! I simply told them we could work out a deal for extending their services to the Moon, now that it's back where it belongs in Earth's orbit. We're officially part of a partnership now, Kadorhal-CabalCo Industries. Well, okay... weird, and doesn't really make sense. Less so than any of the other weird poo poo that goes on around here. But okay. Does this change anything about how I need to wrestle? No, no, not at all. All that's changing is the variety of products we advertise. You keep doing you, my man, prove... well, that you're not Buscus material at the very least, I think you can manage that for another week or two. Yeah... thanks, I think.
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Mar 26, 2018 10:07
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