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Magic Hate Ball
May 6, 2007

ha ha ha!
you've already paid for this
potato

you are a pomme de terre
a potato
not an insult I swear
an apple of the earth because the french
cannot open a mouth without dispensing a poem
you are a pomme de terre

yourself, yes, singular
a potato is not an apple
and yet like the french I have not
found the word specific
not the phrase ideally to describe
you in totem

like an undiscovered country
you pesky factotum
I sense your presence but can only say
by comparison
a pomme de terre, apple of the earth
if only I spoke english!
then you could be my potato.

spectres of autism posted:

thanks for the critiques, ill work on them and post some more later

Collapse Me

Collapse me
Wither my lungs into
A coma, set satellites to
Catch the transmissions
That my teeth spit out

Break my spine
In two, I’ll speak to
The fay that orbit
The meteor’s dry tail

Drift me out into
The ether that swims around
The cold light of distant stars

Meting Out

Meting out the stares
And razor cuts of lurking thoughts
And trials of your sorrow

Existing out the deluge
And rotted fears of
Forgotten dreams

Worry out the taste of
Winter in the black rashes
Of your medicine

I appreciate the jolts of language but I wish there was more of it - the gaps between phrases are nice but the rest is a little plain and feels like generic. "The ether that swims around the cold light of distant stars" has so much filler, I'm going "the that around the of" and bumping over the actual meaningful text that's wedged in between. That prosaic phraseology works in a more conversational poem but here you really need your imagery to glitter hard like obsidian. If you were to remove the speaker aspect, the words would possibly seem to be cut out of metal. They need to be more of object poems than a conscious declaration.

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