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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?



____________________________

Raw Results
  • A recap of the Kane/Braun Strowman rivalry played.

  • Roman opened the show to celebrate his Intercontinental Title win last week. He talked about how good the last few weeks since he reunited with The Shield has been, and showed footage of The Shield attacking The Miz post-show last week. He claimed Miz would be gone for awhile, but then the Miz's music played.

  • The Miztourage came out to lament the loss of their leader and threaten Roman. They introduced Elias who told Roman that Miz was a good man who deserved better, and Elias intended to win the title back from Roman. Roman warned Elias he might need a neckbrace like Axel's by the end of the night.

  • Seth Rollins defeated Cesaro in a hard-fought match, meaning he and Dean (currently on honeymoon) have singles wins over both members of the Tag Team Championships. In a post-match interview, Seth confirmed the Shield are sticking together, and declared he was invoking he and Ambrose's rematch clause against The Bar for the tag titles on next week's Raw.

  • Kurt Angle discussed the current state of 205 Live with Tozawa, Ali, Swann and Cedric and admitted he had let things run out of control while focused on Survivor Series and Stephanie McMahon. He announced two fatal fourways for this week and next week, with the winners of each to face off for the right to fight Enzo for the title.

  • Samoa Joe defeated Titus O'Neill, with Titus getting in a surprising amount of offense before being submitted. Apollo tried to come to Titus' aid post-match and got choked out by Joe as well.

  • The Club shilled for WWEShop.

  • Sasha Banks came to the ring but neither Mickie James or Bayley were anywhere to be seen. Paige, Sonya and Mandy came out and showed footage on the titan-tron of them laid out in the back. As Paige explained her actions, Alexa Bliss quietly left the announce table and got out of dodge. Paige offered Sasha a chance to join "Absolution" (I think that is their stable name?) and Sasha tried to fight back, but got triple-teamed.

  • Bray Wyatt did a promo about Thanksgiving that derailed into him cackling while insisting louder and louder that everybody in the audience and at home were dead.

  • Bray defeated Matt Hardy. Afterwards, Matt sat quietly in the corner of the ring, then roared and started shouting,"DELETE!" with the hand-motion. Small pockets of the crowd picked it up, and Cole commented we might be seeing Matt's "breakdown".

  • Jason Jordan asked Kurt backstage for a shot at Kane, to prove himself after the beating he took from Braun last week before Kane attacked Braun. Kurt agreed.

  • Rich Swann defeated Akira Tozawa, Noam Dar and Daivari in a fourway, pinning Noam Dar. It was a good match but the crowd was utterly dead. Swann will face the winner of next week's Fatal Fourway for a shot at Enzo.

  • Elias woke up the crowd with his crowd segment, getting them fired up as he sang a tribute to the Miz. He brought in Axel and Bo on harmonica, and by the end of the segment the crowd was chanting,"WE WANT ROMAN!"

  • Roman defeated Elias to retain his Intercontinental Title. Elias looked excellent in this match and got to dominate a large portion of it before being put down by a Spear from Roman. Crowd was really into it, including heavy support for Roman.

  • Samoa Joe jumped Roman from behind as he went up the ramp and choked him out. Officials pulled him off and away... and then Joe ran back and beat him up some more.

  • Dana was set to wrestle Asuka next, and in a pre-taped video explained she had figured out Asuka's flaw - she is a slow starter so Dana is gonna be all over her from the opening bell.

  • Asuka defeated Dana in 4 seconds.

  • Absolution came out to surround Asuka. Asuka held her ground and Absolution, while confident, wouldn't make the first move. After sizing them up, Asuka backed out of the ring and up the ramp, looking pleased at the prospect of them coming after her.

  • Jason Jordan did a promo insisting to the crowd that he didn't use an injury as an excuse to get out of his match against Braun last week. Crowd was completely dead.

  • Jordan supposedly hurt his leg and the match was called of, but Kane continued to kick his rear end anyway so Finn Balor showed up (crowd erupted), and DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK the match was made official between the two.

  • Balor won by DQ when Kane attacked him with a chair. Kane beat the crap out of Finn with the chair and was set to pillmanize his neck when Braun's music hit.

  • Kane hit Braun with a chair. Braun didn't care. Braun beat up Kane and did the same chair to the throat spot that Kane did to him the previous week, then did it again. Kane staggered out through the crowd clutching his throat, coughing and rasping. Braun stood in the ring watching as his music played.
____________________________

Smackdown Results
  • Shane McMahon came out to discuss his stymied attempt to fire Owens and Sami last week. He called out Bryan for an explanation, and Bryan pointed out that while not forgiving Sami/KO he felt Shane was letting his emotions get the better of him. Owens and Sami were too valuable to lose and Smackdown's loss would be Raw's gain. Shane said he didn't care. He added a stipulation to tonight's Owens/Orton main event, with Sami banned from ringside and the match being No DQ (outside of Sami interference I guess?).

  • Backstage, Sami and Owens demanded that Bryan change that stipulation but he said Shane's decision stood - after all, he didn't want to lose his job either (he DOES want to lose his job).

  • BIG E brought pancakes and maple syrup he was keeping inside his top to the Usos who were on guest commentary. Byron Saxton seemed very keen to eat BIG E's sweaty pancakes.

  • The New Day defeated Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin, the Usos agreed it was likely that New Day would get another title shot for this, but that they'd be ready for them and retain their titles again.

  • A recap of the Ruby Riott (name changed due to WWE Trademark nonsense) before a debut/beatdown with Liv Morgan and Sarah Logan from last week. Backstage Charlotte told Naomi she was ready for payback, got aggravated by Nattie by they all agreed that Ruby's trio would pay.

  • The Bludgeon Brothers murdered the Hype Bros in quick order. In a post-match in-ring interview, Ryder was talking when Mojo assaulted him from behind and shouted,"The Hype Bros are dead!" - the crowd responded with,"THIS IS AWESOME!"

  • Backstage, a quiet Mojo told the interviewer that Ryder was right, the landscape has changed.

  • Bobby Roode was interviewed about his fight with Baron Corbin last week and insisted that he was coming for Corbin's US Title. Corbin showed up and Roode challenged him to a match for the title tonight (big crowd pop) and Corbin replied flatly,"No" and walked away (Big crowd "awwwwww :(")

  • Despite being ambushed by Jinder Mahal before the match started, AJ Styles was still able to defeat the Singh Brothers in a handicap match. He finished it with a crazy Styles Clash from the second rope, dropping one Singh onto another. Jinder tried to jump AJ again but he escaped, so Jinder took out his frustration on the Singhs, hitting them both with a Khallas.

  • Ruby and her stable - The Riott Squad - introduced themselves to an interviewer backstage and promised to finish what they started last week.

  • The New Day shilled for WWEShop, with BIG E wearing Sasha's gear and singing her theme song.

  • Nattie abandoned Charlotte and Naomi in their match against the Riott Squad, complaining she didn't care about any of them. Ruby pinned Charlotte after Naomi got taken out ringside by a move into the steel steps, leaving Charlotte to fight alone.

  • Orton, perhaps embarassed by his new haircut, ignored the backstage interviewer as he left the locker room and headed straight for the ring.

  • Fashion Files did a SAW parody where they had a minute to unchain themselves. Breezango happily abandoned The Ascension to die in poison gas, though Fandango did come back for his hat.

  • Orton finally made it to the ring and he and Owens had a back and forth match before finally fighting their way out of the ring and the through the crowd back to the entrance ramp. Sami Zayn, who was NOT at ringside, attacked Orton from behind with a chair. Orton and Owens made it back to the ring where Orton was still able to get the upper hand. His attempt at an RKO failed however and Owens hit his injured leg, then a frogsplash before scoring the pinfall.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 04:03 on Nov 29, 2017

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Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Peak WWE is finally doing the Broken Matt Hardy bit, 6 months after getting him back, during a 4 minute loss to Bray, and the crowd not giving even the slightest poo poo

Beef Jerky Robot
Sep 20, 2009

"And the DICK?"

Jordan dumped on for Finn, Finn dumped on for Braun, then an old man wanders around for a while

Hot main

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit

College Slice
The crowd was pronounced dead only a few short minutes earlier how could they react to Matt Hardy becoming #Woken?

Destroy My Sweater
Jul 24, 2009

That ending was a huge wet fart.

Rhonne
Feb 13, 2012

Do you want to know what we do to artists?
Bray is right, we're all dead.

Jiro
Jan 13, 2004

Rhonne posted:

This is going on longer than it should.

MondayNightRaw.txt

CarlCX
Dec 14, 2003

The Jason Jordan angle is becoming a Bayley-level burial.

edit: also, just gently caress Finn, I guess

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


Kane needs to be booked into the main event everywhere. ROH, New Japan, CMLL..Book Kane for all main events

Actually Kane doing an Arena Puebla show against Policeman would be the best match ever

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit

College Slice

Rhonne posted:

Bray is right, we're all dead.

We're all dead, this is hell, and our punishment is continuing our lives as normal in a hosed up hellzone world where we watch WWE for eternity.

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


The next Raw-only PPV is 2 full months away, in case anyone thought any of this was going anywhere any time soon. More Raws like this coming soon

rovert
Jun 10, 2013
"annual Irish sabbatical."

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


Like Kenny was probably 100% staying in New Japan anyway but the Finn stuff probably seals it unless they offer him super dumb money and I doubt the WWE does that

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002
Skipped the show, had a feeling it would be bad, anything worth going back and watching?

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


Asuka/Dana but you could watch all of it on Twitter if someone linked it

Beef Jerky Robot
Sep 20, 2009

"And the DICK?"

also they made asukas music all weird

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



Ragnarok the Red posted:

Skipped the show, had a feeling it would be bad, anything worth going back and watching?

fatal four way and the elias match

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
I thought Raw was overall a solid 7/10. Two good matches, generally booking that made sense other than the Finn thing and even that wasn't as bad as some people act like it was, and I love how over Braun is.

Also I feel like some people are being deliberately obtuse about Bray. The promo tonight made perfect sense. It wasn't directly towards anyone but people act like he was speaking in tongues. There was a very clear message in the promo.

Actually three good matches.

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo
Didn't watch a whole lot of RAW except for Elias/Roman (which I thought was great), Matt Hardy doing "DELETE!" chants while the crowd gave no fucks and Braun killing Kane

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Ragnarok the Red posted:

Skipped the show, had a feeling it would be bad, anything worth going back and watching?

nah

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

SamuraiFoochs posted:

I thought Raw was overall a solid 7/10. Two good matches, generally booking that made sense other than the Finn thing and even that wasn't as bad as some people act like it was, and I love how over Braun is.

Also I feel like some people are being deliberately obtuse about Bray. The promo tonight made perfect sense. It wasn't directly towards anyone but people act like he was speaking in tongues. There was a very clear message in the promo.

Actually three good matches.

2 good matches during a 3 hour show is very funny.

Dango Bango
Jul 26, 2007

Holy poo poo I'm glad I stopped watching Raw. Those results :barf:

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



I for one am glad raw could reach the lofty heights of "one ok match per hour of tv"

The_Rob
Feb 1, 2007

musicals are garbage

HerraS posted:

I for one am glad raw could reach the lofty heights of "one ok match per hour of tv"

Solid 7/10

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

SamuraiFoochs posted:

I thought Raw was overall a solid 7/10. Two good matches, generally booking that made sense other than the Finn thing and even that wasn't as bad as some people act like it was, and I love how over Braun is.

Also I feel like some people are being deliberately obtuse about Bray. The promo tonight made perfect sense. It wasn't directly towards anyone but people act like he was speaking in tongues. There was a very clear message in the promo.

Actually three good matches.

Agreed. looking forward to next time

CubsWoo
Aug 17, 2005

Where the big boys RAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH FUCK YOU
Kane will join Jesse Ventura and Mike Haggar among the great wrestling mayors throughout history

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


HerraS posted:

I for one am glad raw could reach the lofty heights of "one ok match per hour of tv"

"one ok match per one point five hours of tv" actually, we're not that lucky

what do you think this is, an 8/10

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



Chris James 2 posted:

"one ok match per one point five hours of tv" actually, we're not that lucky

what do you think this is, an 8/10

fatal four way
elias and roman
asuka and dana

:thunk:

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
Y'all can kiss my rear end honestly.

Shayna Baszler
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you
Muldoon
i stopped watching during the cruiserweight match

Erebus
Jul 13, 2001

Okay... Keep your head, Steve boy...

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Also I feel like some people are being deliberately obtuse about Bray. The promo tonight made perfect sense. It wasn't directly towards anyone but people act like he was speaking in tongues. There was a very clear message in the promo.

I don't think anyone has said Bray is somehow too complicated to understand. It's that every promo is vague rambling that never says anything concrete and could be directed at anyone. His promos are swamp witch horoscopes.

SatoshiMiwa
May 6, 2007


The wrestling is okay for TV it's just the show is so devoid of heat that it really doesn't matter. We're probably right now on the coldest TV since the summer and that's saying something

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



that crowd was dead as gently caress and elias is a hero for getting any reaction out of them

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


HerraS posted:

fatal four way
elias and roman
asuka and dana

:thunk:

The 4 second match was hilarious, idk if I'd call a hilarious squash okay though

FUCKFACE MORON
Apr 23, 2010

by sebmojo
I'm not that heavily invested into Apollo Crews but man they are completely wasting him

HerraS
Apr 15, 2012

Looking professional when committing genocide is essential. This is mostly achieved by using a beret.

Olive drab colour ensures the genocider will remain hidden from his prey until it's too late for them to do anything.



Chris James 2 posted:

The 4 second match was hilarious, idk if I'd call a hilarious squash okay though

the alternative wouldve been dana actually wrestling

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

I barely paid attention to this Raw. I just don't like many of the people on the roster, and the ones I do are getting treated terribly.

Raskolnikov38
Mar 3, 2007

We were somewhere around Manila when the drugs began to take hold
is there a tweet with braun beating up kane because thats the only 5 minutes of this 3+ hour show i or anyone else could possibly be interested in

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

Paige also seems to have forgotten how to cut promos, and the two girls with her are not ready at all. The Smackdown women are much better.

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achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Y'all can kiss my rear end honestly.
Fooch's without negativity what else do we have?

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