the weird gig economy

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BIRDCON 2017

https://www.forbes.com/sites/technology/2017/01/25/this-tech-startup-3d-prints-small-businesses-for-mice-and-they-have-a-little-mouse-economy-and-they-ride-tiny-3d-printed-bicycles-to-work/#46360e24745b

# ? Oct 28, 2017 14:58

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 05:41

FutonForensic

Adiabatic posted:

a clank reverberates through the hallway, his quarter settling into the bottom of my tin can. i look up at the suit and our eyes meet. his face contorts into an all too familiar look somewhere between pity and disgust. his gait paused, he kneels down and fights from reeling back as my smell hits him.

"son, you had so much talent."

"i know dad, you were right about everything."

"where did i go wrong?"

"you did your best, father. it was my fault. my generation just doesnt understand hard work or the value of a dollar."

"with that quarter you could do something with your life, you know."

"sure dad, i can almost taste the avocado toast"

he scowls, snagging the quarter back as he pivots and stands. he sure-foots to the door, grinning ear to ear, walking up to my boss and extending his hand.

"better than sex, jim. im ready to go again. this time though i want a younger milennial."

gently caress. oh well, plenty more boomers where he came from.

# ? Oct 28, 2017 16:20

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

Adiabatic posted:

a clank reverberates through the hallway, his quarter settling into the bottom of my tin can. i look up at the suit and our eyes meet. his face contorts into an all too familiar look somewhere between pity and disgust. his gait paused, he kneels down and fights from reeling back as my smell hits him.

"son, you had so much talent."

"i know dad, you were right about everything."

"where did i go wrong?"

"you did your best, father. it was my fault. my generation just doesnt understand hard work or the value of a dollar."

"with that quarter you could do something with your life, you know."

"sure dad, i can almost taste the avocado toast"

he scowls, snagging the quarter back as he pivots and stands. he sure-foots to the door, grinning ear to ear, walking up to my boss and extending his hand.

"better than sex, jim. im ready to go again. this time though i want a younger milennial."

gently caress. oh well, plenty more boomers where he came from.

this is too real

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 28, 2017 18:59

my new dog: by Nyc_Tattoo

scientist: sir with all due respect if you go down this path, i will have no choice but to resign, if you remove the-
monopoly boss: you dont know what the market wants. goons, take him away.
scientist, screaming as he is dragged away: you madman! a table without a top is just four blocks of wood!!

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 28, 2017 21:16

Android Blues

my new dog posted:

scientist: sir with all due respect if you go down this path, i will have no choice but to resign, if you remove the-
monopoly boss: you dont know what the market wants. goons, take him away.
scientist, screaming as he is dragged away: you madman! a table without a top is just four blocks of wood!!

# ? Oct 28, 2017 21:39

Ace of Baes

yeah exploding dungeon barrel placement is dangerous, but i mean, cha-ching

# ? Oct 29, 2017 06:14

Peg Sliderskew

BIRDCON 2017 posted:

this-tech-startup-3d-prints-small-businesses-for-mice-and-they-have-a-little-mouse-economy-and-they-ride-tiny-3d-printed-bicycles-to-work

I will sell my house to get in on this scheme.

Courtesy of Manifisto

# ? Oct 29, 2017 09:34

cda: by Hand Knit

BIRDCON 2017 posted:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/techno...k/#46360e24745b

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 30, 2017 03:00

cda: by Hand Knit

i yell "hey!" at people out the window of my car as I drive past. haven't figured out how to monetize it yet but when i do, watch out

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 30, 2017 03:02

vanisher

Apparently you can hire someone to drive around a neighborhood and collect candy from houses on Halloween for you. Its called Uber Treats.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 21:35

gleebster: Only a howler

For a small fee I will attend the social gathering you do and attest that yes, you did read the impressive book of your choice. For a nominal surcharge, I will subtly insult anyone else's understanding of that work if it differs from yours.

# ? Nov 4, 2017 00:55

alnilam

gleebster posted:

For a small fee I will attend the social gathering you do and attest that yes, you did read the impressive book of your choice. For a nominal surcharge, I will subtly insult anyone else's understanding of that work if it differs from yours.

Reviews for gleebster:
***** great service! wow really has the subtle "hmph" and wry smile as if to say "that's really what you think the author meant?" down pat

# ? Nov 4, 2017 02:02

Beachcomber: Another day in paradise.

Let me ask you this: have you ever dropped a penny? Do you know anyone who makes a habit of dropping pennies?

Now: how many times have you picked up lucky pennies? Where did you think they were coming from?

# ? Nov 4, 2017 10:20

vanisher

"Youve heard of renting out rooms for a little extra cash, but how about renting your chimney to Santa Claus?"

It turns out its a sex thing

# ? Nov 4, 2017 18:28

vanisher

Be careful, apparently Google Doxx is not word processing software

# ? Nov 4, 2017 18:37

Peg Sliderskew

vanisher posted:

Be careful, apparently Google Doxx is not word processing software

Oddly, Google Dixx just turns all of your family photographs into pictures of Richard Nixon.

Courtesy of Manifisto

# ? Nov 4, 2017 23:31

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

One team using those metal scrapers to get gum off the sidewalk. Right behind them a team with metal boots stamping new gum in place.

# ? Nov 5, 2017 19:38

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

So I thought it was a bit odd at my new security guard job but I�m getting used to it: we basically have to patrol a yard on the same repeating pattern having the same tidbits of conversation at certain points and even if we find an intruder we have to go back to our old patrols and dialogue if we haven�t seen them for 30 seconds as though nothing happened. The other night I found Dave�s corpse slumped in a corner but I couldn�t see anything suspicious after 30 seconds so I just carried on patrolling. His body was just gone the next night and our managers haven�t said anything, has his family even been told?

# ? Nov 5, 2017 21:56

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Almost 6 AM? poo poo, I gotta change the produce in 30 ancient tombs today and I aint even showered yet!

# ? Nov 6, 2017 00:40

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

*video of twenty-something white assholes wandering in the woods*

In a world were everyone wants to be elite, how can your brilliance shine through? How can you stand out, when everyone is trying to stand out?

*assholes crest a hill to see a city in the distance*

That's where slobly comes in.

*twenty-something rear end in a top hat in a tie and flannel shirt addresses the camera from within a white void*

Here at slobly we supply the most unkempt, unprofessional, and frankly stupid people we can find. Simply open the slobly app, select a style of reprobate, and indicate time and location.

*montage of people spilling whine and/or flashing revolvers stuffed in their belts*

Our world-class gun nuts, hippies, burnouts, and sloppy drunks will fumble all over themselves just close enough to make you look amazing.

For every star, there's a slob and for every star in the making there's slobly.

*pretty woman winks at camera, camera cuts back to the woods*

# ? Nov 7, 2017 17:23

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

I know it's a little weird: me standing here, holding this candelabra during your date... it's just my side job.

I'm moodlighting.

# ? Nov 15, 2017 03:16

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

I was approached by someone who said I looked like a good candidate for 'waxing apples for the produce aisle', i'm still unsure if it was a sex thing

# ? Nov 15, 2017 07:07

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

I'm a runner for Siply, the sharing app for water bottles. It's basically uber but for nalgenes.

# ? Nov 16, 2017 00:39

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

I work for DWO (driving while old). We drive randomly and slowly around the city in full size sedans between 10 am and 4 pm. Drivers are required to slow down and stop on freeway on ramps, make left turns without signalling from the right lane, stop randomly in traffic circles, and take a minimum of five minutes to maneuver our big cars into parking spots at grocery stores. We used to drive exactly the speed limit in the left lane on the freeway, but recently that job has been taken over by self righteous ecologically sensitive suburban soccer moms in Volvo station wagons.