- DavidAlltheTime
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All David...all the TIME!
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A portrait studio where they give really niche directions to people getting their pictures taken:
"Can you give me a good 'just posted a thread on an internet comedy forum'?"
"You're gassy. Reeeeaaaaaaaal gassy!" *click*
Feel the camera touching your soul, ripping away the protection of anonymity. Your whole existence shrunk into this single moment, to be judged by others. A distilled fact from a multitude of nuance and emotion, two dimensional in the most literal way. *click*
"Now if you can just show me enraged with just a touch of contemplative bemusement?"
"Can you tilt your head a little to the left? Now, imagine you ate a lot of bread, about three hours ago.. that's it! Perfect!" *click*
"Alright now how about you give me a nice 'seeing a high school friend for the first time in years and just now learning that they've become a sex worker'... Perfect!" *click*
"Now, give me a 'I'm in the mood for a salad' expression"
"That's it, that's it, just give me a little more 'swingset'"
"So now you're Jesus, but it's your mom's birthday, and you didn't forget a card, but you wrote a typo in it. Show me that!"
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Nov 14, 2017 16:23
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 25, 2024 16:18
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- HotSoapyBeard
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I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
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“Ok so I want you to show me ‘just had really strong deja vu, like is this all a dream? Maybe all reality is constructed for me and everybody’s in on it, even the strangers walking past me in the street’
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 20:27
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- vanisher
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*squeaking small plush toy in front of a dog* "who's a good boy??"
Dog, who is female, does not even like squeaky toys tilts its head in confusion.
*click*
"He's a genius"
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 20:28
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- vanisher
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A photographer, hiding in camouflage, zooms their camera in on the majestic wildlife, centering the animals in the frame. Beams of sunlight peek through the clouds, casting a spotlight on the herd of gazelle. The photographer snaps the shot. The animals twitch their ears and look towards the noise.
The photographer gets up and shouts: "Okay now a silly one, just have fun with it!"
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 20:40
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- vanisher
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The Raptor Trainer guy slowly unfolding his shotgun to make no noise, then lines up the raptor in his sights. A second raptor holding a camera peeks through the brush.
"Clever girl"
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 20:43
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- Chasterson
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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"Fantastic! Fantastic! Hold it, Hold it"
*Cameraman shuffles to the left and crouches re-framing to a low-out
"Great! that's just what I was looking for, that's the very essence of 'A Serious Dad's reaction to Will Ferrell Movies' You're wonderful darling"
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 23:09
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- HotSoapyBeard
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I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
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“Right now you’re a tiger a scary tiger, now you’re a cute lamb... right, now you’re a conspiracy theorist who is being shown irrefutable evidence that the Loch Ness monster doesn’t exist but you still believe anyway because you’re slightly unhinged and are really invested in it being true”
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 23:24
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- HotSoapyBeard
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I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
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“Ok now give me ‘Amazonian tribe member who has never had contact with the outside world and has just met an explorer wearing branded sportswear for the first time’”
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#
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Nov 14, 2017 23:27
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- alnilam
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Work it, yeah baby! You're old, you're saying goodbye to your only child knowing they won't visit again for months, now your son's taking to one of the nurses in hushed voices and sorta glancing sideways at you. Yes, perfect!
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#
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Nov 15, 2017 02:00
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- Slush Garbo
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FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
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Let's try a nice, simple Mona Lisa smile... perfect! Hold that....
*4 years later*
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#
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Nov 15, 2017 02:58
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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ok, give me "you just filled your mouth with a whole can of whipped cream and you're about three breaths in and worried that you're either going to aspirate it or cough it all out"
wow have you done this before?
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#
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Nov 15, 2017 05:32
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- HUSKY DILF
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aggressively chill
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Lunch break was great! Now, give me that "I really gotta poop look". Now hold it, hold it, hold it!
yes, yes it WAS Indian food, you're amazing!
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Nov 15, 2017 15:56
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- Macnult
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okay now everyone just hold still. yes I know gravity is working against us all but you’re doing great; i know those harnesses aren’t the most comfortable things but try to keep a relaxed expression. okaaayyyyy... one, two, three.... perfect! I knew this landscape portrait was gonna work out
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Nov 15, 2017 16:08
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- google THIS
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Lower your chin, there's glare in your glasses. A little more...a little more...a liiiiitle more... Ok, now I want you to collapse to the floor like you just snapped your own...oh wow, you're way ahead of me.
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#
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Nov 15, 2017 16:53
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- got any sevens
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by Cyrano4747
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i wanna see that queasy look where you're not sure if you have to puke so you're trying to hold it down but also consider the possibility that just getting it out will make you feel better sooner
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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#
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Nov 15, 2017 23:22
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- HotSoapyBeard
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I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN
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Right, now you take the camera and start shooting me! Ok gorgeous darling fabulous hold your eye up to the viewfinder that’s it now freeze! Hold it right... there... I’ll just take the camera back aaaaand *click* perfect, just what i wanted.
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Nov 15, 2017 23:37
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- DavidAlltheTime
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All David...all the TIME!
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Okay, now say 'ahh'. That's right, open up nice and big for me. Whoa whoa, that's too far! Please stop, that's horrible. No! Don't! How can you...?! Auuughhhh! *click*
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Nov 17, 2017 02:14
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 25, 2024 16:18
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- bare bottom pancakes
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Production: Complete
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There's a void where your soul used to be. Emanating from this void, a chorus of fallen angels are singing the song that will end the world. You're sad because the end of the world means you won't get to binge watch all the episodes of Top Gear with your friend that's super into cars.
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Nov 17, 2017 07:11
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Nov 14, 2017 16:23
