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Ace of Baes
the weird gig economy

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Ace of Baes
cleaning bones at the graveyard isn't a cakewalk, but the hours are flexible and my 9 web content streaming services aren't going to pay for themselves

Peg Sliderskew
Oh yeah, I'm self-employed. Couldn't deal with the corporate world and putting up with lovely hours, bosses and pay.

What do I do? Anything the voices tell me really.



Courtesy of Manifisto

alnilam

Me before the gig economy: basically hgetting paid to post at my hourly job

Me after: literally getting paid per post

cda

by Hand Knit

Ace of Baes posted:

cleaning bones at the graveyard isn't a cakewalk, but the hours are flexible and my 9 web content streaming services aren't going to pay for themselves

Lol

Android Blues

i clap the reins like thunder as i rattle down the roads of Portland in my pony-and-gig. the push of a submenu button in the newest iteration of the Papa John's ® app has loosed a new breed of terror upon this city's pampered elite. a brace of pistols bounces at my hip, and i anticipate the plunder that will weight my debit account once the night's fell work is finished

Android Blues

"away, Bessie!" i holler "they have purchased the optional add-on garlic knots using Papa Points, the sure mark of a refined palate. the headsman's axe would soon keep company with my shoulders were i to assail such a gentle". the yuppies coo and laugh. i sweat under my greasepaint

Fredflonston


Android Blues posted:

"away, Bessie!" i holler "they have purchased the optional add-on garlic knots using Papa Points, the sure mark of a refined palate. the headsman's axe would soon keep company with my shoulders were i to assail such a gentle". the yuppies coo and laugh. i sweat under my greasepaint

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
Spiderwebs aren't going to build themselves, OK? And I can take home all the flies I can carry.

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
My new app Daddio puts you in contact with an older gentleman in your area who will look down on your career choices and make awkward, sports-related small talk.

Manifisto


Android Blues posted:

i clap the reins like thunder as i rattle down the roads of Portland in my pony-and-gig. the push of a submenu button in the newest iteration of the Papa John's ® app has loosed a new breed of terror upon this city's pampered elite. a brace of pistols bounces at my hip, and i anticipate the plunder that will weight my debit account once the night's fell work is finished

Android Blues posted:

"away, Bessie!" i holler "they have purchased the optional add-on garlic knots using Papa Points, the sure mark of a refined palate. the headsman's axe would soon keep company with my shoulders were i to assail such a gentle". the yuppies coo and laugh. i sweat under my greasepaint

lol

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

My new app Daddio puts you in contact with an older gentleman in your area who will look down on your career choices and make awkward, sports-related small talk.

also lol

Sing Along

by Athanatos
it's a hard job, but someone's gotta make pop up installation sculptures out of shaving cream for $10 plus the cost of barbasol and hairspray each

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alnilam

developing a platform called Gathr, you can go out any time you like and search for edible foods in the wild, you get to keep anything you find, and there's no set hours or anything you just work as much as you want/need to

Sing Along

by Athanatos

alnilam posted:

developing a platform called Gathr, you can go out any time you like and search for edible foods in the wild, you get to keep anything you find, and there's no set hours or anything you just work as much as you want/need to

sounds a lot like Huntr before they had all of those issues with failing to disrupt hunting licenses and bow injuries

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FactsAreUseless

I can take you one place, and one place only. The tariff is tuppence, but there will be no return. I do not receive health benefits, and that is why I am a spooky scary skeleton.

FactsAreUseless

I take the pill, and can feel my body changing. My throat is raw, and I cough blood as my vocal cords rearrange themselves. I check my phone again. Yes, I will be well-paid. I arrive at the venue, and enter through a back door. I say nothing, and look like nobody. She is preparing. We don't speak, just share a nod. Her costume is silk and sequins, and she looks like starlight when she moves. I can hear the crowd.

Soon, it is time. She walks onto the stage to a roar that can be felt more than heard, a stimulus that pushes my heart to its breaking point. I focus on everything I have as she - oh SHE! the greatest singer the world has known, legend and star of stars - opens her mouth. I time it perfectly, each vowel and consonant. My voice - her voice, truly her voice, my temporary voice, my borrowed voice - echoes across the arena. I sing for an hour, until I am ragged, but the sound carries me forward. I am, at that moment, beloved and invisible, the paradox where I spend my life.

It is over. I deflate, no, I disappear. My phone buzzes. Four stars. The company - terrible company, but inescapable - will take its share.

But I will eat tonight. I will eat and laugh, with what voice remains to me.

wearing a lampshade

Hey man I just moved here, the only thing I could do was watching dishwashers wash themselves

City of Glompton

Producely connects me with all the excess fruit and veg you neglect to eat. The pay's good but I'll admit I'm a little tired of kale and spotty bananas. Maybe buy some Pink Ladies next time?

UWBW

Permanently banned from the Alamo
It's not the most grandiose work, but curling all those little noodles so they fit in the ramen packet is really its own reward. Plus, the day goes by quicker if I snort a couple of those lil' packets, or "pack it in" as we say in this job.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle
I spend all day disgruntling and regruntling these seniors, but it makes a big difference in their quality of life.

Gumbel2Gumbel

I generally only do nights and weekends as a Nazi on Twitter but I'll log on for the big Jewish Holidays and Kwanzaa for the surge pricing

Gumbel2Gumbel

As an aside I still cannot believe people support themselves financially by being turds online

my new dog

by Nyc_Tattoo
some people want their electronics slimed before they even get their hands on them, and i was blessed me bountiful and relentless glands

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FutonForensic

I belong to an elite cadre of chaste camgirls, who, for a premium fee, will look on in disgust at the thumbnails that surround us in your web browser


little munchkin
as someone who works odd hours at my primary job, it's nice to be able to hop onto MRDRER whenever I have a few hours free to make a few bucks as an independent contract killer

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

little munchkin
finally have enough 5-star ratings to be put into premium tier for DogDentifier the phone app where customers upload pictures they take and you tell them whether there's a dog in the picture or not

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Ace of Baes

my new dog posted:

some people want their electronics slimed before they even get their hands on them, and i was blessed me bountiful and relentless glands

Sing Along

by Athanatos
the selective annihilation of D and F list celebrities to create a vacuum for hollywood hopefuls isnt what you'd call a good gig, but it keeps the light on

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Android Blues

FutonForensic posted:

I belong to an elite cadre of chaste camgirls, who, for a premium fee, will look on in disgust at the thumbnails that surround us in your web browser

my new dog

by Nyc_Tattoo
making shapes is hard and not very appreciated, let me guess, you havent heard about the squircle

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Twenty Four


-Stand up time!- *Posts my real job full of funny stories and complaints* -everyone laughs- "Thank you all goodnight!" *cries to myself* Hope to see you all again soon!

alnilam

my new dog posted:

making shapes is hard and not very appreciated, let me guess, you havent heard about the squircle

Ace of Baes
yeah I clean the bird poo poo off of the solar panels on traffic signs, its easy beer money and I can do it while driving for Uber, you don't think they cleaned themselves did you?

FutonForensic

In the dank, forgotten hyperlinks of AngiesList.com, there you will find me: Jigsaw Puzzle Solver. In today's era of algorithms that solve puzzles with cold, calculating cruelty, there is still a discerning class of clientele that demand a human touch.

Maybe you purchased a 2000 piece mosaic of George W. Bush's face that's proven too tricky, or politically objectionable, to finish. I'm your man.

Mayhaps you need someone to solve the puzzle upside down, to fool everyone in thinking that you're one of those cool people with autism that solve puzzles upside down. I've got the spice.

Maymay you lost the last piece to that Norman Rockwell Special Edition. I have a cataloged copy of every piece in that arrangement, as well as every other puzzle ever crafted -- even the construction paper ones you so carelessly threw away after primary school arts & crafts. Do you remember them? I did.

If you have a slide puzzle... no! *Choke* God, n-no! *Wheezing*


Manifisto


mE: so, for a fee I will come over to your table or whatever and hit on your date and try to steal her away with me and just make things really awkward and uncomfortable. as soon as I leave, relief will wash over you both, and the date will be smooth sailing from then on.

potential client: that's genius. it must be a little difficult though, pretending to try to walk away with a woman whos on a date with someone else

me: pretending?

vanisher

Manifisto posted:

mE: so, for a fee I will come over to your table or whatever and hit on your date and try to steal her away with me and just make things really awkward and uncomfortable. as soon as I leave, relief will wash over you both, and the date will be smooth sailing from then on.

potential client: that's genius. it must be a little difficult though, pretending to try to walk away with a woman whos on a date with someone else

me: pretending?

lol

ShinyBirdTeeth

sparkle sparkle sparkle

little munchkin posted:

finally have enough 5-star ratings to be put into premium tier for DogDentifier the phone app where customers upload pictures they take and you tell them whether there's a dog in the picture or not

Not to be confused with DogDenture, the service that fits old dogs with new teeth

Manifisto


since launching whosagoodboy.com I have earned millions

of chewed up squeaky toys and bones


ty nesamdoom!

Adiabatic

What have you assholes done now?
a clank reverberates through the hallway, his quarter settling into the bottom of my tin can. i look up at the suit and our eyes meet. his face contorts into an all too familiar look somewhere between pity and disgust. his gait paused, he kneels down and fights from reeling back as my smell hits him.

"son, you had so much talent."

"i know dad, you were right about everything."

"where did i go wrong?"

"you did your best, father. it was my fault. my generation just doesnt understand hard work or the value of a dollar."

"with that quarter you could do something with your life, you know."

"sure dad, i can almost taste the avocado toast"

he scowls, snagging the quarter back as he pivots and stands. he sure-foots to the door, grinning ear to ear, walking up to my boss and extending his hand.

"better than sex, jim. im ready to go again. this time though i want a younger milennial."

gently caress. oh well, plenty more boomers where he came from.

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Android Blues

Adiabatic posted:

a clank reverberates through the hallway, his quarter settling into the bottom of my tin can. i look up at the suit and our eyes meet. his face contorts into an all too familiar look somewhere between pity and disgust. his gait paused, he kneels down and fights from reeling back as my smell hits him.

"son, you had so much talent."

"i know dad, you were right about everything."

"where did i go wrong?"

"you did your best, father. it was my fault. my generation just doesnt understand hard work or the value of a dollar."

"with that quarter you could do something with your life, you know."

"sure dad, i can almost taste the avocado toast"

he scowls, snagging the quarter back as he pivots and stands. he sure-foots to the door, grinning ear to ear, walking up to my boss and extending his hand.

"better than sex, jim. im ready to go again. this time though i want a younger milennial."

gently caress. oh well, plenty more boomers where he came from.

horrifying

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