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Due to abuse of the policy by a small number of employees, we are making changes to the telecommute policy effective immediately. Within this army, we are proud of the flexible war/life balance we provide to employees. These benefits allow us to recruit and retain top talent, and allow you to bring your best self to work every day. The flexibility with hours, scheduling and telecommuting is here primarily to provide an inclusive environment for employees with childcare or other family responsibilities. We have observed a trend recently where some employees are telecommuting nearly every day, sending in pinkskin scalps directly to their warchief at the end of the week. We would like to clarify that working remotely is intended as a convenience to be used on-occasion, rather than relied upon in order to skip commuting to the office or camp. Additionally, industry research has shown that employees are 30% more productive when collaborating face to face with their coworkers in a raiding party environment compared to working remotely. We do not want to exclude those who are using the policy for the intended purpose, but we ask that those of you who are currently telecommuting as a matter of convenience instead of a business need to cease the practice and begin working face to face with your coworkers. For those of you with a bona fide need to work remotely on occasion, please have a discussion with your warchief about the accommodations you require. |
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Nov 24, 2017 03:44
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 12:22 |
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I run my army as a meritocracy. I feel like those management decisions contribute to a good organizational culture where every orc feels that their contributions are valued and rewarded. I'd also like to congratulate Krakhorn the Moaner on his recent promotion to overlord! Krakhorn is a native of Seregost, and has been with us since the Bright Lord's arrival. He's a natural talent with both sword and club, has a sharp sense of humor, and when he's not beating the shrak out of traitors enjoys playing tennis, baking Elvish food, and learning jazz guitar. Hey Krakhorn, if you ever stop by Cirith Ungol I bet Gubu the Bard could teach you a thing or two! I want address some concerns that I've heard that Krakhorn was "only promoted to warlord because he is a moaner". First, Krakhorn has been with us since level 13, practically day one. Second, he has Legendary traits that are very competitive in the current market and provided exemplary service as the Bright Lord's bodyguard and demonstrated his value during the siege. Third, do not mistake our public commitment towards a diverse army for a policy of "reverse racism" against orcs from groups that have been historically overrepresented in our forces. If anyone feels as though they are experiencing discrimination in the workplace, please bring up these concerns with your warchief during your next career development discussion. If you are uncomfortable speaking to your warchief about it, please use our open door policy to speak with your fortress commander or reach out to me directly. I have set the expectation with all my staff that they treat all these conversations with the appropriate sensitivity and confidentiality. I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank you all for a great third quarter. We are winning in the marketplace, building a great team and some truly amazing fortresses. I recognize that this is the result of all the hard work and dedication from our world class team. |
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Nov 24, 2017 03:45
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Next Friday is hobbit shirt day, so, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hobbit shirt and pantaloons. It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my rear end off and Mordor kills a few extra elves, I don't see another dime, so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have nine different bosses right now. Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god drat trolls so the corsairs don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you wraiths? ---------------- |
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Nov 24, 2017 04:50
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I want to clear up a topic of confusion that's come up since the reorginization:
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Nov 24, 2017 05:08
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Nov 24, 2017 13:37
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FutonForensic posted:I want to clear up a topic of confusion that's come up since the reorginization: |
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Nov 24, 2017 13:49
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Due to some recent events you have probably already heard about, we would like to communicate the importance of the office weapons policy. Simply put, you are required to bring the deadliest of weapons available to work each day. Our security team will be doing additional screenings to ensure that all employees are showing up every day ready to raid. |
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Nov 24, 2017 16:16
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postings back on the menu!!!
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Nov 24, 2017 18:29
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Just sign here, please *I slap my bloodstained hand on bottom right corner of form* *Secretary takes signed form and impales it with the others on the oliphaunt tusk sticking up from one corner of her desk. The form is almost completely obliterated* NEXT! *I rise and shamble off* ---------------- |
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Nov 28, 2017 06:38
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*sips mead from a skull with the slogan "you don't have to be nocturnal to work here, but it helps" scrawled in blood on the side*
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Nov 28, 2017 06:40
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Listen team, we blew away our pinkskin target last quarter, but now we're at risk at not hitting this quarter. I want you to look at the upcoming raid schedule and see what war parties we have coming up early next quarter that we may be able to pull into this quarter. Also, we can't spend any more against this quarter's budget to do so. |
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Nov 28, 2017 07:02
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I've come to believe we have something of an ideological crisis regarding our roster. Day in and day out, you see snufflers or snaga being promoted to bomb hauler, scout leader, or even raid captain not on the merit of their activity but due to the cultural requirement that we promote diversity within our ranks. I'm not saying they can't do the job at all, but there are fundamental biological differences in the way Uruk-Hai operate in this environment compared to your average Mordor Orc.
There are positions for these other orcs throughout the industry, but we have to acknowledge there are some things that they will always be inferior at, and this posturing in an attempt to 'lift up all orc kind' is just wasting time and resources better spent slaughtering more men and elves and ripping the flesh from their bones. I know this memo will be met with some controversy and I hope you keep an open mind while reading it (or having it read to you, like many of you will no doubt have to have someone do.) Signed, Kartok Bloodrend Senior Axe Tech Lead Please be mindful of the environment when choosing to re-scribe this scroll |
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Nov 28, 2017 07:52
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joke_explainer posted:I've come to believe we have something of an ideological crisis regarding our roster. Day in and day out, you see snufflers or snaga being promoted to bomb hauler, scout leader, or even raid captain not on the merit of their activity but due to the cultural requirement that we promote diversity within our ranks. I'm not saying they can't do the job at all, but there are fundamental biological differences in the way Uruk-Hai operate in this environment compared to your average Mordor Orc. |
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Nov 28, 2017 08:09
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdXQJS3Yv0Y |
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Nov 28, 2017 09:48
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uh grok no get memo from saruman...
Darkman Fanpage fucked around with this message at 16:42 on Nov 28, 2017 |
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Nov 28, 2017 16:35
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Orc HR department is just a gladiator pit where disputes are settled in a fight to the death. You might think the fight to the death part would cut down on reports filed, but it doesn't, they are orcs, and if anything has caused an increase.
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Nov 28, 2017 16:57
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Sorry everyone but this hog pit wasn't sanctioned by the Ministry of Meats or the Directorate of Dungpits. Next time carve your forms into a wagon, light it on fire, and roll it into our department on time. Illiteracy is no excuse, just punch a goblin and make him do it like everyone else. This is day one stuff, Ted. |
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Nov 28, 2017 18:52
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Darkman Fanpage posted:uh grok no get memo from saruman... Ah I got you grok...*puts on spike-covered reading glasses* *pulls open ramshackle file cabinet and flips through pages* “Ah yeah our 401k matching plan is being discontinued. A shame. Hope this doesn’t mean we are going to see kill offs soon.” *headbutts Grok, roars* |
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Nov 28, 2017 19:28
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"I don't care if they are fining people penalty hams, I'm not going to buy elf coverage. It's not like those poncy tree rats are gonna stick me." 12 Seconds Later "Oh no I got stuck." |
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Nov 28, 2017 20:28
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*Orcish building surveyor shakes his head sadly at the wreckage of a collapsed barracks* "Those tusks were obviously not up to code." ---------------- |
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Nov 29, 2017 02:22
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On a waiting list before I can buy my squigs. |
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Nov 29, 2017 03:53
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Fined by the warboss for driving while sober. |
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Nov 29, 2017 03:54
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*hanging around the grog cooler* So what did you think about that dismembering last night? ---------------- |
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Nov 29, 2017 10:35
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Orc, before first cup of coffee: "A TPS report? A TPS REPORT?!? I swear to the green gods I will slaughter you like a wolf among lambs!!!" Orc, after first cup of coffee: "Sorry Kyle, you know how I am. I will have it filed before lunch."
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Nov 29, 2017 13:48
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joke_explainer posted:Ah I got you grok...*puts on spike-covered reading glasses* *pulls open ramshackle file cabinet and flips through pages* grok wonder how this affect retirement plan... |
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Nov 29, 2017 16:54
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orc bureaucracy? more like bork eurocracy!! 
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Nov 29, 2017 17:24
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Saruman stomping angrily around Isengard after Gandalf not only escaped via eagle, but ratted him out to ORCSHA for having no guardrails or other fall protection |
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Nov 29, 2017 19:31
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I would like to file a request for anarchy, please. |
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Nov 29, 2017 20:58
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The Bureau of Wildlife classifies elves as delicious. |
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Nov 29, 2017 20:59
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Sucks that our department got laid off, but the good news is as part of the separation package they're sending us all the cobras we can eat for 3 months. |
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Nov 29, 2017 21:03
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e: politics whoops e2: WAAAGH! BRAND GUIDELINES: 1. It's "Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka". -- Use the Warlord's full name whenever possible, though you may shorten it to "Ghazghkull" when using it in war cries. -- Do not use acronyms (WGMUT, WGT) in carrier squig messages that may be viewed by external parties. -- Do not refer to Warlord Zeggrod Teefkrakka. Anywhere. Especially not within Warlord Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka's earshot. 2. Don't Change the Colour of the Red Wunz. -- The preferred colour of all vehicles in the WAAAGH! is extremely red (#FF0000). -- Any blood or viscera that finds its way onto/into your vehicle should be cleaned away promptly to avoid discolouration. -- Exception: humie blood is acceptable as a temporary paint for any captured tanks/artillery. 3. Skulls. -- You may display anywhere from zero (0) to five (5) skulls on or about your person at a given time. -- Do not carve arcane runes into skulls! This confuses our brand with that of the Chaos Hordes. -- Please ensure your displayed skulls are as complete as possible and free from lingering warp parasites. -- If you have a particularly impressive skull you would like to display, speak to a Mekboy about having it chromed! If you have any other questions or concerns, please direct them towards a Nob at your earliest convenience. Majuju fucked around with this message at 21:55 on Nov 29, 2017 |
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Nov 29, 2017 21:27
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loving bullshit that the ball bearings in these office chairs break so easily, what good are they as transportation if they can't handle rough terrain?
crimes |
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Nov 29, 2017 22:14
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loving hate the yearly pilgrimage to the convention center at WAUGH!staff, Arizona.
crimes |
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Nov 29, 2017 22:15
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Majuju posted:Saruman stomping angrily around Isengard after Gandalf not only escaped via eagle, but ratted him out to ORCSHA for having no guardrails or other fall protection Orccupational Slaughter and Harm Association (just a name to get the orcs thinking they are badass and worth respecting, they still regulate safety) |
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Nov 30, 2017 04:38
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canyoneer posted:Sucks that our department got laid off, but the good news is as part of the separation package they're sending us all the cobras we can eat for 3 months. minor problem: the cobras are still alive and full of venom opportunity for our interns to advance! ---------------- |
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Nov 30, 2017 07:44
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A room of orc scientists pouring over cave drawings of wagon wheels, proposing a series of impractically large spikes
crimes |
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Nov 30, 2017 16:39
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"Siiikk... leeaafff? Wuzzat den? Get back ta work!" |
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Nov 30, 2017 17:29
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Ow many times do I havta tells ya? You can't zog off before you crunch some humies, and you can't crunch some humies till ya've filled out sections 5, Other5, the empty one, and the "blood" subsection in the Zog Qualification Training application. And you've probably not done the Employee Handbook yet either, *pulls out book made of hands*, now go on, which hand d'yeh like least? |
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Nov 30, 2017 17:39
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The average orc is seven feet tall and weighs 250 pounds. The average goblin is three feet tall and weighs 40 pounds. Gnaw Bonecrusher, orcocrat grade 1, has to set the standard size for orcish seatbelts. Gnaw Bonecrusher is considering shooting himself into space. |
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Nov 30, 2017 17:41
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 12:22 |
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:The average orc is seven feet tall and weighs 250 pounds. The average goblin is three feet tall and weighs 40 pounds. Gnaw Bonecrusher, orcocrat grade 1, has to set the standard size for orcish seatbelts. Gnaw Bonecrusher is considering shooting himself into space. |
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Nov 30, 2017 18:02
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