- cda
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by Hand Knit
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today I made soup by banging on a pot loudly and singing "PLEASE MAKE ME SOUP" until my neighbor came over and made me soup
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Nov 14, 2017 22:44
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 04:56
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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i walk down the street flicking cards with my social security and bank acct # on them back and forth to make a snapping noise while whispering "paymybillsonlinepaymybillsonline" until someone stops and pays my bills online
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Nov 14, 2017 22:47
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- Slush Garbo
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FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
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*dragging myself through the Target, crying about wanting a toy and clutching an action figure all the way to the register where I finally give in and buy it with my credit card*
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Nov 14, 2017 23:01
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- Rushi
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by Smythe
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*puts on green mask* s-s-s-omebody stop meee
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Nov 15, 2017 06:30
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- Darkman Fanpage
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adulted super hard today. i used the potty all by myself (dad had to wipe my butt though).
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Nov 15, 2017 07:19
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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I maturley used my phone to use my adult credit card to get sandies delivered.
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Nov 15, 2017 08:02
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- vanisher
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"You know, scholars will one day define maturity as the ability to say yes to instant gratification" I say while using my credit card to purchase a second drone so I can make them race.
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Nov 15, 2017 08:32
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- vanisher
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Just got a free year on my student loans again by committing "fraud" on their "repayment calculation" form FTW
vanisher fucked around with this message at 18:07 on Nov 15, 2017
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Nov 15, 2017 08:38
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- Ride The Gravitron
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by FactsAreUseless
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The judge informed me that I will in fact be charged as an adult. 
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Nov 15, 2017 09:33
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- Ride The Gravitron
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by FactsAreUseless
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Called off work so much to play overwatch that they fired me. gently caress yeah now I can collect unemployment while I play overwatch
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Nov 15, 2017 09:59
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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The judge informed me that I will in fact be charged as an adult.
lol
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Nov 15, 2017 12:14
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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Judge: Mr. cda, you're being charged with misdemeanor petty larceny for stealing a Snickers from the Piggly Wiggly, do you understand?
Me: Am I being tried as an adult?
Judge: Well, you're 35 so...
Me: So yes?
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Nov 15, 2017 12:17
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- Macnult
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cooked a full meal for myself: chicken, rice, and veggies. i’m still not ready to use the stove but the microwave option made the food really good
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Nov 15, 2017 15:36
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- Macnult
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sent the IRS a drawing of spongebob saying “tax exemption” and in court they showed the picture stuck to an official government fridge 
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Nov 15, 2017 15:40
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- HUSKY DILF
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aggressively chill
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Judge: Mr. cda, you're being charged with misdemeanor petty larceny for stealing a Snickers from the Piggly Wiggly, do you understand?
Me: Am I being tried as an adult?
Judge: Well, you're 35 so...
Me: So yes?
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Nov 15, 2017 15:59
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- google THIS
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lt wasn't easy, but I evened.
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Nov 15, 2017 19:01
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- Ride The Gravitron
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by FactsAreUseless
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lt wasn't easy, but I evened.
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Nov 15, 2017 21:56
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- Chasterson
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Hey sup guys, just spun around so many times that I threw up. Feels good to finally be an adult
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Nov 15, 2017 22:52
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- Android Blues
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successfully committed the mortal sin of perjury, something a child would never have the wherewithal to do. successfully did an arson and didn't panic afterwards or cry. i didn't do it for an emotions reason either (throwing an "arson tantrum"). i did it as part of an industrial sabotage scheme targeting my business rival. adulting ftw.
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Nov 15, 2017 22:55
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- Chasterson
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Ok Ok Ok so get this, I was bombing this hill on my huffy when the shoelaces of my Nikes got stuck in the spokes and it like pulled my leg into the wheel? anyway I hit the ground like immediately and got two gnarly scrapes
*pulls up cargo shorts to show scabs
needless to say I missed my daughter's basketball game because I had to walk my bike home while crying
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Nov 15, 2017 22:57
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- Android Blues
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today i choked a man to death and didn't shed a tear or look away from his eyes as my thumbs depressed a divot in his trachea in the shape of a flat penny, the rigidity of his tracheal cartilage slowly bending to my sovereign will. i felt only a cool hatred for him tempering into gnostic glory at the truth of my own existence, made all the brighter for the fading shadow of his. but guess what? im a soldier bitch. that man was a taliban. moral relativism. adulting.
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Nov 15, 2017 23:00
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- Android Blues
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adulting successfully today - remembered to pour ALL the arsenic into my husband's coffee AND took a shower AND even washed my hair! ftw! just six more doses
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Nov 15, 2017 23:09
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- Android Blues
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im adulting you guys...the lumps in my breasts are cancer not cysts like katie said and i already have an end of life plan in place (in ONE day). i even called the hospice on the phone instead of sending an e-mail!
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Nov 15, 2017 23:15
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- Meeksha
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i did it all for the nookie
Ask me how!
-freb dust
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a buddy asked me if i wanted to go hang out and have a few drinks... i was like, dude, have a wife and kids now, man.... you really expect me to do that kind of thing?
so i decided to go on adulting: i drowned my wife and kids in the bathtub, had a few drinks, then brutally beat my buddy to death with a tire iron. as far as i see it, it's a win-win-win scenario.
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come on and slam and welcome to the jam
Thank you Heather Papps for the summer sig!
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Nov 15, 2017 23:27
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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successfully committed the mortal sin of perjury, something a child would never have the wherewithal to do. successfully did an arson and didn't panic afterwards or cry. i didn't do it for an emotions reason either (throwing an "arson tantrum"). i did it as part of an industrial sabotage scheme targeting my business rival. adulting ftw.
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Nov 15, 2017 23:55
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- drilldo squirt
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a beautiful, soft meat sack
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"I'll eat dinner later, I'm playing video games," I yell to my wife.
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Nov 16, 2017 00:34
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 19, 2024 04:56
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Nov 14, 2017 22:44
